fen (cutslike) wrote in thedisplaced, @ 2018-08-02 15:56:00 |
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Entry tags: | fen, kylo ren / ben solo |
Who: Kylo Ren & Fen
What: Fen and Ren discuss their relationship and more.
When: Thursday, August 2nd
Where: Fen’s room
Warnings: K-I-S-S-I-N-G
Status: Complete in gdocs
Kylo hesitated outside of Fen's door. So many things had happened in the past few days that his original plan to talk to Fen immediately had been pushed off longer than he'd intended. And some of those things had been good, there was a smile on his lips as he thought of Eliot and the fact that he could call the man his fiance now, but some of them hadn't been, and those were the things he didn't want to spend the time thinking about now. So instead he knocked gently on Fen's door, and waited, bringing in a breath and trying to think of exactly what he wanted to say to her. He knew what he was thinking, it had been simple enough to explain to Eliot, but Eliot he knew so much better than the woman on the other side of the door, and Eliot he trusted to get him - most of the time. It was so rare that they had a misunderstanding of any sort. Fen - he didn't know as well. He liked her though. And he thought that maybe she liked him, but he didn't know… well he just didn't know. "Fen?" Eliot usually entered, sometimes not even with a knock. It was how he’d broken the news of the proposal. She recognized something was different about this knock right away, and then she heard Ren’s voice behind the door. She looked unusually happy opening it. It was the first time she’d really seen Ren by himself since the news. He was quiet and shy and, she assumed he was checking to make sure she was alright. The memory of her leaving the house for a day was pushed much longer behind her than it really had been, but she could picture Ren wanting to see for herself that she was alright with the news. Before he could say a word she threw her arms around him in an eager embrace Fray knew all too well. “Ren! I’m so happy for you.” The hug likely should have been anticipated, but it largely wasn’t. And despite Fen’s smaller stature the enthusiasm did knock Kylo just a bit, but he smiled and slid his arms around her too. Off guard enough to not be entirely awkward at the prospect of touching her. It was so warm, so genuine feeling, that he couldn’t help the smile that was pulled to his own lips in response. “Are you?” Even though really there was no doubt as he pulled back to peer into her eyes and examine her face and tells a little bit more closely. “I- good.” He breathed out, relieved a bit even though he was certain he would have known sooner if something was wrong (well, normally this was true although he had been distracted this week). “I’m glad.” He seemed to become aware of the fact that he was still hugging her and he stepped back, although he still stayed in her space. It would have been easy to reach out and touch her. “Do you have a minute for us to talk? I can come back later if your busy though…” “Oh!” Fen seemed equally surprised and delighted by the request. “Yes, come in. Um.” Fen turned around and immediately began to straighten her already mostly tidy room. She wanted it to be at its best for company and adjusted the positioning of a chair in her room where she read, while she sat neatly on the edge of the bed. “What is it that you wanted to talk about?” she asked. Perhaps something about the wedding? She gave him her full attention. “It’s fine, Fen,” Kylo told her as she straightened things but he stepped in. It was the first time he’d been in it and he couldn’t help but look around a little. He wondered how much of the space had been Fen’s arrangement. He would never get over how different the cottage was from the First Order’s ships. He turned his attention back to her, the thing was, he really had no idea how to broach the topic. Eliot had asked if he should, but it felt like it should come from Kylo. After all, Eliot and Fen had a relationship that was defined. It was his and Fen’s that would be shifting. “I-“ he opened his mouth but wasn’t certain where to go with it. “I wanted to talk to you about us.” Fen wasn’t sure why, hearing those words from Ren’s mouth, made her so happy. Eliot’s previous fiance, Idri, was all business. He was polite, a dignitary, but he had no real love for Fen or Eliot as far as she could tell. Idri would do what furthered his political interests. Prioritizing his relationship with Fen was distant on the King’s agenda. Ren wanted to talk about them. And it was more than she could ever hope for. Her face lit up. “Yes Ren?” she asked. Kylo's eyes were on her, and that light in her eyes and her expression eased up on the weight of worry and uncertainty that he was going to approach this wrong. Maybe he still would. He did sometimes have a tendency to do that, but it suddenly felt incrementally less likely. He walked over so that he could sit near her, and then he looked back over at her. "I was talking to Eliot a little, before…" Well before the proposal even, and if anything, Kylo rather thought that this made even more sense now. "About what our relationship should look like. His and mine, and yours and his, and also yours and mine, because, um," his gaze flickered over her face, lingering on her eyes. Bright, and hopeful - they felt hopeful. Or was he imagining things? He couldn't read Fen as well as he read Eliot, or maybe he just tried not to push too far into her space. He'd held back recently sometimes. He'd trailed off into silence, so he moistened his lips and started over again. "I like you," he started tentatively. Fen beamed, completely missing his meaning by the way she seemed so touched by his words but largely unaffected. “I like you, too! I’m so happy it’s you. You’re going to make Eliot very happy.” Kylo smiled, because he hoped so. No, really he thought it was true. Eliot felt happy generally when he was with Kylo and Kylo was happy generally when he was with Eliot, but it wasn't just about the two of them. But aloud, he said only: "I hope so, but that's not exactly what I meant. I -" he hesitated again. Somehow this had all come out with Eliot, easily, even though it hadn't prior to that night when they talked about it, but when Eliot had mentioned the bed, Kylo hadn't been certain whether or not he'd intended something more than just sleeping. It had then just all come out, in a rush, and he didn't have that context right now. He reached over, slowly enough that she could pull back if she wanted to, but with the intention of running his finger against her cheek softly. "I mean, I like you. I want us to … I - we know each other because of Eliot, and we're connected because of Eliot, but I think it shouldn't just be because of Eliot, maybe. I want us to be comfortable with each other, and able to talk to each other, and to feel as if we're both… I-" he stopped. "I'm not certain I'm making sense." Fen was more confused than before. There was a moment of anticipation when he restated that he liked her, and she felt his hand on her face. Her look intensified until… he continued talking. And then she became confused. But once he stopped she shook her head, and then she smiled. He wasn’t making sense at all, but she didn’t mind his proximity. Fen put her hand over his, squeezing his fingers gently. “You’ve never made me feel uncomfortable,” she said softly. “I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, for Eliot and for Fray.” Was that what he meant? She offered him a gentler smile. He was so shy sometimes. It was a quality she liked about him. Hadn't he? Well, maybe he'd been the one that had felt uncomfortable. Kylo supposed that wasn't outside the realm of possibility. He struggled at times with people still, and he automatically assumed that most people didn't like him. With Fen, he supposed that he'd automatically assumed that she wouldn't. Maybe because if he'd been in her place he would have been more jealous than she seemed to be. But just because she had accepted him, it didn't mean that she hadn't struggled. He knew enough to know that and that was what he wanted to maybe, hopefully help put an end to. He knew it wasn't the whole piece. He couldn't change why she and Eliot had been married in the first place, and he could do nothing to shift their history. But he could perhaps do his own part to let her know that she was a part of his and Eliot's relationship: that their relationship, the three of them, was something he wanted. Her hand was gentle against his, and he glanced down at their fingers, squeezing hers back gently. "I've only done what I wanted to do for you," he said finally. At first just for Eliot, but with Eliot had come others. It had been a part of life at the Cottage since the beginning, and knowing how much Eliot cared about Fray and Fen, all potential awkwardness, or even pointless jealousy aside, he'd had to bring them in too. And he did care for Fray even if parenting was a challenge he didn't feel competent enough to take on. And then Fen had helped him find a kitten. "Fen," his voice was low, and his gaze moved from her fingers back to her face. "You've been so kind to me from the very beginning. And I don't want to make things awkward or uncomfortable, but I don't want you to feel that you are on the outside of what El and I have. I want you to be comfortable coming into our room if you want. Not like a guest, but … like a part of what we are." Fen froze. It wasn’t that she disliked what she heard. She found Ren very attractive and often caught herself staring at him, hoping no one else had noticed as well. She swallowed, trying to buy herself a moment and not wanting to appear too eager. “I would like that,” she said. Her face felt flush. He was saying what she thought he was saying? Unless things were different where he was from and there was some other cultural meaning attached. “I would want you to be comfortable to come into my room as well,” she tried. Fen made no mention of Eliot being there or not. She'd said that she would like it. That was good, and Kylo couldn't keep a smile from his lips. It was what Eliot had wanted as well, and what had brought this whole thing up in the first place, but then she continued on, and Kylo found his gaze back up on her face suddenly, his heart pounding slightly more rapidly than normal. "I'm in your room right now," he offered, gaze searching her face. Was she blushing? Cautiously he slid his hand from hers, and he lifted her chin up with his fingers so that he could match her gaze. This wasn't exactly what he'd talked to Eliot about -- if it were even what she meant. Was it what she meant? "You're beautiful, Fen. I want you to be happy." Ren’s voice had an uncanny ability to do things. Her mouth opened slightly but no words came because Ren was looking deep into her eyes and it was very hard to think clearly. He was in her room. They were sitting on her bed. Her words slipped away from her before Fen could reel them in: “I think you could make me very happy.” It took her a moment to realize she’d even spoken the thought out loud. “With you and Eliot and me… Um…” Fen was blushing again. Kylo’s gaze dropped to her lips, which was the heartbeat worth of warning she got before he moved forward to press his lips to hers, the hand that had been on her chin shifting up to her cheek, for a moment reacting on sheer instinct and not much else. His lips were gentle, but certain. Fen melted slightly with his touch. It delayed her ability to kiss him back for just a second as the rest of the world and its concerns faded away. Her hands at first didn’t know what to do or where to go. They settled at first on his shoulders and then her fingers turned upward to comb through his long dark hair. Kylo moved a hand to slide around her back, pulling her nearer, just a bit, as he kissed her. For a moment he was lost in just that touch, the way her hands slid across his shoulders, then into his hair, and he'd wanted that for weeks really, and it was just as incredible as he'd imagined it might be. In the back of his mind though, was the knowledge that it wasn't just him and Fen. And really that was the point - had been - they were shifting things, and this wasn't a direction Kylo was worried about moving into, exactly, but he wanted the shift to be good. He didn't want to accidentally fuck it up because they hadn't taken the time to be certain of things. He pulled back, heart pounding, and breathed out, keeping his hand against her waist, his forehead tilted into her space still, his other hand still on her neck. "We should talk to El," he murmured, low. "I want us to all be on the same page. And I believe that we are, but…" he punctuated this uncertainty with a quick kiss. "I want this to be good for all three of us." Fen easily kissed him back, but nodded solemnly. Yes. He was right. Of course Ren was right. They needed to talk to Eliot. It was just that her eyes were now a little more focused on his lips and the fact that he was there, in her room, with her and, she had admired him for some time. “We should definitely talk to Eliot,” she said. They would do this the right way. Not the kissing way. Fen’s resolve to do the right thing was not quite as strong as it should have been, but she guessed if she kept nodding her head and looked serious enough that it would be there. They would do this the right way. For a heartbeat, Ren only wanted to lean down and kiss her again. He was in her room, on her bed, and she was certainly interested and so was he. His resolve was not helped by the fact that he was almost entirely certain Eliot wouldn't mind, but at the same time, there had been so many things he'd gone at wrong. And he wanted this to be right. The risk that Eliot might mind, since this hadn't been exactly covered, it was too great and Kylo didn't want to risk anything on an assumption. With his thumb, he brushed over her cheekbone, and then he pulled back to put some air between them. "Should we go find him?" Fen blushed once more, unable to wipe the smile from her face. “Yes.” |