Holland "Holly" Sharpe (ilicin) wrote in the_colony, @ 2010-04-18 15:10:00 |
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Entry tags: | ^ week 07, bridget mackenzie, holland sharpe, | bridget and holly |
Week seven - Monday
Character: Bridget Mackenzie & Holly Sharpe.
Location: Siena Suites.
Summary: Bridget and Holly are both up early, and though they don't intend on it, they both share secrets.
Rating: PG-13 for subject matter?
Dawn was still a faint glow on the edge of the eastern horizon when Bridget emerged from her suite. Her crying session on Peter's shoulder had been cathartic, but it hadn't stopped her nightmares from coming back with a vengeance that night. If the baby wasn't stealing all her energy she probably wouldn't have slept at all, but she'd managed to get a few hours of sleep off and on before finally giving up for the night. Sitting in her suite and staring at the walls wasn't going to help anything, so the young woman threw on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt before stepping out to walk around the Suites and try to clear her head.
Bridget would hear huffing before she saw Holly trudge his way up to the third floor in a t-shirt and short track shorts. It was a tad early for him to be out, but he was having trouble sleeping as well and figured it would be better to get an early start on his morning exercise rather than lie in bed and dwell on everything that unsettled him.
"Hey, look who it is." Holly waved once he saw Bridget, then set his hands on his hips as he marched in place upon reaching the third floor.
Bridget smiled wanly at Holly and waved back as she neared the stairs. "I see I'm not the only one who had trouble sleeping. Guess we're just going to have to crow with the roosters this morning huh?" She wondered what would have gotten the girl up climbing the stairs instead of using one of the exercise machines down by the lobby, but maybe it was simply a change of pace.
That got an unladylike snort out of Holly. "I'll give you all the alcohol you want to crow right outside Alice's door. But you have to wake her up or no deal," he added.
"No booze for me thanks," Bridget shook her head. None for the next year and a half at a minimum, if all went well, considering she couldn't drink while still nursing after the baby was born. Somehow Bridget didn't think baby formula would be in great supply by the time she gave birth in the spring, probably was scarce now considering it would have still kept people alive when they were desperate for nutrients.
"What's got you up this early?" She asked, looking at the other...woman? Bridget peered a little closer at Holly, focusing on that unladylike protrusion on the throat. If that wasn't an adam's apple then she was Angelina Jolie. How the hell had she missed that?! Holly was a boy?
"Woke up and couldn't go back to sleep." He tucked an errant strand of hair behind his ear when he saw it blowing in the wind in front of his face, studying Bridget's expression carefully. She looked preoccupied suddenly, so he looked over his shoulder to see if anyone was standing behind him. Nope. "What about you? I saw you left dinner early, did you go to bed early?"
"Not exactly," Bridget responded, still a bit distracted as she started noticing more features that screamed male now that she was looking for them. She decided to come somewhat clean with the boy in girl's clothes. "I suddenly realized that the last time I'd had a meal with that many people it had been my wedding reception." She glanced out to the steadily brightening horizon to avoid seeing his reaction to the words. "Once I had that little epiphany, I had to leave. I'll be better next time, now that I've had time to process it."
"Ah." That was actually kind of depressing, and Holly had to frown.
"Sorry you asked?" Bridget had to smile a bit. "Depressing, I know." The smile faded and she glanced back out at the horizon. "I miss him terribly, my husband, but I know he'd want me to live for him." And for their child growing inside her, but she wasn't ready to share that with Holly yet. He'd figure it out in a few weeks if she hadn't told everyone by then anyway, with the way her clothes were getting tight she was bound to be starting to show soon.
Now, how to change the subject to something she was dying to know: why the hell was he pretending to be a girl?
"And what a life it is, although for what it is it's not the worst. I guess I wouldn't wish it on an enemy because it's not bad enough, but I don't know if I'd wish it on a loved one." Just after he said that, he thought of his sister and couldn't help but to wish she were there.
"I'm sure I could think of things worse than this for my enemies." Bridget leaned against the railing and stifled a yawn. Just because she couldn't go back to sleep didn't mean she wasn't tired. She wasn't on meetup duty today, maybe she'd try to go back to bed after breakfast. Assuming breakfast decided to stay down.
"Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?" She couldn't think of a obscure way to ask it, so better to just come out with it.
At first he hesitated, but after taking a moment or two to think about what Bridget could possibly ask, he nodded. "Sure." They were on the topic of past family, so maybe it was along those lines. Holly stopped marching in place.
"Why are you hiding?" She was certain he'd know what she was talking about. While she'd had experience with crossdressers back in academia she had no idea what she was dealing with here. If he was dressing as a woman for protection he'd be in a world of hurt if something happened to him out beyond the Siena.
"What?" Holly's eyebrows lifted high on his forehead. He definitely did have an idea of what she was talking about, but he wasn't about to give himself away.
"I must have been blind to miss it the other day, but I wasn't feeling very well." Bridget gestured to her own throat. "I'm not going to tell anyone since you obviously don't want them to know, but once you spot that, it's kind of obvious."
"Ugh, how many times am I going to have to have this 'she's a man' conversation?" After shooting a glare in Bridget's direction, Holly turned to go downstairs again. "Which I'm not, by the way."
"Look, I'm sorry," Bridget wasn't going to pretend she understood why Holly was getting so upset or trying to keep up the pretense once it was called. "If you want to live in denial, so be it, but there's no way you're a woman. We all have secrets, you're not special in that regard." It was on the tip of her tongue to tell Holly about the baby, but she wasn't quite ready to spill that particular secret unless it looked like the teen would stop to listen.
"Oh, what? What's your big secret?" He did stop a few stairs down, turning to direct an accusing stare at Bridget. "Something horrible that'll give you every excuse in the world to be a bitch, no doubt. By the end of this, I'm the one who will feel sorry for you, right?"
"The only one acting like a bitch is heading down the stairs," Bridget replied, feeling very tired of teenage theatrics over the past twenty four hours. "But yes, I have a secret." She walked down until she was standing face to face with the boy. "I'm pregnant with my husband's child, and I'm scared to death."
Bridget's secret caught him off guard, and Holly's gaze turned surprised before he caught himself and they hardened again. "Why are you scared? Everyone here will support you. It's natural."
"Because any number of things can go wrong." Bridget whispered, finally admitting the fears that had been added to her rotation of nightmares plaguing her sleep. "Do you know how many women died in childbirth before modern medicine, or the baby died during delivery? How vulnerable a woman is late in pregnancy? In a few months I'll be a sitting duck, awkward and slow if anything goes wrong out here, and that goes double if I end up like my sister." She remembered how large Calleigh had gotten and shivered at the thought of winding up like that in this environment.
For some reason, the mention of Bridget's sister made his heart clench. He quickly told himself it was just because he was feeling vulnerable, and on top of that Holly wasn't exactly sure why Bridget was telling him all of this. She'd just accused him - correctly - of not being a woman, and yet she was confiding in him.
"There are two doctors here." And he was trying to comfort her. "Kathleen had her baby without incident. It's gonna be hard, but the support you're gonna get will make up for it. People will be happy to do for you because you're beautiful, and you're pregnant. You'll have the guys around here wrapped around your pinky finger." Holly lifted his own to demonstrate. "Totally not the case if everyone finds out about my secret."
Bridget wasn't sure why she was telling him either. She certainly hadn't intended to tell anyone about those particular fears, let alone a crossdressing boy. "I don't think the reaction would be as bad as you think, around here." She sat down on the top of the steps and looked at him. "I'm not trying to out you if that's what you thought. I really don't care, I just don't understand and that sort of thing bugs me. I have to know the 'why' of things."
With a dramatic sigh, Holly took a seat beside Bridget and set his chin in his hands. "When I came here, I came here because my friend got murdered and I was scared. I wanted to ensure I'd get in and I'd be protected and actually be part of the group. It's not working out that well," he admitted. "I want to tell, but I don't want to seem like a liar, and it's sort of inevitable.
"As for why...." This part he hadn't told anyone, and he stared out at the sky over the stair railing wondering if he really wanted to. "I always liked women's clothing better, and when I came to Vegas that's all I had. I had to play the part of Holly, even though everyone knew I was a guy. That was part of the draw ... since I was a prostitute." Saying it did make his chest feel lighter, and he risked a glance at Bridget, expecting her to recoil in horror or something.
There was shock, certainly, but more out of the circumstances the young man had found himself in rather than the bit about liking womens' clothes. Her pale blue eyes looked on in sympathy and she put a hand on his knee. "I'm not going to pretend that your story doesn't disturb me Holly, but only because nobody should have to be a prostitute. Especially as young as you had to have been."
A glance away, then back toward the boy, a small smile on her face as she tried to ask the next question in a more lighthearted way. "Is it just the clothes or am I the competition instead of the prey?"
"Normally you'd be the competition, but I'm getting desperate," he joked back. Sitting there with Bridget almost gave him the courage to decide to come clean to everyone, because he was beginning to realize he wasn't as convincing as he wanted to be, but it was still a scary prospect.
"I won't tell your secret, either. You'll be telling on yourself sooner or later." He glanced at her not yet incriminating waistline.
"Soon enough," Bridget patted her stomach. "I'm a little thicker around the middle than I was, but I doubt anyone else can notice yet. A few more weeks and I'm sure I'll be showing. If anyone doesn't know by then it'll be because they're blind."
"They'll notice, but isn't it rude to ask a woman if she's pregnant? They may start hiding the snacks, instead." That made him chuckle, because he took joy in making fun of people who were getting fat, even if in Bridget's case it was more baby than blubber. "Just get in good with Jack and you can have all of the inventory you want."
"I don't know if any adult is going to be on Jack's good side for a while, after everything that's gone on." Not that Bridget pretended to know all the details, but the girl clearly was unhappy.
She looked over 'Holly' with a critical eye. "You wouldn't be that bad looking as a guy you know. There's no way you'd be able to get away with passing as a girl if you were dark haired, you'd have a five a clock shadow every day."
"I don't grow facial hair very well. Not that I've ever really given it a chance, but I guess I'm lucky like that." He shrugged. "My family was all real good looking, and I looked a lot like my oldest brother. I probably wouldn't dress like a woman 24/7 if I hadn't had to for years in Vegas, but now it's what feels right. I think I'd look weird otherwise. Besides, I like my long hair." To demonstrate, he combed his fingers through his ponytail.
"I like mine too," Bridget smirked and brought her own ponytail into view. It was significantly longer than it had been a year earlier, but she'd grown to like the additional size even if caring for it was a pain.
Her smile faded. "You're not going to be able to hide it forever you know, sooner or later the secret will get out. Wouldn't you rather be able to have it revealed at a time of your choosing?"
"How would you like me to reveal it? Stand up at a group meeting and go 'By the way, I'm a guy'? That's just awkward." Holly looked down at his nails, noticing the paint job was chipping on a few fingers. "And I'm not looking forward for everyone acting all weird around me. It sucks enough pretending to be a woman, but it'll be worse coming clean."
"If you say so," Bridget couldn't pretend she understood his choice or all the possible consequences of coming clean. She'd known a few crossdressers, sure, but this was on a completely different level. "Like I said, I'll keep your secret so you don't have to worry about me." The sky was very bright now, it wouldn't be long before the sun peeked out from behind the mountains.
She yawned again and shook her head. "What I wouldn't give for a solid eight hours of sleep."
"I'm gonna be going back to bed after this, hopefully." It wasn't the same as getting a solid, good night's sleep, but he'd take what he could get. "If you ever need a warm body, I'm an expert cuddler." Although Holly wasn't joking, he said it playfully.
Bridget smiled back and moved her hand as if to smack him upside the head, playing along. "I knew it! I am the prey." She chuckled. "I might take you up on that someday, you never know." There were times where she would dearly love a warm body to snuggle up against, someone to hold her and chase away the nightmares. Someone who would call her beautiful even when she got fat and huge from the baby further down the line. It should have been Jake, but that wasn't going to happen now.
Her smile turned somewhat forced for a moment and she shook her head to clear away the dark thoughts. "Right now though, I'm going to risk fixing some breakfast and hope it stays down."
"Yeah, and I have to get back to exercising," Holly replied, still leaning off to the side in defensive posture because of Bridget's mock slap. It brought a smile to his face because the moment seemed so genuine, unlike a lot of his other interaction with the colonists.
"Kathleen knows, too, that I'm Holland - not Holly." He stood up, reaching down to give Bridget a hand if she wanted it. "You pregnant ladies.... And Alice. Hopefully she's not pregnant, too."
"God I hope not!" Bridget said fervently, letting Holland give her a hand up. "One pregnant lady at a time is plenty around here and we need Alice moving at full speed, not big and awkward like I'll be in a few months time." Somehow she wasn't surprised that Alice already knew Holland's secret, that just seemed to make sense.
"It's nice to meet you...Holland." She rolled the name over and decided it fit. "I like it, but I'll promise to keep calling you Holly in front of others."
"Thanks." He almost added he would figure something out about telling everyone his secret, which was not-so-secret to some, but he didn't want to commit to that. "Good luck eating breakfast." Holly parted with a wave, heading downstairs.