Ain't gonna freak out at you. Unless you show up in a clown costume with a creepy grin anyway.
First you say you want help, then you say you don't want platitudes even when I wasn't offerin' any, then you say you want help again while also saying you're not sure you can be helped.
And all of that can be true at the same time because the mind can be like that sometimes.
I believe you dream you're a monster. I believe you could become one here.
But I also believe you don't stop trying to confront it and get better, even if you might fail in the end.