I know sort of what you mean. Not the exact circumstances but in my dreams...I am the evil clone of the person that everyone believed was me. He was kidnapped and I was cloned from his arm, which they cut off. I proceeded to betray both my friends and the superhero league by spying on them and betraying information and pointing out a trail towards three of them in particular instead of towards me. I put teenagers in danger, one of whom was BARELY thirteen, and I turned an entire group of mentors against the students they had trained as they tried to kill them.
I then proceeded to pretend to be a superhero for a number of years, taking cuts of money for my services and... yeah. I get what you mean about feeling like a monster. I didn't know at first, I had no choice, the same way it sounds like you didn't. I mean, Shah doesn't imply a whole lot of choice, but...yeah. I know the feeling and it sucks. It really does. I'm sorry.