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Tweak says, "They tuk our yerbs"

snarrymod (snarrymod) wrote in snarry_games,
@ 2008-04-28 19:42:00

Entry tags:

entry, simons_flower, team dragon

TEAM DRAGON ENTRY: Simon's Flower "Chains"
Title: Chains
Author: simons_flower
Team: Dragon
Genre(s): Alternate Universe *Hover/Click for Games Definition of Alternate Universe*
Prompt(s): Ritual, Inheritance
Rating/Warnings/Kinks: NC-17; *bloodplay, first time*
Word Count: ~12,500
Summary: On holiday for the first time, Quidditch star Harry Potter falls ill due to goblin inattention. One person can help him, but dare he trust the missing-in-action double-agent Severus Snape with his life?
A/N: It’s my first time, so be gentle. Thank you to babblingbrook42, madam_minnie, florida_minxie, and joanwilder for the beta and encouragement. Thank you to all my Dragon teammates for reassuring me that I’m not insane for attempting this challenge.

"Chains by Simon's Flower"

Read it at the Author's Website here: Chains.

Don't forget to review!

Mod note: POLLS ARE NOW CLOSED. THANK YOU FOR PARTICIPATING IN THE SNARRY GAMES.

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joanwilder
2008-04-29 04:24 am UTC (link)

I like how Harry actually made two journeys in this story: one on holiday, and the other, one of personal discovery, and I especially like how you didn't wrap the ending up tight, but like Harry's life now, anything could happen. The ritual was breathtaking, and the fact that this Snape would do it as matter of course, made perfect sense in your story.

Wonderful use of your prompts; and I adored your goblins!

Great job, Dragon! ROAR!!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

simons_flower, 2008-04-29 05:21 am UTC

joanwilder, 2008-04-29 05:45 am UTC

alisanne
2008-04-29 04:47 am UTC (link)

What a fun premise! The Goblin snafu, the over eager Mary Jo and the Black cottage essentially hexing Harry were all entertaining, as were Harry's inner thoughts as Snape worked to save him.
The sex was sizzling, and that's quite the delicious ritual you created.
When Harry went looking for resolution but decided he didn't need it, though, I was bit thrown, I must admit. I do like stories that have things wrapped up, not necessarily tight but at least with some amount of closure. But at least this gives you a chance for a sequel, right? *g* I would love to see if Harry and Snape end up resolving things in a more satisfying way in the future. :)

(Reply to this) (Thread)

simons_flower, 2008-04-29 05:24 am UTC

alisanne, 2008-04-29 05:58 am UTC

tsujton
2008-04-29 05:17 am UTC (link)

This was a brilliant concept:

"Because every depositor receives a quarterly statement from the time of majority until the day they die."

This had me LOLing:

He had had that thought in the back of his mind, but had refused to acknowledge it. Now he was being forced to and, had he the energy, it would have made him cranky. He was tired of dying.

This was very clever and thought-provoking:

Harry did not deal well with shades of gray, he knew, and that was the only color that existed in Snape's world.

-well done!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

simons_flower, 2008-04-29 05:25 am UTC

	telwyrd 2008-04-29 05:35 am UTC (link)
	A good story. The Gringotts goblins were fun to read. Nicely written! (Reply to this) (Thread)

simons_flower, 2008-04-29 05:42 am UTC

	sev1970 2008-04-29 06:25 am UTC (link)
	I think you did your team very proud :-) Poor Harry didn't have a very good holiday, did he? But maybe his future is going to be brighter... (Reply to this) (Thread)

simons_flower, 2008-04-30 04:27 am UTC

	gingertart50 2008-04-29 09:01 am UTC (link)
	I really liked your goblins and the ritual, and that there was no tidy happy-ever-after ending but the possibility of a future between them. Nicely done! ROARRR! (Reply to this) (Thread)

simons_flower, 2008-04-30 04:36 am UTC

	centaury_squill 2008-04-29 09:49 am UTC (link)
	The cock-up over the bank statements was funny and ingenious, and the sex ritual was smokin'. Yes, you did the team proud! I would love to see a sequel. (Reply to this) (Thread)

simons_flower, 2008-04-30 04:39 am UTC

	florida_minxie 2008-04-29 10:01 am UTC (link)
	I wanna have to have rituals like one in my next life. nods Or at least be able to watch some. ;) Dragon to dragon, this was an absolutely lovely story, darlin'! (Reply to this) (Thread)

simons_flower, 2008-04-30 04:40 am UTC

miriravan
2008-04-29 01:23 pm UTC (link)

Loved the goblins, laughed my ass off over the 'quarterly statements from majority until the day they die' line and the general petty bureaucratness of them.

The magic--both the wards and the ritual--was interesting and inventive, and I enjoyed your characterizations of both Harry and Snape, not to mention Ron and Hermione.

I thought the ending was a tad abrupt, and I was disappointed by the lack of resolution between Harry and Snape, but the story overall was really well done.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

simons_flower, 2008-04-30 04:42 am UTC

hambares
2008-04-29 02:50 pm UTC (link)

I just know that Harry will find Snape and they can work things out. I just know it.

I loved how the Goblins were shown as fallible. I didn't know how much I must have needed to know that, but considering that my first thought before even saying what hot sex that was, was that it was nice to see teh Goblins as making mistakes and predictably not liking that fact!

I really enjoyed this story!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

simons_flower, 2008-04-30 04:48 am UTC

	snarry_fan7 2008-04-29 02:54 pm UTC (link)
	A most interesting story; I like that the goblins screwed up about the inheritance and not sending Harry the statements. Excellent work.~Sophia (Reply to this) (Thread)

simons_flower, 2008-04-30 04:51 am UTC

torino10154
2008-04-29 03:05 pm UTC (link)

The goblins were funny-I love that Harry 'died' so they marked him off the books. Typical bureaucrats. And just like a house belonging to the Blacks to try to poison anyone that came across it. The ambiguous ending leaves some hope of happiness-I was very sad Harry left because this line, Snape laid a hand on his chest, stopping him. "There is no need to run away.", reads like true love to an OTPer like me. ;) Great job.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

simons_flower, 2008-04-30 04:54 am UTC

	amand_r 2008-04-29 03:17 pm UTC (link)
	Wow, I love the whole bureaucratic snafu. It reminds me of the consequences of Buffy's death in BTVS. And the goblins were appropriately prickly! What a great premise! Like someone said above, I just know Snape and Harry will work something out! (Reply to this) (Thread)

simons_flower, 2008-04-30 05:08 am UTC

plantinshadows
2008-04-29 04:44 pm UTC (link)

the plot is really funny and new.. goblins doing something wrong when it comes to money: unheard of! hot ritual... oh and poor snape being kinda rejected NOO... well... as you can see I really like Happy Ends or at least suggested Happy Ends.
the only other thing, I would nag about here is that I don't like Harry Potter in america.. to me he is british and while that doesn't mean he can't travel... why does it always have to be america?? (please, all Americans, don't feel insulted and I really like The Snarry Games and all, but I'm German, doesn't mean I'm constantly trying to bring Harry and co. to Germany, bring in German Mary Sues and German culture, because: nobody cares about that!)

sequel, please?

(Reply to this) (Thread)

simons_flower, 2008-04-30 05:18 am UTC

	ex_lilyseyes671 2008-04-29 05:30 pm UTC (link)
	Excellent! I loved the flow of the story and how you weaved the ritual into it - wonderful story! (Reply to this) (Thread)

simons_flower, 2008-04-30 05:18 am UTC

	vamp2puppy 2008-04-29 07:04 pm UTC (link)
	A very interesting story. I thought the ritual was great, as were the goblins. I would have liked Harry to find Snape, but the ending works as it is. (Reply to this) (Thread)

simons_flower, 2008-04-30 05:24 am UTC

josan
2008-04-29 09:12 pm UTC (link)

I'm glad that you participated. Bar Harbor is now part of the Harry Potter geography because you did. :-)

Snape's laugh was low and dark. "There is the required and, quite frankly, expected, need to climax, Potter."

I love this line. I loved the whole premise of the story...very original. Loved the fact that the goblins (who are, in their own minds, infallible) made a mistake...and a real whopper of one. I really liked that Draco is the one who can save Harry and that Harry finally accepts his 'position' in the Black family. Maybe not the family he was expecting (Malfoy is definitely not a Weasley) but family all the same.

Great story, fellow Dragonite!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

simons_flower, 2008-04-30 05:30 am UTC

	kookoolaka 2008-04-29 10:38 pm UTC (link)
	I love it. I would love to see a sequel to this one day. Possibly my favorite story so far. (Reply to this) (Thread)

simons_flower, 2008-04-30 05:32 am UTC

	schemingreader 2008-04-29 11:18 pm UTC (link)
	Whoa, now THAT was a sex ritual, with the blood and everything! Very kinky! Good use of magic in this story, creative! (Reply to this) (Thread)

simons_flower, 2008-04-30 05:34 am UTC

	calico_sky 2008-04-30 05:00 am UTC (link)
	I loved the grumpy goblins! ;) (Reply to this) (Thread)

simons_flower, 2008-04-30 05:35 am UTC

	ziasudra 2008-04-30 11:07 pm UTC (link)
	I really liked the part about the goblins in this story. I never thought I'd taken a liking to reading about goblins so much! The ending left me wanting to know more... there was much fodder for thought. Then again, if Hermione was able to find Snape the first time, I'm sure he'd be found again once Harry sorted himself out ;) Thank you! I enjoyed this. (Reply to this) (Thread)

simons_flower, 2008-05-01 03:23 am UTC

	amandasaitou 2008-04-30 11:23 pm UTC (link)
	Very nice story, you must certainly write more snarries in the future!! Good job!^^ (Reply to this) (Thread)

simons_flower, 2008-05-01 03:24 am UTC

	abigail89 2008-05-01 01:21 am UTC (link)
	This is absolutely marvelous. And quite inventive. And very believable. And typically well-written, as is your wont. Well done! (Reply to this) (Thread)

simons_flower, 2008-05-01 03:25 am UTC

nightcolors
2008-05-01 05:35 am UTC (link)

I enjoyed reading this story. And I both really like the ending and am not quite satisfied with it (can't make up my mind :D).

One part that threw me a little off the story: I'm pretty sure Snape mentioned Hermione shouldn't touch Harry from right before the ritual and for three days after? But then the day after, they went right on touching. :p It really isn't so important, but that part made me want to scroll up to check, rather throwing me off.

I loved the last image with Harry peacefully enjoying sunrise and tea. Thank you for sharing and I hope you write more Snarry. *g*

(Reply to this) (Thread)

simons_flower, 2008-05-01 05:46 am UTC

clauclauclaudia, 2008-05-29 08:57 am UTC

	eriador117 2008-05-01 08:35 am UTC (link)
	I love hurt/comfort fics, this hit the spot very nicely :) Well done! take care, Annete (Reply to this) (Thread)

simons_flower, 2008-05-01 02:01 pm UTC

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