Jay Guthrie (courtingthesun) wrote in academy_x, @ 2010-01-21 11:57:00 |
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Entry tags: | butterfly, icarus |
Who: Jay and OTA
When: Noonish, Thursday
Where: The front lawn
What: Not coping well with the grief
The wind blew, harsh and unforgiving, over the land. The snow made it almost impossible to see anything but white. Even if it hadn't snowed, though, Jay would have felt just as blind. The grief blinded him to everything, would have whited out his vision anyway. Tears stung his eyes. He was still dealing with a roller coaster of emotions, and this added not only more grief, but even more guilt. He had been shipped away from school because he couldn't handle his emotions, because he couldn't be loyal enough to his family to survive on his own, to keep himself from hurting himself. And yet this pain tore him up inside, made him think about causing that pain again. It was all so horribly selfish. His selfishness had torn him from the family, had made him follow the same path that he held Sam so accountable for. Oh God. He was even worse than Sam. He'd had the chance to stay with the family, and he had screwed it all up.
The red-winged boy was on his knees in the snow. The blustering winds had started to cover up the tracks he kept carving into the snow, deep and ragged. He kept leaping into the air, trying to take flight. Their flight had been canceled, and someone had to be home to help Ma, Jeb, everyone. He wasn't thinking about how far home was, that he could never make the flight on his own. Jay had the wings, he could make it home. He had to make it home. He had to fly. But he couldn't. God had given him powers so he couldn't see Julia, and now God had taken away his ability to fly with this weather, forbid him from going home. Was it all punishment? He pushed into the air again. He only made it several feet into the air, wings spread to their fullest, managed a flap and a little more altitude. It wasn't working. The winds blew at his wings, made him faltered, sent him plummeting into the snow again. He let out a frustrated, agonized yell, the tears nearly freezing on his face.
Why couldn't he make it?