WHO: Anna & Castiel WHEN: about six months ago (WAAAY backdated) WHERE: random hotel room WHAT: babymaking RATING: nc17
Anna still wasn't feeling very well. It was very unsettling to be dragged back from oblivion. But it had been a few weeks now, a month maybe? More? She couldn't tell. She had adjusted after a while. Anna had actually eaten of her own free will. She took a shower and got dressed in clean clothes. Then she sat down on the bed to try and figure out what was going on and what to do next.
It had been a few weeks and Castiel decided it was time to see her again. He didn't like leaving her alone but his time was nothing like his own. He denied to himself that it was to avoid her. He ignored the deep breath he had to take just to knock on the door.
Anna wasn't sure she was ready to answer the door. She wasn't sure she was ready to see people. To be perfectly honest, she was still a little fuzzy on what had happened, how or why she was here, and more-so why she was alone. But she dragged herself off the bed and pulled the door open anyway. And suddenly her heart was in her stomach. "Castiel..."
"Anna," he growled. "I wanted to check on you. It's been some time. Do you...need anything?"
She stood there in shock. She was clearly stunned, completely still with her mouth agape. She didn't even know how to respond to that. Did she need anything? "You... did this?" Her head was filled with vague half-notions of what had really happened. "How? Why?"
"I... it was important. You deserved a chance. You were a victim of the way too." Of what I did. "You can live the life you craved before. It was the best I could offer."
Anna stood there still, feeling overwhelmed again. She felt dizzy. There was nothing wrong with her physically, she was fine. But mentally and emotionally it was a lot to take. Anna sighed and stepped back, opening the door further for Cas to come inside. She didn't know what to say yet, but she wanted the chance to try before he just disappeared on her.
Castiel passed slowly through the door. He looked around the room, so familiar though he had never been there before. He turned back to face her. "Are you... going to move to somewhere more... permanent?"
"I don't know, Cas. I don't know anything yet. I'm still... I was dead. And it's... a whole decade later. I don't even know where to go." Anna closed the door, brows still narrowed in thought. "Cas... how did you... how could you... what happened?"
"I have Dean's phone number. You can contact him." No other advice was forthcoming. As for your question... it will need to be more specific.'
She didn't want to contact Dean. There was no reason to get him involved. Even if she was back to being an angel with no mojo. Which brought her around to the only question she cared about right now. "Cas, you don't have... you *didn't* have the juice to do something like this. Your Grace is not... or at least it *wasn't* strong enough. Before I -" she paused and swallowed the lump in her throat, "before Michael killed me, you could barely time-travel."
Castiel nodded. "It's simple. I died, Father brought me back with my Grace restored. My connection is Heaven is restored."
"That's... I don't even know what to say, Cas." Anna leaned back against the door and closed her eyes to try and still her emotional reaction. "Castiel this is... I don't even know. You brought me back? Why? I did... terrible things..."
"You... were not coming from an un-biased situation. They... I know what they did Anna. What they can do to you."
Anna stepped forward. She wasn't really thinking, she just couldn't get her brain to do much thinking at the moment. "Cas... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She reached up toward him, brushing her fingers along his cheek, just for the contact. Because she needed it.
He didn't react to the touch. "Why are you apologising to me?" he asked in genuine curiousity.
"For... the things I did, Cas. The things I said. I shouldn't have."
"I hold no anger towards you, Anna. You deserve a second chance. I believe that."
Anna nodded, but not in a way that indicated she agreed, just that she was acknowledging him. "So... now what? What happens now?"
"You... do what you wish with the life you have," he said simply.
"You realize how difficult that's going to be now, right? The world is in shambles, Cas. And... and what are you going to do? What have you been doing? I'm missing a decade, Cas, I feel just... lost."
"I have been... trying to restore order in Heaven, watching the earth. That is all." He sounded a little like a robot, a tired robot.
"You're..." Anna closed her eyes, shaking her head with no real intention behind it. "You're amazing, Cas. This is just... too much. I'm not... I'm just a little too... Cas, will you stay with me for a little while. Just for a little while?"
"I have a little time," he said. "Why do you wish me to say? Do you need my assistance?"
"I need -" Anna stopped and shook her head again. "I don't know what I need, Cas. I just need you here for right now. Can you do that? Can you stay for a little while?" Anna grabbed his hand and tugged him toward the bed without waiting for a response.
Castiel followed her, oblivious to any connotations. "I have already said yes," he said, frowning.
Anna was too tired to think of connotation. She was too tired to think of what had been before, the way they had done things in Heaven, the lack of physical contact. Her body was mortal and in need of physical affection, her brain wasn't thinking any further than an instinctive need. She pulled Castiel onto the bed and curled up against him, tucking his arms around her.
Castiel, now, understood, at least in words. He pulled back, got to his feet. "Anna... what are you doing?"
"Please, Cas, don't leave yet." Anna sat up. She felt the world spin for a minute. Stress narrowed her brows. "I'm not trying... I just want you close. Just for a little while, that's all. Just... sit with me, until I get my bearings... or something."
"I think I should go," he said tightly, his back to her.
"I don't want you to go, Cas. Please."
"I don't... know how to be close."
"Just sit. Sit and hold me. You don't have to say anything or do anything. I just need... it's a very human thing, I know, but I need it, Cas." She paused, closing her eyes and sitting back down on the bed. "I need you."
Castiel hesitated, clearly deeply uncomfortable. "If you wish." He sat on the side of the bed, not touching Anna.
Anna looked up at him, sad eyes but smiling anyway. "Thank you, Cas." She moved up the bed a little and nudged him to lean against the headboard. "Thank you for... everything."
"You said sit," he complained.
Anna actually smiled a little. That tone was familiar. It was almost comforting. "I said sit and hold me." Anna loosened her grip, though, giving him the chance to move away if he was going to.
"If you wish." He parted his arms without enthusiasm.
He was stiff and uncomfortable, but he was still Cas. And that was good. At this point he was the only comfort she figured she was ever going to find again, the only thing that was familiar. She nuzzled against him and went still, closing her eyes, listening to see if he even still had a heartbeat. He was warm at least, she could feel what she assumed was his Grace but couldn't be sure considering she didn't have hers anymore.
Castiel let her, it was simple as that. He didn't think about it, didn't analyse it. Just waited for Anna to take what she wanted and let go.
"What are you going to do now, Cas?"
"I am going to check in on Dean," he said quietly.
"Are you going to... Am I going to see you again?"
"If you wish."
"Do you... wish?"
"Yes."
Anna nodded, her shoulders relaxing a little. She wasn't sure where anything stood anymore. She was sure there were a million important questions she needed to ask, but she couldn't think of them right now.
Castiel waited quietly, not even close to understanding Anna's need but feeling her owed her an indulgence.
"Cas... do you ever relax? Have you ever relaxed? You're... stiff."
"Relax?" he said, as if the word was foreign to him.
Anna actually smirked. This was good. This was making her feel better. "Yes, relax. Stop worrying for five seconds about the end of the world. Sink your shoulders, lean back, close your eyes. Just *be*, just let yourself be in this space in this moment."
Castiel released the tight muscles of his shoulders, sank back. Let out his breath. "Is this right?" he asked.
Anna nodded against his chest. "It's a good start. Close your eyes. No thinking about Heaven or Dean or the Apocalypse for a few minutes. Focus on... umm... my breathing, my heartbeat. Just listen and breathe, even if you don't have to breathe, it'll relax you."
Castiel closed his eyes, that was easy. He listened as she said. The beat was steady, the breaking was slow. His matched her's automatically.
Anna nuzzled against him, getting comfortable and closing her eyes. This was actually remarkably similar in feeling to the comfort of their Grace pressed together in Heaven, it was just another version. Maybe that's why humans needed physical contact. "Don't think, Cas. Don't worry. Don't plan. Just relax."
He lay still, breathing slowly through his nose. He didn't respond because silence felt right.
He was relaxed, or at least felt relaxed. Anna didn't feel like he was waiting to escape anymore. And after a moment, her shoulders relaxed and her body went slack against his. She was comfortable. Her head was starting to clear in a way that it hadn't done since he'd brought her back. It was a good feeling, to fall back into old patterns, even just to teach him to relax, it was still the old pattern of her teaching him. It helped.
Castiel was no longer waiting to leave. He was being and... it was pleasing.
Anna was okay with this. She wasn't sure what they were going to do next, what she was supposed to do, but that was okay. Cas was here, taking care of her. She wanted to say something, to tell him how much better she felt, but she didn't know what to say, didn't know how to express it. And she didn't want to interrupt the sudden peace that had fallen over them.
Castiel was starting to drift, his thought turning to the sun, a bench, laughter in the distance. He felt like he was somewhere else, a place of peace.
Anna didn't realize she'd drifted off to sleep until she woke up. It was a slow comfortable waking up, unlike anything for the past month, unlike anything for a long time. She shifted. In Castiel's arms. Cas was still here. He was still here and he was... sleeping? Really? Anna shifted against him, tipping her head up, nose brushing his jaw as she looked at his face to see that, yes, he really was asleep.
Castiel opened his eyes. Time had passed yet he remembered none of it. He was still in the bed with Anna but he was no longer calm, his body was tense. "What happened?" he asked tightly.
"It's okay, Cas. You fell asleep. We were sleeping. It's okay. We needed it. It isn't a bad thing."
"I do not need it," he said tensely but his body relaxed a little.
"No, you don't, but it isn't a bad thing. It didn't hurt anything. And it helped me, Cas. I needed it. You. I need you."
"I am here," he said, sounding a little confused. "You know that."
"You are. More than you were earlier. It's good. I feel better." Anna nuzzled against him, pressing her face to his throat. It should have been weird to be physical with him like this, but it was just a changeover from what they had been. Without her Grace, it was a new way to be close and comfortable with him.
Castiel tensed at the contact. "Anna... what are you doing?"
Anna tensed a little. She pulled back. What was she doing? "Sorry. I... sorry..."
"I am not human, Anna. I do not require intimacy. I am... sorry," he announced
"You don't require sleep either, Cas. But it was good for you. It was good for me."
"Anna... do you wish to..."
"Do I wish to...? Oh! Oh... I... wasn't really thinking, Cas. I just... it's weird to be with you in this body. Things are different for us now." That was Anna completely avoiding the question, and doing it pretty damn well, too.
"Oh," said Castiel who couldn't really say anything else. He fell quiet, relaxed again.
He wasn't freaking out. He wasn't disappearing. And suddenly Anna wasn't sure what that meant. She forced herself to relax against him again. She closed her eyes. And then opened them again. "Cas, do *you* want to?"
"I have no such desire," he said coolly but he didn't pull away.
"But you wouldn't be opposed?"
"Anna... I don't know, It has never been a consideration."
"Things are different now, Cas. I'm different this way. Maybe... maybe it's something we should consider."
"I don't know, Anna. I do not even know if I would... I don't know."
"I could show you... well, I mean you've seen it before, we didn't spend so long watching them without seeing it a few times but... I have a little experience."
((cas said something here that is apparently missing...))
"It's not for procreation, Cas. It's recreation. It's relaxation. It feels good. It's... intimate." Anna shifted against him. She felt her stomach knot up, but she knew this is what they needed. This was what was right for them in their new dynamic. "Let me show you, Cas." She slid her hand up along his jaw, tipping his face down and tentatively pressing her lips to his.
Castiel was tense, nervous, close to overwhelmed. "Anna... I do not think-" her lips were so soft. Warm. "Anna..." His Anna, always watching over him.
"You're not suppose to think, Cas. Just feel." Anna whispered against his lips, pausing to deepen the kiss a little between sentences. "Remember how it was when my Grace wrapped around you? This is like that, except with bodies. Let your body respond to mine."
"I don't know how!" he snapped. "Anna, I can't."
"Cas, relax." Anna nuzzled her nose against his. Her voice was soft and calming, as it always had been. Her body pressed against his. "Your body knows what to do, Cas. It's instinct." She pressed her lips against his again, closing her eyes and patiently waiting for his response.
And they did move, shifted, returned a little of the pressure. He was shaking a little.
Anna slid her hand down his chest, shifting closer. When he returned it, she deepened the kiss. She was trying not to overwhelm him, but maybe that was kind of the point, maybe they needed this much sensation.
Castiel opened his mouth, still tense but slowly, slowly his kiss because more natural.
Her body moved a little more on top of his. She slid her tongue between his lips, gently and testing. But it was happening, it felt good. It felt right. They were supposed to be doing this.
Castiel touched her tongue with hers, still a second from pulling away.
Anna slid her fingers up to his neck. She stroked his jaw gently. She murmured softly against his lips, letting her body move practically on top of his. "Don't be so tense, Cas. Relax into the feeling. Think about the sensation. *Feel* it."
"It's soft," he said, his voice a little breathy. "It's... good."
"It is good." Anna replied, sliding one leg over his hip, straddling his lap. She drew her lips along his jaw slowly, up toward his ear, nuzzling his neck and nibbling the soft skin there gently.
"Anna!" he gasped. "Can't... can't.... Anna."
"Shh, Cas, it's supposed to feel like this. Shh." Anna slid her fingers into the buttons of his shirt and pulled them open slowly, pressing her palm against his chest and caressing his skin lightly.
"It's... I don't know the words," and that bothered him but his back still arched.
Anna finished with his buttons and pushed his shirt aside. "Cas, no words, you don't need words. Touch me, Cas. Touch me."
"I am," he said, his hands on her back
Anna grinned, pulling his shirt off his arms and pushing it away. "Your hands are on me, but you're not touching me, Cas, not really." She slid her fingers along his chest. "You're so warm..."
Castiel shivered under her touch and slipped his hands up her back, and down again, cautiously.
Much more gracefully than she felt, Anna managed to slip her shirt up over her head. She wasn't wearing a bra, only because there wasn't one here for her. Her skin pressed to his and she gasped for the first time since they'd started this, feeling the sensation rather than just giving it.
Castiel stared at her body, brushed curious fingers over her skin. It was soft, warm, pleasant to touch. He, for the first time, instigated a kiss.
"Mmm... Cas..." Anna moaned against his lips. She let her hands explore his bare flesh without interrupting his hands on her. She tried to make herself patient, letting him lead the kiss he had instigated, letting Cas have as much control as he wanted, pushing aside her own impatience in favor of the pleasure that his leading things was giving her.
Castiel quickly took to kissing, his tongue exploring carefully, thoroughly. He shifted his hips on the bed, pressing them into hers automatically, his body responding as if it knew what to do. As she has said.
Anna felt him press up into her. And then she *felt* him, hard and needy. She wasn't wrong when she said his biology would take the lead. She could feel it. And without much patience (or maybe it was a fear that he would stop if she didn't) Anna slid her hand down his chest, palming over his clothed erection as he kissed her.
Castiel groaned, tipped his head back as he pushed himself into her hand urgently. "Ah!" he gasped, shifting his hips against her, hungry for friction.
That was definitely the reaction she was going for. Anna shifted up on her knees, pressing desperate little kisses all along his exposed throat. "Need to get us naked." She had to stop touching him to pop the button on her jeans and wiggle out of them and her panties. It was a bit of a hassle, but she managed very quickly. And then moved on to trying to get him to wiggle out of his.
Castiel took a hold of Anna's wrist as she worked on his pants. His eyes were dark and worried. "It hurts," he said urgently.
"I know, love. It's excited. Arousal is... uncomfortable for men. The reward is well worth it." She lifted her eyes to his gaze, soft and understanding. Her hands, despite his grabbing her wrists, didn't stop. "You have to lift up and get out of these pants, Cas."
Castiel frowned but he released her wrist and lifted his hips for her.
Anna tugged his pants off and pushed them out of the way. She returned to straddling him. Her mouth found his again before she even thought about touching him, but as soon as she was kissing him again, she slid her fingers around his naked erection, enough to ease the pressure and make him understand the pleasure, but not enough to bring him over yet.
Castiel had never felt anything like it and he was close to overcome at her first touch. He squirmed on the bed, giving a harsh cry, grabbing her upper arms convulsively.
Anna was careful not to hurt him, despite his jerking around. She kissed his throat gently, trying to sooth the feeling, trying to make it less shocking. But she didn't stop. "Touch me, Cas. Slide your hands between my legs."
Castiel didn't move for a moment, so lost in the feeling was he, but slowly it seemed to sink in that he had a part to play too and he slipped his fingers against her slick folds. He pulled his fingers back a moment later. "It's wet," he breathed.
Anna was patient. She touched him, relieved his discomfort, and waited. And when his fingers slid between her legs, she gasped, not really prepared for the amount of sensation that shot up her spine. Anna pressed her forehead to his shoulder. "It's supposed to be. It's... don't stop, Cas, don't stop yet."
Castiel slipped his fingers back, this time moving them gently through her folds. "Is this right?" he asked softly as he could around his own gasps.
Anna gasped again, crying out a tiny sound without form as his fingers brushed her clit. "Yes! Cas... that's... good... you're doing... well..." Anna tried to stop her hips from rocking down against him, but focusing on not overwhelming him with her own reactions and continuing to stroke him slowly made it difficult to focus on anything else.
"Is this... sex?" he asked as he rubbed her a little firmer, his technique awful, too far gone to keep his focus, to overwhelmed with the newness of it and a hint of fear.
"Not yet. This is... preparation. This is..." Anna paused, sucking in a little breath as Cas hit the right spot again. She didn't expect much more than that right now. She didn't care. It felt good. She just knew she couldn't draw this out any longer or Cas was going to finish before they'd even started. She positioned herself over him, drawing his hand away reluctantly. And without much more warning than a cautious kiss to his lips, Anna sank down around him.
Castiel's heals skidded on the bed as he squealed, a sound he had never made anything like before. He grabbed her shoulders and stuttered out uneven breathing as he panted on the bed.
Anna took a minute to get a hold of her own breathing. She gasped and sighed and groaned. And then she cupped his face, kissing his lips gently. "Look at me, Castiel. Look at my face, look into my eyes, focus on me." It was physical pleasure, but that wasn't what she wanted. She wanted him to know that it was more than that, that it meant more. It was just a vessel, just a body, what mattered to her was that it was his.
Castiel's eyes were wide in shock and wonder as he met Anna's. His breathing was frantic, his hands twisted in the covers. "Anna!" he cried out, the only word he could form.
Anna cupped his face, kissed his lips, and started to moved. She rocked slowly on top of him, trying to give him time to adjust, trying to keep herself from getting lost in the pleasure too soon.
Castiel's hips were still but his back was arched as the sensation climbed through his body.
Anna kept moving, slowly, as patiently as she could manage. Her lips pressed to his, interrupted only now and again by gasps of pleasure. She could lead, could wait for his body to respond or for him to pick up on it and force himself to respond. Either way, she could draw it out a little bit, make it last some.
"Anna," he gasped into her mouth. "Need to... move," he said, his voice tense, gasping.
"Move, Cas. Thrust up into me. Respond to the movement of my body on yours. Don't think, just do." It was a natural response, programmed in biology. He was worry too much and it made things more difficult, and all Anna could do is lead him there.
Castiel let himself move, pushed upwards and Anna moved up. "Anna!" he cried out again. "So.... much!"
Anna let Cas find a rhythm and met him there. She was intentional with every movement, working for pleasure for them both. She kissed him, his lips, his cheek, wherever she could reach when her mouth came close to him.
Castiel returned the kisses sloppily, hungrily. He still managed to seem like he was just hanging on to a runaway train. He pushed into her harder and faster, hungry for the feeling, for Anna. To be close to Anna. He looked up into her eyes, for the first time without a trace of fear.
As soon as Cas started responding more intentionally, Anna stopped trying to be careful or gentle. She gripped his shoulders, grinding down into his lap. Her mouth was as desperate as his. The sounds she made were quiet and muffled against his mouth, but excited and passionate as they moved together.
Castiel's hand settled on Anna's hips, holding her steady as he pushed up into her, his kisses were hot and becoming firm and practiced. Castiel had found his rythmn.
Anna's body responded to his like they'd been doing this forever. She knew him better than anyone, even with his new and improved Grace, even in a vessel that hadn't always been his. And Anna felt her body working up toward the release she was craving.
Castiel had no experience to set his pace. He had been close to overwhelmed since Anna first touched him. It was too much to hope for him to last and he spilled into Anna with a scream ripping from his throat.
Maybe it was the sound of his voice, or the feeling of him spilling into her, but it was very likely the expression and the feeling between them that did it for her. It was just a second after Castiel came that Anna followed him. He was jerking and not really helping to bring her over once his orgasm hit, but it didn't matter. Anna tensed from tailbone to the top of her head, fingers gripping his shoulders to keep from falling over as her hips rutted against his a few more times and tensed to the point that it ached all the way into her thighs. And then she relaxed, her body slowly slumping down on top of his and trembling in his arms.
For a moment Castiel just breathed, his arms collapse over Anna. His body felt so heavy, all he could do was try and catch his breath. "Anna," he whispered after what seemed an age. "My body is... buzzing. I can barely move. What is wrong?"
"Exhaustion." Anna panted against him still. Her heart was racing. She wanted to calm down but she couldn't. It was intense, this feeling of being tucked against him post-orgasm. "You're coming down. Adjusting. It's good, isn't it? Pleasant?"
"It is... inefficient. It renders me useless," he complained.
"It's not about efficiency." Anna nuzzled against his throat, kissing his skin, tasting his sweat. "Relax. Feel it. Feel me. Close your eyes and relax. You have time. There's time enough."
But Castiel tensed, pulled away. "I cannot indulge. I have duties to perform. I cannot do them in this state."
That's what it was. Cas could indulge her. He could let himself feel pleasure if it was for her benefit, but the moment she suggested that it was something he should let himself feel, he tensed. She wasn't going to push him right now. This was already more than enough for one day. "Your duties can wait, Cas." But even as she argued, she sat up, backed up, gave him space to do what he thought he needed to.
"I should not have..." but he couldn't finish. He didn't regret it. He just needed to let it go. "Anna, please take care. If you need me you may call but we cannot indulge again." He moved to gather his clothes, paused. "I am glad you shared that with me," he said softly before he picked up his shoes and was gone.
Anna sat up, not at all shocked. She was surprised by the lack of heartache, actually. She knew him well enough to expect everything that had just happened. His tension, the way that he thought first of the practical and then of how he felt about what had happened, the way he disappeared - although she did expect him to fully dress before that. It didn't hurt the way it probably should have, it was just Cas and she was okay with that. Anna sighed and sunk into the bed, drawing the blanket up around herself. She needed sleep, she could worry about the rest when she woke up.