Life Under Fallout Conditions Today has been the first of two very hard days for my friends and I and I've been making the situation with our shared dreams harder than it had to be through that quirk of shifting my mind between the world I live in, and the world I used to live in. I think I'm realizing I can't possibly manage to have both Enjolrases...Enjolrai? Enjolrati, should I call my parents and ask them what the plural is of me in any one world.
I'm not saying he won't be back, that I won't flash to 1832 again. I won't do it consciously, but then I never tried to either. I think...we're both a lot more broken than we should be, 1832jolras and I, not to mention he's a far better writer than I could ever hope to be, so he tends to show up then, or when causes get me angry and...
Maybe I'm forgetting to be me, I guess, and letting me get drowned out, which is the last thing 1832jolras would want. My last life is a part of me, a huge one, but I shouldn't let it stop me from being me, from working on my terms instead of his and I'm sorry. I don't know how it happened or how I can work to make it part of me but not a part of me that takes over my life again or what but...
I need help. There's something more wrong with me than being stuck in a world I feel like I don't belong in if I'm the one getting drowned out, and guys, I'm asking you to forgive me, and thanking all of my friends on this network who tried to help me see what you were saying, and Azelma for bringing me back from it. I DO need help and I'm going to start looking
Well, first I'm going back to find Cosette, since we really should talk, and she's the one of you guys who wasn't there who gets the whole story first, but after that.