Sirius Black (siriusly_now) wrote in an_ill_wind, @ 2009-05-27 00:07:00 |
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Entry tags: | - 1980/05 may, james potter, sirius black |
Who: James Potter and Sirius Black
What: Ice Cream, Whinging, and Matters of the Heart
When: 26 May, 1980
Where: James' Father's House
Rating: Low
Status: Complete
James hadn't yet hired a nurse for his father, on account of the fact that Sirius and Dorcas (and occasionally others) were hiding out at his dad's place. He didn't want to blow their cover again, after all. But he trusted Sirius, and while he would never expect his mate to play nursemaid, his dad had been doing surprisingly well with the company the last few days, so James had been spending more time than usual away from the house. He was meeting with live-in medi-witches, of course, but he was also looking into the costs of purchasing various things, quidditch teams and real estate alike. Plus, of course, he tried to spend as much time as possible with Lily. She couldn't go out as often as she'd like, and James was trying to be more sensitive to her feeling cooped up.
Now, though, Sirius had requested his presence to talk about matters of the heart and family jewels, so James had stopped in to Florean Fortescue's, picked up a tub of Chocolate Devotion, and headed home to his dad's, grabbing two spoons from the kitchen and then taking the stairs two at a time to find Sirius in the guest room.
"Oy," James said, leaning on the door frame and tossing a spoon at his mate without waiting to see if Sirius was paying attention. Sirius was practically pulling his hair out, though, and James frowned. "You look a wreck. Is it serious? Can't get it up, mate? It happens to everyone. Well, except me because I have the sexiest wife ever. But, you know. I've been told it's normal."
Sirius had actually pulled out a little tuft of hair during his fretting, and then had attempting plastering it back on his head during a minor panic attack that he would look bald and hideous and whatever else was going through his currently unstable mind. He never got this worked up over matters of the heart (or groin) and he knew there was far more to it than that (brains in the post, and such) but he was confused, and he was stressing himself out, and he did need someone who would ply him with Chocolate Devotion and soothe him and not ever breathe a word of it to anyone else. Enter, James Potter.
"Oy," Sirius agreed, hand out to catch the spoon flying at him without thinking about it. He didn't stop his pacing, however, until James mentioned equipment failure, and he stopped to scowl, crossing his arms over his chest. "It always goes up, thankyouverymuch," he said haughtily, before he threw himself on the bed, dramatically collapsing back against the pillows. "Nothing wrong there, unless you count it's rise to the occasion the other night when I was supposed to be comforting Dorcas, rather than getting all sorts of bad ideas and what have you."
"...Dorcas?" James asked, eyebrows raised, and then tactfully kicked the door shut behind him and bounced onto the bed, settling comfortably beside Sirius, arms brushing. He popped the top on the chocolatey goodness, planted the large bucket between them, and tossed the lid carelessly towards the door.
"All right, so why don't you tell Doctor James what happened then, mate?" James asked, jabbing his spoon into the sugary goodness and popping a large scoop into his mouth. Mouth full, he continued: "Oo were umfordin' 'er, an'? Li'l Thirius popped up oo say 'ello?"
"Dorcas," Sirius agreed firmly, digging his spoon into the chocolatey goodness with perhaps more force than necessary. He crammed an ungodly large spoonful into his mouth and nodded as James spoke (or attempted to.) "eah," he agreed, swallowing down the ice cream. "Yeah. Sort of. You know, the brain in the post? Well, obviously the only thing to do after that was to get drunk. So, of course we did. But then we got real drunk, and I was trying to behave, but then she fell on my tackle and there was lots of wriggling and then there was a kiss - not a kiss - but yeah. I don't know." And this was only the beginning. And Sirius felt like a huge, huge girl.
James pondered these facts for a moment, turning them over in his brain. Sirius liked Dorcas? Well, James liked her too. She was smart and passionate and good with a wand, and he could see how she and Sirius might get along. She was a good sort. But then again, she and Sirius both painted themselves with targets, it was the way they were, and James couldn't help but wonder if they got together, how much bigger their target would grow. Sirius had already almost died trying to keep her safe, and while James logically knew it was no one's fault but the Death Eater who'd done it, he couldn't help but selfishly feel a bit of a pang. Sure, he liked Dorcas, but he liked Sirius more, and there was no telling what dangerous shite they might get into together. Neither of them had any semblance of control.
Not that he really ought to be worrying about them getting together. Sirius didn't get together with anyone, least not for more than a night. And James didn't know if Dorcas was the kind of girl to be okay with that. It could get messy.
James guessed maybe he his intuitions about Sirius had been wrong as far as Remus was concerned. Well, James could barely fault him. There was no way Remus had told him, and what Sirius didn't know, he couldn't react to.
"Dorcas," he said again. This time there was a bit of a frown on his face, if one he smudged with chocolate on his next bite. "You sure that's smart?"
"Of course it's not smart," Sirius replied, rolling his eyes. "We're friends, and we're both staying here, and everyone wants to kill us, and we're both very dramatic," and we do thinks like send the Minister dog leashes and collars and biscuits, "and it'd probably end badly for all involved." He frowned and stabbed at the ice cream again, eventually taking another huge spoonful. "I don't know. It's bloody stupid, but I like her." He shrugged and licked at the melting ice cream, taking his time in finishing the bite.
"And uh. I may have suggested to Remus that wesleeptogetherandrechristenmyflat," he finally added, all in a rush. He wondered if other blokes his age had crises like this, debating over whether or not they fancied their male best friend or their female partner in crime. He wonder if Fabian's head would explode if he knew. "I'm fucked up, I think."
"You what!"
James turned his frown right upside down, and then thwacked Sirius on the head with his spoon for good measure. He ran his hand through his hair in typical James fashion, preening a little. He had so been right. James loved being right. Being right was a good feeling that never, never got old.
"Ha! I knew it. You want him, don't you? Did you tell him yet? Like actually say it, in a way Remus might not deny away? If you didn't, can I?" James asked, words an excited jumble with an I-told-you-so feel to them. It didn't matter about Dorcas now, because really, if Sirius had realized how bad he wanted Remus, it was only a matter of time.
Bloody hell, it felt so damn good to be so damn right!
"Ow!" Sirius protested, rubbing the spot where James and whacked him with the spoon. He shoved at James and scowled a little, then shoved an ungodly amount of ice cream into his mouth, buying himself some time to think. James may have been downright giddy, but Sirius was feeling confused and torn and, uncharacteristically, uncertain. He'd liked a hell of a lot of people over the years, but right now, well, he liked two people, and his head was a jumbled mess. It didn't help that he was fancying friends. It didn't help that he was also clearly insane. Why he never made life easy on himself was completely beyond him.
"No," he finally said, after he realised he couldn't gnaw on the spoon itself to prolong his reply. "We haven't talked about it again. I've been caught up here, I guess. I mean, it's Remus, you know? My best mate, besides you, and yeah, he's into blokes, but it's never been like that. I don't know. Every once in awhile I catch myself thinking about something possibly happening. But now with Dorcas..." he trailed off, realising how pathetic he sounded. "Is this how girls talk to each other? Should I be painting your toenails while I have a good cry?"
"Yeah, probably. Or we could spend our multi-tasking energies on trying to locate your balls," James teased, but it was a non-judgmental teasing. He was okay with the fact that he and Sirius were a little different from other men. They had a very close relationship, and yeah, they talked about stuff. They were always on each other's sides, and sometimes they needed someone like that to vent to. That didn't mean James didn't find it funny, or that he didn't enjoy ribbing Sirius for it sometimes, the same way Sirius might rib him. "Is the chocolate helping with your pre-menstrual syndrome?"
He helped himself to another bite of the previously mentioned chocolate and sucked it off the spoon as he contemplated Sirius' words for real. Obviously his friend was torn up about this, and unsure what to do. James didn't want anyone to get hurt, and so it was in Remus' best interests that he said, "Look. I can't tell you if you should go for either of them, or one over the other. I don't know what you're feeling. What I can tell you is that you have to be careful, you know? We don't want... anyone... to get hurt by you, you know. Not choosing him. Or her. If you know what I'm saying or not saying."
He didn't want to tell Sirius anything Remus had told him not to, but the situation had just changed, and both of his friends stood to get hurt. James just didn't want things to be complicated. He needed his friends.
Sirius stuck his tongue out and got in another quick bite of ice cream in the process. Two birds, and such. "It is, although I'm trying to watch my figure so I don't think I should eat much more." Really, if Sirius was a woman, he'd be obese. Hell, if he didn't have good genetics, he'd be obese. It was actually kind of a wonder that even with the good genetics he still wasn't obese, given all he ate.
"I know," he replied, fidgeting a little with his spoon. He knew James was right - James was always right - but it didn't make it any easier. "I shouldn't try to shag - or date - my friends at all." He frowned again, staring down at the spoon in his hand. "All of this is stupid. I'm being stupid," which was harder to admit than he'd like.
James shook his head, a more serious exprsesion coming onto his face. He watched Sirius' reaction, listened to his somewhat defeated words and then poked his friend hard in the side.
"You're not stupid, mate. You're just lonely. And I don't blame you. In times like this, no one wants to be alone," James said. He chose his next words very, very carefully. "Moony is lonely too. And I don't know, maybe Dorcas is as well, but..." James struggled for a moment. He was torn between telling Sirius the truth, whether or not Remus wanted him to, and somehow finding a way of supporting both friends. This was why James hated secrets.
"Look. Think about the pros and cons. Remus is going to pull your thick arse out of the fire just like he has been doing for the past ten bloody years. Dorcas is going to run into the fire with you and you'll both get killed. I like her too, but if you're taking my opinion into account here--which I assume you are or you wouldn't have poured your little girly heart out to me--then I don't think it can be her. I think she's too much like you. You'll get each other killed. Does that make sense?"
"I am not lonely," Sirius protested loudly, though they both knew that was bollocks. Sirius would never admit to it, or to actually wanting to be with someone. He'd spent his whole life shoving just how much he didn't need anyone down everyone's throats (this, of course, while he never went anywhere without one of his friends, and was never without a flavour of the week) and he felt that to admit to wanting even the idea of being with someone was to admit defeat.
"No," he added stubbornly, suddenly not wanting to be having this conversation. He didn't know what he wanted to hear, or what he was even looking for. Date one? Date both? Become an eunuch? "Forget it, the whole thing's stupid." He was feeling touchy and vulnerable, and he didn't like it. Normally he felt comfortable showing this side of himself to James - Merlin only knew he did it enough - but something about the whole thing was getting to him in a way he couldn't explain.
James sighed, suddenly feeling older than Sirius for some reason. As much as they were eerily similar at times, there were still parts of them that hadn't developed the same way. James was happily married and had a child on the way, for fucks sake, and Sirius couldn't even admit he didn't want to he alone forever?
"All right, mate. Have it your way," James said softly, but looked at his friend with serious eyes. "We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but you asked me to come over with ice cream to talk about matters of the heart. That suggests, I don't know. Some degree of unhappiness. So just think about it, or whatever. And don't do anything idiotic."
Sirius felt a little guilty, and it showed in his expression. "I know I asked you to come over, and I know you're giving me good advice and trying to be a good friend, and I know I'm bollocksing it all up." His shoulders slumped a little and he huffed out a breath in annoyance. "Maybe I do have pre-menstrual syndrome, that would explain a lot." He stuck his spoon back into the ice cream, mushing it up a little. "It's not that I'm unhappy, I'm just... confused. Nothing wrong with that, right?" Right?
"Nah, confusion is to be expected, specially when you're as inbred as you are," James teased. Sirius was rarely so down on himself as he clearly was at the moment, and James didn't really know what to say to fix it. The man was pouting and calling himself stupid and clearly was in dire need of some cheering up.
James considered his friend for a moment and then suggested, "Maybe it'd help you clear your head, and your confusion, if you went canine for a little while, Pads."
Sirius rolled his eyes, but the inbred comment got a grin out of him. "I can't help that my family likes to procreate with their siblings." Which was probably true, at least a generation or two ago. He nodded at the mention of going canine, looking a little desperate suddenly. "I want to, I just keep thinking how I'd explain it to Dorcas or your dad if they stumbled upon Padfoot lounging around. I haven't gone dog since you came round."
"So let's fly out to the back woods and run around for a bit," James said. There was something so calming about being Prongs for a while, and he completely understood that sometimes Siruis needed to simplify things by turning into Padfoot. Being human was so much more complicated than being something else, and it was something James wouldn't trade for the world. "Prongs and Padfoot can race, if you want."
"Yeah?" Sirius asked, perking up at the idea of it. Being Padfoot really did make everything so much easier, even if for only a little while, and it'd been far too long since he'd been Padfoot, never mind since Padfoot and Prongs had both been able to run together. Other than the full moon, of course, but things were a bit different then. "Yeah," he said again, grinning this time. "Brilliant idea, old chap."