[mild spoilers for beginning of wolfenstein 2, wyatt route]
And I wound up with a circle of resistance fighters. One of our new editions, a girl who saved my life was in a position like you mention, I think. Born into a world that was cruel with people who enjoyed being cruel, and to her too. Saved my life, though, when she had the chance, after her commander...her MOTHER of all the darned messed up things, finally went too far for her to stomach.
She's probably still too sweet a kid to be caught up in what we're caught up in on the regular, but she's using that compassion now, to do what's right where people can't hurt her...sounds a lot like what you're saying happened to you.
And the compulsion thing's...huh. Been THERE more than not in the last couple of years. A lot of crap's gone down for us. I'd get myself high on...don't know if you've heard of LSD but it's not something I'd recommend for on the daily...and it DID seem to help with answering questions but when it turned into something I was having a hard time handling life without and I couldn't do nothing to fix some awful things...I can see where that'd lead to feeling like things HAD to go a certain way.
Funny, I've GOT a captain of saving the world, more or less. Used to be my captain when I was a soldier, and yeah there's no real way of being totally prepared against any threats no matter what you do sometimes, is there? Probably my best move would be alerting everyone if any nazis turned up here, especially from where I'm from, getting the stories out so they can't do it somewhere else.
We kind of do, yeah. Uh, I've seen 'analyst' tossed around too, but I don't know if I like the idea of being analyzed like I'm some kind of science project. Comes a little too close to home for some of my friends and for what they did to my commander, which I'm not going to put in print; it's not a pretty story and it's given me nightmares to think about, so I prefer the other term to think of it. And nah, I'm not really ASHAMED so much as...it's not a thing you THINK about in terms of you, I guess.
Which might be a real good sign I could use the help.