He was leaving. He wanted to tell Axel he was going to leave, maybe even suggest they leave together... but he was scared. He didn't know how the redhead would react, and that frightened him. He felt weak and stupid for being scared of something like that. It really wasn't him... he was cold, uncaring. Unfeeling.
But not tonight. And it bothered him. Maybe it had everything to do with that blindfolded silver haired kid. Maybe it had nothing to do with him... but he suddenly felt different. He suddenly felt.
So he resolved. He was going to run away. Not because he was scared, though, but because now... now he was more of an outcast than ever before. The others would sense it, that he wasn't like them, and they'd take every opportunity to belittle and badger him about it. They'd done it already with his height, age, and apparent favouritism to the superior. They were jealous, but would never admit to it. Roxas wasn't stupid.
But it was going to be the most difficult thing in the world to tell Axel he was leaving. Axel was the only one who didn't act like the others around him. Well, Demyx didn't, but the blond didn't think he counted, really. The sitar player was even more ridiculed than he was, after all. Axel was, for the most part, respected by his peers. They sent him on good missions... tough ones... dangerous ones. That was a sign of the superior's trust...
Roxas shook his head and made his way down the white corridor to Axel's room, where he assumed the older nobody would be lounging. He hoped, in any case. He knocked softly on the door.
"Yeah?" the muffled voice of Axel greeted him. He sighed, a mixture of relief and trepidation.
"Axel... can I come in?"
"Roxas? Sure..." Axel's voice sounded confused. He wasn't accustomed to the blond visiting out of the blue like that. Besides, wasn't he supposed to be on patrol right now? He got up and opened the door for the younger boy. Roxas walked in, but was unable to meet the redhead's jade gaze.
"Axel... I need to tell you something."
"Okay, go ahead." Axel looked curious, scratching the back of his head.
"Well... it's hard to describe."
"I'm listening." Axel cocked an eyebrow. Roxas was acting strange. He didn't know what to think of it.
"I'm going to... leave. The Organization. I can't stay here anymore." Roxas fidgeted, scuffing the floor with his boot.
"You're insane..." Axel replied, incredulous. "You're fucking with me, right? You can't leave... they'll... they'll destroy you..." Something in his chest was constricted. "I'll..."
"Don't worry about it, I won't get caught." the blond smiled playfully. Axel looked like he was about to snap or cry or both. It was weird seeing him like that. Surreal. The redhead lunged forward, embracing the blond.
"But... I..." was all he could say. He wanted to say he loved him. He wanted to say he'd miss him. But he knew that Roxas wouldn't believe him. Nobodies weren't meant to feel such things. It was as though they weren't fit to. But... Axel knew he felt. At the very least, when Roxas was around. And now he felt more than ever. "Don't go..."
"I have to. I'm... sorry." Roxas was pained. He felt a pain in his chest that he couldn't stand... heartbreak, his mind screamed but that couldn't be it... "Axel, I'm so sorry..." his eyes were glazed with tears he didn't want to admit existed. He buried his face in the crook of Axel's neck, hiding them. He hugged the redhead back. This felt good. Warm.
Right.
Pulling back, the blond looked into Axel's eyes for a long while, memorizing his facial features. He really was beautiful... even if he wasn't whole. He let himself go, let himself do what felt right... he leaned towards him, placing a soft kiss on his lips. Axel's eyes widened, surprised. Roxas continued, kissing him more, fluttering little kisses on his lips and cheeks, arms wrapping around the taller boy's neck. He ventured into new lands, deepening the kisses, tasting Axel... memorizing that irresistible flavour unique to the redhead. Axel sighed, and let the sensations overwhelm him.
Small moans and sighs were escaping his lips, eyes sliding closed to focus on the feel of Roxas' lips, his hips against his, his hands sliding further down his body. Axel felt. He felt his arousal let itself be known, pressing against his pants. A moan edged out of his throat when the blond started to trail kisses from the corners of his lips, to his neck, pulling down his zipper and suckling his collar bone. Axel reacted to all of the sensations accordingly, and it was making Roxas feel hot. He sighed into another kiss, gently caressing Axel's tongue with his. He pushed the heavy robes down from his shoulders, exposing thin shoulders, lithe torso.
There were no more words, just small grunts, sighs and moans. It wasn't long before they were both completely nude, Roxas straddling the taller boy, their erections pressing together. He gasped, and so did Axel. Wordlessly, they knew what they were doing. They told each other with nips, tugs, little tilts of their heads. It was like they were speaking an entirely different language that they'd always known.
Axel pushed the blond back against a wall, knees on either side, kissing him feverishly. Roxas ran a hand down his thigh, sliding it back towards his ass. He nudged Axel's opening with his fingers, asking permission. Axel sat back and looked into Roxas' eyes, leans back to rummage through his nightstand drawer to find a small tube of lubricant. He gives it to the blond, and nods, a small smirk curling over his lips in anticipation.
Roxas grins back, slicking his fingers down, pressing them against the puckered entrance. He pushed two in at once, Axel threw his head back and moaned. Roxas spreads his fingers in widening motions, soon adding a third as the redhead shivers, thrusting back on the intruding fingers. The blond crooked them slightly and hit his prostate causing Axel to groan loudly. Roxas pulled him down with his free hand, kissing him deeply while pushing that spot again. Axel reacted again, bucking his hips and moaning into the blond's mouth.
He withdrew his fingers, and began to slick down his own cock, pressing it against his opening. Axel kissed Roxas with everything he had, pushing himself down onto Roxas' erection. The blond sighed at the warmth enveloping him. Axel wasted no time, starting a rhythm on Roxas. Up, down, up, down. Roxas moaned, it was erotic to fuck the redhead like this. His tight ass was pressing his cock in all the right ways, and it in turn was making Axel feel extraordinarily aroused. Roxas' hands moved to Axel's hips, one hand gripping them for support, the other stroking the redhead's member in time with his downwards thrusts.
He started thrusting up as well, meeting Axel with more force. They were sweating, gasping for air, feeling each others bodies move together. Exhilarating. Amazing.
Roxas changed his angle slightly with Axel's help, and the redhead practically screamed from the pleasure he was feeling coursing through his shuddering body. He shivered, Roxas tunneling his erection in his hand, hitting his prostate. It wasn't long before he came, spattering on his and Roxas' stomachs and torsos. A small dab landed on Roxas' cheek and he licked it off just as the blond thrusted up one more time, spilling his seed into the other boy's willing body.
"Oh.... Axeeell...." he sighed, kissing the aforementioned's lips softly. "I'm sorry. I really am... but this is goodbye..." he said almost inaudibly.
"Please think about it... some more... for me..." Axel pleaded weakly. Roxas humoured him and agreed to regardless of the fact that he had no intention to. He loved him, he really did, but he simply couldn't live with the questions in the back of his mind. Or the feelings. Or the dreams. Or the memories.
He lay there with Axel for the rest of the night, uncaring if anyone had heard, if he would be punished for missing his shifts. He was going to be gone soon anyway, and he had told Axel goodbye.
Goodbye doesn't always mean forever, though, does it? Part of him hoped not.