Lancelot is an ill made knight (mal_feit) wrote in angelnet, @ 2016-05-01 12:05:00 |
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Current mood: | sad |
Entry tags: | lancelot |
and feeds the passion of a beltane fire...
...Beltane and here I am with no one to take to the fires. It is the month of the Goddess's, and I am far away from the Lake and from the fields at Camelot and from the ones I love.
Perhaps that may be some sort of a saving grace. I don't dare to talk about it here by giving detail, but I was due to spend the evening with two of those people I love and we, between the three of us, may have done something to damage Camelot completely if the truth should ever come out when the future came to be.
My dear brother in arms and lover in heart cannot...Well. And his beautiful lady who I am fond of, who I love nearly as much as I love him does wish for a child, and they do need an heir. Still,an evening like the one we'd planned, much as I would have enjoyed it, could very well have ruined...well, it might have ruined everything.
Still, I miss them, today of all days. And the dear friends who might have helped me out otherwise. And Gawaine. My shield brother if there ever was a shield brother. Gawaine who does not even to observe the Goddess's sabbats but who is the very essence and breath and heart of summer itself, and who is touched by her, for all that he's rejected the old ways for Rome's, but who would at least have listened, and have walked me to the fires, or maybe if I had looked at him pathetically enough, have stayed to dance a little, before the clothing started vanishing.
Instead of that, instead of even a squire to share summer wine with to celebrate the turning of the season, I am here, alone, instead. I do not know what it is to be alone in something like this yet, but I cannot say it is something I can ever come to like at all.
...keeping all of that sadness at bay, will anyone like to come to a fire tonight, at least?