Who: Dorcas and Greta When: Thursday afternoon Where: Dig's house What: Greta needs a friend. :( Rating: Low Status: Completed log
Dorcas was, more than anything else, baffled. Gideon and Greta had been together since they were sixth years. Their relationship and Ed and Calliope's were the two most normal and stable relationships that she knew and she could not fathom just what would have caused Gideon to break up with her (as that was her natural assumption from the way Greta was crying all over her journal.)
She only felt bad that she had to make Greta wait, even if it was only twenty minutes but that was, at this point, the length of time it took her to put on a fresh set of pyjamas (she was unfortunately quite lacking in normal clothes at Dig's house, a problem she should probably try to remedy now that she was actually up and moving around a bit) and make it from her room to the outside of the wards. But she was moving, however slowly. And whatever apprehension she had about being seen by someone not in the Order in her current state was gone at Greta's distress. Some things were more important than her own pride.
As she walked towards the edge of the property, she did her best to appear as normal as possible, although she was still moving somewhat slower than usual and walking with a limp that she was still trying to overcome. But none of that mattered as she finally reached Greta on the other side of the gate and threw her arms around her friend. "I'm so sorry, Greta," she said, just hugging her tightly.
It was the most bizarre feeling, but for the first time in her life, Greta felt like she was truly alone in the world. When her parents had died, she'd had Gideon, but now that Gideon was gone, it occurred to her that she really actually had no one. But she had done the right thing, hadn't she? The right thing had been to break up with him. This way if he died...Oh who was she kidding? She'd still be broken hearted if she ever learned that Gideon was dead, but the chances of her finding out now were slim...
She couldn't stop crying, and she had to wonder as she sat down on the street in front of Dorcas's apparition points if this was because she had done the wrong thing. Was it the wrong decision to break up with Gideon? Maybe. She had just been so angry! He had lied to her, been lying to her for Helga knew how long, risking his life day in and day out without a care for their future. And after seven years, Greta didn't know if she could keep going on with him, knowing that she might wake up to find him dead. But she loved him. She loved him so much that everything else almost didn't matter.
Oh Merlin, what had she done?
Dorcas's arms around her were the first thing to bring her out of her thoughts, and they felt better than Greta could ever express. "Oh Dorcas." She cried, hugging her back as tightly as she could without squishing her poor injured friend. "I'm sorry if I squish you I just--" But she couldn't even finish that without sobbing. "I think I've just made the biggest mistake of my life!"
Dorcas didn't care about being squished, she just kept her arms wrapped around Greta for as long as she could as she knelt at her side before some concern over safety and reason kicked in. Or maybe just plain old-fashioned paranoia. Either way, she wasn't taking any chances, not with Sirius knowing where she was and being varying degrees of evil depending on the day. Greta's comment did give her a brief moment of pause as she tried to make sense of what mistake she might have made. But they'd have to sort that out inside.
"Come on, let's get inside," she urged softly as she slowly moved back to her feet and held out a hand. Not that she was really going to be able to provide much in the way of help but it might at least get them moving. "The wards... it'll kind of feel like you got the wind knocked out of you when you go through the gate," she explained. Or sort of explained anyway since there wasn't any real reason given why the house was warded like a fortress. "Just hold my hand and you'll be fine. And then we'll go have tea and... I'm sure I can find some biscuits somewhere."
Greta felt like a little girl with her mum all over again, but Dorcas's voice was so comforting that she didn't think too much on it. Instead, she just took her friend's hand and helped herself up off the street, still crying, but not as obnoxiously. "Oh don't worry. I um brought biscuits." She patted her large purse and gave a weak smile. "You didn't think I'd come crying and squishing you without treats did you?" She tried to laugh, but it came out more as a pathetic cough, and then Greta gave up. She couldn't be cheery, not right now.
Instead, she just followed Dorcas into the house, not really prepared for the feeling of the wards, despite the fair warning. In fact, she actually coughed as she stepped into the house, feeling somewhat out of breath once she'd crossed the threshold. "Goodness! You weren't kidding, were you?" Looking down to their clasped hands, Greta noticed Dorcas's turn a bright shade of red from how tight she had clutched it, and she finally released her hand, somewhat embarrassed. "Sorry..."
Of course Greta brought her own biscuits. Really it was probably a good thing since Dorcas didn't actually have any idea what Dig had in the kitchen and unless Veronica had stocked the place she suspected whatever Dig thought passed for suitable biscuits would leave Greta appalled. "S'okay," Dorcas replied with a soft smile once she had managed to recover herself - that had actually been her first time coming in across the new wards as well and even though she was prepared for it, it still left her a bit disoriented for a moment. She barely even noticed her own hand, just flexing it a bit once Greta had let go. "Never can be too careful when people are trying to kill you," she said with a slight shrug.
It actually took a bit for Dorcas to find the kitchen, although she did her best to pass off her wrong turns in the house as being perfectly normal. Once they had actually managed to reach the kitchen, she gestured for Greta to sit at the little table in the room and then went to set a tea kettle and begin rummaging around the cupboards for teacups and tea. Finally she just summoned them. Much easier. And then she sat at the table, glad to be off her feet and finally gave Greta the attention she deserved. "What happened?" she asked, looking at her friend with concern.
Greta just watched Dorcas in amazement. How could she be so calm about people wanting to kill her? Just hobbling around like everything was honkey dorey, when there were people actually looking to murder her! She was so brave. Greta wished she could be like that. If she were more like Dorcas, she wouldn't be in this situation. She would alright with Gideon being a part of this Order thing. She'd be proud, not worried at all, but she wasn't like Dorcas; she never would be.
Sitting at the table, Greta pulled the biscuits out of her purse and arranged them on a napkin. She didn't have the energy to summon a plate, so this would have to do. She looked at Dorcas despondantly, not even knowing where to begin. "Well Gideon and I, we got into this big argument, you see." She fumbled already, she couldn't tell Dorcas about the Order, how did she explain this? "I wrote on that Mr. Greyback's journal, because I had no idea the horrible thing he did, and then Gideon started yelling at me, and I found out he lied to me about his little nephew, so we started arguing and he came over, and we got into this big fight where he told me the truth about everything, and I just couldn't handle it all and so...I broke up with him." And finally, Greta breathed.
If Dorcas could have read Greta's mind about how she was so calm, she would have laughed as calm was about the furthest description of her mindset for the past few months that she could imagine. It was just that oddly, the whole thing with people trying to kill her had fallen fairly low down her list of worries. And more importantly, right now she was more concerned with trying to help Greta. Which was a bit of a role reversal considering how much she had been the one in need of help and comfort recently, but really, it was kind of nice to be the needed instead of the needy for a change.
"Everything?" Dorcas asked curiously. Had Gideon told her about the Order? Was that why she was so upset? Well that would definitely make this an interesting conversation, although it was kind of hard for her to wrap her mind around. For the longest time, that had been the rule - Greta was not to know about the Order and what they did... "He shouldn't have lied to you about the Weasleys," she agreed. Really she didn't understand that one - there were plenty of ways Gideon could have explained that without involving the Order. "But you shouldn't talk to Greyback either," she added softly as she made a face. She wasn't lecturing, she just despised Greyback more than just about anyone else, save perhaps the Lestranges and even then it was a toss up. "He's a monster. He..." She trailed off, not sure how to explain. Fuck, she couldn't even remember what she had originally told Greta about how she'd gotten hurt. Instead she just shrugged and moved on. "But I don't understand why you'd break up with him over it," she said as gently as possible. "Maybe make him sleep on the sofa for a week or two for lying to you but... it's Gideon. It's you and Gideon."
She'd had a feeling no one was really going to understand why she'd done what she'd done, and Greta couldn't really go into an in-depth explanation about all this because even if she was still angry at Gideon, she didn't want to get him in trouble. This was a secret group, and she'd never dream of betraying his trust, ex-boyfriend or no. Already knots began to tie tightly in her tummy, but Greta continued on despite it all. "It wasn't just the Weasleys, Dorcas. We talked about a lot of things and it turns out he's been lying to me for years, running off doing all sorts of crazy stuff and telling me he was just working late. It's not right, or fair to me...and it bodes awfully on our entire relationship. It's like everything after we left Hogwarts was just caught up in some huge lie and I don't know what's real or not anymore. I don't really even know who Gideon is."
Dorcas was chewing her lip, trying to decide just how to answer when the tea kettle began to whistle and she slowly pushed herself up to go pour the tea, returning with two cups and picking up a biscuit that she was more interested in playing with than actually eating. She frowned, trying to figure out what to say but really this conversation would be a hell of a lot easier if they weren't talking in half truths. Except... well she'd been lying to Greta for years too, hadn't she? They all had. Oh fuck it, Dorcas wasn't very good at lying anyway. "The Order?" she asked hesitantly. If Greta had no idea what she was talking about, she'd come up with a cover of some sort but it just seemed easier this way. Even if she was silently bracing for an outburst.
When the tea kettle went off, Greta almost stood up to make the cups out of pure habit. Was it really right that she let Dorcas, poor crippled Dorcas, hobble around the kitchen? Well, she didn't have much of a choice, so she ate a biscuit instead. With a quiet thank you as her friend placed the mug down, Greta took a bite of the cookie only to practically choke on it at Dorcas's words. "YOU KNOW ABOUT IT?!" She coughed out, her blue eyes wide with shock. Wasn't this some big secret?!
Well that answered that question. Shite. "I..." Dorcas began before giving another good chew to her lip. Coming clean about her own involvement seemed like a better plan than acting like Gideon had told her but not Greta, right? That seemed to make sense. "I'm a part of it," she finally admitted. She took a deep breath and let it out in a long sigh. "Since leaving Hogwarts. That's why... That's how I got hurt. Fighting Death Eaters. And Greyback. But you can't... You can't be mad at Gideon, Greta. He's just doing what he believes is right. All of us are. Someone has to stand up to them and with the Ministry being run by them... we're all there is, really."
Holy Helga! Was her entire world a part of this Order? Why did they do this to themselves? "Not you too, Dorcas!" It slipped out before she had a chance to censor herself, but it was nothing more than what she wanted to say. "You've been in bed for weeks and you still want to be a part of it?" Her voice trembled because she just couldn't understand. "Dorcas you could have died, any of you could die any day, and yet you're okay with that? You're alright with leaving your loved ones, maybe without any notice at all, all for some greater good that you can't even actually touch? The Department of Magical Law Enforcement is there to protect us; you guys don't have to! It's not your job to risk your life day in and day out. You work...ed at the Magical Menagerie, Gideon works for Games and Sports. You aren't fighters, or superheroes, you're normal people. You shouldn't be doing this. You'll get yourselves killed!"
"Of course I still want to be a part of it," Dorcas replied firmly. "They tried to kill me, Greta. A Death Eater ripped out my intestines so he could leave me to be werewolf food." Okay, that was probably a little more detail than Greta needed, she realised somewhat belatedly. "Sorry. But I'm not just going to run off and hide and let them win. I'm going to fight back. I'm going to find the fucker who did this to me and I'm going to make him pay for it. Anyway, DMLE can't do shite now, not against the Death Eaters. It's not like you can just file a complaint when the person who tried to kill your best friend is the Minister's wife. They have rules and protocol and we... well we just don't. We were at Hogsmeade long before anyone from the Ministry showed up. Don't know how much good it really did in the end, but I'd like to think we helped save some people. That there was at least some good that came from all of that shite."
She sighed, breaking off another piece of her biscuit that she still hadn't managed to actually eat. "I've thought about quitting. I'm guessing Gideon has too. We've all probably thought of it at some point or another. But the thing is, even if I decided to quit the Order, if I tried to walk away from all of this, it's not going to stop the Death Eaters from coming after me. Same for Gideon. They know who we are. And I'm a halfblood and Gideon's a blood traitor and... it's not like they're going to stop trying to kill us."
Greta really didn't know if she could take all of her friends risking their lives day in and day out. Dorcas had almost died, but that only made her want to fight more. She wondered for a second if Gideon was the same way, but then she knew he was. They were probably all like this. She thought about poor Dorcas, intestines everywhere, and it made her so upset. How could you keep fighting after that, even if they still went after you? "I don't know how you do it." Greta was defeated more than anything else. "How any of you do it. I can't...just the thought of you dying makes me..." The knots in her stomach tied again and in swarmed back the tears.
"Oh merlin!" She was exhausted from crying and gave Dorcas an apologetic look. "They're just not stopping today."
"Hey, it's okay," Dorcas said softly, as reassuringly as possible as she stood and went around to the other side of the table to wrap her arms around Greta again. "We're not going to die. I promise," she said, even if she did not truly believe her own words. Not any more. "We're resilient as hell, really. We seem to keep getting our arses kicked, yeah, but they can't actually kill us. That's something?" Okay, probably not the most reassuring of responses but Dorcas always did have a problem with not just saying the first thing that came to mind.
"I'm scared too," she finally admitted. "I just... I can't not fight."
"But that's what I kept trying to tell, Gideon! You're just getting by, one day they're going to catch up with you and you're all going to--" And down came the tears. She wished there was a better way to express her worries, her fears, than crying, but it was just her natural response. The thought of Dorcas, Fabian, Gideon dead made her feel more alone than after the death of her parents. She didn't know how she could live without those three and yet, they still thought it was a good idea to run around like chickens with no heads.
"I get it...sort of..." She sniffled, trying, but failing, to stop the tears. "But I just can't be around it with a good conscience and the promise that I won't have a breakdown every time I don't see you guys."
Dorcas sighed and dragged her chair around to the side of the table so she could sit closer to Greta and keep a hand on her shoulder. "They're not going to," she replied with a quiet sort of firmness. "Not if we get to them first." But then that was a conversation that would lead to a discussion of killing and also probably not something Greta could handle that well. Right, better to focus on figuring out how to keep Greta and Gideon together.
"I don't think anyone's going to get upset at you for worrying or even having a breakdown. Hell, it'd probably be good for us to get reminded that there are people who care and worry outside the Order. But the thing is... well if something does happen to Gideon... wouldn't you rather know you had every moment with him you could? I don't see how distancing yourself is going to make things any better if... Well you know. It's not going to make you stop loving him or worrying about him."
Greta furrowed her brow as she listened to Dorcas, knowing that she was right even if she was reluctant to admit it. If Gideon were to die, it was very likely she would spend the rest of her life wondering why she hadn't spend every second she could have with him? "I know...I was stupid, and it just sort of slipped out. It seemed like the right thing at the time. I'm so overwhelmed with this Order stuff, his lies coming out, I just couldn't take it, and maybe he shouldn't be with someone who has trouble supporting this...maybe we need a break. I don't really remember what life without Gideon was like, maybe I need to be reminded. I'm confused, and I'm rambling, and I'm not thinking straight." Her head went in her hands, and Greta sighed. "Today is just a grey cloud day."
"Maybe a break wouldn't hurt," Dorcas admitted as she rubbed Greta's back, trying to be soothing. Selfishly, she just couldn't fathom the idea of the two of them not being together, but she also knew they wouldn't be happy without each other. How could they? "Remind you why you love him and all that. Or... well you know what I mean. And I don't think he'd blame you for having a hard time accepting all of this. I mean, it's pretty fucking nuts, really. Don't think I don't know that. It's scary, I know. But he needs you, Greta. And I think you probably need him."
Dorcas was right. Dorcas was always right; she did need Gideon. But maybe the break would do some good, let her clear her head. Right now everything was a fuzzy ball of confusion, and she would not think clearly until it straightened out. "I think I just need to...think...you know? Try and come to terms with all of this. I just hate the fact that you lot, that he could die...even if it's in the name of a better tomorrow. I already lost my parents, you, Fabian, and Gideon are all I have left in the way of family." Well Molly and Arthur too, but they were more Gideon's than hers...She rested her head on Dorcas's shoulder and heaved the biggest sigh. "I don't think I ever thought growing up would be like this."
"I don't think any of us did," Dorcas replied rather sadly herself. "I don't really remember what I thought it'd be like though. I guess just working and spending all my free time with Ed and the twins and you and everyone, having a good time. Not fighting battles and getting brains in the post and not eating solid foods..." Right, not helping again. "But the thing is if me fighting means other people don't have to, if the kids who are Hogwarts now don't have to worry about Death Eaters and being told they're shite because of their blood or god knows what might happen... well it's worth it."
"But don't you worry about all you'll leave behind? All you won't get to do if something goes wrong?" She couldn't wrap her head around any of this, but she really didn't have to, did she? She wasn't a member of the Order. She didn't have to really understand it past acceptance. "Maybe I just worry too much." Greta finally sighed. "I guess I worry enough for the lot of you, huh?"
"Of course I do," she replied, although she tried to shrug the thought off. "And I know there's always the chance something could happen, but we're careful Greta, we really are. Which probably sounds kind of ridiculous right now all things considered, but still." She frowned slightly and picked up her biscuit, crumbling off a bit more and taking a small bite. Dig probably wouldn't be thrilled with her for it but oh well. "Anyway, it's probably good to have people worrying about us. I'm not going to tell you not to worry." She took a sip of her tea, deciding to try and change the subject. "Do you want to play a game or something? I'm not sure what Dig has around here, but I'm sure there's got to be something. Keep your mind off things, yeah?"
"Yeah," Greta nodded her head, "a game would be good." Maybe if she didn't think about things for a while, they would all make sense later. And maybe she did need time away from Gideon to remind herself why she loved him so unconditionally in the first place. Maybe Dorcas was right. Maybe the Order wasn't as bad as Greta was making it seem. They were just trying to protect everyone, weren't they? "Thanks, Dorcas." Greta gave a weak smile and stood to help her get up, because goodness knows she had to be having trouble with those crutches! "If things work out and Gideon and I get back together, in a billion years when we get married, you've gotta be my Maid of Honour."
"Now we'll just have to figure out where to find one," she admitted, grateful for Greta's help as she got back to her feet. Well if all else failed, they could just start summoning games until one appeared, although that was better for things like gobstones, not so much with exploding snap. Then again, Dig didn't really seem like the exploding snap type of guy. She smiled and laughed softly at Greta's comment about getting married, shaking her head a bit. "Of course you're going to get married. And I'll be your Maid of Honour, but only if you promise not to put me in a dress that looks more like one of your cupcakes than clothes," she teased. "Come on, I think there's got to be something entertaining in the sitting room."