Shibata gave him a minute to compose himself. “If it hadn’t been Ueno, do you think you’d have had the same reaction?”

“I might have broken less things.” Raidou ground the heels of his palms against his eyes, then dropped his hands and looked at Shibata squarely. “Ueno’s… I won’t call her a favorite, because I don’t believe in favoritism, but I’ve known her the longest. She’s special. She's been injured on my watch before — in the demon mission, most recently — but this was different. She was my direct responsibility, and I couldn't help her.”

“Your previous mission report states you thought you saw Tousaki killed fighting the largest demon. But no blackout.” Shibata’s fingers steepled. “I’m sorry, Namiashi, but I don’t believe this is simply a matter of fearing you’d lost a subordinate you were directly responsible for. You can quibble about words, but that looks like favoritism to me.”

“The demon queen didn’t scramble my brain first,” Raidou countered. “I was clear-headed in that fight.”

“A combination of weakness to genjutsu and favoritism, then,” Shibata tossed back.

“I don’t favor her,” Raidou said. “She gets the same workload as the rookies, and the same discipline if she steps out of line. I’ve just known her longer than the rest of the team.”

Shibata gave him an ironic look. “Understood. She’s your favorite subordinate, but you don’t treat her any differently than the less favored. Until you do. By destroying a wharf and sinking four merchant ships in retaliation for her apparent death. Which—” This time, he actually did pause to consult his notes, and quoted, “‘Namiashi states that he ordered Ueno to stay behind after making sure she was not critically injured, then went in pursuit of the Kiri-ninja escorting Tsuto’s family.”

“Technically, that last part was mission-sanctioned, except for the destruction,” Raidou said, aware he was standing on landsliding ground. “There was also some head trauma involved.”

“You’re disappointing me, Raidou,” Shibata said, taking casual possession of Raidou’s given name. “Your previous superiors praised your directness and honesty.”

Raidou stopped.

It was a lot like getting hit, except right in the integrity, not a fleshy part that bruised and healed. Raidou wasn't a man who weaseled. And yet here he was, weaseling. Making excuses. Because he was afraid.

He drew a breath, released it. Straightened his spine.

"You're right, sir," he said. “I apologize.” He wet his lips and said the rest. "There is no excuse for my actions. I lost control in a moment that required leadership, and I allowed my baser emotions to take over, because of favoritism. And because of weakness. And I'm doing it again now because I want my team back, and I'm afraid that admitting weakness, and favoritism, and poor judgement will make me lose them."

Shibata nodded once. “Better.” He studied Raidou for a moment. “Why do you want your team back?”

“Because they’re mine,” Raidou said. He flushed, felt the heat rising up the back of his neck, but Shibata wanted unvarnished honesty and that was it. “Because they’re amazing. Hatake’s a vicious asshole, but he’s nearly turned himself inside out for this team. Twice. I think he has the capacity to be a human being as well as a ninja, and I want to see that happen. Tousaki’s smart and no one’s bothered to tell him. He’s shaky now, but all he needs is a stable foundation and he’s going to blossom. A year from now? He’ll be a force to reckon with. Ueno already has three times the firepower of most ninja, but none of the support. She’s got me, a few friends, and about a hundred scars she can’t talk about. She needs someone in her corner. Someone who trusts her, not just someone willing to point and fire her. And Shiranui—” He paused, then finished, “Is a damn good lieutenant. His last team fractured; he deserves one that stays together. And he needs someone to notice how good he is against the backdrop of crazy talent, otherwise he’ll be invisible, doing all of the work and getting none of the credit. If Yondaime-sama has someone who can do that—”

He couldn’t make himself say, I’ll step aside. They could order him. He wasn’t going to volunteer.