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Tweak says, "Here's lookin' at you, kid."

joudama (stopthatgirl7) wrote in areyougame,
@ 2008-07-31 19:28:00

Current music:	Avenue Q - Schadenfreude
Entry tags:	*final fantasy vii, author: stopthatgirl7

Fries With That?, Final Fantasy 7 (the Turks)
Title: Fries With That?
Author: joudama
Fandom: Final Fantasy 7
Rating: PG because of Reno's pottymouth. XD
Warnings: Yay, crack! Also, dialogue only.
Word count: 1,011
Summary: Drive-thrus are hell, yo.
A/N: ...Rufus is kinda missing, but the Turks are here. ^^;;
Prompt: Rufus & Turks: crackfic and/or AU - Shinra does McDonalds

--

"*crackle* Hi, and welcome to McMoogles!"

"Yeah, so, this is a kinda big order, so don't screw it up, got it? Rude, what'd you want?"

"A triple McMog cheeseburger set with a side of nuggets. And a diet cider."

"...You're getting a triple cheeseburger, plus nuggets, and a diet soda? Ain't that kinda pointless?"

"I like the way the diet tastes."

"You like the...OK, you're a big freak, man. BIG freak. You eat everything with sugar in it like it's gonna run away if you blink, but you order a diet soda to go with your triple death burger. You're weird, yo. OK! So, a triple McMog cheeseburger set, an'..."

"*crackle* Would you like to ultra-size that?"

"Well?"

"No, I'm fine regular."

"No, regular is cool."

"*crackle* And to drink?"

"A diet cider!"

"A *crackle* diet Cyclone?"

"NO, CIDER!"

"*crackle* OK, so that's a triple McMog cheeseburger set, regular, with a diet cider?"

"Yeah. And then...ok, what was next?"

"A Mideel-style chicken salad set with an iced tea"

"....What the fuck, who the fuck goes to McMoogles and orders a fuckin' salad?"

"Tseng, apparently."

"What the fuck, Tseng?! What, he watching his girlish figure or something'?!"

"..."

"Yeah, fine, fine. So that's a chicken salad set with an iced tea."

"*crackle* What style salad?"

"Mideel-style!"

"Ok, one Mideel-style Chicken McMog salad set with an iced tea. Sweetened or unsweetened?"

"...which kind'd he want?"

"He didn't say."

"It's Tseng. He'd prolly curl up an' die if sugar got into his bloodstream."

"Probably."

"Sweetened!"

"He's going to kill you."

"He oughta say what he wants, yo. And NOT send me to get the food."

"*crackle* What kind of dressing?"

"He said he wanted chocobo ranch dressing."

"Ranch!"

"*crackle*Will that complete your order, sir?"

"Yeah, you wish! I also want a cheese McMog burger set, no pickles, with a Grep soda."

"A grape *crackle* soda?"

"No, a GREP soda!"

"Sir, we don't have greens."

"What the fuck, I ain't a chocobo! A. Grep! GREP!"

"Reno, breathe."

"*crackle* Oh! OK, a Grep soda. *crackle* So a cheese McMog set, no lettuce..."

"No, I want lettuce! I don't want pickles!"

"No mustard?"

"NO, I SAID NO PICKLES!!!"

"Sir, pie doesn't come with that. *crackle* Would you like to order one?"

"Reno, no. You can't shoot the interphone."

"Aww, c'mon, man, just one little bullet, man, just one!"

"Remember what happened last time?"

"...yeah."

"Right. So put the gun down and let's complete the order, shall we?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. No PICKLES!

"*crackle* A cheese McMog set, no pickles, Grep soda. Would you like to ultra size that?"

"I like bein' able to see my feet, yo, so no. So what's next?"

"A...ah, a Kiddy McMoogie cheeseburger set, apple soda."

"WHAT?! Who the fuck ordered a Kiddy McMoogie set?!"

"Elena."

"Elena?! What, is she ten?"

"It's what she said she wanted."

"Shiva's frosty tits, man. OK! And one..........Kiddy McMoogie set."

"*crackle* Hamburger, cheeseburger, or nugget set, sir?"

"Cheeseburger. With an apple soda."

"*snap crackle* What toy would you like with that? *crackle pop*"

"It comes with a toy?! What the fuck. Rude, what toy does she want?"

"She didn't say."

"OK, what toys you got?"

"*crackle* There's an Irairaman ira-watch that shoots iraira beam caps or a Kurukuru-gal kurukuru action top."

"...Man, kid's toys nowadays suck. And last thing Elena needs is more things to shoot at me. The top!"

"*crackle* A cheeseburger Kiddy McMoogie set, apple soda, Kurukuru-gal toy."

"Yeah."

"*crackle* Will that complete your order, sir?"

"That everybody?"

"No, you forgot Rufus' order."

"Shit. That'd've gotten me fired. What'd he want?"

"A triple bacon cheese McMog super value set, ultra-sized. And an apple pie."

"...Holy shit, yo! Is he tryin' to catch up with what his old man was in the waistline department?!"

"Just put the order in."

"He's gonna have a heart attack an' DIE eatin' all that!"

"Just make the order."

"Yeah, so, OK, last up is a triple bypass on a bun with cheese and bacon. Ultra-sized. Oh, an' an apple pie."

"*crackle* And to drink?"

"What'd he want?"

"A chocoball shake."

"Oh, shit, man, for real? He's gonna bloat up to Leviathan size and then keel over an' die while we watch!"

"..."

"C'mon, he is!"

"...I ordered almost as much."

"Yeah, but you're the size of three brick shit houses put together, yo! Rufus, not so much!"

"Still."

".........................A chocoball shake."

"*crackle* I'm sorry, sir, but the set meals don't come with chocoball shakes. Would you like to order one?"

"The fuck?! They don't?! They used to!"

"*crackle* I'm sorry, sir."

"Fine. The drink is a diet cola. And a chocoball shake."

"What size shake?"

"SMALL."

"Rufus is going to kill you, too."

"I'm doin' him a favor, yo. Or doin' his ass a favor. He keeps eatin' like that an' he'll have to build a plate just to hold his ass up, y'know?"

"*crackle* Will that complete your order?"

"Yeah!"

"*crackle* OK, so that's a triple cheese McMog set with a diet cider and a nugget side; a Mideel-style chicken salad set, ranch dressing, with a sweet tea; a cheeseburger Kiddy McMoogie set with an apple soda and Kurukuru-gal toy; a cheese McMog set with no lettuce and a pie with a grape soda--"

"NO! ...They don't pay me enough for this, man. It was a cheese McMog set with NO PICKLES and a GREP soda!"

"*crackle* A cheese McMog set with no pickles, a Grep soda, and a pie."

"NO PIE! What, I gotta come back there an' beat it into you? NO PIE!"

"No pie?"

"YES! NO PIE! NO PICKLES, NEITHER!"

"A cheese McMog set with no pickles and a Grep soda."

"Yes!"

"*crackle* And a triple bacon cheese McMog extra value set, ultra-sized, with an apple pie, diet cola, and a small choboball shake."

"YES! That's it!"

"*crackle* That comes to thirty-two gil. Please drive around to the first window."

"Reno, here's the money, and put the baton down before we get to the window."

"Arrrgh. Fine. And Tseng is doin' this next time, yo."

"...Agreed."

--

(Post a new comment)

	cephy 2008-07-31 08:16 am UTC (link)
	snicker Only funny 'cause it's true. ^^ (Reply to this) (Thread)

	stopthatgirl7 2008-07-31 08:32 am UTC (link)
	And you know Reno's going to bitch for days about this, you just know it. XD (Reply to this) (Parent)

	gardensgnome 2008-07-31 08:40 am UTC (link)
	I'll have what Rufus is having! No pie, larger drink ;) I asked for crackish madness and got crackish madness. Yay! Thanks for writing the insanity. Wonder if Reno will ever learn it's tons faster to not use drive-thru. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	stopthatgirl7 2008-07-31 08:47 am UTC (link)
	XD Dude, I saw this prompt and went, "That has my name written ALL OVER IT AND A SHINY BOW ON TOP!" and pounced. So hee, thanks for such a fun little crackprompt, and glad you liked it! :D And you know Rude said they should just go in and order. You know it. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	jlsigman 2008-07-31 08:46 am UTC (link)
	Next time, Rude orders. ;-) (Reply to this) (Thread)

	stopthatgirl7 2008-07-31 08:49 am UTC (link)
	snicker But that'd mean he has to let Rude drive, and I bet you money Rude drives like somebody's grandma. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	chichirinoda 2008-07-31 09:39 am UTC (link)
	LOL! I think the best part of all of this was all of the weird sodas and McMog, or McMoogle and all that jazz. It just made it so Final Fantasy. Also the toys made me LOL for real. That was hysterical. Poor Reno, and poor guy trying to hear him through the shitty speakers. (Reply to this) (Thread)

stopthatgirl7
2008-07-31 09:47 am UTC (link)

*snicker* I had so much fun coming up with the names of everything, I really did, because I'm a dork like that. And since I wrote this a couple weeks ago, I ended up tossing mentions to McMoogles and the TV show the toys came from into two other fic already. >XD I think they're going to be running mentions now in my FF7 fic, just because. Internal Continuity and all that jazz. >XDDDD

I'm glad you liked it! :D

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chichirinoda 2008-07-31 09:50 am UTC (link)
	Hahahaha, that's so awesome. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	stopthatgirl7 2008-07-31 09:53 am UTC (link)
	...Ironically enough, I just realized both of the fic I wrote McMoogles into were birthday fic for the same person (one was a crackfic, the other one was serious. dies) I so have to work this into my other fic now. It's a moral imperative! >XD (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chichirinoda 2008-07-31 10:01 am UTC (link)
	LOL! I agree XD (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	I r loser XD stopthatgirl7 2008-07-31 10:06 am UTC (link)
	I am SO tempted right now to retcon McMoogles into one fic I did where a scene takes place at an unnamed burger joint. Just BECAUSE ~~I'm a loser like that~~. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: I r loser XD chichirinoda 2008-07-31 10:26 am UTC (link)
	You totally should! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: I r loser XD stopthatgirl7 2008-08-01 06:40 am UTC (link)
	snicker I totally did. So now I have three fic--The Problem with Puppies, Harrow Children, and now The Things You Never Knew About People--that have references to McMoogles. >XD Being a loser is fun. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Re: I r loser XD guiltyred 2008-07-31 10:37 pm UTC (link)
	Retcon is the way of Squeenix. nodnod (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: I r loser XD stopthatgirl7 2008-07-31 11:33 pm UTC (link)
	And thus, when I get home, I'm cheerfully retconning away. Retconning, it's like Squeenix canon, in a way. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	kemis 2008-07-31 05:59 pm UTC (link)
	is too busy rotfling to leave a coherent comment (Reply to this) (Thread)

	stopthatgirl7 2008-07-31 06:02 pm UTC (link)
	Ahh, my work here is done. >XD (Reply to this) (Parent)

	guiltyred 2008-07-31 10:35 pm UTC (link)
	"A...ah, a Kiddy McMoogie cheeseburger set, apple soda." This is where I splerked out loud. :3 Maybe it's just the thought of Rude saying it... I love the way you wrote the incoherent drive-thru thing -- those are IMPOSSIBLE! (Reply to this) (Thread)

	stopthatgirl7 2008-07-31 11:35 pm UTC (link)
	g Yeah, Rude of all people. >XD I completely see why when they were doing the food orders, it was Rude's job to find out what everyone wanted. >XD And those damn things ARE impossible. No matter where in the world you are, they SUCK. (Reply to this) (Parent)

megpie71
2008-08-01 12:31 am UTC (link)

Reno, Reno, Reno. First up, go to Burger Lord instead - the damn burgers from McMoogles are absolute crap. (Comment from the Zack in my head: the burgers from the trooper's canteen are better than McMoogles burgers... and given the general standard of food from the trooper's canteen, that's saying one hell of a lot). Better yet, head down to that little corner shop down near the border with sector seven Topside run by the couple from Wutai, and get the burgers there, because they come on a toasted bun, they're cut in half for you so you don't lose half the contents on the first bite, and when they say they do a burger with the lot, they *mean* the lot.

Secondly, if you *must* go to McMoogles, it's quicker and easier to go in the front door and talk to the warbling teenager behind the counter in person, rather than hope the drive-through won't distort things. Even if Meteor is dropping from the sky, it'll still be quicker and simpler to do it in person. If all else fails, send Rude in with the order, if only for the laugh value.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	stopthatgirl7 2008-08-01 06:28 am UTC (link)
	ded But Zack does occasionally have a hankering for a greasy McMoogles triple bacon cheese McMog burger. It's a guilty pleasure. But trying to keep him out of Cactuar Hut is gonna get somebody hurt, because they do Coastan the best way--super cheap and greasy with large sizes and all the hot sauce packets you can grab. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

megpie71
2008-08-19 04:22 am UTC (link)

Replying late (having just shown Himself the joys of McMoogles) to say the following:

1) Nesa informs me the del Solian food you get from Cactuar Hut is cut-rate, and nowhere near as good as the stuff you'll get from even a vaguely decent del Solian delicatessen in the suburbs below the Plate.
2) Cactuar Hut actually does better on their Cosmo Canyon cuisine - their nachos are to die for, and they do the guacamole just right. But don't order the enchiladas unless you know and enjoy your spicy food.
3) The best Gongagan food in Midgar is done by a small deli on the corner of Twelfth and Vine in sector three Topside, but they only do takeaway alternate Thursdays, the same day the trooper's canteen does Mideel-style apple pie, so Zack's never yet been able to get Cloud over there to try the stuff.
4) There is one place which serves Nibel-style food. It moves around a bit, because the main characteristics of Nibel cuisine are either "white sauce with everything" or "boiled with mint sauce" and it's very hard to sell that when you're competing with a Wutai noodle bar, two different places selling burgers, another place serving what they claim to be genuine del Solian paella with chips, and a bloke carrying a tray of sausages-on-a-bun with mustard and onions. The owners keep going out of business, finding a new source of capital, and setting up again in the hope that this time they've found their market.
5) The upper classes of Midgar will tend to employ chefs from Junon, if only for the swank value. There's a nice little night school in sector two below the Plate which teaches cooks from all over the world how to speak with a convincing Junon accent. This is apparently successful, since at least two of President Shinra's exclusive chefs look to be more Wutain than Tseng, yet speak their Midgarian with a Junon accent which could be sliced and buttered.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

	megpie71 2011-03-02 12:01 am UTC (link)
	I have just realised. Rude never got his nuggets! Poor Rude. (Reply to this)

	flffybunnyslppr 2011-10-09 07:54 am UTC (link)
	I love this fic! ...I now want a cheeseburger really bad! Maybe for lunch later (4AM where I am). (Reply to this)