Ryouma blinked down at him. He remembered, after a moment, to draw a breath.

It took a moment more to gather thoughts, as if they’d grown slippery without the familiar spikes. Cradled close, they still didn’t hurt. He could turn them over, recognizing each one (warm night, cool grass, moonlit water, Genma safe, Kakashi by his side) and...not looking for more. Not tensing for the inevitable end. Not even telling himself, You don’t deserve this, and you’ll fuck it up.

That old voice still shouted, but from very far away. The rasping song of crickets in the grass and the fading hum of tanuki drums drowned it out. The lantern’s golden glow caught the edge of Kakashi’s jaw and the sharp curve of his cheek, and gilded the long fringe of his lashes. His eye curved just a little with an inviting smile.

Ryouma thought of Raidou and Genma at that inn with the fireflies, the warmth of Genma’s hand on his shoulder, the deep tones of Raidou’s voice.

Feel whatever you’re gonna feel, and don’t kick yourself for it.

Ryouma felt himself smile back.

“Right now, in this moment,” he said, “I’m completely happy.”

Kakashi’s eye crinkled at the corner. “It suits you.”

“I’m very charming,” Ryouma agreed. “Probably a good thing I’m not always happy, or I’d be irresistible… Or maybe it’s the soaps?”

Kakashi tilted his head. “That make you happy or make you irresistible? Because I have questions either way.”

“That make me not irresistible,” Ryouma said. “Uh, resistible.” He looked down at Kakashi, the curious brow, the faint eye-smile that still hadn’t faded, and he swallowed. Reminded himself, Enjoy the moment. Don’t ask for more.

He went to shove his hands in his pockets, realized too late that ANBU blacks didn’t have them, and ended up awkwardly hooking his thumbs in his waistband instead. “The soaps really do make me happy though. ’Specially the super lathery ones. So, y’know, some resistibility is okay.”

Kakashi’s head tilted a little more. “So... if you start smelling extra-flowery, I should take it as a sign that you want more personal space?”

“I didn’t mean you!” Ryouma said. “Well, I did, but— You only push about, like, talking things, not touching things.” He was starting to confuse himself now. He backed up and started over. “I guess if you smell camellia and honeysuckle and jasmine all at the same time you’ll know I’m pissed at you. Orange blossom would be just ‘cause I miss it, though.”

Kakashi’s head tipped back to level. He nodded once, a serious little jerk of his chin, and turned toward the reed-fringed pond again. They were approaching on a shallow curve, arcing around to the farther shore. Cherry trees silhouetted aganst the sky on a grassy slope above them. “We could get you an orange blossom tree. Though they only bloom once a year. Wouldn't it be easier to just dilute oranges?”

Ryouma unlocked his knees. He had to jog two steps to catch up. “Oranges don’t really smell much like orange blossom. You’d probably just end up smelling like you dumped your breakfast juice over yourself, instead of like you walked through an orchard in springtime… Might help cut the rot reek better, though.”

Kakashi cast him a sidelong look. “An orchard in springtime?” Something rich and bright, like the edge of laughter, lined his voice.