Entry tags:

cauldron, closing games, fic

CLOSING GAMES ENTRY #7: Team Cauldron - The ConCept!
CLOSING GAMES ENTRY #7 - Team Cauldron's The ConCept!

the_con_cept has sent in a deleted scene from her 2009 Games fic for you!

We are pleased to present: "Not Quite Ever After" by The ConCept (an Outtake of 'Something Ever After')




Title: Not Quite Ever After
Author: the_con_cept
Team: Cauldron
Rating/Warnings/Kinks: PG; None
Word Count: ~1,000
A/N: I have taken liberty with the dates involved re: Blaise accusing Draco of copyright infringement. But the scene just isn't funny without it. I also used a common American word rather than the British counterpart for the same reason. Where the original fic was Harry catches Disney, this ficlet is more Draco does Motown.
Summary: Missing scene: As Harry gives up on Draco and his music and goes to see Snape, Draco continues to try to whip his singers into shape . . .

Not Quite Ever After

"…There's only one bloke in the castle
Who can put Slytherin through this much of a hassle . . ."

"And his name's Malfoy," Blaise ended flatly.

Draco turned to glare at him.

"What? Nothing rhymes with Malfoy!" Blaise protested, leaping to dodge a curse.

"You're an idiot!" Draco complained. "You ruined the whole damn song! You could have ended it with something else!"

"Nothing rhymes with Draco, either, except maybe Waco, and I thought about it and decided you wouldn't like the connotations."

Unnoticed, Harry took his bowl of oatmeal and went down to eat in the dungeons with Snape. Snape might gripe, but at least he didn't sing at Harry.

He was going to be very glad when this spell was finally over.

An odd little tune popped into his head as Harry walked away, and he began to sing softly under his breath. "He's a grump, and he scares us, throws a new slur every day. He's a grump, and he scares us, but I only hope he'll stay that way."

Draco didn't even notice the object of his manipulations had left the room. "If you all don't shape up right this instant I'm going to hex you!" he shouted, his hair disheveled.

Blaise and Pansy sighed heavily.

"That's the first time you've been in harmony all day," Draco spat.

"You do realise Potter's not going to fall in love with you no matter how well we sing, don't you?" Blaise said.

"Don't be ludicrous. Everyone falls in love with me."

"Everyone?" Pansy repeated, arching a brow.

"Who doesn't love Draco Malfoy?" Draco answered. "That's like saying, ‘You know what I really hate? Orgasms. Really fantastic orgasms. Can't stand ‘em.' No one hates orgasms. Ergo, no one could possibly hate me."

"There's a flaw in your logic," Blais said dryly.

"Shut up and sing, damn you!"

With weary obedience, the Slytherins chorused,

"No one hits like Draco,
matches wits like Draco,
in a spitting match nobody spits like Draco!"

Draco was horrified. "What the hell are you talking about? I don't spit! That's disgusting!"

Gleefully, Blaise countered, "Well, I've heard you don't swallow!"

"Stop it! You're ruining everything! Now take it from the top and be serious! And try to put some rhythm into it!"

"What does that mean?" Pansy demanded.

"Do I have to do everything around here? This is how it's supposed to go," Draco told her. "Step to the left, sway, sway, step to the right," he demonstrated.

"What, now we have to dance?"

"All the best groups have excellent choreography. Do you really want me to have to make do with inferior choreography? Let me see you sway." He eyed them critically. "That's not going to work. Here, step to the left, make a stabbing motion, then step to the right, then make a big arch with your hands! You know, like you're tracing a rainbow."

Blaise and Pansy looked at each other and shrugged.

"The stabbing bit's all right," Draco said, "but you need to wiggle your fingers more when you wave them through the air. Here, try this. Follow my lead." He began to shimmy as he sang,

"I've known of your
your erotic tights
I've even seen them maybe once or twice
But is their silken perfection
Really more than a cheap predilection?
So this time before you say I'm foul
Giving me a curse and a scowl,"

"Think it o-o-ver," Blaise and Pansy jumped in.

"Aren't I the hottest bloke?"

"Think it o-over!"

"Aren't I the ri-ichest bloke?
Stop! In the name of taste!
Your clothes embarrass me!"

Pansy and Blaise watched, speechless, as Draco threw himself into the song, flinging a hand up at Stop! and continuing by waving a finger back and forth, wiggling his hips in time.

"Draco," Blaise interrupted. "I regularly pick up magazines with men whipping each other and having sex, and that's still a thousand times less gay than having to dance like this. It's embarrassing."

"Nonsense. Nothing is embarrassing for Draco and the Malfoys."

"You can't use that name," Blaise replied.

"Why not?"

"I'm pretty sure it's infringing on someone's copyright."

"What? How the hell can that be?"

"Sorry."

"I have a band, Blaise. The most important bit of any band is its name."

"Only if it makes up for our complete inability to carry a tune in a bucket," Pansy noted under her breath.

Draco ignored her. "Fine. We'll call ourselves Draco Malfoy and the Pips, then."

"I'm pretty sure that one's taken too," Pansy said. "Or something like."

"Fuck! Draco's Midnight Runners? The Malfoy Five?"

"Can't you count?"

"Draco and the Vandellas? Malfoy Cruë? Green Day?"

"I don't think you can name it any of those things."

"Draco and the Fantastic Orgasms, then."

Blaise and Pansy looked at each other and shrugged. "Can't argue with that," Blaise admitted.

"And it doesn't hurt to advertise," Pansy added.

"Good. Now let's get back to—wait a second. Where's Scarhead?"

"He left almost ten minutes ago," Blaise volunteered.

"What?"

"You probably gave him ideas," said Pansy. "I'll bet he's starting his own band as we speak."

"He can't do that!" Draco gasped. "It was my idea!" He gave the notion a moment's thought. "What do you think he'll call his band?" he asked with mild trepidation.

Blaise shrugged. "Nothing as good as ours," he assured Draco. "Probably something stupid like the Supremes."

Draco frowned. "I hate competition. We'll have to crush them and create a monopoly, you realise. The only thing for it is to set up a recording studio and refuse to let him use it."

"Sure, Draco," Pansy soothed, rolling her eyes at Blaise. "That's just what we'll do."

"Well, let's get back to work," Draco said with a sigh. "Start dancing. And don't forget, we'll have to pick out costumes at some point. I'm thinking long, silver dresses with a split up the side all the way up to the hip."

"What?" Blaise squawked. "You can't make me wear a dress!"

Draco studied him through narrow eyes. "I might be persuaded to allow a silver jumpsuit," he said. "If the lapels are big enough."

Pansy grabbed hold of Blaise and prevented bloodshed. "Let's just concentrate on Draco's song, shall we?"

"Yes, that's right," Draco said. "A couple more musical numbers and Potter is bound to see what a catch I am."

"What a lunatic you are, you mean," Blaise muttered.

"Shut up, jumpsuit-boy," Draco threatened. "Now, let's take it from the top!"

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Thank you, the_con_cept!