Gideon does not approve of your antics, Mr Yaxley. (blackholes_) wrote in an_ill_wind, @ 2009-07-16 17:46:00 |
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Gideon couldn't remember the last time he had felt so angry. Greta was talking to Fenrir Greyback like he was just another person. That monster had Percy and was doing Merlin knew what to the poor boy and Greta was having polite conversation with him. He was sure she didn't grasp the concept of how evil Greyback was and Gideon knew that he had to explain things to her. He had to make her understand just how dark the world was outside her dreamworld. He hated to shatter the safe place that she kept but he needed her to be safe and the only way was to tell her what sort of battles raged on behind her back. He had to stop lying. Gideon tucked away his journal and left work without a word to anyone, not that there was anyone who really noticed. He apparated a few blocks away from Greta's shop and then walked slowly towards the building with his hands stuffed into his pocket. She knew about Percy being kidnapped and about the scuffle at the Burrow and now he would have to tell her why. She had a right to know. He found her in the kitchen of the bakery but she wasn't calmly baking as he'd hoped she would be. No, she was waiting for him and she didn't look pleased. He was also slightly frightened by the way she was furiously stirring a bowl of batter. Merlin, give him strength. He crossed the room so he was standing next to her. He needed to see her face when he told her, no matter what her expression might be. He needed to look at her. "Look, I haven't been honest with you about where I've been sneaking off to." He took a deep breath. "Greyback is a bad man who has no concern for who he hurts or how he hurts them. Then there are the Death Eaters and their leader and we...I...there's a group of people who are working to stop them called the Order of the Phoenix. We're just trying to make things right again. We're going to restore peace and equality to the world again." He bit his tongue and stared at her. He hadn't really meant to go off but the words poured from his mouth the second he started. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you." Greta was not about to interrupt Gideon throughout his speech, in fact she stayed quiet at least a minute or two after as she tried to process exactly what he had said. He was fighting Death Eaters?! That was where he snuck off to? That was why he sometimes came home with bruises or little cuts? Not fights with Fabian? He had been lying to her this whole time? "Wait a second..." She was clearly not liking what her mind was settling on...at all. "You mean to tell me that you're going off at all hours of the night, risking your life to try and save the world?" At some point during this accusation, Greta started using her batter spoon for emphasis and was currently pointing it at Gideon, spraying him with batter every time she flicked it. "You could get killed at any point and you didn't think to tell me?!" Gideon squinted as the batter hit his face and his chest and he didn't know exactly what to say. He had played this conversation over and over in his head and he was always convinced that it would end well. She would support him, they would hug, and everything would be alright. Clearly this was not the case at all. "I didn't tell you because I knew that you'd be worried. I thought it was better for you to not know because it was safer that way. We're not even supposed to tell anyone. I could get in serious trouble for even thinking about telling you." "Is that supposed to make this all better? That you are risking getting trouble for telling me about this crazy vigilante thing?! You were okay with taking the chance that you might die and I would never know why or how or goodness even if you were dead? You could just never come home one day and I'd never know?! That's the thanks I get for seven years, Gideon?" She was yelling, and Greta couldn't remember the last time she yelled. It must've been years, maybe ten or more, but this was serious and she was angry...and upset. The idea that Gideon could die any day scared her more than anything, and tightened that big knot in her tummy. She had just asked him multiple questions but he stood there, silent and unable to come up with an acceptable answer. He'd always known that she would be upset but he always imagined that she would scold him and they would move on and frost cakes or something. That was clearly not what was happening and he was starting to worry about what he was going to say to fix everything. Did she expect him to quit? Could he quit if she wanted him to? "Do you want me to quit?" Shit. He'd really just asked that, hadn't he? Damn his internal conversations. Maybe she hadn't heard him. That was his answer to all of her questions?! Greta felt the uncommon anger rise up even higher. "WHAT?!" Her brow furrowed in confusion and rage as she actually dropped the bowl of batter to the floor, not caring at all about the mess. "THAT ISN'T AN ANSWER TO ANYTHING, GIDEON!" His eyes immediately dropped to the mess of pottery and batter on the floor and he scanned her legs to make sure there were no cuts. The bowl broke mostly into large pieces so there were no injuries but the fact that Greta was not rushing to clean it up meant that she was more angry than Gideon had known. He was failing majorly at this conversation and he wasn't sure what to do to turn it around. "I had to do something, Gret. I grew up with these people who are pushing their unfair ideals on the rest of the world and I have a pretty good idea of what they're capable of. Bad things happen to people everyday and I have to help stop them. I wish I could walk away and live a safe and happy life but I have to settle for the happy part. I'm doing this for us." Damn, he was an idiot. "No, Gideon!" Greta practically begged. "If you were doing this for us you wouldn't be doing this at all. We could be happy if we wanted to. You make a good salary, I make a good salary, we could live quietly and happily. We could get married, we could have a family, and we could just keep our heads down and stay out of trouble. That would be doing something for us." Her words were perfect but he knew that it was all just a fantasy. They wouldn't just let him walk away, even if he wanted to. Gideon sighed and leaned back against the counter. "I can't. I'm fighting because I want us to be able to settle down. I want to marry you and raise a houseful of kids but what's the point if we're constantly looking over our shoulders, wondering if our family is next? These people kill children, Greta. They uproot families and take away everything that they have. I can't put you and our family in danger and that's why I'm doing this. I have no choice." "So instead you put yourself in danger?" She didn't want to cry, but she felt the tears well up in her eyes anyway. "Gideon, I already lost both of my parents. I don't have any family left. I don't have anyone but you, and if you go ahead and," She couldn't even say it, the tears began to fall fast and heavy instead. He took a step closer so they were inches apart and then he wrapped his arms around her shoulders. He had to know that she would support him in this. He needed her to accept his role in this war more but right now he just wanted to hug her until the tears stopped. "I'm not going anywhere, Gret. I have too much planned in my life to leave you but I have to do this. I have to make sure that my family will always, always be safe." Even though she was angry and all she wanted to was pound against his chest and tell him he was stupid, all Greta could do was snuggle up against his chest and keep crying. "But you don't know that, Gideon. People die every day. People go missing. What if you go missing? What if they never find your body? What if one day I wake up and you never come by and see me again? I can't...I couldn't..." Gideon pressed his cheek against her hair and pulled her even closer. It broke his heart to see her like this because the last time he'd hugged her like this was when her father had died. It was one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do and now he was the reason she was so upset. "I'm not going anywhere, Gret. People are keeping an eye out for me and I have every reason in the world to come home. I'm not going to leave you." "I can't believe you." She continued to sob, because even though Gideon was saying the words she wanted to hear, she knew he couldn't promise them. Every time he ran off doing...whatever it was he did, he risked his life and their future. She couldn't live like this. With knots in her stomach. Never knowing if he was alive. She felt herself push away from his embrace. "I can't do this Gideon." Gideon was confused and his face showed it. Why was she pushing him away? He'd just told her that everything would be okay. He would fight his fight and then they would be together. What couldn't she do? He stared at her in silence for a moment and then he scrunched his face up and tilted his head. "Can't do what? What do you mean? I just told you everything will be fine. I'm going to take care of you." "This. All of this." Greta continued to wipe away tears as they fell, growing more exasperated with the process by the second. "Worrying about you, about Fabian, about tomorrow. I--I can't. You tell me everything's going to be fine, but how do you know, Gideon? How can you guarantee that? You can't. I can't spend every night wondering if that last time was the last time I'll see you." She knew what was coming next. It was the thing she never thought she would say. It was the thing she didn't want to say, but it just slipped out. "We're done." He stared at her for what seemed like hours and finally he shook his head in disbelief. Seven years and it came down to a choice. She would stay with him if he left the Order. They could be together if he left the Order. He bit his lip and dropped his eyes to the batter on the floor. He couldn't leave. He had to keep an eye on Fabian and the others. He had to finish the fight that he'd started. He had to...but he needed Greta. "Please. We can make it work. We have made it work. We'll just pretend we didn't have this conversation." He was desperate. Greta really wanted to take it back when she saw the look in his eyes. He was so desperate and she was too. She knew it was going to be impossible living without Gideon, but it wasn't worth living with all of this. She was going to go crazy, and if she lost him... "We can't, Gideon. We can't." She held back her tears. She couldn't cry if she was the one breaking up with him. "You made your choice. I can't...Just go home." Gideon didn't have anything else he could bring himself to say. He was defeated and there was nothing more he could say, at least not right now. He would go but it wasn't the end. At least not for him. He straightened himself up like a man and he gave her a nod. "G'night." Without another word he pushed out of the kitchen, left the bakery, and then kicked six rubbish bins on the way home. Merlin be praised for the likes of Fenrir Greyback. |