Raven loves waffles more than life itself (ofevilsfire) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2016-06-05 20:51:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, ahsoka tano, rachel roth (raven) |
Who: Ahsoka and Raven
What: Therapy via Star Wars marathon
When: 5 June
Where: Ahsoka’s apartment
Warnings: Low
Status: Log | Complete
It was time. After everything that happened in her dreams, after everything that had happened the past month, really, Ahsoka had decided it was time to sit down and watch what happened after she’d died (or seemed to have died). It was four movies, right? (she didn’t want to sit through the stuff she’d lived through so the cartoons were out, and she couldn’t bring herself to watch the ones where Anakin actually fell). But the ones with Leia in them, she could do. Hopefully.
But she couldn’t do them alone.
Raven wasn’t quite sure what to make of Ahsoka’s request that she watch Star Wars with her. Didn’t she have other friends? Friends who were better at…. Whatever this was? But she also couldn’t quite say no either. As awkward as she was, Raven wasn’t going to turn Ahsoka down in this, especially since it was obvious this was something the now much taller young woman needed.
Still. Setting everything up, the teen looked over to her friend one more time.
“Are you sure you want to watch? We don’t have to….”
Well if she asked Li that might actually be misconstrued or something and Li had… other things to worry about right now. Raven had been her first thought anyway, since it had been Raven that had clued her into this whole movie thing. Something she’d only recently gotten over.
She nodded her head. “We should. I need to do this.”
That had definitely been an awkward moment, breaking it to Ahsoka that the world she dreamt of was a movie series. Especially since she hadn’t meant to. But it had happened and now she was going to be watching said movie series with her. Still, not much she could really do but nod.
“Okay. If you want to stop, that’s fine.” Because really, what else could she say? Raven had no idea how Ahsoka would react to the movies, but they had four to get through. At least they weren’t also going to be watching the prequel trilogy as well.
“Okay. I’ll let you know. Like a safe word.” She chewed on her lip, trying to think of one. “Ezra.” It seemed appropriate, for some reason. She hoped he’d be fine.
Raven had no idea how Ezra would come up, but she figured that was why it was a safe word. It seemed so innocent, yet wouldn’t really fit the situation. So she instead nodded as a way to say that she understood before starting the movie. Or well, the first of them. While Ed was far more interested in Star Wars, Raven had her own reasons for liking it. While Trigon would never redeem himself, the fact that Leia and Luke were able to overcome their past, that it didn’t dictate their paths, well… it was reassuring in a way she would never actually vocalise.
It was cheesy old sci-fi, which Ahsoka would normally gobble up, but she’d fought those storm troopers. She’d fought Darth Vader. And he was on the screen, bigger than life, murdering those rebels and capturing a friend and it was all real. She pulled her knees up and hugged them, the very definition of THIS IS FINE.
And an armored battle station? The hell was the Empire up to?
Yes, Raven clearly believed that Ahsoka was fine. It really was a cheesy old sci-fi movie, yet it still resonated with people. The hope of so long as light remained, people overcoming adversity, family and connection. Still, she kept an eye on Ahsoka, just to make sure she was okay even with their safe word. Who knew if her pride would make her stick with it if perhaps she wasn’t okay….
And even when things weren’t shown, especially since this movie was from the late 70s, so the power of innuendo, it was still clear some things that happened and Raven was pretty sure she had noticed Leia around on the network, the one she was fairly certain Ahsoka had mentioned meeting.
But she also wasn’t good at the whole..comforting thing and she had no idea on what to say or do. So Ahsoka would have to take the lead on this one.
Anakin had tortured Leia. His own daughter (oh she knew, she already knew, or at least had guessed). And of course. “Obi-wan picked the one planet in the galaxy Anakin would never return to. He hated Tatooine. Sand. Never get him started on sand.” Even being in orbit over that planet probably made Darth Vader itch. Good.
All Raven could do was nod some. She had no idea what it would be like to watch something with those she dreamt about. Of knowing their likes and dislikes and being able to make comments like that. How Anakin would never return to Tatooine because of the sand. But this was where they were. So the small nod was all she could really do at the moment. Just.. let Ahsoka watch and process and..silent support. Yep. That was something she could do. Silent support.
She gave Raven a grateful look. And had an appropriate wince at the kiss on the death star. And the death star in general. She’d been to Alderaan a few times and now it was… gone. She didn’t know how to process it and she actually went blank for a few moments after that.
At least Leia was really badass. “She reminds me … well she’s definitely her parents. Padme, and a lot of Anakin’s… anger.” Which could be good or bad, it really depended. Really Luke seemed a lot more like Padme than he did his father. It was like they got the better parts of both.
So far this wasn’t so bad.
That was unnerving. Mostly just the idea that parents could inform how a person was, even if they never knew them. So what did that say for her? It was complicated to Raven because she appreciated the story in that it was the two overcoming their father, but then to hear that she saw both in Leia? Well….
“Interesting.”
Oh look, she could speak.
Natures were complicated things, and it wasn’t always just birth. “There’s a lot of Bail in her too. But Bail and Padme were very similar, and close.” And… and oh god Bail was on Alderaan. Ahsoka felt sick all over again. People enjoyed this?!
She kind of wanted it to be over, but maybe they’d escape except… except. “Oh no.” Vader was going to kill Obi-wan….
And it was just like watching her best friend kill her father and she started to cry.
People enjoyed a lot of things. Then again, most people just saw them as characters not lived friends. It was admittedly awkward for Raven now since she was friends with Ahsoka but it wasn’t like she was in the movies so she’d been able to enjoy them on their own and enjoy the parallels.
But then there was crying and all she could do was stare awkwardly at Ahsoka, no idea on what to do beyond awkwardly pat her arm. No safe word was said. Yet. But Raven was more than ready to turn off the movies.
She wiped at her eyes. This was her fault. She’d let Anakin go. She should have let them both stay in the temple. The rule of two required two to escape, and Vader had been too weak to leave on his own. She should have…
Okay. Breathe Ahsoka, breathe, there was still more movie to go and she wondered when Anakin would realize who he was dealing with. “You know, Leia is really good at suppressing the Force. I think she does it subconsciously. But Luke is probably...very Loud.”
“Oh?” Raven looked up from the text she had just sent to Ed, as if he’d have any idea on how to handle a crying friend as well. So much for that. But still, it seemed Ahsoka was getting things under control in terms of her emotions (well, sort of, Raven had a slight headache from the spike in them but there wasn’t much else to be done but deal with it.)
Of course, she also never really put much thought into suppressing of the Force or any of that. Ahsoka lived that world though. She would be able to notice these things as well. Especially since Leia was, well, in Orange County.
“No training.” It’s a miracle Vader hadn’t sensed him in orbit. A virtual miracle. Ahsoka’s emotions were under control again as plans to destroy the deathstar began. “I should have found them, trained them. But considering how things turned out with the Ghost crew I wonder if that wouldn’t have been a bad thing.”
And the womp rat comment made her smile. That was Anakin, full stop.
Really strange to see her smiling about Vader but… she knew him before he was Vader and Raven obviously knew the way it turned out. “Seems the two were separated and kept secret, nothing about them being born to keep them safe.”
Which obviously had failed. But there wasn’t much else that could be done about that. Still, at least Ahsoka seemed to get her emotions under control again. Two more movies to get through.
“I was...well dead. Or trapped. It was kind of fuzzy when I dreamed it. But I would have tried to help more. Glad to see what Leia and Mothma did with the Rebellion.” She tried to detach herself emotionally to get through the rest of this. “Not so happy about Obi-wan not telling them…”
“If you don’t feel like it’s over, then you probably aren’t dead.” That was something Raven had learned. Like when she’d become the portal. She’d been so convinced that should have been it and yet it wasn’t and then she was in Hell. And now… well, new dream. Lots of recycled images lately about hell or surviving on the street and how easy it would have been to follow Trigon because of the horrible things she’d seen before being taken in by the Teen Titans.
“Mm.” Not like there was much she could say. Ahsoka would see soon enough how it played out. Assuming they were able to get through the remaining movies.
And then Luke used the force and the Death Star exploded and everything seemed like it was better. But she knew it wasn’t better, she knew it was just a setback. But it was a spectacular setback and she could only hope the Rebels gained their footing.
Of course, if the next movie was called the Empire Strikes Back…”Yay, ice planets. Can’t say I was ever on Hoth but it’s a pretty good place for a hide-out.”
Of course it wasn’t going to be easy. There were three movies per trilogy. It would be nice if it had ended as it had, but they were in the middle of a war. Instead Raven was just going to let Ahsoka make her comments and nod along slowly.
“No one likes the cold.” Or the hot. But that was probably more Raven’s issues thanks to dreams of being in literal Hell.
“My species evolved from plains hunters, cold is definitely not something I’m adapted to.” Even with advanced cold weather gear it had been a problem for her. But the way Luke took out the walkers made her slap her palm against her forehead. “That’s brilliant! I remember the first time they brought those things into battle, everyone panicked.”
“Interesting….” It was definitely something to watch someone watching Star Wars for the first time. It was such a part of the subconscious mind to her. Ed hadn’t seemed to think she’d have seen them beyond the latest one he made her watch on opening day. Yet she knew it. So it was interesting. Especially with Ahsoka’s knowledge of the world, of living it.
And awkward. Very very awkward.
“This is easier, when it’s not the personal part of it for me. I can look at it like a holovid or documentary.” Ahsoka explained. Though she really liked Han. Him and Leia had become her favorites and she wanted to take them and Luke and train them and teach them and protect them.
Han had to be force sensitive. He was too good a pilot not to be.
“Makes sense.” She supposed. Then again, there was plenty that happened within her own dreams that she figured would be easier for her to watch so long as they weren’t tied to her or Trigon. Things were definitely going to get weirder later on but at least, for the most part, it shouldn’t be too personal for Ahsoka.
And if it did, Raven was prepared with awkward hand patting while sending messages to Ed for help.
Yoda. Ahsoka hadn’t been prepared to see Yoda, let alone see how unstable Yoda had gotten. All those years in the swamp hadn’t been good to him. She thought about the last time she’d seen him, an echo in the force. But she saw something in Luke that maybe Yoda and Obi-wan were missing. “The Jedi forbade attachment, but I kind of feel that was part of their downfall.” A younger Obi-wan would have gone after his friends too. So would Ahsoka.It wasn’t attachment, it was compassion. Love.
It was a tragedy to see the Jedi reduced to this, but maybe it was for the best. The Jedi needed to start over. She just wished that it hadn’t come at such a high cost.
Raven had her own issues with attachment. She knew that compassion was a good thing, but with her powers and what it could mean if she lost people she cared about, she was afraid of what would happen. She’d basically accepted that she had failed at not getting attached and had somehow ended up with friends. But she still worried.
“That wouldn’t surprise me.”
“It’s just really complicated…” Oh Luke...one thing they were right about was that Luke wasn’t ready to face his father. But Obi-wan or Yoda should have told him. The only people they were protecting were themselves. She made a disgusted noise. “Vader is just toying with him!”
“It usually is.” Wasn’t that the way of it? Even when things seemed that they shouldn’t be complicated, they actually were. Nothing was ever so simple. So instead she just leaned back and watched as Ahsoka got upset at the fact that Vader was toying with Luke. Because of course he was. Besides, again, it was only the second movie in a trilogy. Not that trying to point out painting arcs and narratives would matter much since people Ahsoka actually knew from her dreams.
There was something sad in Anakin asking his son to join him. A part of Ahsoka wondered where that came from and why he’d never asked the same of her. Maybe he’d still been angry at her for leaving, and it had festered and grown as the man who’d been Anakin had died. She’d seen no trace of the man who’d been her friend and brother in that yellow eye. But maybe something in Luke could get through where she’d failed.
At least the title of the next movie gave her some hope. “Thanks again,” she said, looking at Raven. “For sitting here with me.”
If what Ahsoka thought in terms of temperament for the twins was anything to go with, it was probably the reminder of Padme that reached him. And the whole… his son thing, thinking he was his only child. Because he was rather dumb if Raven had any say on the matter.
“Yeah. No problem.” It was awkward as all hell, but she could at least sit there while Ahsoka gave her running commentary.
Ahsoka would give her a hug, but she knew better at this point. So she smiled at her as the next movie started playing. She was more quiet through this movie, though she looked like she wanted to throttle Jabba right along with Leia. Hutts were always bad news. Even the cute baby ones, probably. “I saved a hutt baby once. He probably turned out like these guys.”
And again with the question of if people were doomed to follow their parents or not through birth alone. But given the baby undoubtedly was raised in the environment as well…. So instead she just nodded. “Probably.”
“Like, it wouldn’t even be his fault,” she continued. “He was adorable and sweet if a little...slobbery. But Hutts prize selfishness and money. It’s depressing.”
Even the end of Boba Fett made her melancholy, but she didn’t make a mention of it. She hugged her legs again. At least Han was safe. “I really like Han. Reminds me of another smuggler I knew. Only with slightly better morals.”
“Tends to be the way of people raised in that environment.” Admittedly Raven had been raised in the home of a mafia boss and she hadn’t turned out like that. But she was stubborn and had her own issues.
But yes, Han was safe and they were getting ready to destroy the second Death Star. At some point. Raven knew the basic story of the movie. But there was a bit to go since rescuing Han was the first arc of the movie. “He’s deceptive like that.”
“Rebel with a heart of gold, I know the type. Even Hondo had a little tiny good person inside of him.” She snorted. “A very, very small, tiny good person. The size of a microchip.” She held up her fingers to describe how small Hondo Ohnaka’s heart actually was.
Ahsoka remain silent when Yoda died. The last of the old council, the old guard. It was just Luke now. Maybe Leia, if she wanted that life. And their mad plan to destroy the second death star. How many systems had the Empire bankrupted for those things?
Death was a part of life, even for those who seemed untouchable. The passing of the guard, or so she was told. With her isolation and then seeing people die because of her own failures and mistakes, it was different to her. Her fault.
“It still existed though.”
And that was the question. How many people really thought about the economics of these weapons? Then again to most people, the movies were just for fun. No one care about the cost of building Death Stars and the fact building one would lead to bankruptcy.
It probably screwed over the new Republic, really. And how badly Ahsoka wanted to kill Palpatine. That sniveling snake, who’d been in Anakin’s ear the whole time, who’d manipulated everything everything!
But she literally gasped when Luke threw away his saber. A sound that quickly turned into a choked sob when Vader.. When Anakin was redeemed. So much emotion had built up in her since her dreams that seeing … seeing the man returned from being a monster overwhelmed her. She tried to tamp it down for Raven’s sake, but wasn’t all that successful.
Wow the emotions coming off Ahsoka were getting..intense. She supposed it made sense. It was personal for her with Vader, she knew Palpatine but she was getting a headache and sending random texts to Ed because help. Emotions. Not that he had much advice on the matter as the two weren’t the best at dealing with emotions. Like make a lightsaber with her abilities. Somehow she doubted that would work….
Which meant all Raven could do was sit there and awkwardly pat Ahsoka’s shoulder periodically. At least the movie was nearly over.
Ahsoka was okay again until she saw Anakin, Obi-wan and Yoda together at the end. Between that and the celebrations of the emperor’s death her water works resumed. It was embarrassing but she was so invested in all of this that she couldn’t help it. After everything, after everything, it would all be okay.
Okay. So maybe they shouldn’t watch the next one. Admittedly it probably wouldn’t be as emotional for Ahsoka, but well… this was a good ending. Things worked out. Go to the next one and oh right, everything is a mess. Kylo Ren idolising Vader. Han dying. Yep. While Ahsoka was distracted, The Force Awakens disappeared into a portal. No need to undo whatever this seemed to do for Ahsoka.
She needed a break anyway. Maybe she’d watch that one some other time, but for now she felt emotionally raw. Ahsoka ran a hand down one lekku and looked at Raven. “Can I give you a hug?” She needed one and honestly she was grateful for her friend being there for her. “I owe you big.”
At least she was being asked. While she really was not the touchy feely sort, Raven had gotten used to it from Starfire, and well… if Ahsoka needed the hug, the teen could put aside her own discomfort with the fact. Especially as Ahsoka had the growth spurt. Not that she had any height issues like Ed, just something she noticed.
“Yeah, sure.” Which meant awkward hugging but it was something.
Sometimes ‘it was something’ was everything. Ahsoka squeezed Raven for a moment, then let her go. “Want to watch something a lot less emotional? Your pick.”
Thankfully it wasn’t a painfully long hug and she nodded at the question, “Sure.” True Raven tended to pick documentaries, but it would definitely be less emotional.