Lucas Eli Sawyer (wingsofillusion) wrote in _fracture_, @ 2014-04-27 20:06:00 |
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Entry tags: | chapter 2, chase, kyle, lavel |
Knights and Porns
Who: Chase and Kyle
Where: Near the arena
When: Afternoon
Chase had watched Justin's first two matches, completely pleased with how his knight was doing and trying not to focus too hard on how easy it was to slip into thinking about him as 'his'. He just had to keep that out of what he was doing with Justin and he'd be fine, but it was fun to cheer him on and now, to watch his coat of arms move up on the scoreboard. Definitely proud. He'd have to tell him later.
Kyle had stuck to his guns. He had avoided all of the rounds. Instead, he had made a deal with the blacksmith. The smith had been overworked with orders, and having seen Kyle work the day before had been happy to trade direction and training in exchange for free labour.
By the time midafternoon rolled round, Kyle was covered in soot and sweat and ravenously hungry. Deciding to take a break, he pulled off his shirt and rinsed off at the well. Rinsing out his shirt, he left it hanging round his neck as he collected some food. He was feeling really good. Working had taken his mind off of all his worries, and whilst his muscles ached, he had the deep satisfaction that came with creation - even if all he'd been doing all day was sharpening swords and repairing armour. It gave him the confidence to wander over to the scoreboards. To finally look see how Adam was doing.
Chase was still grinning like an idiot, when Kyle moved into his field of view and the grin slipped into something else completely. Something closer to awe. He knew he shouldn't be obvious, which he was, but was the kind of guy with a deep appreciation of beauty and that, slightly damp, sooty and sweaty was definitely something of beauty. Without a proper thought he was drifting a tiny bit closer, head still tilted at the sight.
Kyle scanned across the scoreboards, his lips turning you into a little smile as he saw that Adam had actually won his first match. Go Adam. As much as Kyle hated him fighting, he was still proud of his boyfriend for winning. By the looks of things, Adam was probably in his second match right now.
Kyle,was still staring at the boards when he got that feeling that he was being watched. He looked to the side, tilting his head as he caught sight of the other man. "Can I help you?" he asked, politely. Then he frowned, adding. "Sorry, do I know you? You look really familiar..."
Caught. Damnit. Chase really needed to stop picking up habits of ogling from the club. That was just going to get him into trouble. He smiled when the guy turned, squaring his shoulders and shaking his head. At least until the man said he looked familiar. There was only one answer for that. He didn't have much else in the way of options so he went with pushing forward. "Sorry. I was just...curious how you wound up covered in soot." That was a terrible lead in but it at least it helped with shaking his head for the other question. "I don't think so. Don't spend much time in Atlantic City do you?" No, probably not. Of course if he was from here, this time he wouldn't know what Atlantic City was and then Chase really shouldn't be familiar unless he had an ancestor here or something.
Kyle's smile widened a little. "No - New York City," he replied, so they both knew they were from the same time. "I've been working with the blacksmith today. It's... Not the cleanest job in the world," he said, easily. He was still trying try to work out where he recognised the other guy from. It was bugging him.
That was good to hear though, that they might be from the same general time or place or whatever it was in relation to here. "Well the soot suits you," Chase said, making a face at the way it sounded out loud. "How's the city? That was my goal, but I didn't get that far."
The compliment made Kyle blush, and also realise he was standing about half naked. Feeling awkward and exposed, he pulled his shirt back on again - which really didn't help that much, since it was still wet and just cling to him. "New York's great. I brought up there, so it's home. Was home. Well - you know how it goes, when you wake up in a random place and have no idea how to get back."
Yeah that shirt being wet wasn't really helping matters. Nor was the blush. At least this time Chase caught himself before he was staring too much. "I wanted to get there. So badly. I thought it might be different. But I ran out of money." He found himself nodding along, pleased there were more of them here with the same issues. "Did you wake up in hotel before here?"
"It can be a hard place to get too, especially if money's an issue," Kyle said. His tone was sympathetic, even if he had no experience of that. Money had never been an issue in his life, after all. "Yeah. Spent a couple of days in the hotel. Now I'm here. Meant to be some kind of squire, I guess, but the role doesn't really suit me."
Kyle was right about that. Anywhere but home had been a stretch to get to with money being an issue. Chase just nodded, not wanting to go too far into it. "Same here. Though I like my knight. He seems to fit the bill of charming and handsome and so far he's doing pretty well."
Kyle's expression turned just a little toward pathetic as he said, "Mine too. My knight. So charming. And handsome..." And totally fucking oblivious, Kyle thought, fondly. "I just... can't watch him. In case he gets himself hurt. He's never done anything like this before."
Well that look confirmed how Kyle recognized him without a doubt. "Mine hasn't either, but so far he's doing okay. Close on the last one, but he still made it out. Though I think you're probably closer to yours than I am to mine." Chase knew that look and beyond it confirming that if Kyle thought he looked familiar it was from his movies, it also said he was smitten and Chase loved a good smitten story.
Kyle blushed scarlet and looked down, chewing on his bottom lip in a fruitless attempt to stop the smile. "I guess that depends on how close you are to yours," he said, not raising his eyes.
The blush was actually really flattering on Kyle and made Chase all the more excited for that story. "Oh definitely not that close." Not that Chase was against the idea, but he was sure he wasn't Justin's type.
Kyle lifted his eyes. "Don't say anything," he requested. "Not obvious. Not round here. I know... I know it's written all over my face, but... don't say anything." He couldn't help it. When he thought of Adam, he just wanted to smile. It broke through even the cool mask of an expression, which he usually used to hide behind.
"I wouldn't say anything." Chase wasn't the type to out anyone, not after what he'd been through. He hated that people kept it a secret but he knew they did. He had. And the secret getting out had ruined his life. "Does he know?"
Kyle laughed a little at that. "Oh yes. Oh hell yes. He knows. He... feels the same way. It wouldn't normally be an issue, but... This place has different standards of what's okay and what's not. So we're keeping a low profile," he explained.
Chase nodded, smiling. "That's good. That he feels the same way. Must be nice." Chase barely dated given the people he knew and spent time with and that wasn't even going into his history. "Did you meet here?"
Kyle opened his mouth to answer, then pulled a bit of a face. "That's... a long story. I guess the short answer is, not really? Or, we met again - back at the hotel. But I already knew who he was? There'd been this whole... thing. It's... probably not very interesting. Or possibly a bit insane if you weren't there. Or, well, maybe even if you were? And I am not making any sense here, am I? Sorry, I'm just random guy babbling at you. I'll stop. Promise."
Chase shook his head and nodded away from the small crowd to speak a little more privately. "None of that sounds crazy. It's kind of romantic, meeting again in such an odd situation." He smiled a little and pushed his hair out of his face from where it had fallen in his eyes. "If you want to talk about it I can listen. I always like those kind of stories."
Romantic. If there was one way that Kyle hadn't actually stopped to consider his situation, it was romantic. Which, when he did actually think about it that way, he felt bad that it hadn't come up before. Surely getting together with someone should be innately romantic. Except, everything had been so much of a whirlwind, that he hadn't felt like he'd had a moment to stop and think without something else hanging over his head. "I guess so," he said, once they were away from the crowd. He took a moment, then quirked a smile. "We met at the diner he worked in. I was just a random guy. He was... well, he was working. He talked to me. He was... nice. And I had a boyfriend. So, I... kinda ditched him. Adam, I mean. The waiter. Not my boyfriend. Well, my currently now ex-boyfriend, of course. Because... I don't do that. Strictly one man guy. That's me. I would never... I don't do that."
Chase smiled more nodding as Kyle told his story. It was romantic. The cute guy at the diner flirting with his customer. "You seem like the one-guy type," Chase confirmed. "What happened next?" His focus was completely on Kyle, working the story out of him.
Kyle shrugged. "I avoided the diner like the plague when he was on shift?" he suggested. "Until one night when it was raining and I just needed to get out of it."
"So you liked him from the jump then huh? Did he feel the same way?" Chase like that part of the story, smiling more with it. And it ended with rain and needing somewhere to go? That was incredible and his eyes lit up, motioning for Kyle to continue.
Kyle frowned, feeling awkward. The way that this guy was putting things back to him made him feel like he was meant to be at the centre of some kind of epic romantic movie, rather than the reality of it all. "I... We didn't... It - it wasn't like that. I mean, it was, but - I... We never even talked about it. Not then. We talked about other things. I used to be an artist and I drew him a few things." Kyle smiled a little. "He asked me to design him a new tattoo - I think he was a little surprised when I drew this whole thing on his arm for him."
"Well it's rarely like that at the start is it? If it starts off like that it's not usually meant to last." Chase had picked that much up along the way. The girls who came to him to talk about their relationships that started with proclamations of love and attraction never panned out. "I think I'd be surprised. Good surprised I hope."
"I wouldn't know," Kyle admitted. "I haven't really had that many relationships. And - I mean..." He looked a little worried. "How soon do you think too soon is? If it starts off like that - I mean... When does the start stop being the start?" Because maybe those first couple of meetings hadn't been all involved, but since then? It had been less than a week since he'd met Adam again and things had gotten exponentially more intense.
"Too soon for what?" Chase asked, needing a little bit of clarity around that question. "I haven't had that man relationships either, but I work at a bar so I hear about them." That was mostly of the truth at least.
Kyle looked uncertain about whether he wanted to talk about matters for a moment, but pressed ahead anyway. He needed to get this out, or it would consume him for the rest of the day. "Things have been pretty intense between Adam and I. He... After that second meeting in the diner, we didn't see each other for months. Not until the hotel. I found out that he'd got a tattoo. For me. Not the one I drew, but another one. The one that he picked out as being good for me. Script, on his arm," Kyle said, speaking quickly and indicating the area on his arm. "You are the smell before rain. He'd only met me twice. And I... I'd split up with my boyfriend the night before I landed at the hotel. And... Everything happened so fast. Me and Adam. He's great. Wonderful. I... I really like him. But, I'm worried that it's just all intense and - I really don't want to hurt him. Everything feels so right, but I've been wrong before."
"Did he say it was for you?" That was intense, but the romantic in Chase took it that way, not as so much a scary thing or a weird thing. "Were you planning on seeing him again? Why did it go months?" He took int he rest, frowning some. "What's happened fast? You're together now, I figured that much out, but wasn't that inevitable? Didn't you want that from the start?" He was trying to find the positive in things, the silver lining in a cloud that Kyle had built for himself.
"He said... Not in so many words, but we were talking about whether that night in the diner meant anything and he showed me the tattoo and told me that clearly it had meant something to him," Kyle told him. "I'd run away again that night. I didn't go back. I'd been living with my boyfriend and Adam was... Adam is everything that Harry isn't. I was with Harry went Adam and I met, and that terrified me.I'd thought Harry was it for me. But... the things Adam said to me, they got under my skin. They started colouring the way I saw Harry. Things started to go downhill and eventually we broke up," Kyle said, omitting the domestic abuse parts, an and the bit about through death of his friend. "So, no, Adam and I weren't inevitable. Not right at the start at least."
"That night meaning something and you meaning something are different. Not saying it wasn't for you or about you, but you follow right? People get tattoos for two reasons, something means something to them at the time or they're drunk and stupid." Chase shrugged. "Just depends on which one it is for him. Chase tried not to chuckle though at Kyle not thinking he and Adam were inevitable. "You broke up with your boyfriend for him. Or what he made you feel at least. You don't think you would have gone looking for him if you hadn't wound up in a weird hotel together?"
"I get what you're saying, but I'm pretty sure we were talking about me. I said something about just being some random guy who shouldn't have meant anything. He was being all pissed that I walked out and never came back. Then there was this tattoo he was showing me. We didn't really talk about it after that all that much. Everything was getting pretty intense and I kind of shut him down for a while. My boyfriend had thrown me out, I'd spent the night sleeping on the streets. I'd woken up in some strange hotel and then, suddenly, there was Adam." Kyle quirked a crooked smile. "My own white knight. Rescuing me from day one. Even when I didn't realise that I needed rescuing. I don't know if I would have gone looking for him. I never got to have to figure that out. He was just... there. The original intention was to take things slow. Give me time to deal with the fallout from Harry. Give him time to... He's never really... been into guys before. So - adjustment and all. So, we were going to take things slow and then... That kinda sorta didn't at all really happen that way."
"Maybe you should talk about it. If things are getting intense." Chase frowned more though as Kyle went on, tilting his head slightly. "Your boyfriend threw you out and you had nowhere to go? You did need a knight." Damn, that was intense, though it wasn't really the first time he'd heard that story either. He didn't exactly hang out with a classy crowd. "You bagged a straight one huh? Well done." Chase paused for a moment and shrugged. "Guess it depends on how you feel about sex. I know a lot of people that don't see it as an intense sort of thing. I have a hard time taking it seriously." Especially considering he'd done it on camera.
"We do talk about it. We talk a lot, actually. Or, well, I talk and he calms me down," Kyle explained, sitting on a bench that looked like it had been roughly hewn from a fallen tree. The sun was doing wonders for drying out his shirt, and he was beginning to feel a little more comfortable. "I worry a lot. He's fine with going with the flow. Well, unless he ever gets an opportunity of getting his hands on Harry. Then I figure that I'm going to have to move quick to make sure he doesn't flow in the wrong direction. He's..." Kyle laughed a little, ducking his head. "A white knight in more than one sense of the word. When he found out Harry had kicked me out, he offered me a place to stay, no strings. I wasn't that I needed him, exactly - I mean... I did have somewhere to go. I just would have had to swallow my pride to go back to my parents. They never liked Harry either. But, as it was, we were stuck in the hotel, so it didn't matter." Kyle leaned back, resting his hands behind him and tossing his hair thoughtlessly off his face as he let the sun beat down on him. He held the position, eyes closed, for a moment, before he looked at Chase again. "I guess... I wouldn't say I take sex that seriously, but I've never really enjoyed sleeping around. Not that - I mean... I'm not judging or anything! If you want to..." The moment that the memory hit Kyle was obvious. His eyes widened to almost comic proportions and his face turned scarlet. His mouth dropped open and he appeared to have lost the ability to breath. Belatedly, he looked away, as if Chase was suddenly going to lose all his clothing, just because Kyle recalled a fairly frantic night watching something with a lot of skin and more bad acting that he knew for a fact starred the man in front of him having all sorts of things done to him and doing all sorts of things to other men.
"He sounds like a great guy," Chase said. Too good to be true, but he didn't say that as he took in the sight of Kyle just relaxing. He didn't blame Adam that was for sure. There was something to be said for the man in front of him and if he hadn't just professed about how into the man he was dating he was, Chase might have made a move to join him on the bench, but then he was going on about sex and hit that point of realization that Chase knew all too well. For a moment Chase was quiet, weighing his options but he opted to push forward. "It's not really sleeping around if you're getting paid to let someone tape it."
Well, didn't that just confirm it? Kyle had no idea where to look, or what to say. "No - it's - that's different," he managed to get out.
Chase wound up sitting with him, but not too close. "It pays the bills. It's nice to actually not worry about money." He looked at his hands, elbows on his knees. "It's weird, but...well no I don't have a good excuse. It's weird. Sorry. Not a lot of people recognize me."
"Which probably says more about me than it does about you," Kyle said, wanting the ground to open up and swallow him right now.
Chase looked at Kyle and laughed, shaking his head. "Why because you've seen porn? I think you're fine. Because you've seen some doesn't really give me any reason to judge you. I've seen some. Shit, I've seen a lot. I just don't hang out with a lot of guys who are into that so they wouldn't have seen it."
Kyle knew he was still blushing up a storm, but he almost met Chase's eyes. "I just... It's a little strange," he admitted. Weird. It was weird. He knew what this guy looked like naked. Hell, he knew what he looked like when he came. There was no avoiding it. This was weird.
Chase didn't mind the blush. It made Kyle look all that much more adorable. He chuckled again and nodded. "Never said it wasn't strange. Totally strange. Doesn't leave much to your imagination either." Which might have been another reason why he didn't date much. People had seen the video. They knew everything.
"Erm, no. Not much. No." Kyle squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, gathering himself, then schooled his expression, forced the blush down and looked at Chase. "Anyway. Everyone has unique life experiences," he offered, seeming far more collected. "It does have to bother me, if it doesn't bother you."
"I have a whole host of unique life situations to speak to," Chase confirmed, but his head tilted to the side as Kyle just made all of it go away. "You need to teach me that trick."
"It takes a lifetime to learn," Kyle said, knowing exactly what the other man was talking about. "Where I come from, it's not exactly acceptable to show any kind of weakness, or that you're fazed by experiences."
Chase nodded knowingly. "Where I come from it's not okay to be different. It's not okay to do anything that someone else might think is wrong or against God's will." And if he'd been able to hide who he was and what he was thinking better he might still have had a home there. "Sounds like they both suck."
"Where I come from, it's okay to be different. As long as you're different in the right way. You had to learn to play the game. There wasn't even an 'or else', there simply wasn't an alternative. So, I learned round lock it all away. Never had to deal with God's will, or being considered some kind of an abomination though, so I always figured I got a pretty good deal."
"You're still hiding who you are if you're locking it away," Chase pointed out before looking at his hands again. "God's will gets you thrown out of the house and left on your own with just about nothing. And means the one person you thought would never leave you goes back to lying about who he is." Chase let out a sigh and shook his head. "It's better now." And it was. He wasn't lying, he wasn't starving, he just wasn't doing what anyone else would think was a good thing.
"That's why I never held God in that much esteem," Kyle told him. "Sometimes I might choose what parts of me I show people. Present a socially polite and correct face. But until I got here, I had never lied about who I was. I'm sorry for what you went through. It should never be like that."
Chase leaned back, hands behind his head, closing his eyes this time. "I survived it. I've moved on. Now there's people like you out there that I can't hide anything from."
Kyle looked at him this time. It was easier when the look wasn't returned. Still, he felt that guilty feeling in the pit of his stomach, because he recalled why this guy had appealed to him in his movies. He was attractive, compelling, even. If Kyle hadn't had Adam, and if he hadn't been so mortified at the whole situation, then maybe. But... No. "Do you regret it?" he asked.
Chase opened one eye, looking at Kyle. "The movies? No. It was more money than I could make dancing and bartending," he said with a shrug then went back to closing his eyes. "And it's not like it wasn't fun."
Kyle opened his mouth to speak, but realised that he had no idea what to say to that. He felt like such a prude, since the other man clearly didn’t have a problem with any of this. It was different to Kyle though. Sure, sex was fun, but he had also cottoned on really quickly that, for him, there was an emotional connection. It was another expression of how he felt about someone. Without that connection, it just left him feeling cheap and dirty.
When Kyle went silent Chase opened one eye again and looked at him. “You don’t agree? It’s not fun for you too?” he ventured, wondering if that was that case. That was a shame. It was supposed to be fun. What else would it be?
“Oh!” Kyle exclaimed, realising how his silence had been interpreted. “Oh, no - it’s fun. It’s good. I, just… Couldn’t imagine doing that with a bunch of strangers.” Kyle coloured as he realised what he’d just said. Too late to take it back now though, so he plowed on. “For so many reasons, really. That’s just not my thing.”
“Well it’s not usually a bunch,” Chase said. Except once. There’d been more than one guy, but only two. “And they aren’t strangers, they’re co-workers. So it’s a little different.” He was quiet for a moment, looking at Kyle, taking him in and wondering if he could trust him. “I don’t really know another way.”
“Another way?” Kyle asked, his brow wrinkling into a light frown as he wondered what the other an meant by that.
Chase shrugged. “I don’t really date. Haven’t been on a date in ages. This way, it’s fun and doesn’t seem to have any terrible consequences.”
Tilting his head to one side, Kyle couldn’t help but ask, “Dates have terrible consequences?”
“Dates lead to connections. And connections wind up with consequences.” Chase let out a sigh and this time he wasn’t watching Kyle. He couldn’t. “I’m glad it worked out for you.”
Kyle turned to Chase, so he was sitting side on, facing the other man. “Firstly, consequences can be good as well as bad,” he said, for the first time in the last few minutes feeling more like he was back on stable ground. Maybe it was the subtle power shift. “I’m not saying you’re doing it wrong or anything, but I kinda feel like maybe you’re writing off this whole part of your life, just because you’re afraid of possibly what might happen. “Secondly - what do you mean? About it working out for me?”
Chase raised an eyebrow at the change in conversation, the way the other man took it over. “I’m guarded. I spend a lot of time with bad people,” he explained, shaking his head. “Being with someone. You have the dream come true, the hot straight guy who actually does like guys? That doesn’t usually happen. You’re lucky.” That wasn’t the case with him at least. He’d gotten thrown out of his house for that. For someone who wanted him and then suddenly didn’t.
“It’s been less than a week. Four whole days - if you count today. I think it’s too early to be offering me congratulations on finding my dream come true,” Kyle pointed out, sounding amused. His tone was echoed by the impish smile on his face. He held back from pointing out that he’d been with Harry for two years, and that had ended in raised voices and raised bruises and with Kyle being unceremoniously ejected from his own apartment. He doubted that would really help things on the ‘give relationships a chance’ front.
“It’s been months if what you say about meeting him is true,” Chase pointed out with a smile. “You got under his skin too remember? On his skin.” And part of Chase was jealous. He wanted that even though he knew better. Stippers and mobsters. Not the best to get involved with.
“That time doesn’t count,” Kyle said. “I didn’t really know Adam then. We’d had two conversations, both for less than an hour. It’s easy for a guy to be your dream guy when he’s actually just that - a formation of your imagination. The reality can be very different. For both of us.”
“Is it really all that different? Now that you know more?” Chase asked, curious if Adam had lived up to Kyle’s dream of him.
Kyle gave that a moment’s thought before replying. “He’s a real person. He’s not a dream. He’s not just an idea. He’s there. Which means that I have to deal with the fact that he’s not perfect, but it also means that I get more than my mind can dream up as well. So, yeah, it’s different. It always will be.”
“So he’s better than the dream,” Chase concluded with a smile. “You should tell him sometime. Because more than your mind can dream up sounds pretty damn amazing.”
Kyle’s eyes narrowed a little and he smiled, curiously. “You really like to spin things to the positive, don’t you?” he asked, since the other man had seemed to take what he said and only retained the good bits. Not that Kyle was complaining, it just seemed to be who this guy was. It was just as with when they had begun talking and he had been determined that Kyle and Adam’s romance had to be some kind of fairy story.
“Everyone deserves to be happy and to be loved. So yes, maybe I do. I like to see people be happy even if they need help.” Chase just smiled with it, even if he wasn’t good at expecting the same for himself.
Kyle arched a brow. “You like to see people happy and loved? Maybe you should look in the mirror - want to see that for yourself. Loved, I mean.” He may already be happy, after all.
Chase ducked his head, not looking at Kyle and letting his hair fall in his face. He wouldn’t hold it where it was in this kind of place. “I do fine. I’m sure it’ll happen some day.” Not that he was doing a ton towards it, but he wanted it. He wanted that for himself too, he would just have to learn to trust it if it came.
Kyle looked at the blanket of hair. This guy really wasn’t what he expected from a porn star. Though, actually, he’d never stopped to think what he would expect a porn star’s personality to be like. “What’s your name? Your actual name, I mean.” He doubted it was whatever he was listed as in his movies - not that Kyle had ever paid attention to that either.
Chase smiled and looked over at Kyle, holding out a hand to shake. “Elliot, but everyone calls me Chase. You?” Kyle was right in his thinking, his name wasn’t the one listed on the movie bylines, but it was fine.
Kyle shook the hand, the firm grip of someone who had once upon a time been taken aside and taught the importance of a proper handshake, including what was too hard and what was limp wristed and how one’s sexuality had nothing to do with the quality of one’s handshake. “Elliot’s a nice name - but Chase. I’m Kyle.”
Chase was impressed by the handshake, something he returned in kind. He wasn’t the sort of fake his way through one either, having picked up a thing or two from at least watching the mob bosses do business. “Elliot’s alright. I’ve been Chase for a while. Only my parents called me Elliot.” And he didn’t care for them much. “It’s nice to meet you Kyle.”
Kyle inclined his head as he noted the ‘don’t call me Elliot’ line. Pity, it was a nice name, but he respected people’s choices. “Likewise, Chase. I’m sorry if I overstepped.”
“Overstepped? Where would you have overstepped?” Chase asked, raising one eyebrow. He would have remembered that point would he? He was usually pretty sensitive to that much.
“Talking about love,” Kyle supplied. “I didn’t mean to try and tell you how to run your life or anything.”
Chase pushed his hair out of his eyes and smiled at Kyle, watching his eyes. “It’s okay. Not everyone gets to meet a guy like you.”
Kyle looked thrown and confused for a second. “What… A guy who doesn’t have a clear idea of personal boundaries?”
Chase shook his head. “No. Someone handsome, well brought up, and confident. And who talks about a guy he’s sleeping with the way you talk about Adam.” He leaned back, closing his eyes again. “Your boyfriend’s lucky.”
Kyle blinked, thrown. He could accept the compliments - they weren’t anything he hadn’t heard before. He was more thrown by the fact that he’d apparently been gushing about Adam even though he didn’t think he had been. He had been talking openly about his relationship, but he didn’t think that he’d been talking in a way that warranted that description. That was worrying. Seemingly he couldn’t help but be obvious. This whole being closeted shit was harder than he’d expected. He’d never had to hide before and apparently, he sucked at it. “Thank you,” he said, a little belatedly.
Chase opened his eyes when there was another pause, looking back at Kyle again. “Did I overstep now?”
“No,” Kyle said, shaking his head. “I just - I have no idea how to do this. To be here and pretend. I’m just, apparently, obvious. You, telling me how I talk about him. Kennedy, telling me how I look at him. I don’t know how to not be who I am.”
“You’re in love. It happens. It shows.” He frowned a touch, making a face. “Who’s Kennedy? And what did he say about how you look at Adam?”
“I’m not in love,” Kyle denied, a reflex action. It had been days. There was no way he could be in love. He still hadn’t sorted out his head after Harry. He couldn’t be in love with Adam. He couldn’t. The fallout could be a disaster. He tried to shake off the sick feeling in his stomach, the rising panic. “I… Kennedy - she’s… She likes Adam as well.” Kyle’s face clearly darkened at that. “It was last night - at the banquet. I thought that I was just watching out for my knight. You know, as a squire and all. Making sure that he didn’t need anything. She completely called me on staring at him. Basically saw right through me.”
Kyle said it too fast. Fast enough that Chase smiled knowingly. “Sure you aren’t.” That much was obvious for sure. “Kennedy is a she. And boyfriend still likes girls so she’s a threat,” he concluded nodding. “So she caught you. I’m almost certain you aren’t the only squire that stares longingly at his knight. And I don’t just mean me.”
Kyle scowled, taking offence at that knowing look. “You can wipe that expression off your face for starters,” he bit, the edge of his inner bitch coming out to play as his expression shifted to one far more haughty as he lifted his chin. “Kennedy’s a threat, because she wants my guy and because even though she’s been told to back off, she’s told me she’s still going to be gunning for him. Which - even if I think Adam will tell her to categorically fuck off means that she’s going to be putting him in a really awkward position. Which makes her a bitch. I don’t like her.” Which was pretty obvious given the way that by the end of his mini rant, Kyle was practically oozing dislike from his pores.
Chase held his hands up in surrender and let the knowing look drop. “I gather that you don’t like her,” he said. “So she’s still going to go after him, even if he tells her he’s not available. She say why?” That was something daring, though for Kyle’s sake Chase hoped she didn’t succeed.
“Because his opinion of his self worth is, like, zero and she thinks that he basically needs to ego boost,” Kyle said, rolling his eyes. “The ridiculous thing is that I can get behind her reasoning. Just not her tactics. Because he does need to learn that he’s so much more than how he sees himself. He seems to think that he’s only worth something in relation to the people he’s with. Like he’s some kind of add on to their existence, rather than having worth in his own right. He just doesn’t see what a sweet, charming, smart, funny, and god gorgeous guy he actually is.”
“But Kennedy sees that in him too.” Chase nodded and shrugged. “Give him a reason to get his ego boost from only you, you know? That seems like it’d be the easy way to do it. Either that or take her on and I can tell you girls like that, when they set their sights on what they want...they can be dangerous. I work with a couple of them.”
“I’m already working on that,” Kyle told him. “I just… I’m in this place between having faith in him, because I know what what we have is real, and we’ve talked about stuff. And… My own stupid insecurities, which have nothing to do with him at all. It’s like… I’ve already confronted her about things and told her to back off and all she said was that, if I was worried, then Adam and I must be really rocky. Which is totally not the point. That - that would be like me going after a straight guy. And I mean a properly straight guy. Like, even if I knew that he wasn’t interested, going after him anyway, because if he didn’t say no, that must mean that he was going to say yes if I just kept at it!”
Chase was quiet for a moment, nodding a little here and there with what Kyle was saying. “Do you think you have to be worried about Adam?” He held up a hand and shook his head guessing that Kyle wouldn’t like the question. “Just asking not accusing.”
“Honestly? Or listening to my inner insecurities?” Kyle asked him.
“Both. Just let me know which is which,” Chase clarified.
Kyle took a breath and let it out. “Okay. Honestly? No. I don’t have to be worried. Adam’s very clear about the fact that he wants me to be happy. Like far more than I think he reasonably should be, but still. And… We’ve talked about it. What we want from all this and how it’s exclusive? I don’t think he’d do that to me. I know that.” He paused, then continued. “But then… I thought I knew that with my ex, but that didn’t stop him from screwing every guy that caught his eye six ways from Sunday. And he always had an excuse, and he always had a reason, and he always told me that he loved me and how… God, I’m not even going to get into what he said. But Adam’s not Harry. In so many ways is Adam not Harry. So - those are my insecurities. Those are the reasons that I’m going to fight Kennedy every step of the damn way for Adam. Because I have to, but not because of him. Because of me.”
“Because of you huh?” Chase frowned a little and looked at Kyle. “Your boyfriend cheated on you and you knew about it?” he asked. “Why would he do that? Why would you stay?” That was something he didn’t understand. He’d given the advice to leave countless times. Again and again. No one ever really listened.
Weren’t those just the apt questions. “I have to stop forgiving Harry,” Kyle said, mostly to himself, under his breath. He had explained away Harry’s behaviour for so many years. That had to stop. He took a moment and steeled himself. It was clear that what Kyle had to say was hard for him. It was certainly a first. “Harry was controlling,” he admitted. “Harry came into my life and he swept me off my feet, but he never let me touch ground again. I - I don’t speak to my parents. Or my family. Or my friends. I lost contact with pretty much everyone I ever knew and if I look back on it all, Harry was right there at the centre of everything. By the time it first happened, he was all I had. I… I couldn’t cope with my life without him in it. He did everything for me. I tried to kick him out that first time, but… I hardly knew how to access my bank accounts anymore. All the bills were in his name, even though I was paying them. I… It was all a mess and on top of everything else, I just fell apart. Harry - he was good at knowing my weak spots. He was good at turning things round. Everything was my fault. Eventually it just became this thing. A part of him that I had to accept. Who he was. That I wasn’t enough for him. He tried… He kept saying that it was okay, that what he really wanted wasn’t to be with them. He wanted to be with me and them. That I was… some kind of prude to say no. That if I wouldn’t give him that, then I couldn’t deny him the rest.”
Chase listened, enrapt in the story, in what Kyle went through. It was probably one of the worst stories he’d heard. After a moment he reached out and squeezed Kyle’s arm, trying to be reassuring. “What rest? What were you denying him that justified that?” That was awful, that this guy had just used him, taken everything away from him and convinced Kyle that was okay.
“Allowing him to be with other guys,” Kyle said, feeling the shame of it all. He had been so fucking stupid, and he knew that now.
“That’s just wrong,” Chase said shaking his head. “Glad you found better. You’re lucky you found better and didn’t just spiral back.”
“I know,” Kyle said, with a small, almost private, smile. “Adam’s nothing like Harry.”
“Then I guess you do everything you have to hold on to him.” Chase smiled and squeezed Kyle’s arm again. “Let me know if I can help.”
Kyle arched a brow. “Help me find someone pretty and straight to throw at Kennedy?” he suggested, only half joking. He squeezed Chase’s hand in return. “Appreciated, but it’s just shit I have to deal with. Work my way through.” Which was why he just couldn’t be in love with Adam right now. His head was too screwed up to be able to make judgement calls and huge, possibly life-altering decisions. His heart just had to understand that.
“I currently only have pretty and gay, but I will be on the look out,” Chase offered. “Well if you want to talk about it, any of it, you come and find me. I’m good for that.”
Kyle thought about things, then looked at Chase, his eyes narrowed. “What about your knight? Assuming he’s not interested in you because he doesn’t swing our way, and not because he’s, say, blind...”
“Does that mean I have to share him?” Chase said pouting a little bit. “And did you just call me good looking?” He shrugged, then weighed the idea back and forth. “We could consider that. I can at least point her out and see what he thinks.”
“Is he yours in the first place? I mean, if he is - or could be, then… Feel free to turn the suggestion down. I mean, I’m sure you’ll get that I’m the last person to suggest anything like that. But… If not then - she’s not… I don’t like her as a person, but she’s pretty. And, yes, so are you,” he allowed. “Which I’m pretty sure you already knew.”
“He’s not. I mean I would like him to be, because damn, but no.” Chase let out a sad sigh but it was a little overacted. He knew he didn’t have a chance with Justin, but it was a nice little fantasy to have. “I’ve heard it. I don’t think much of it I guess. It’s nice to hear it.”
Kyle twitched a smirk. “So, I take it your knight is a hottie then? I mean, I assumed as much from what you said earlier, but…” he trailed off, his blue eyes flashing in a way that stated quite clearly that he wanted Chase to spill.
Chase chuckled and nodded. “Gorgeous. Dark hair, dark eyes, fit. He lives on a boat for god’s sake. He’s like a character in a Nicholas Sparks novel. So if she likes classically handsome he’s all hers.”
“Come on - everyone can appreciate classically handsome, right?” Kyle suggested, definitely wanting that to be true right now. Then Kennedy could go off and do her thing in a different direction and he and Adam could just concentrate and figuring themselves out. “I would so owe you one. Maybe… We could wander round and I could see if I can point out Kennedy to you?” he suggested.
“Everyone does,” Chase agreed before getting up and nodding for Kyle to follow. “Come on. Let’s see if we can find her and then I can point her out to him later. I’m sure he’d appreciate it.”
Kyle stood, feeling better, yet at the same time exponentially worse. He knew that he was being underhand. Playing tactics when what he should be doing is allowing it all to just roll off his back and trusting his boyfriend. He did trust, but he couldn’t just leave it. This was how he was. This was who he was. So, he started them walking. “She’s tiny - about so high. Dark hair. Cute, like adorable cute. Like a doll.”
“Like a doll? Huh. I wish I knew more about his type then. But I can work with that at least. It wouldn’t be the first match I’ve made.” And probably not the last either. That was just what Chase did.
Kyle looked across at that. “Really? You’re way ahead of me then. I’ve always been god-awful at that kind of thing. I can never work out who would get on or anything.”
“Remember? I’m the romantic. It’s something to do with myself.” Chase shrugged. “It takes listening really. Getting to know people some.”
“Then it’s a talent I don’t have. I’ve never really been that good at listening and getting to know people,” Kyle admitted. “I… When I get to know people, it’s because I see them. I look at them and I can see what’s really there. It’s not words, or conversation, I just… They become a vision in my mind.” Which probably sounded strange to someone who wasn’t actually living in Kyle’s head, but it was clear he was passionate about his belief in that.
Chase considered that then asked the inevitable question. “What do you see with me then?”
Kyle stopped, then stepped back and away from Chase. Leaning back a little, onto his back foot, he looked at the other man with some intensity. Cocking his head to the side, he tried to imagine a pairing for him. It wasn’t his normal way - he rarely tried to imprint a significant other onto someone else. But since he’d been asked, “Dark hair,” he said, eventually. “Very slightly taller, but not enough to really make a difference. Broader than you though, with a softer jawline. Cropped hair, maybe a ghosting of stubble. He stands behind you, with his arms around your waist. Resting his head on your shoulder. Casual, natural. No need for great declarations or magnificent gestures. You just are, and that’s enough for both of you. The world can take you as they find you.”
Chase opened his mouth then didn’t have an answer for that and just sort of stood there slack jawed. That sure as hell wasn’t a bad image. “Alright, you win that’s gorgeous.” He liked that idea an awful lot. It was a shame that he didn’t have that. Couldn’t have that.
Kyle laughed a little. “Sorry - I just… I could imagine you on a mountain top as a Buddhist monk, or swimming at the bottom of the ocean. You wanted me to imagine you with someone else - of course it would be beautiful… Fantasies always are, or else they’re really not doing their job.”
Chase gave Kyle a little look. “Starting to think you just like imaging me. Shirtless...your memory must be good.” He smirked more then started towards the other man being sure to graze his hand along Kyle’s chest as he passed, turning them back towards where they were headed.
Kyle blushed scarlet. “That’s… I… That’s…” He flailed for a moment, then gathered himself, pulling his body up to full height. “Yes - I have a very good memory.” He looked Chase up and down, and then down. “And not just your chest.” Ha - if Chase was going to pull that shit, then Kyle could throw it right back in his face. Kyle grinned, almost smuggly. Which spoiled the effect, somewhat.
Chase looked nothing but impressed, reaching for Kyle’s shirt to pull him closer, wrapping his arm around Kyle’s shoulder. “So you enjoyed it. That might be part of what made you blush so much. Good. Glad to hear it...does what it should.”
Kyle screwed his face up and pushed Chase away, though playfully, due to the fact his move really hadn’t worked the way it had been intended to. “I’m twenty years old! It really doesn’t take all that much for it to work the way it’s intended to!” he protested.
Chase laughed and pushed back. “Good. Well you know I know everything if you want a few pointers for lover boy there.” He grinned some, surprised at how much he was enjoying himself. He hadn’t had a friend or a person in his life like Kyle. It really was a shame that Kyle was with Adam because trying to bed him wouldn’t be a terrible idea even if that wasn’t his style.
Kyle’s eyes widened as he did a fabulous impression of a fish, flapping mouth and all. “No. No - that’s not needed! I… Am perfectly capable… No complaints… I can… Not that it’s any of your… It’s… I… It’s all good. Really. Thanks, but… No.”
Chase pouted again, though obviously teasing because he couldn’t help half laughing at Kyle’s reaction. “Bummer. Might have been fun. But if you’ve got it under control then you’ve got it.” He wasn’t usually so forward, but it wasn’t like he had an intention of following through on the words. Unless Kyle really did have questions, then Chase might explain things or describe things. But the rest was just talk.
Kyle caught on to the teasing, and that gave him a little more certainty. “It’s under control,” he said, finding his voice again. He flashed the other man an angelic smile, edged with something wicked flashing in his crystal blue eyes. “Doubt there would be anything you could teach me, anyway.”
Chase just grinned at that look, laughing again. “Oh really? Not a thing? Tell me then...craziest thing you’ve done.”
Kyle froze, his face melting into a blank mask as his walls slammed up. “No,” he said, his tone as blank as his expression. “Just - no. Remember - I had a boyfriend whose hobby was trying to talk me into threesomes. No.”
Chase stopped himself, smile falling away as Kyle changed completely. He hesitated for a moment then touched Kyle’s arm, giving him the chance to come closer if he wanted, but he didn’t want to hug him without permission. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”
Kyle stayed back, bringing his arms up to hug himself. “You didn’t know,” he said, his voice still hollow. Nobody knows. “Just… Can we change the subject please.”
Chase nodded, rubbing Kyle’s arm for a moment. “Of course we can,” he said with a smile that didn’t go to his eyes. trying to be positive. “What do you want to talk about? Your art?”
“Not really,” Kyle told him. He couldn’t face yet another person deciding he had made a wrong decision in his life. “ He searched for a neutral subject. “Are you planning on going to tonight’s banquet?” he asked, his eyes scanning the crowds for Kennedy.
Chase went with the question, nodding along. “Provided Justin doesn’t need a transplant or something, then yeah, I’ll be there. Seems like the place to be right?”
“I guess so,” Kyle agreed, trying not to dwell on the idea that knights could and probably would get hurt. He looked around, then spotted Kennedy through the crowds, talking to a dark haired man he didn’t recognise. “Over there. That’s her. Kennedy,” he said, pointing.
Chase looked where Kyle pointed and tilted his head. “And the one she has wouldn’t be distracting enough?” he asked. Why did he want to keep Justin to himself so badly? Maybe because Justin didn’t seem to judge him much. Whatever it was it was a little rude wasn’t it? He needed to stop.
Kyle tilted his head to the side a little. “Maybe she doesn’t need a push toward your guy,” he said, consideringly. “Though… at the risk of sounding really bitchy, she doesn’t strike me as the type that would be happy with just the one.”
Chase laughed a little and nodded. “She wouldn’t be the first,” he said with a shrug. “So we introduce Justin to her as well and see where things go from there right? Hopefully she has enough to keep her hands full and then maybe she leaves your man alone.”
“That’s the general idea, though… This might actually work better if I could get, say you to introduce Justin to her,” Kyle said, trying to smile winningly at Chase. He pulled a face. “I know it’s a big ask from someone you only just met, but… If I do it, she’ll see right through me. You’ve seen me - I can’t hide this kind of thing! Please…?”
Chase chuckled again and nodded, patting Kyle’s back. “I’ve got it under control. I do this plenty. Should be able to manage something tonight. Don’t worry about it.”
“You’re amazing,” Kyle told him with a wide grin. “I won’t forget this - I really owe you.” Kyle took that kind of thing seriously. He was already thinking of possible ways to thank Chase for something like this. It would have to be something big, dramatic, mind blowing. He couldn’t wait.
Chase shook his head. "It's not a big deal. You only owe me if I get sexiled from my bed." He grinned a little and patted Kyle's shoulder.
Kyle laughed at that. “That’s a given,” he said with a chuckle. He’d still be looking to do something for Chase as his own way of paying the other man back. Someone not wanting anything had never stopped him in the past, after all.
"Good. Maybe I'll come crash your tent. I can meet your famous Adam." Chase smiled a little and nodded back towards the tournament. "I should check on my knight."
“You can meet Adam anyhow. We’ll both be at the banquet tonight,” Kyle told him. “Go, check on your knight. I should get back to the blacksmith anyhow.”
"I'll see you there then. Nice to meet you Kyle," he said with a smile before he started off, waving over his shoulder.