certainty
who: Kai and Ronin where: his room when: evening
Kai had been wandering around taking more pictures, but it was eventually dark out, which she really wasn't sure when that had happened, but holy shit, there it was, dark outside. Right. She bounded back upstairs, and instead of going to her room, she headed to Ronin's, knocking on his door in the stereotypical pattern 'knock-knock knockknock knock – knock! Knock! It was only after she knocked that she realized she probably still looked like she’d lost a fight with a rose bush or several. Well, shit. She briefly entertained the idea of ding-dong-ditch, but imagined she wouldn’t get away with it. She’d only be halfway to her room by the time he opened the door…
Ronin had spent a long time immersed in music. Writing lyrics and trying things out on his travel guitar. He had his headphones on and the volume cranked up as he kind of lost his way out of the creative process and allowed himself to simply go wherever the music took him. It was how he was only vaguely aware that someone had knocked but he hadn't quite heard that there'd been a pattern to it. He figured it was Sullivan, coming to find out why he hadn't come down for that drink. No, Sullivan wouldn't come find him, he'd assume the reason Ronin didn't come down for a drink was because he'd spilled to Kai and they were in the middle of having sex because that was what people did when they confessed love to one another, right? Sigh. He didn't figure it was Kai because she hadn't been around all day so maybe it was her sister there to tell him off. He just didn't want to answer the door. The impish part of him that was always curious propelled him toward it anyway, weird little practice guitar strapped to him like a regular one would have been had it been able to fit into his luggage. He opened the door and there was Kai. He frowned slightly, confused, but then smiled. "Hey, sorry, I can keep it down," he said then frowned even more. "What the hell happened?"
“Look, don't get upset...but there were a lot of them. Like, half a dozen!” she cried, overly dramatic. “They ganged up on me! I tried to fight, but...they got me!” she flailed, turning to swoon – which would dump her on her butt on the floor, of course. She didn't aim herself at Ronin at all. If he caught her wrong, it would wrench his back. She just flailed and went with the first thing that came to mind, of course – her fallback of being dramatic and silly. “Oh the humanity!”
Ronin had almost stepped back to let Kai into his room when she started to flail. His first instinct was not to think of anything except catching her, which he managed to do without more than a small twinge to his back. Which was an acceptable thing since this was Kai. He looked down at her. "Seriously? That's what you're going with? 'Oh the humanity?'" He winced and stepped backward, pulling her with him a little into his room so the door could shut. "What really happened? You look like you ended up in a literal cat fight."
She put her arms up around his neck to gaze into his eyes. “Yes? Yes. That's what I'm going with. I was attacked by rose bushes. Rogue, evilly beautiful ones. It requires dramatics, okay? Roll with it,” she advised. When he mentioned the cat fight, she smirked. “You wish! Or, wait, you don't because you weren't there to see it. You wish I was in a cat fight that you could watch and eat popcorn to.”
Ronin gazed back a beat too long before responding. "Attacked by rose bushes. Oh the humanity." He chuckled and shook his head. "Would said cat fight have been followed by girl on girl kisses? Because if not, bah. Popcorn wouldn't be enough to salvage any interest." This was the normal banter and it was easy to fall into. It made him wonder, in the corner of his mind, if she remembered anything that had happened last night. If not, maybe he'd gotten a pass and he could move on like nothing had been said or done that might possibly change them. He almost felt relief and gave her ribs a brief, light tickle.
Kai paused and considered that. “I dunno, maybe? Depends on the girl, and if she was hot enough,” she concluded. She wanted to stay in close, but honestly didn't know if that was appropriate or not. Then he tickled her, making her giggle and double a little. “Hey!” Instead of stand there awkwardly trying to figure it out, she flopped onto his bed, saving possibly them both. “Tell me about music,” she requested, pointing to his travel guitar.
Ronin rolled his eyes at her answer though, in honesty, he didn't like it anymore. He'd used to. The idea of her kissing another girl was kind of hot. The idea of her kissing other people of any gender now just made him feel jealous. He was glad she moved away before he started into grump mode again. If he'd been in any doubt of his own feelings, he had proof now. He watched her flop onto his bed and then looked down at his guitar. "Started off writing a song but sort of let loose to play random stuff."
“I love when you do random things. It usually leads to something awesome. Anything you want to play me?” she asked, genuinely hoping he had something. She liked to listen to him play, even if it was just random jamming. It was where fluidity came out of him, where she really believed in him. Music was part of who he was, it was in there, somewhere, deep down. It was embedded in his soul, and the silly starry eyed fourteen year old girl in her liked to think she could hear it when he played free form like that. She held her arm up above her head and frowned at the light scratches there. She had pictures to show him, but didn't get to that yet.
Ronin nodded and flipped his pick along his knuckles once before catching it and jumping into a jam. There were words though and he sang them to her as he'd done a million other times. Personal show. "We find the dark, deep down places and we kneel together side by side. Won't you come and be what grace has left me to fight, has left me to hide." It was kind of moody but there was an upbeat, almost hopeful rhythm to it that saved some of the darker imagery of being alone with someone else in dark and haunting places which were sort of meant to represent the scariness of opening up before you were ready even if he hadn't really consciously meant to go there. But it was there and he finished with a guitar solo tangent which brought him to his knees, rockstar style, albeit carefully because if she could have dramatics, so could he. He finished playing and grinned at her.
She had rolled onto her stomach and was watching him adoringly as he played, and sang, and she knew he had another song in there. A really good one. Not a single, but one of those songs that true fans would fall in love with instantly. She smiled at him when he was on his knees, back to her height level almost. She wanted to reach out, grab him and pull him in for a kiss, but hesitated. Was that okay? No? It was stupid, feeling like she had to trip over her own motivations at all, but there she was. “I loved it, Rockstar.”
"Of course you did. You love all of the messy noise that I make," he said and chuckled. He got back to his feet slowly and took the guitar off over his head. Then he sat down beside her. "So what were you busy sacrificing yourself in order to catch on film. I'm assuming that's how all this happened," he said, touching her arm gently where there were several scratches. He was doing his best to just be Ronin and Kai. Still, some part of him was more than pleased she'd said she loved his song and that she'd been looking at him the way she had while he'd played.
It was probably something he'd done a thousand times, but that light little touch to her arm felt so much nicer today than it ever had before. She grabbed her camera from where she'd dropped it on the bed and pulled up the pictures of the flowers, the twisted, winding garden, the spiderwebs, everything. “It's just so beautifully chaotic in there,” she admitted. “I couldn't not get right in there.”
Ronin looked at the pictures and smiled over at her periodically. She had such an eye for things that what she caught on film - or rather digitally - was all but alive in its still form. She caught nuances that evoked emotion and he got a sense of her enjoyment of the place simply from what she'd gotten in photograph form. "These are beautiful, Kai," he said with some awe before his tone turned half amused, half serious. "You know Mai is going to want you to capture her there. The photos would be exquisite and send you both over the top career-wise." He looked over at her face, took a deep breath and looked back at her camera.
“Oh, don't worry. I plan to shoot her there. You too, so don't think you're getting out of it,” she teased, reaching over to poke at his ribs lightly. “Maybe I'll even do a joint shoot for you, I'm sure Mai wouldn't mind adding her picture in for an album insert or something. Could be made of awesome...” she said, as if he might need convincing. “I also met a guy there, Mr. Niceguy, who was, shockingly enough, totally a nice guy. I scarred him with knowledge of the internet and it's wicked ways.”
Ronin rolled his eyes dramatically heavenward and flopped backward on his bed as though he were put upon and abused by her need to photograph him for publicity purposes. He propped himself up on his elbow quickly though when she mentioned photographing him with Mai. "Seriously? Not until Perfect Tommy gets here. He loves you and Mai and he can finesse her into smiling even if she has to stand by me. Which she's not fond of." He chuckled but it turned dry in his throat which he covered by sitting up. She'd met a guy. A nice one. Ronin forced himself to not react further. "Good for you. Though scarring guys isn't exactly a nice girl thing to do." He stood up and went to his laptop which he'd left on the vanity, pulling the headphones out and tapping some keys.
“She gives you a hard time, but don't listen to her. She likes you, deep down. Way, way deep...” Kai said, giving him a half smirk. “And who ever said I was a nice girl? I think it's like a compulsion. I've been totally scarred by the internet so I have to spread it like a virus. Someone should stop me,” she said firmly with a nod. “Whatcha doin?” she asked when he went to mess with his laptop.
"She gives me a hard time when she doesn't even know what she's talking about. I don't know if she likes me per se, but she definitely doesn't hate me. Which is saying something," he said, thinking back to his conversation with Mai that morning. He glanced at her when she questioned being a nice girl. "Compared to Mai? You're a saint," he insisted and he believed that. Maybe Kai didn't want to be regulation girl material but he'd always thought she was nice. And more than nice. He looked over his shoulder from his computer when she asked what he was doing. "Getting lyrics down before I forget them." Avoiding the pink elephant in the room.
“Mai's favorite thing to do ever is talk shit about stuff she knows nothing about, though. That's just her basic personality,” Kai commented, propping her chin on her hand. “And oh! I'll shut up then!” she said, pretending to zip her mouth shut then toss the key away. The last thing she wanted to do was fuck up his creative process. So, she picked at her fingernails for a few long moments, then got up to head into his bathroom, starting to run water to at least clean herself up a tiny bit. When she spotted herself in the mirror, she wondered what in the holy hell she'd been thinking, coming over here without checking herself out first. Eesh. Her hair was a little messy, she had scratches all over, dirt in odd places...yep. She certainly looked like something the cat dragged in, not a girl who was going to hang out with the guy she'd fallen for. Awesome. That had to be sending a fabulous message. If there was a message to send at all. He didn't seem to be making any sorts of moves or anything. Had he totally forgotten. Abruptly, she was reminded of the fact that she'd woken up alone. Shit. Sighing, she did her best to clean up, at least.
Ronin listened to her go into the bathroom, heard the water. He stopped messing with his laptop and went to sit on his bed and wait for her to be finished with whatever she was doing. He was of two such different minds about this with her. Part of him wanted to just open up the topic of what had happened the night before and part of him sort of wished she'd leave because he didn't think he could control himself much longer and he didn't want to find out that last night had been some trick of the alcohol in their systems. When she didn't come back very quickly he pushed off the bed and went to stand in the doorway of the bathroom. "You okay?" he asked. "Do they hurt? Maybe I can find some kind of ointment or something?"
Kai looked at him in the reflection, and gave him a little smile. “I'm fine,” she said. “They'll be gone by tomorrow, I'm sure. They're just, y'know. Ugly,” she commented, easily making fun of herself. “I'm starting to see why Mr. Niceguy suggested I might be a...er...woodland creature. I so look the part,” she said. “You done writing out the lyrics?” she asked, rinsing the wash cloth she'd been using under the water tap. She tilted her arm, trying to see if she got all the dirt off, and of course, she'd missed some. She really had been crawling all over the damn place in that garden.
Ronin opened his mouth to say that there was not possibly anything about her that could be ugly but she was mentioning Mr. Niceguy again and what sounded like an inside joke. Woodland creature? He looked down at the sink. "I think so. Not sure that's going to be a song though." He shrugged and backed up out of the bathroom doorway so she could come out whenever she wanted. This wasn't fun like it should have been. He penned some stuff on the room service card and opened his door to shove it in the box then let the door shut behind him.
“It should be – I really loved it!” she insisted. Then he was gone again, and she stood there, disconcerted. Even if she knew she was still dirty, she dropped the cloth in the sink and shut the water off, dashing to the door of the bathroom when she heard the door shut. She exhaled when she saw he hadn't left. For a second, she'd thought he had. Then she considered everything for a minute, crossing her arms and chewing her lip. “Okay,” she started, not sure how she was going to wade through this, but she was going to make an attempt. “So, this could all be in my head, so feel free to tell me I'm stupid and or paranoid, but is everything okay? Things seem...I don't know. And I never don't know.”
Ronin caught sight of her rushing to the bathroom door as he turned back from the door to his room. He stood there watching her as she spoke and refused to let his heart sink. Things seemed "she didn't know?" On top of Mr. Niceguy, that was kind of the clincher. She didn't remember the night before. When she'd said she loved him. When they'd kissed. He looked at her a long moment, debating on what he should do. Honesty. That seemed like the best option even if it meant shaking her up. "Stuff happened last night. You don't seem to remember it but things changed."
She looked at him, not letting her gaze waver. “I remember,” she said. “I...woke up alone,” she said, not sure what else to say. “I thought...” she trailed off, not sure how to finish that sentence at all. “Things changed...are they still changed? Are you okay? Is everything messed up now? I don't know what to think, Ro.” She hugged her arms to herself and glanced away, feeling a wave of vulnerability.
Ronin walked toward her and shook his head. "I guess I more meant they seemed to change but as far as I'm concerned nothing is messed up. I don't think I can ignore it though. I came by your room earlier to talk but you weren't there." He looked at her hugging herself and thought that was what he ought to be doing, hugging her. He still wasn't sure where things stood with them. He wished she'd look at him though so he could figure out what she was thinking. "I uh left before you woke up because I needed to think without you right there. It wasn't a statement, I swear."
“And I'm not yelling at you for it,” Kai said. “I'm not going to be that girl, y'know, the stupid hysterical bitch who demands to know where you went or anything like that. But it did mean I was left to wonder what happened at all, it left me utterly unsure what to do next. I mean, honestly, I sort of convinced myself there for a bit that either you forgot or you were horrified because you were just drunk, and that was that,” she explained. Her tone truly wasn't accusatory. “Did you get good time to think, I hope?”
There was nothing to read still. It was strange not to know what was going on in her head. He felt like he knew her well enough to usually be able to figure that out within moments. But on this topic? Then again, he was probably presenting her with the same dilemma. This was exactly what he'd wanted to avoid. Maybe he should have just left it alone. "I can't imagine you ever being stupid, hysterical, or a bitch," he muttered and ran a hand up the back of his hair, moving away to sit on the edge of his bed. "Yeah, I did," he answered her and laid back, folding his hands under his head and looking up at the ceiling.
She gave a little light smile at his statement, and glanced up to share that expression with him. “You conveniently forget about how I was the entire time I was fifteen?” she asked. When he moved, she kept him in view, leaning against the wall just because she still wasn't clear on where things were supposed to be. “...do you want to share with the rest of the class, or am I not part of this thinking?”
"That was a long time ago. I scrubbed that from my memory," he said lightly. Had he not been entrenched in this thing between them he might have given an obvious shudder or some other teasing twitch but he felt like he was walking a tightrope without a wire here. When she asked if he wanted to share, Ronin wasn't sure if he did. He paused a long moment, trying to figure out what to say without saying something stupid. "Uh well, like I said, as far as I'm concerned, nothing is messed up. I don't know about you or how you feel about it. And I kind of don't want to know if you didn't mean any of it. Maybe we just ignore it?"
Kai bit her lip. “Okay, Ro? Right now you're givin me nothing, okay? 'Nothing is messed up' could mean anything from 'we're buddies, yay!' to 'let's do this, huzzah!' to anything in between. So, you can say that? And I still don't know how you feel beyond you needed to leave this morning and think. And when was there ever a time I've said something to you that I didn't mean?” she posed. “You know I'm not that kind of person, unless I'm talking to Mai. If you're suggesting we ignore it, I...didn't you just say you couldn't ignore things? I'm confused.”
Ronin raised a brow because she hadn't been giving him anything either and the disconnect sort of amused that part of him that was still very much Ronin in spite of his confusion over all of what happened the night before. "I did say I couldn't ignore things, I know. When have you ever known me to consistently make sense when I was confused?" He made a face at the ceiling. He wasn't so obtuse as to not realize she was standing behind what she'd said though. Which meant he needed to bottom line this if they were ever going to get anywhere. He propped himself up on his elbows and looked at Kai for a few moments before he stood up and walked back over to her. "I meant what I said last night too. Which was really me saying that I don't want to mess us up but I'm in love with you." He closed his mouth before he backpedaled or tried to make light of it. He would not joke around right now.
She blinked. She'd not been disappointed that he hadn't said it the night before at all, but hearing it out loud was something else. She broke into a smile, then grabbed him, yanked him in, and kissed him. She felt that was an appropriate response. The only appropriate response.
Ronin hadn't been expecting her response. He wasn't sure what he'd expected. He was so taken by surprise that it took him half a second to realize he ought to kiss her back which he did. And this kiss wasn't a drunken fumble in the dark, it was all of what he felt for her and relief and happiness. He wrapped an arm around her and half held her, half hugged her.
Kai smiled into the kiss, sliding her arms around him in return, making a small, pleased sound. That was better. She was all excited again, butterflies in her stomach at the whole thing, as if her confusion and anxiety earlier hadn't even existed. Well, Kai wasn't one to dwell, and that worked out well for her sometimes.
Ronin smiled back, especially after hearing that sound. This was so much better than last night even though last night had felt really good. There was something about things being clear between them that added to it all and made it perfect. He pulled back slowly and rested his forehead against hers. "Huzzah?" he said quietly, a hint of hesitant playfulness in his tone.
She giggled. “Huzzah,” she agreed, nuzzling her nose against his. “So...are we going to be official? I'm your number one and only girl?” she asked. Her tone was teasing, though she did wonder how they might do this. If he would keep her a part of his private life and project something else to the media. She had heard of others doing it. Just, keeping their stuff totally theirs, instead of in the public eye at all.
Ronin smiled again as she nuzzled him, at how comfortable and right it was to be with Kai like this. "I hadn't thought about any of that but you really are the only one," he said. He couldn't imagine being with anyone else at this point. He pulled back his face then to tuck a few black strands behind her ear, his thumb brushing her cheek gently. He felt suddenly nervous but in a good way. In a way that meant he knew what he had in her and he was going to do whatever he could to make her happy. "You're sure about this? You know what I'm like."
“I know what you're like,” she agreed. “But I love you anyway, don't I,” she pointed out. “Besides, you know me. I won't suffer in silence or anything, if anything goes sideways, you'll be the first to know about it. But I trust you. And I know the last thing you'd want to do is hurt me,” she said, confidence in that clear.
Ronin chuckled and nodded. "Yeah, believe me, I know you'll have no problem kicking my ass." He took a deep breath. "It is the last thing I want to do. I think it's why I waited so long." He didn't want to get hurt either but just as she'd said to him, he trusted her. He leaned in to kiss her again, a brief, soft kiss.
She returned it. “So, what now? Dinner? You letting me go shower so I'm somewhat presentable and not all dirty?” she suggested, drawing in a deep breath. She liked the scent of him. It was just...nice. So was feeling him right there, and of course riding high on the idea that there was kissing, now. God, there was kissing.
Ronin nodded. "Mmhm, dinner should be coming shortly. Go take your shower but you're beautiful even if you don't," he said, stepping back from her then immediately back to kiss her again quickly. Then he stepped back again and chuckled, shoving his hands into his pockets.
With that little move, Kai grinned. Oh, this was going to be fun. She started to brush past him, then grabbed him to give him a hard, if brief, kiss. Then she bounded out of the room to go shower before she could get any ideas about sticking around and doing naughty things to him.
Ronin made a soft sound of surprise and enjoyment in response to her kiss. It immediately had his mind wandering but she was quick. Heading out before his hands could follow his mind. Which was good. They had all the time in the world to explore this, right? Well, as soon as they got home. Which he knew should probably be his priority now that he knew what was happening with Kai, but it wasn't. He decided to take his own shower and change into something less Saturday afternoon. She deserved him clean and presentable too, right?