Complicated
Who: Lindsey and Christer Where: Around the encampment When: Afternoon
Lindsey had done her due diligence. She hoped. She’d done inventory and sharpened blades and oiled saddles and all sorts of thing she’d never thought she’d ever have to do in her lifetime. Every bit of it had been interesting thing and she wasn’t unhappy to have done it. Finn was adorable and so was Norman and so nothing felt unpalatable. Still there were nagging parts of her that wondered where Caleb was. After her last run-in with him when she’d kinda had a meltdown she felt terrible. And where was Christer? She couldn’t picture him in this setting but the fact that people who had been in the hotel before were here now? She kind of held out some hope. So she’d taken herself sightseeing once she’d finished her squirely duties as far as she knew. Plus she kind of was going to a big banquet. She needed to try on clothes. That last bit was her excuse for being out there to find Christer and she made the most of it. Trying on lavish gowns that made her look much older than she was.
Christer had woken up in the stables. It was weird, but almost soothing. At least the animals were familiar and the outdoors were familiar. That was about where it ended though. Everything was from a different time, even his clothes and it took Christer some time to adjust. There'd been work to do though which honestly had helped and after a few hours he was more focused on that than anything else.
He was just coming back from a delivery, taking in the bustle of the tournament grounds, the people, and the unique smells and sounds, when he spotted her. Lindsey was his first thought, but her being there didn't quite make sense, unless everyone from the hotel was there. And then, this girl had to be older. She looked older. Christer didn't even realize he'd stopped walking and was staring a little.
Lindsey was definitely sidetracked from looking for Christer by the stall of beautiful dresses. The woman who ran it said it was a little unusual for girls of her standing to try on dresses and even watched her like a hawk as she did so, but Lindsey didn't care. She'd found a lovely corseted dress in a cornflower blue that made her hair seem even redder than it was and her skin even paler. Because she hadn't done anything particularly untoward, the dressmaker's daughter had helped her pin her hair up and she was busy looking at herself in a large, strangely warped mirror when she thought she saw someone staring in her reflection. She turned around and grinned. "Christer!" she called out happily. "I'm so glad you're here." She was given a severe look for the impropriety of a woman calling out to a man in public but she didn't care.
Christer glanced up from staring at the dressed, surprised to see her there and it really being her. “Lindsey,” he said, confused stepping towards her, waving off the dressmaker and looking her over. “I barely recognized you. I’m glad you’re here too I suppose. Though I’m not sure where here is.”
Lindsey was very tempted to hug him because she was so happy to see him but she kept herself to herself, not entirely sure if he'd be okay with it at this point. She giggled a little at the expression on the dressmaker's face. "It's me. I'm not sure where here is either but apparently I am a squire to a real knight who will be in the tournament. Sir Finnegan. And he says there's going to be a banquet tonight and that the other squire, Norman, and I can go." She was almost as excited about that as she was to see Christer. Almost. "What have you been doing?" She pressed her hands down along the skirt of the dress, her pinned up curls bobbing some as she fidgeted happily.
She really was gorgeous wasn’t she? That hadn’t hit him before, but like this she was like a direct ray of sunshine rather than her usual radiant self. He was having a hard time not staring at her, but he somehow managed. “You’re being safe though yes?” He’d seen the real knights. They were dangerous. “Working with animals and keeping busy. I thought I was on my own.” And while others might have panicked he just adapted.
Lindsey nodded at his question. "Very. I always stay where there are other women. I figure if they're feeling safe, I can too. Well, except when I was working earlier. Then it was just me and Norman but he's from the hotel too. He was really nice and made sure the knight didn’t think I was too worthless." She smiled at the thought of him working with animals. She bit her lip, eyes alone smiling, as she pictured him holding a fuzzy baby animal of some sort because it was so cute. "That almost sounds like you were sort of in your element with the animals and all," she commented, fingering pale blue ribbons that were woven into the lace at her wrists.
“I was thinking more with the swords and such being tossed around,” Christer said with a smile but nodded nonetheless. “Just so long as you’re being careful. You look radiant.” Had he said that already? He felt like he hadn’t, but she was making him forget those sort of things. There was a reason why she was distracting. “I’ve felt that way. Though it was more that they needed me to work and that seemed easier to tackle than the where and why.”
"Oh, the swords, right. I'm very careful. Holy hell am I careful with those," she said, her expression super serious as she said it though when he complimented her, she simply beamed at him, her cheeks flushing slightly. She looked down at the dress. "I think it's just the dress. It's so beautiful. I'd love to just walk around wearing it." She really wanted to hug him now but she stayed put. "That's so good of you," she said, looking up at him again. "To, you know, meet the need even though you really didn't have to." Lindsey admired him for that.
"It's more than just the dress." Christer was sure of it. "You should get it." Of course then everyone would notice her but that was the point wasn't it? He couldn't try and keep her just because he wanted to. "I figured there had to be some purpose to us being here. So I went with it."
Lindsey looked down at the dress again and tried to find a price tag. "I don't really have money here, I don't think. I mean I got a wage but I don't know what it's worth. I'm sure I'll just be wearing what's it called… livery? to the banquet. But a girl can dream, right?" she asked, thinking suddenly that it applied to him too. She shrugged. "It's noble of you, that's what it is," she insisted and smiled a little.
Christer nodded a little. “If you’re serving a knight you might have to,” he said with a shrug about what she might have to wear. “Shame though.” He was going to have a hard time getting that image out of his head. “I suppose it is. I hadn’t thought of it that way.”
Lindsey's eyes lit up as an idea came to her. "I could pull a Cinderella and show up in the dress anyway. Oh, no," she said and then her eyes shifted upward. "This hair. Everyone would know. There are no redheads here at all." She laughed and looked at herself in the mirror one last time. "Suppose I should give up the dream and move on," she said in a quiet yet upbeat tone. "Want some company wherever you were going?" she asked and started undoing the dress, her livery plainly visible beneath as she did.
“Maybe at some point you’ll have another chance to wear it or something like it,” Christer said, already wondering if it was selfish of him to buy it for her. He didn’t want to buy it for her, he wanted to see her in it. “I’d love the company,” he told her though he turned away when she started to change her outfit, not wanting to seem like he was staring or anything of the sort, even if staring at tempting and there wasn’t anything he shouldn’t see in the way she was dressed.
Lindsey was kind of amused that Christer turned away but it was nice to know he had that kind of sensibility. "I wonder how long we'll be here. Maybe I'll be invited to a royal ball and get to wear the dress. Can you imagine? This is like roleplaying or something. It's kind of fun." She carefully replaced the dress on the wooden dress form and then gave Christer's sleeve a little tug. "Where to, good sir?" she asked.
“I’m sure there’s some handsome prince or knight who would be interested.” And the thought made him jealous, but he wouldn’t want to get in the way of her having a wonderful time. He looked up again when she tugged out his sleeve, holding his arm out to her. “I was headed back to the stables.”
Lindsey giggled at Christer. "I don't think lowly little squires who stand out like sore thumbs catch the interest of princes or knights. Not in a positive way anyway. That only happens in fairytales." But perhaps a really great stable hand... She slid her arm through his and resisted the urge to stand too close as she usually tended to do without even thinking about it. "Oh fun. I'd love to see the horses."
"What about you that makes you stand out is what would catch their attention," Christer assured her. It was what caught his. He liked her arm in his, probably too much. "We shall head that way then," he told her with a smile. Putting space between them had helped for the evening, but th feelings and thoughts weren't gone. Not yet.
"I've been getting looks like maybe I'm the devil walking through this place," she said with a laugh. "I don't think that's going to get me positive attention higher up the food chain but thank you for saying that." She smiled at him, leaning her head briefly against his arm out of appreciation. Lindsey had decided last night, after her meltdown with Caleb that she wasn't going to try so hard to be anything other than herself. It was exhausting being on all the time and it caused problems. She was going to just be in the moment and see what happened. Which meant she could be quiet and she was as they walked. Instead of searching for ways to make conversation, she was simply enjoying being with Christer and looking around at the scenery too.
While he could be comfortable in the silence, he knew it wasn't entirely like her and after a few steps he glanced at her. "Are you alright? You're as quiet as me today."
Lindsey turned her face toward him and nodded, smiling sunnily. "I'm good. Just kind of taking it all in, you know? Sort of turning over a new leaf of a kind too, I guess." That he cared enough to notice a change in her was sort of energizing to Lindsey though. Unfortunately for him, it only served to make her like him more.
"Tell me about your new leaf," Christer said. He felt reassured by her smile but he was curious what had changed overnight for her. Well, besides waking up in another new place.
Lindsey bit her lower lip thoughtfully, trying to figure out how to word things. "I guess it's more about being who I am and not working so hard at being the thing that makes everything in a situation keep moving forward. If that makes sense."
Christer contemplated the words and nodded. "Did you feel pressured to do that with me?" He asked, wondering if he'd done that to her or if she meant just in general.
Lindsey shook her head. "I've pressured myself for years to do that with everyone. It was always fine because there weren't a lot of people. But being in that hotel..." She sighed, trying not to think about her meltdown with Caleb yet again.
Christer nodded. "I'm sorry if I caused you any stress. That wasn't my goal." He squeezed her hand that was on his arm lightly.
Lindsey shook her head again, this time her red curls bounced a little. "No, you didn't," she reassured him. Well, not until you left because I'm me. She smiled at his squeezing her hand, unconsciously drifting closer to him as they walked. "You indulged my silly whims and told me about a lot of things I would never have known otherwise."
Instinctively he reached out for her curls when they bounced. "Did I? Like what?" He asked, knowing he shouldn't be indulging in touching her as much as he was but she did that to him.
Lindsey liked that he touched her hair but it made her wonder if he was going to leave again soon. She almost wished he wouldn't at the same time as wishing he'd keep doing it. "Like building a fort and telling me about the things you do at work. I really had a good time with you."
Christer pulled his hand away before he touched her even more. "I enjoyed being with you as well." At least until he'd realized he wanted to do more than just speak to her. Then he's been struggling with himself. That hadn't been her fault, just a downside of finding her company so enjoyable.
Lindsey chose to accept that response happily without adding to it the fact he'd just stopped touching her again and that he'd left for the reasons he'd left. Maybe if she concentrated on the good bits it could be just a really good memory. "Are you going to the banquet?" she asked to quickly change the topic.
"I believe it's expected of me. I don't see why I wouldn't attend." He smiled a little at her. "I'm sure I'll see you there." Though he was enjoying spending time with her now even if it was a simple walk. As they got closer to the stables he realized he didn't want it to end.
"I hope I see you at the banquet. I could introduce you to Norman and maybe Sir Finnegan." Lindsey could see the stables and smell them now. She looked over at Christer. "Want to make a hay bale fort?" she asked, her expression and tone clearly meaning she was making fun of herself and not seriously suggesting it.
"I'd like to meet them," he agreed. At her mention of the fort he smiled tilting his head a little. "We could if you really wanted to but it might smell."
Lindsey didn't know the protocol about approaching knights during banquets and maybe she wouldn't be allowed but that wouldn't disappoint her too much. She giggled. "I was only joking. And it already smells," she said, wrinkling her nose. "Besides, with the looks I keep getting, they'd all believe I had bewitched you into doing something so foolish for some evil purpose and burn me at the stake. I don't think I'd like that."
"No one would burn you. I wouldn't let them," Christer promised. "But we will save the forts for being back in your room." Assuming they wound up back there again.
"Thank you," she said though inwardly she was kind of thinking he'd have made a good knight for saying that and the mental image made her grin. She quirked a brow at him talking about being back in her room but didn't ay anything about it. "Nah, no more forts. I think I've graduated to tea parties," she teased.
Christer smirked slightly. "I do think my age is going to show as I try to keep up with your enthusiasm and ideas." He didn't sound put out by it though. Actually he sounded pleased at the concept.
Lindsey elbowed him and laughed, looking up at him. "First of all, stop talking like you're 80 years old. Jeez! And second? I was joking again. Though drinking tea and having a conversation together would be good. That I will say."
"I could keep up with tea and conversation." Though Christer was sure he would let her steer the conversation. He just wasn't usually chatty.
She went a little more serious then, studying the side of his face briefly. "You know, you track bears and stuff like that. Am I a more ferocious beasty or something to make you feel so old?"
Christer slowed, turning to look at her. "I wasn't chasing a bear but no. You're in no way ferocious. Just young and beautiful and full of life. I feel dull in comparison. I'm sure I'll bore you at some point and can't bear the thought."
And there it was. Another really great reason why always being on was not a great thing. People people who weren't thought she'd be bored with them. Holy hell this was a frustrating life lesson to go through right now but a helpful one at least. She stopped walking and slid her arm out of his so she could face him. "You're full of life, Christer. And stories and knowledge. You're not dull. You're just quieter about being alive than I am. We can't all be loudmouths. We'd annoy each other."
"I don't find you annoying," Christer assured her. "But I am pleased to hear that you don't find me dull." He wondered about that sometimes when he was with her. He'd done it when he left her too, during the times when he considered going back to her side.
"I'm glad to hear it. I think if you weren't you, you might." She felt like he balanced her out. Like if they were to be closer as friends he'd probably help her keep her feet on the ground. And maybe she could pull him out just a little. She wouldn't want to change him much though. Just the parts that second guessed himself. "Do you really think I'm beautiful?" she asked quietly.
He smiled and nodded. She was probably right. He was more tolerant than most. When she asked her question he nodded sagely. "You knew that, but yes. I do."
"I guess that's what I second guess. No one's ever really thought that. Or at least never said it. Oh, don't say it again or I'll get a big head or something." She laughed softly, feeling kind of small and delicate instead of loud, larger than life Lindsey. It was a nice feeling. "You're kind of wonderful, you know?"
"I'm sure I'm not the first. And I won't be the last," Christer assured her. He shook his head slightly at her compliment in return. "What did I do?"
"It still means something to me that you think so," she said, not wanting him to totally negate it like it was nothing. "Just you being you," she said with a sunny smile.
"It's be impossible not to," Christer promised, smiling himself and twirling one of her loose curls around his finger before tucking it behind her ear.
Lindsey bit her lower lip as her cheeks turned pink. She closed her eyes momentarily to keep herself from acting on the impulse to simply grab his shoulder and kiss him. "You know," she said after a second. "Unless you have something you need to be doing in the smelly stable, I'd really like to take a walk with you. To somewhere other than the smelly stable."
Her reaction was curious and he was watching her closely when she finally spoke. "We could do that," he said feeling like there was nothing else he'd rather do.
Lindsey wondered what else he must think of her considering the look on his face when she looked at him next. If he only knew the things she didn't say or do. "Oh good. Because I kind of didn't want to say goodbye yet."
He would have been curious to know them, but he didn't push when she didn't provide an explanation. Instead he just started them walking again. "I didn't want to either," he admitted.
Lindsey knew she could be dancing dangerously close to running him off again - he'd touched her hair twice now - so she mentally lectured herself to keep it all in check. "No?" she asked but she was smiling, glad he didn't. If she hadn't been worried he'd change his mind she would have been bold and taken his hand but she took his arm again instead. "Were there only horses to take care of?"
Christer was managing to keep his own desires in check which kept him with her. It was where he wanted to be after all. "No. A few mules as well and some falcons. There's a small aviary of birds that have obviously been taken from their native lands, as well as some local owls."
Lindsey giggled. "I pictured you with a fuzzy little sheep earlier. It was cute. A little disappointing there weren't any but falcons. Wow. That must have been amazing." She gave him a conspiratorial look. "What would happen if someone set them free?"
He shook his head. "No sheep as of yet. There might be some, somewhere." At her question of the falcons, Christer considered it before answering. "I think only half would really fly away. And half of those would probably not be cut out for life in the wild." That was the downfall of animals in captivity: nature was a beast.
Lindsey frowned at his answer about the falcons, too distracted by it to suggest finding sheep for him to hold and look cute with. "I thought maybe that might be the case. It's kind of the same thing as when people move and leave their cat behind. The poor thing doesn't leave but can't always take care of itself. There was one of those cats in one of the neighborhoods I lived in with one of my foster families. I used to feed it. But wouldn't it be nice if you could let them go and they'd be free? What do they use falcons for anyway?"
"It's often the case with domesticated animals. These seem mostly used for hunting, which means they're very specifically trained. They wouldn't know what to do otherwise." He nodded in agreement. "While I do appreciate having pets, sometimes it would be nice to seem them in their natural habitat. Not all animals are suitable as pets. At least most of these seem well cared for."
Lindsey listened to him because she knew he knew what he was talking about. She liked when he talked about things he knew well. "I just feel bad for birds kept in cages. They're so beautiful when they fly free." She wondered what it would be like to see a falcon hunting. Majestic, she imagined. "I've never had a pet but if I did it would be a kitten. They don't really have natural habitats do they?"
"I feel the same way for caged birds. They are very impressive in their element. And I can't imagine being able to fly but not having the option." He would feel stunted, as he had in his life more than once. Though he supposed his interests not aligning with his upbringing were the cause of that. "I think their natural habitat has become living rooms and apartments," he agreed with a smile. A kitten would fit her. Soft, cuddly, and full of energy.
Lindsey canted her head. "You've probably seen all kinds of birds in their natural environment when you were working, right?" she asked and wondered what it would look like if Christer were ever able to fly. Not literally, though that image came too and she almost giggled but he was talking so she managed to control herself. Still she grinned and nodded. "Living rooms and apartments. Maybe if we end up staying here long enough I'll adopt a kitten for my tent. Wait, do they have cats in this era?"
Christer nodded when she asked about seeing birds. They were abundant in the parks he'd worked in, more than the other animals which did their best to avoid humans. Birds seemed more content to get closer, just higher up in the trees. "They do. Different from ours, but there should be. There were cats in ancient Eygpt."
Lindsey looked up at the sky, wishing there were birds but not seeing any. Another time maybe she'd ask him about the birds he'd seen. "Right! Didn't they worship them or something? I think I remember that from Ancient Civ. Always loved that class."
"Revered them I think. Though ancient civilizations are not my strong suite." Christer watched her look at the sky, smiling at that himself. He liked when people realized the outdoors.
"You're probably right. You know about animals way more than I do," she said. She gave his arm a squeeze and smiled as she caught him looking at her.
He was slightly ashamed at being caught, but the smile helped and he let silence stretch between them, thinking about her and how he knew he was walking a dangerous line here. He wanted to spend more time with her, be around her constantly, but he also knew why he wanted to and doubted he was the right person to be doing that, giving her that kind of attention. And the more time he spent with her, the more he never wanted their time together to end. Conversely, he was very aware that he shouldn't feel that way and shouldn't want to be around her so much.
Lindsey allowed for the silence too, finding the time together whether talking or silent to be something she truly liked. It was so easy to be around Christer. He took her at face value and even seemed to genuinely like her. She glanced over at him and wondered what he was thinking though. "It's so interesting being here. Is that crazy of me to say? I mean, shouldn't I be unhappy someone keeps plucking me out of my life or whatever and putting me in different places? I'm just kind of fascinated."
Christer glanced at her when she spoke, letting himself get pulled from his thoughts. "It's an interesting experience to have," he agreed. "I suppose you could be unhappy. Or you could be fascinated. I'm not sure how I feel about it, but I doubt there is a right and wrong way. It just depends on your history I would think."
"My history?" Christer was surprised at the question, considering it. "I didn't turn out like expected. I was raised in a completely different world than the one I chose. So for this...I guess I just adjust. Wait to see what happens. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet."
"Can... can I ask what that means? A completely different world than the one you chose? I mean, you don't have to tell me." She stopped and made a motion that said she was zipping her lips though she couldn't help smiling because she felt a little silly.
Christer smiled at her, that small closed lipped smile that seemed to come out with her more than most people. "My mother, she had other plans. She wanted me to be like her. I wasn't."
Lindsey liked it when he smiled, it made her feel and smile back sunny. "I don't know your mother but I'm going to say that you not being like her is a good thing because I like you being like you."
She could kill him with that smile. It was enough to have him drifting closer to her as they walked, eyes on her instead of where he was going. "It wouldn't have been a bad thing to be like her either. She had good intentions. We were just different. She used to say it was because I was more like my father, but I wouldn't know. And I don't know if she knew either."
Lindsey's eyes went a little wide. "Oh, I hope you don't think I was saying anything bad about your mom because I really wasn't. Just. You know. I like you." Did she have to keep saying it? She was so going to run him off. She took a deep breath and decided to be quiet for a tiny while unless he asked her a question or something.
Christer reached for her fingers and squeezed them, hating that he liked when she said that she liked him. "It's okay. I didn't really think you were. Just wanted to be clear that I wasn't either."
Lindsey felt the sudden urge to hug him right then. He was just so... endearing or something. Even if nothing ever became of this in a million years other than a really great friendship, she wanted hugs to be part of that. So she stopped resisting. "I'm sorry, I have to," she said by way of warning and stopped walking to give him a hug. It was fast, she only let her cheek touch his chest for maybe half a second and then she stepped back and pushed down imaginary wrinkles in her skirt. "Ahem, sorry," she said again though she was smiling and looking away, amused with herself.
Christer was so surprised by the hug and the quickness of it that he didn't have time to respond. "I don't...think that's something you have to apologize for," he told her. "Especially not twice."
She covered her mouth with her fingers and giggled even though it was probably not the appropriate response. "Okay, I'm not sorry. Not really. I wanted to," she said and took his arm again to resume walking.
"I guessed as much considering," Christer said, letting her guide him where she wanted. He was quiet for a moment longer before speaking what was really on his mind. "I liked it."
"How do you know? It was so fast?" she asked and laughed a little, looking up at him with some affection. She led him down over a small grassy hill to a little brook that trickled quietly in the shade of some trees. It was pretty, there were tiny wildflowers of all colors everywhere. "It's so... fairy story or something. I'd almost think it was perfect if the people didn't think I was evil for my hair," she said and laughed again.
Christer had an answer for her, but he didn't say it right away, not when she looked at him like that. The small space she took him too was soothing, nature in its loveliest which seemed to put him at ease and made the words that he was trying to hold back slip out unburdened. "It's because it's you Lindsey. Just being close to you briefly is enough."
Lindsey hadn't expected an answer, and not that one certainly. She felt a flutter in her tummy when he said it. She still wasn't used to the fact he actually liked her because she was Lindsey. She leaned her cheek on his arm again, briefly the way she'd done earlier. Just a little appreciative gesture and a means to hide that she'd turned a bit pink. Then she looked up at him. "Oh," she said quietly, drawing the word out a little.
Oh indeed. Christer watched her for her reaction but once he had it, he was nodding, letting his hair fall in his face to hide most of his expression. He shouldn't like her like he did. She was so young and he had no business, but something about her had him hooked and he didn't pull away. He couldn't pull away.
Lindsey sighed contentedly and looked at the brook. She let her arm slide from his so she could sit among the wildflowers and looked up at him, hoping he'd sit too. "I like it here in this spot. You could do so many things. Practice lines, write stories, learn to fence."
Christer didn't sit right away. Instead he pulled at the sleeves of his shirt, relieved it had been longer sleeved because it covered his tattoos hat he knew would get him looks for this era. There was an easy follow on to her question, something stupidly romantic that he was sure would get him in serious trouble for say despite the way it flowed from what she was saying. Instead he clamped his mouth shut, forcing silence that normally came naturally. After a moment though he did join her, trying hard not to be too close, but wound up within reach of her.
Lindsey watched him playing with his sleeves for a moment, wondering if he was going to make an excuse to leave. It seemed a likely thing following what had just been said and she prepared herself for it. She wouldn't let it surprise and make her unhappy this time. This time she'd remind herself it meant he liked her which was a good thing. He could do whatever he needed to do. She hoped she could actually pull that off when the time came. She plucked several dandelions, beginning to make a chain of them, looking over at him when he sat. "What would you do in a place like this under normal circumstances?"
Christer had thought about leaving, but he couldn't. Not after doing that to her the night before. He looked at the grass, running it between his fingers. "Sit. Wait. Think." He really wasn't as interesting person as she was when he said it out loud.
Lindsey played with the yellow weed-flowers, watching his fingers in the grass as well. He had good hands, she decided. Strong and careful. She smiled at his answer, a curious glint in her eye. "What would you wait for?" she asked.
He glanced at her, then reached out for her before he could stop himself, touching one of her curls and watching it spiral around his fingers. "Whatever comes next. It varies on where you are, but if you're quiet and patient, it shows up."
Lindsey had been sitting with her legs curled under her but when Christer reached toward her hair, she sort of settled down in a way that brought her closer. He was making her heart flutter again and she took a slow, deep breath. "It would, wouldn't it?" she said quietly.
Christer just nodded, fingers grazing her cheek this time. He could feel it. That tension building between them and he knew it was mostly his fault. She wouldn't feel this way without his encouraging would she. Reluctantly he pulled his hand away, half smiling before looking away and running his fingers through his hair.
She almost shivered when he touched her cheek, her eyes meeting his for a moment before she told herself to breathe again, slowly. She looked down at the dandelion chain in her hand when he pulled his fingers away. It was silly to have such a strong physical response to such a little touch, wasn't it? To keep her hands busy she pulled a couple of thistles and queen anne's lace and wove them through her chain before placing it like a tiara in her hair. She smiled. "Is it me?" she asked.
Christer was trying to tell himself to stop. To breathe and leave and not get caught up in the way she looked at him. It was the hardest thing he'd done in a long while though. When she spoked again he turned, one hand over his mouth to keep from blurting something embarrassing at her, but his eyes smiled anyway. "Very," he mumbled softly, tension in his shoulders to keep from reaching out for her again and doing far more than he should. He wasn't like this with people. He didn't get close to them, but he felt himself close to her. She didn't seem put off by the things about him that left others keeping their distance.
Lindsey watched his reaction curiously and one hand darted out like she might pull his hand away from his mouth but instead she adjusted the flower chain in her hair then folded her hands in her lap. "Are you okay?" she asked after a moment.
Christer was quiet again, not looking at her. "Just the same thing as last night," he answered finally. She was distracting and he was losing his reasons for not being with her every time she distracted him. They were good reasons too. He was sure of that.
She nodded and played with her skirt, studying his face again while he looked away. "If you need to, you know, it's okay," she said quietly though she infused a pleasant note in her tone to tell him she'd be okay if he had to go.
Christer looked at his hand instead of her, hearing that sweet tone, but not believing her. "It's not...that I need to. It's that I should. I'm not the right person to try and take that from you.You deserve better. Someone who's more suited and younger and..." he trailed off hearing himself start to babble. "I don't want to go."
Lindsey nodded again, smelling the flowers in her hair as she continued to force herself to breathe slowly. She wasn't entirely sure what he was talking about but she thought she got the gist and most of it she knew already from previous conversations. She didn't protest this time. She'd already done that so he knew her thoughts on it. Instead she focused on the last thing he said. "I don't want you to either, honestly. And even if you asked me to sit somewhere else, I would. I just like being around you. Can't help it."
He looked at her for a long moment then shook his head. "If I had you go somewhere else I'd have you come closer," he admitted before he could stop himself. "I'm sorry. I'll stay quiet." What he was saying was making it worse.
Lindsey chewed her lower lip thoughtfully before scooting a little closer without looking at him. "Pretty sure you don't have to be sorry for that," she said, imitating his words from earlier when she'd hugged him.
"What about your knight?" Christer asked, eyeing her as she got closer. Or anyone else her age that could be single and treat her well. That was a completely viable option too.
"My medieval boss?" she asked from her place a little closer though one or the other of them would literally have to move a foot or so to do anything other than touch. "What about him?"
"Just wondering if you'd rather..." Christer didn't have an end for the statement and mentally chastised himself for trying. He was usually better about that.
Lindsey gave him a disapproving look that didn't get too dark because she wasn't mad. "I just met him this morning," she said. Then her expression went a bit thoughtful as she considered. "He is very cute though. And a knight. So there's that fairytale fantasy if he'd even be interested in a girl who's supposed to be his servant being a chatty, redheaded, loudmouth from the wrong century."
Christer nodded. "Sounds pretty great." And he was probably younger, which made sense for her. More than himself. "And you met me yesterday."
"Does he? I'll definitely have to introduce you at the banquet if you're interested in him," she teased and then shrugged. "Yeah, I did. Feels like it was longer ago than that." She curled a blade of grass around her finger.
Christer gave her a bit of a look, but his eyes fell on her fingers instead. "I know it does," he said reaching out to take her hand, even if only for a moment.
Lindsey giggled at his look. That was what he got though for trying to palm her off onto someone else after telling her he liked her. She let him have her hand, knowing immediately after she did so that she'd been right about his hands. They were very good hands. "Probably because I trapped you in a plot to build a fort for hours and hours."
He turned her hand, studying her fingers, noticing that that were soft where his were calloused. "It wasn't a bad thing, spending all the time with you."
Lindsey liked the feel of his hand against hers, they way it was a bit rough and the little thrill it sent through her. "You're here right now so that must be true," she said, almost holding her breath.
He looked up at her. "Did you think for a moment it wasn't?" he asked. He was pretty sure how he felt about her was obvious wasn't it? That was why he needed to keep it under control. He ran his thumb over the top of her fingers lightly.
Lindsey thought about that for a moment and shook her head. "No, most people don't stick around if they don't like the company. And I know I'm an acquired taste," she said with a small smile. She bit her lower lip as he caressed her fingers.
"I wouldn't say that," Christer told her. "Especially when you consider me. I'm an acquired taste." When she bit her lip it had him looking at her mouth considering a multitude of things.
Lindsey giggled at him. "You're a squire's taste," she quipped, plucking at her livery with her free hand. Her eyes caught where his were focused and she stopped biting her lip, wondering what he was thinking but not wanting to ask.
He sensed he was caught flushing ever so slightly and looking away, but he still held her hand. "Lucky me I always liked a good squire." His voice was a tiny but rougher than before, his thoughts taking off and leaving him to recover.
Sometimes his reactions were so peculiar that Lindsey was left with the odd sense that she'd just missed something important. It was intriguing and she was glad he didn't let go of her hand. She unconsciously brushed her thumb against his hand before she spoke. "Not so lucky for me then. I'm not sure I'm all that good at it," she said purposely sounding forlorn.
He felt her thumb on his skin like fire across his hand but he didn't move away from her. "I'm sure you do a fine job," he murmured just to say something reassuring which wasn't like him. He didn't say things to fill space, but it seemed necessary to keep from doing something stupid.
Lindsey now not only felt like she'd missed something but like anticipation of some sort hung in the air around them. Like something other than the two of them was holding its breath. She shook her head and giggled because that was silly. And just so she didn't appear to have laughed at nothing she said, "It's at least good practice for when I pay my dues in the low parts of Shakespeare in the drama society in college if I ever get there."
She still wasn't in college. Christer probably didn't need the reminder, but it had him at least remembering his breath and that he was holding her hand still. He looked at her fingers in his then pulled his away, running the hand through his hair like before. "We should get back if we're going to make it to the banquet."
The anticipation bubble popped. She might as well have stuck a literal pin into it. She bit her lower lip hard when he pulled his hand back, swallowing down something between disappointment and maybe relief that things didn't feel so tense anymore. She got quickly to her feet and pulled the flower chain from her hair. "You're right. I probably should make sure Norman doesn't need my help. I've been gone a while," she said quietly with a little smile.
Christer got up when she did, though while not as quickly, still with an air of grace. He reached for her wrist lifting her hand up to take the crown out of her hand and gently set it in her hair again. It looked better there. "I'll walk you back."
Lindsey had kind of felt the flowers made her look like a little girl more than she wanted to right then but she didn't move when he caught her wrist to put them back. Partly because his touch sort of froze her. She swallowed again and nodded at him.
Christer loved her with the flowers. It fit her. He'd love to see her with flowers in her hair all the time. He didn't let go of her wrist, turning it over to press his thumbs against her pulse. "I should...go..." he murmured, but he wasn't leaving.
Lindsey breathed in softly, his thumb sending a thrill up her arm. It set her heart racing with a wild flutter, her face and then rest of her visible skin flushing slightly. She looked up at him quietly and wistfully, not sure what to say or do because he wasn't leaving and she was yet again telling herself to breathe slowly.
Christer stared at her for a moment before he let her hand go. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "I..." Christer was rarely at a loss for words when he needed them, but here he didn't have them. He touched her cheek gently, backs of fingers grazing against her skin.
Lindsey shook her head slowly. "Pretty sure you don't have to be sorry for that," she whispered. She stepped toward him without realizing she was doing it when he touched her cheek. She felt the same thrill a second time only greater and felt herself go warm all over again, flushing once more. Damn her pale skin.
"There's so much I have to be sorry for," Christer murmured, cupping her cheek gently, feeling her skin heat up under his fingers. He needed to stop, to walk away, but it was so much harder than he could have every imagined.
Lindsey swallowed slowly and found her voice. "Not to me, you don't," she said softly. As far as she was concerned he hadn't done anything. It was all in her response that anything was happening. She should try to control herself but she didn't want to. She wanted to feel like this, her heart pounding wildly because he was touching her, knowing any second he could simply stop and not caring about that either.
Christer shook his head. "To you especially," he said hating that it was true. He felt like he was using her when he shouldn't. Still, his thumb brushed against her cheekbone lightly.
Her eyes closed even though she hadn't meant them to. She didn't move except when she spoke. "Why especially to me?" Her eyes opened again too look up at him. She was so warm and at this point she felt light and almost giddy but she kept it from bubbling to the surface.
"Because I shouldn't be the one you look at like that," he said shaking his head.
Another thing she couldn't exactly help. Being herself. Liking him. Looking at him like she was. "Stop saying that."
Christer fell silent, but he had a questioning look on his face, even if he didn't ask the question. What he kept thinking was that he didn't want to walk away from her.
Lindsey's eyes slowly shifted from the doe-eyed look she'd been giving him to something not quite frustrated, not yet. "It feels like I'm two seconds away from being rejected every time you start talking like that. I want to look at you like that, Christer. But if you don't want me to then you can't touch me like that and you can't look at me the way you do. You just kind of need to stop saying it or stop... stop being around." And she looked away as she said the last bit because she really didn't want him to choose that option. Even if he never touched her again, she wanted him around.
"I'm not rejecting you Lindsey." Christer pulled his hand away, feeling bad the he made her feel that way. "I'm sorry. I'll stop." If he could. That might not be easy considering the hold she had on him.
She shook her head. "No, I know you aren't. I believe you when you say you like me. It's just how it feels when you say again that you're sorry or that you're the wrong person." There was that odd combination of disappointment and relief again as he pulled his hand away. She sighed softly. "Come on. Walk me back." She turned then and started in the direction they'd come.
He didn't have an answer for that, but he wished he did. Singing himself he followed her as she started walking again. Part of him wanted to stay where he was but he had work to get back to and he felt better making sure she was escorted. So he stayed silent, falling into step with her hands clasped behind his back.
Lindsey mulled all of what had happened over in her mind as she walked. She didn't go too quickly, not trying to escape Christer or leave him behind or anything. She just kept her own pace, thinking as she looked at everything around her. She glanced back occasionally at him, almost to reassure herself he was there.
The third time she glanced back at him he changed his pace to catch up with her. "I'm still here," he said. "What are you thinking?" She was being quiet which had him curious what was going on in that mind of hers.
"Lots of things," she said vaguely because it was all a stream of consciousness through her mind. "What are you thinking?" she countered then.
Christer didn't normally pry, but he wanted to know what was going on her head. He felt like he was missing something important. "What kind of things?" What he wasn't expecting was for her to turn the question on him. "That I feel bad for what happened. I think I hurt your feelings."
Lindsey chewed her lip. "How long are we going to be here... will we go home ever... are you and I even from the same dimension?" she finished with a small laugh.
She gave him a thoughtful look, assessing whether or not she felt hurt. "No, you didn't really. Not at all, actually. It's just... rejection's been a big theme in my life. It turns my stomach like a physical sensation of dread. The... well the way it felt when you touched my face and then to feel that too. It's too much." And she'd just needed to protect herself from being swallowed whole by the utter confusion.
Christer nodded with an amused smirk. She was right, there was no way to prove one way or another what would happen next. After a moment he reached for her hand, pulling her to a stop. "I would never reject you Lindsey. I'm just trying to keep from starting something you might regret. But I'd never say no to you."
She stopped easily when Christer took her hand. "But I'm not really starting anything. I'm just ... being," she said because that was how it felt. There was no conscious effort to go after him. Things just happened and when they did, she wanted to go with them to wherever they led.
He thought about that for long moment before nodding. "You're right. You are. I'm the one starting things." Which was why he was apologizing to her profusely again and again. He lost his sense around her.
Lindsey nodded, looking up at him. "Yes, you are. And I'm not saying no either." Maybe that hadn't quite been out there or something. And still the thought ran through her mind that even if he stopped starting things, just as long as she got to be around him, she'd be happy. She knew it.
While he hadn't thought it through to that point, it was interesting what hearing it meant. "Are you sure?" he asked, letting his fingers slide down her wrist to her hand. "Because I wouldn't blame you if you didn't want to."
Lindsey nodded again though it was almost shyly. She'd never been in this position before. All she knew was that the way he super focused his attention on her felt so good. She wanted more of it and she couldn't imagine regretting anything that happened.
Christer considered that then nodded himself. "Good to know then." Instead of letting go of her hand, he laced his fingers with hers and started them walking again. Part of him wanted to do more, but slow seemed to make the most sense.
Lindsey didn't know what this conversation meant going forward and she kind of didn't care. She'd rather not know because the anticipation seemed to be the best part - if a few minutes ago was any indication. She was simply happy he was holding her hand again and smiled as they began to walk. "Okay but you know that you'll be subjected to all sorts of ridiculous ideas to kill time if we're stuck here very long."
Christer laughed a little and nodded. "I imagine talk like that will give your knight every reason to find something for you to do," he said, though his mind went to places it shouldn't be considering her lack of experience and that idea in his head that he'd take things slow and give her plenty of chances to get out of more than just hand holding and talking.
Lindsey glanced at him and giggled. "I imagine that I'll annoy him to no end. Oh," she said and then stopped smiling. "When he goes home after the tournament... will I have to go with him?"
"Does he seem the type to annoy easy?" Considering he was already handsome and a knight Christer wondered if maybe he had some flaws. "I'm not sure...is he not from here?" Most of the knights he'd spoken with seemed to be from the area, their accents as similar, but he supposed there were only so many knights in one kingdom. "I think you'd have to ask him."
Lindsey shook her head. "He seems rather nice actually but even nice people can be annoyed. Of course I haven't spent much time with him to get to know him." She tried to remember if she'd heard Sir Finnegan talk about where he was from and she couldn't recall anything. "Being from here, this kingdom, could be far away still. Especially since they don't go home at night. I don't like the idea of having to go home with him. That kind of seems like ownership or something." She made a face. Both at the idea of being owned and because they were close to Sir Finnegan's encampment now.
Christer squeezed her hand lightly to be reassuring, but she was right. It was like ownership and he was pretty sure that was exactly how it worked. "I think we'll have to see where the tournament takes us then," he told her. "Maybe we'll wind back up in the hotel." Or somewhere else entirely.
Lindsey didn't feel reassured about anything other than that she wasn't going to have to face it by herself. Which was a good start. "I guess we'll see. I don't really want to go back to the hotel though. I kind of prefer it here. Apart from being owned and all. If I can't go home. Where would you go if you had the choice?"
Christer took a deep breath and nodded. "I feel freer here." Though part of that might have been behind the decision to not hold himself back as much with her and not just because he could be outside. "I'm not sure where I'd pick. Somewhere outdoors I'm sure."
She nodded. "It's a lot simpler and more exciting here." That was her take on it at least. "Would you pick somewhere in the past or more of a modern time?" she asked, well aware it was an absurd question that, in light of everything, didn't seem all that absurd anymore.
Christer considered her question then shook his head. "I do like my few amenities I have in the modern world," he admitted. There were some perks to it over being here. "Running water being the first, even if I am an avid camper, it's nice to come home to a shower."
Lindsey laughed. "Running water. You know I didn't even think about that because I haven't needed to shower yet. I suppose I prefer taking baths though so maybe I'm okay here." She stopped walking because they were close enough to the camp that he could go on to whatever he needed to do if he wanted to.
"Maybe you are meant for this time then," he said, stopping with her. "This you?" He didn't want to walk away from her but he guessed she had things to get back to.
"Hm," she said thoughtfully with a smile. "Maybe I was. I mean, I loved that dress earlier. I could get used to wearing those kinds of things and sharpening swords in my off time," she added with a little giggle. She nodded at his question. "That's me. Thank you for walking with me."
Christer liked that image and nodded as he squeezed her hand again. "Be safe," he told her before letting go of her hand. "And I'll keep an eye out for you tonight."
Lindsey nodded. "You too, be safe." She smiled up at him and impulsively gave him a quick hug too since he hadn't hated it the last time she'd done it. "Hope to see you tonight," she said when she stepped back.
He didn't mind the hug again, answering it more this time even if it was quick. "I'm sure you will. I'll try and make sure."
Lindsey smiled at him. "Good," she said and started off toward the tent where she'd woken up this morning. She couldn't help but look back at him over her shoulder and smile a bit more.