Who: Remus and Padfoot Where: Dig's house in Ballycroy When: 11 June 2009 What: If at first you don't succeed in human form... Rating: PG Status: Complete.
Remus was glad to have his journal back, though he still missed his wand. He wondered how he would be able to afford a new one. Still, when he had Greyback talking to him, his journal wasn't much of a comfort. What he really wanted was some physical contact but there was no one. James was hurt still, Lily had the baby and Peter.... Peter was no where to be found. Still, there was that dog that had snuck in a while ago, he remembered and leaned over to the edge of the bed. "Pup," he said, cringing slightly when he remembered Greyback calling him that. "C'mere. I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to pat you." Holding his hand down the side of the bed for the dog to sniff, he waited, hoping that it wouldn't be put off by the wolf that was a part of him.
Considering that the only way Remus would allow him to come into the room was for him to not actually, well, be himself, it was hardly a wonder that he'd spent most of the day as Padfoot. He felt the tiniest bit guilty for deceiving Remus this way, but he knew that ordinarily it would be welcomed. This... this amnesia, this memory loss, whateever it was, it was addling Remus' mind, making him forget. It was bloody awful. And being Padfoot helped, not only to get him into the room to keep an eye on Remus, but also to relax a little, to put himself in a simpler state where everything made more sense, and the pressure of the day wasn't quite as heavy on his shoulders. Padfoot whined a little at Remus' outstretched hand, and he moved a little closer, tag giving a tentative wag. He licked Remus' palm (thank god that would be kept a secret right now) and shuffled up next to the bed for maximum petting range.
Remus smiled when the dog came closer. Scratching behind the dog's ears, he petted him for a few minutes to make sure the dog knew he didn't mean him any harm, and only then did he pat the bed next to where he was sitting. "Up." He was such a large dog and there probably wasn't going to be much room for them both on the bed, but Remus didn't mind. He needed to have someone close and since there was no one he knew around, he would take affection where he could find it. Besides, it was a bit weird asking your mates for a hug, even if you had been hurt.
Padfoot's back leg thumped mindlessly as Remus scratched him behind the ears, and while Remus had done this a million times, the Sirius inside him still couldn't quite shake the guilty feeling - this time, after all, Remus didn't know it was Sirius beneath it all. He'd probably strangle him, if he did. But Remus needed him, he justified, and when Remus patted the bed and invited him up, he had to restrain himself from leaping onto the bed and pouncing on Remus, and, embarassingly, slobbering all over his face. Pleased with himself for his self-control, he climbed carefully up onto the bed, circled once, then sat down comfortably beside Remus. Or as comfortable as he could manage, with one leg hanging over the side of the bed, but his tail wagged lazily, pleased.
"You're a very friendly dog, aren't you?" Remus said softly, stroking his hand down the dog's sleek back. "Who do you belong to, I wonder. I wouldn't let you out of my sight if you were my dog." The dog was so warm and so affectionate that it made Remus feel a bit sad. Wrapping his arm around the dog, he hugged him carefully. "Sorry," he apologised to the dog. "I'm a bit low at the moment. You've probably already noticed that things are pretty bad around here at the moment. I wanted to go and see James earlier but felt a bit dizzy when I tried to get up so thought best not. I hope he's okay. And Lily. I want to see little Harry too." He sighed, his hand beginning to stroke the dog again.
Padfoot whined again when Remus hugged him, and Sirius was pushed from his mind as he soaked up the feel of Remus' arms around him. Padfoot was a glutton for scratches and pats and hugs, he coudn't ever remember a time when he'd willingly turned one down. It was so much easier, being a dog. He licked Remus' arm when he said he was lonely, whining a little again at the thought of it. If only Remus recognised him, then he'd know he wasn't alone.
Remus was silent for a while, just petting the dog and soaking up his warmth. It was so nice to have a living breathing something beside him, even if it was a dog. In some ways, dogs were better, he mused. They couldn't talk back. "I wish they'd let me go home. I know they said I couldn't while I'm still feeling dizzy and off balance but I could go to Mum's. I wouldn't go back to my place all alone while I'm feeling this way."
Padfoot cocked his head when Remus mentioned going to his Mum's, and despite his best efforts to keep his more human thoughts at bay, Sirius felt himself begin to worry again. Had Remsus forgotten that his mother had passed away? And quite a long time ago, now? He whined again, louder this time, hoping it'd prompt Remus to continue.
Remus hugged the dog again when he whined and scratched his chest. "I know," he said as if the dog had agreed with him. "It makes sense to me. I'll have to suggest it next time the healer comes back. What was his name? Pepper? Such a weird name. But then, who am I to talk, eh?" Sighing heavily, he pressed his cheek to the dog's head, holding him close. "I miss my mum. There's nothing like your mum when you're feeling like crap, no matter how old you get. And I bet she's getting frantic too. I should owl her."
Sirius was feeling a bit panicky as Remus continued, and while he wanted to change back and run to find Pepper, wanting Remus to be checked out again, he didn't want to pull away from the hug. Remus needed him, didn't he? He shook his head a little, as much as he was able, and gave a very short, quiet bark. Maybe he could force Remus to remember that- well no, that wouldn't work. Yelling as a human didn't work, and he didn't much think barking would do the trick either.
"Only, I don't have an owl and I can't exactly go to the post office like this," Remus continued, still petting the dog. He was such a good dog and Remus wondered again who he belonged to. "Maybe I'll ask that Sirius bloke the next time he comes in. He might send an owl for me." Frowning at the thought of that bloke he added, "I'm just tired of him trying to convince me that he's my friend. I don't care what that healer said. I'd remember someone I was that close to. I mean, I remember James and Peter, don't I? And Lily. And Harry. And Dorcas." His tone of voice made it very plain that he didn't like Dorcas, though he had no idea why he felt that strongly about her.
Padfoot pawed a little anxiously at the blanket, resisting the urge to put his tail between his legs and slink back under the bed when Remus mentioned him in such an unflattering way. It killed him, that Remus didn't remember him, and seemed to think so little of him. It was just the injury talking, he knew that, but it didn't help. Padfoot huffed a little at the mention of Dorcas, both scared out of his bloody mind for her, and confused by the tone of Remus' voice. If Padfoot could've frowned, he would've, but he only looked slightly stupid, face crinkling awkwardly.
Remus looked confused too and he stared into space for a long moment, trying to sort out his feelings. "It doesn't make sense," he said after a while, more to himself than the dog. "I can't remember..." Hesitating, thinking hard, his hand stilled on the dog's back. "Did she do something? Is that why I'm mad at her? I don't remember..." Alright, so maybe there was something to this healer saying his memory had been affected, he finally admitted to himself. Still, not remembering a fight or something with Dorcas was completely different to not remembering an entire person.
Padfoot huffed out a breath, frustrated and worried and anxious and a million other things as Remus spoke to himself. Sirius wasn't entirely sure what to make of the whole thing, of this bizarre memory loss; first himself, then his mum's death, then... Dorcas? Was it because of him? Because he'd told Remus what was going on between them? Padfoot shook himself irritably, wishing he knew what to do. Wishing he could do something, other than go off to find Pepper, but he couldn't bring himself to leave yet.
Remus sighed and shuffled down the bed so he could lie down. "You don't have to go," he told the dog, though he knew it was ridiculous expecting a dog to understand. He patted the dog to make him feel comfortable lying beside him. "I'm just getting tired and want to lie down, that's all. I should write a message to Peter in my journal and make sure he's okay, but I'll just rest a bit first."
That sounded better to Padfoot - dog instincts were winning over human ones, at the mention of a nap with a warm body beside him, and would it be so bad to doze off for a bit? He'd be able to keep an eye on Remus (well, at any rate he'd know immediately if something was wrong) and he was so good at the transformation now that he'd be back to himself in an instant if anyone came into the room (or be hiding under the bed - depended on how asleep he was.) He huffed once more, pushed at the blanket with his paws to make more of a nest, and then flumped down on the bed with a satisfied yawn.
That drew a smile from Remus as the dog flopped down on the bed beside him and he scratched behind his ears for a moment before he settled down and closed his eyes. He felt lonely and lost and sad but at least he had someone with him, even if they were canine.