Agent Washington (completelysane) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2017-06-01 18:59:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | !complete, agent washington |
Who: Agent Washington
What: A Setback
When: Last week of May
Where: Local Bar
Rating/Warnings Lowish; Obsessive thoughts; drinking
Status: Complete Narrative
Between working his day job with the Agency and turning in his bounties for the night, it had been a very long day, but Wash was not interested in going back to his apartment. Carolina had reported to Camp Pendleton. Wash knew he had no business worrying. Carolina’s security clearance and ranking allowed her to have more of a say in where the Marines would ultimately send her. Of course, she didn’t have the final say. If the Brass wanted to ship her overseas, then they would.
That’s what worried Wash the most. He hadn’t been there for the last assignment, but he’d heard enough from Carolina and later York. Neither he nor York would be able to go with her this time and Wash really wanted to be able to go. He wanted to go and be able to fight at her side, to watch her back. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t go with her, he couldn’t be at her side, he couldn’t watch her six. Knowing she was out there, but not where she was or what she would be doing brought back those feelings of being lost and wondering. She hadn’t abandoned him, but Wash felt the loss just as strongly now as he had before.
Sophie and Suda were company and both animals seemed to know something was wrong. Sophie never let Wash out of her sight. She slept at the foot of his bed, pressing a cold nose to his side when the night terrors struck. She followed him around the apartment, always a step behind and somehow never in the way. Even Suda stuck close, demanding attention. But even with the animals the apartment felt strange, large and uncomfortable and Wash didn’t like being there.
He spent a lot of time with Anna, at her house, but he could really only be there so many times a week. He didn’t want to be under foot. It wasn’t his house. Lexi and Stefan lived there too and ever since Stefan had caught him and Anna fooling around on the couch, Wash was extra cautious of the Vampire’s presence, or lack thereof.
And even though he and Anna were in love and were together, Anna had her own life to live and Wash refused to get in the way of that. And York was trying very hard to make things work with Emma the Nurse. Plus he had his own family. Wash didn’t want to get in the way of that either.
His mind wandered a lot. Epsilon didn’t scream at Wash any longer, but he still lingered, whispering at the back of his head, forcing him to remember and think, obsess over dark painful things. Wash tried to ignore it, but the more he tried, the more he found he just couldn’t. He needed a distraction. He needed something to dull the pain.
He had not been inside a bar once since getting sober. Walking into the one he used to go to all the time felt strange at first. He feared all eyes would be on him, watching him, judging him, but no one even glanced in his direction when he walked in. He could have stopped. He could have turned around and walked out again, but each step further inside melted that nervousness away until Wash found himself seated at the bar.
He knew the bartender, recognized him, and nodded his head in his direction. The man came over to him, “what can I get for you?”
“Beer,” Wash responded. So long as he stays away from the hard stuff, he figured he’d be fine. All he needed was something to take off the edge. Just one. No one had to know.