Dead ends. That's where every lead led him. Dead end after dead end after dead end. No matter where he went, no matter what idea he got, all he received when he got to the place was disappointment. Dean was dead, and the more places he went the more he became convinced that there was no bringing him back out of hell.
If we go down, then we go down swingin'.
Dean's words still echoed in Sam's brain, but even so he hadn't been able to do what Dean had asked. He hadn't been able to keep fighting the good fight. What was the point? Dean had always been better at it than him, and his heart just wasn't in it anymore. So every town he went to, ever deserted area, it was all in an attempt to find the one thing that would bring his brother back and when it couldn't be found he left. It didn't matter if there was an angry spirit, a pack of vampires, or even a loose werewolf. The people in that town would just have to hope another hunter came along and took care of it for them because this hunter was off the clock.
Sam reluctantly peeled himself off of the bed he'd been laying on for hours. It was made perfectly with the exception of the wrinkle now there on the spot he was laying on, and the room matched the bed. He didn't unpack anymore when he stayed in the cheap ass motels. There was no point. He wasn't staying to work on a case like he had with Dean, he was only staying long enough to be disappointed and then he was moving on. In fact, that was the only reason he even pulled himself off of the bed. He needed to move over to the bathroom to brush his teeth, and once he got there and saw his reflection in the mirror, well, all he wanted to do was go and lay back down. He needed a shave, there were circles under his eyes...It was scary how much he looked like a zombie. He could only imagine what wise crack Dean would say to him about the way he looked, and when he did he had to palm furiously at the water gathering in his eyes.
He couldn't do this. Even with the preparation given to him by the Trickster, he couldn't do this. There was no living without Dean.