"Well, though shit." Sara sneered, still angry. "You never wanted to, but I bet you anything Heidi wanted you too. Hell, maybe it was her that let something leak." She knew it wasn't true, but she couldn't help it. "Merlin knows she wanted you out."
Sara saw Tracey's eyes well up and, like usual, what she thought would make her feel better made her feel worse. "I have. Saying empty words I didn't mean to try and make myself feel better by putting you down. I was never angry at you, I never hated you, I hated me."
"I do." Sara said, looking Tracey in the eyes. "At least, I did."
Moving aside to let Tracey move, Sara leaned against the door, looking at her feet. "I know you were." she confessed, biting her lip, for once, very vulnerable. "And it scared the shit out of me. I was scared of my feelings and if I let myself love you how far it would go. I knew I could never give you a happy life, so instead, I tried to push you away."
"Every mean word I said, every cruel thing I did was get you to stop loving me and to hate me so you could move on and find someone who could give you a happy life." Sara had tears in her eyes now, "I hated myself every time I hurt you, but it was necessary. I thought the more I was mean to you, the more you would hate me and get over me and the more I pretended to hate you, it would start to be the truth." Sara looked up to Tracey, "It never did. I never stopped loving you."