InsaneJournal

Claudia [Open to House Warehouse]
Realizing the subconsciously supressed feels from all this Death stuff lately.
Saturday afternoon, September 14, 2013; Claudia&Hatter's room at House Warehouse
PGish (mentions of character death and violence)/Complete

Claudia thought she was fine. It wasn't until today that she realized she wasn't.

Death had come in and caused a huge stir a few days ago. Things had gone to hell little by little since then. Between people throwing themselves down on lists for sacrifices and switching places with Death Himself, Claudia had done what she could to keep busy this week. She hadn't really thought much about it, hadn't even realized that's what she was doing when she busied herself with helping Armand and Endeavour with their respective technology issues and had that movie marathon with Peter. She had just, in her conscious mind, been helping people with things and spending time with her friends. Even with Death and the decision looming above their heads, Claudia thought she was fine.

It wasn't until today that she realized she wasn't.

She hadn't even been doing anything necessarily important. Just putting away some clothes. As normal of a task as anything could possibly get. And as if the very act of not thinking about all of the Death things triggered the realization, it hit her. And it hit hard. Hard enough to make her drop down onto the bed she shared with Hatter and just stare at nothing, frowning, an odd mix of realization and sadness crossing her features.

The thought process she had been avoiding.

Death. Death was here and one of her friends had been taken to switch places with him.

Leena. She was dead. Dead and gone forever because artifact-whammied Artie had killed her. Something she hadn't entirely had time to fully deal with.

Artie had only done what he knew to be right. It was the only way to save everyone, save the world. Just like they always did. He made the hard decision and he took on the negative that the astrolabe brought with it. But would he have done it, if he'd known? If he had known exactly what it would do to him, what it would make him do? What it would make her inevitably have to do? She felt like maybe he still would. Because he had to put everyone else above them. That's what they all did, as Agents of the Warehouse.

But Leena. God, she missed Leena, all bright smiles, and soothing comfort. She was such a good person and in the end that was what had gotten her killed. Instead of listening to Mrs. F's warning and leaving the Warehouse, she stayed to try and help the whammied version of Artie.

And it wasn't long after that she nearly lost the only father she had known for years now. At her own hand and--

"No," she mumbled, shaking her head. She wasn't going there. She'd done that. She'd come to terms with that.

Hadn't she?

But she knew. Deep down, she knew she hadn't, not really. On the surface, maybe, but not in her core. Not where it mattered. And she wasn't sure she could ever really get over it all.