All of that could have gone much, much better. Vanessa supposed, briefly, that it could have gone even worse, but the argument had been loud, rated R, and had accomplished nothing but solidify all the problems. It had honestly probably made all of the problems even worse. But Ness was at her wits' end by now. She couldn't prove herself with actions, she couldn't get him to listen to words, and to be perfectly honest, she couldn't blame him for anything at all. He was absolutely right when he pinned all the blame on her. She kept trying to appease her own overwhelming sense of guilt by telling herself they would have made it in, much more explosively if they hadn't thought they could get by with a surprise attack, or that X-23 had done far more damage (she'd run Regan through! Nessa had saved Wanda, and aided John and Jay as well).
None of that would ever mean anything to Josh, even if she'd gotten a chance to articulate that much. She didn't know what else to do. She'd tried to go for a team transfer, but it hadn't panned out. She didn't think it would have, the school valued challenge too much to pass up a struggle like this. She wanted to stand brave in the face of the challenge. She wanted to succeed. But the argument had drained her, what with the continued friction between her and Josh ever since training had started. She needed to retreat a bit. After the argument had reached its crescendo with a slammed door, Vanessa could do nothing but retreat. She turned, trying hard to ignore the stinging in her eyes. She wouldn't cry. She couldn't cry.
She hurried down the stairs, not wanting to loiter in the boys' dormitory. She could have cut across the second floor to get to the girls' dorms, but she didn't want anyone curious finding her and her alone after the argument, and she didn't want to chance running into someone like Julian or maybe even Jamie while she was feeling so down. So she ran for he stairs and the longer route, trying the whole time to forget how crushed she was feeling. She hurried too quickly, her feet tangling up somewhere between the stairs, air, and her own feet themselves. With a strangled yelp she attempted to muffle, she tumbled down the last couple of steps, catching herself awkwardly on the floor.
She didn't get up right away, though she lifted one palm when it stung a little from sliding on the floor. "Shit..." she muttered, closing her eyes. The stinging was getting worse and worse. And winning. Tears she had kept suppressed for the whole argument seeped out from her closed eyes, creeping down her cheeks. She didn't want anyone seeing her like this, but she couldn't hold them back anymore. The dam had started to leak a little, and she wasn't sure she could plug it back up. She lifted her raised hand up to her face, covering her eyes, though the first few tears were still visible. "He's right. They're all right. What am I doing here...?" she mumbled to herself, sliding her hand down as if to muffle herself.