Snarry-a-thon11: FIC: All I Really Need To Know I Learned From Snarry Title: All I Really Need To Know I Learned From Snarry Author:shadowess Other pairings/threesome: None Rating: PG Word count:1,016 Warning(s): None Prompt: #1: WildCard Summary: All I Really Need To Know I Learned From Snarry Beta:crimson_vipera A/N: They have one of these posters at my dentist and, while waiting for $800 worth of dental work to be done, I read it and thought about Snarry. I shamelessly stole many of the Snarry fandom clichés from accioslash’s post back in November 2009.
All I Really Need To Know I Learned From Snarry
Regardless of how long the feud between Slytherin and Gryffindor has been going on, the Headmaster keeps putting us together expecting we’ll get along. ~Blaise Zabini Snape is a sommelier, fine food diner, and listens exclusively to classical music. ~Draco Malfoy Harry’s Animagus form is a stag; Snape is often a snake. ~Rita Skeeter I’m so bitchy because I’m actually a Squib. ~Petunia Dursley Harry plays Quidditch professionally and Snape loves his Quidditch-toned thighs. ~Oliver Wood Snape isn’t the only person who can be a double agent or a traitor. ~Peter Pettigrew Once you destroy a Horcrux, it’s destroyed. This goes for Harry Potter as well. ~Xenophilius Lovegood I’m actually the boy of the prophecy; Lord Voldemort really just tossed a coin and picked Harry by chance. ~Neville Longbottom Snape is always very clever when it comes to his revenge against people who have hurt Harry. ~Vernon Dursley Snape doesn’t have a side - he’s loyal only to himself. Well, and maybe to Harry, too. ~Nymphadora Tonks When Potter decides he has had enough, he will become the next Dark Lord. With Snape at his side, of course. ~Fenrir Greyback It drives Snape wild when Harry talks to him in Parseltongue. ~Bill Weasley Snape spends his holidays away from Hogwarts, at Snape Manor, which has been in his family for centuries. ~Rubeus Hagrid Of course Snape brews his own lube; he’s a Potion’s Master. ~Fred & George Weasley When you get a bunch of teenagers together (especially when Harry is in a secret relationship with Snape), they will always play Truth or Dare and Harry will always pick Truth. ~Seamus Finnigan Snape is actually a loyal Death Eater and Harry is his reward for all his hard work. ~Igor Karkaroff Snape will get furious when he sees the scar my blood quill left on Harry’s hand and tell Harry that he should have told him so he could have stopped it. ~Dolores Umbridge When Harry keeps saying You-Know-Who is back, the only person who believes him is Snape. ~Cornelius Fudge Snape doesn’t really need his job at Hogwarts because he’s actually fabulously wealthy. ~Regulus Black Snape will still be the Potion’s Master at Hogwarts when Harry returns to be the new DADA Professor. ~Filius Flitwick A de-aged Snape will end up showing Harry another side to the man he once knew and they will end up shagging. ~Pomona Sprout Snape is actually a stunning specimen of man and has been wearing an ugly glamour all these years. ~Kingsley Shacklebolt Being a manipulative bastard is acceptable, as long as you’re a grandfatherly gay wizard. ~Minerva McGonagall Snape is Draco's godfather and it often had him stuck between siding with his godson or with his lover, Harry. ~Narcissa Malfoy Snape is good, no wait, Snape is bad...er, maybe good or bad? ~Ron Weasley Harry will train in secret and become a BAMF. Often under Snape’s tutelage (and under Snape - in bed). ~Alastor Moody Regardless of the fact that I was abusive to my son, Harry and Severus always have their son’s middle name be Tobias. ~Tobias Snape Harry will always be waiting in Snape’s chambers when he returns from a Death Eater meeting. Harry will bring Snape his potion to help him heal from the after-effects of the Cruciatus Curse. ~Arthur Weasley Snape secretly likes children and likes to talk to me about Potions like I’m an adult. ~Teddy Lupin Regardless of threats from other people, Snape will continue to fuck Harry. ~James Potter Snape is a pureblood. ~Lucius Malfoy When the side of the Light fails and I win, Harry will become Snape’s slave. ~Lord Voldemort When Harry turned 17 he received his creature inheritance which recognized Snape as his mate. ~Fleur Delacour It’s sometimes hotter when you’ve been having sex with your Potions Professor that it turns out that he’s your father as well. ~Hermione Granger Snape and Harry, after much UST, will always fall in love. Even when their relationship starts out as a fake one to deter a potential unwanted suitor. ~Molly Weasley Male wizards can have children naturally or sometimes aided by a potion, which Snape has created. ~Madam Pomfrey When Sirius and Remus are also dating, Sirius will continue to be a douche to Snape and Remus will continue playing referee, making Harry tea while Snape and Sirius fight. ~Remus Lupin During the Triwizard Tournament Harry was receiving secret help from his lover, Snape. ~Cedric Diggory Regardless of our marriage, children, and my family, Harry will leave me for Snape. ~Ginny Weasley Harry will always be rescued from his abusive relatives, though sometimes it takes a while. ~Dudley Dursley When Harry has been raped, after some coaxing, he will allow Snape’s healing cock to fix him. ~Moaning Myrtle Harry will fall in love with my son’s alter ego, The Half Blood Prince. Then, when Severus reveals that he is the Half Blood Prince, Harry will realize he was in love with him the whole time. ~Eileen Prince Harry will defy the Ministry of Magic because he’s really Snape’s Man. ~Rufus Scrimgeour Snape will never forgive himself for telling Lord Voldemort the prophecy. ~Sybill Trelawney If Harry travels back in time to the Maurauders Era, he will always end up shagging Snape. ~Sirus Black When Harry and Snape fight it’s really just foreplay for some super hot angry sex. ~Bellatrix Lestrange Harry is a virgin. ~Cho Chang When you ask Snape to teach Harry Occulmency, he will do more than just penetrate his mind. ~Albus Dumbledore When Harry ingests a Love Potion that makes him fall in love with the first person he sees, he will always see Snape first. ~Horace Slughorn An arranged marriage between Harry and Severus never starts out well, but in the end they will love each other. ~Lily Potter Hogwarts has an impressive collection of gay sex books in the Restricted Section. ~Irma Pince Teacher and student fantasies never go out of style and when Snape gives Harry detention, it’s really just a front for them to have sex on the desk. ~Luna Lovegood