"You know I do, Cas." Sam sighed. Cas made everything sound so easy. Like he could just waltz back into Dean's life, even John's life, like nothing had happened. Hey, the three of them could bond over their experiences in hell. Dean hadn't said much about his time in the pit, but Sam knew he remembered every detail. For Sam at least, it was common to relive every moment every night while he slept. He imagined the same was true for Dean, and maybe John.
"And you know I love them. I do. But I'm not the guy they knew. I'm not Sammy anymore, Cas. Most days I don't even know who I am, what I am." He shook his head again. No. He still believed Dean was better off without him. He had opened Lucifer's cage, he had invited Lucifer into his body. He couldn't undo the pain he'd caused, the devastation.
The world was dying around them. Millions had been wiped out, entire cities, some of the smaller countries. People were going to keep dying until there were no people left, and Sam Winchester was the man responsible.