InsaneJournal

Welcome to Auror Corps Technical Support.

An agent will be available to help you shortly.

Thanks for your patience!

Auror Corps Technician

Hi there, my name’s Harry Potter. May I have your name?

You

Severus Snape.

Auror Corps Technician

All right, what can I help you with today?

You

My computer will not turn on.

Auror Corps Technician

Okay. Have you checked all the powers cords are connected properly?

You

I am not stupid.

Auror Corps Technician

I never said you were, sir. It’s just that sometimes power cords can become a bit…touchy, and need a bit of fiddling with before they work properly.

You

…

You

…

Auror Corps Technician

Um, sir? Are you still there?

Are you sure you want to exit the chat?

Thank you for visiting Auror Corps Technical Support!

Auror Corps Technical Support

Client Waiting On-Line

Assigning to next available agent…


Connected!

You

Hi there, my name’s Harry Potter. May I take your name?

Client

Severus Snape.

You

Alrighty, what do you need help with today?

Client

My screen is blue.

You

Well, that doesn’t sound good. Okay, was it blue immediately after you turned it on, or did it boot up first?

Client

It was blue when it arrived.

You

Ah, okay, so it never booted up at all?

Client

It works fine. The screen is just blue.

You

…

You

Um, I think we may be talking at cross-purposes here. When you say it works fine but the screen is blue…?

Client

I mean the screen is blue. I ordered a black one.

You

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You

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You

Right. Okay. Silly question here, but did you peel the protective plastic off?

Client

Of course I

Chat disconnected!

Client has exited chat

Agent returned to queue…

Welcome to Auror Corps Technical Support.

An agent will be available to help you shortly.

Thanks for your patience!

Auror Corps Technician

Hi there, my name’s Harry Potter. May I have your name?

You

Severus Snape.

Auror Corps Technician

Okay, what can I help you with today?

You

My screen is constantly blocked by things popping up that won’t go away. How do I get rid of them?

Auror Corps Technician

Ooh, that’s not good. What anti-virus are you using?

You

What?

Auror Corps Technician

Anti-virus. What anti-virus programme are you using?

You

I have no idea. Whatever was on this machine when I bought it.

Auror Corps Technician

Ah, okay, I can look that up. What model is it?

You

Hogwarts 1977.

Auror Corps Technician

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Auror Corps Technician

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Auror Corps Technician

Um, wow, I wasn’t aware we even sold that model anymore. Can I ask when you bought it? Do you know the date?

You

1977.

Auror Corps Technician

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Auror Corps Technician

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Auror Corps Technician

Right, okay, let me just check something with my manager. I’ll just be a minute.

You

I’ll be waiting.

You

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You

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You

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You

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You

For goodness sake! How long is this going to take?

You

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You

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Auror Corps Technician

I’m very sorry about the wait, sir. I’ve been speaking with several of my colleagues and managers. Unfortunately, we don’t offer support for that particular model any longer…

You

And you call yourself support?!

Auror Corps Technician

I really am very sorry, sir, but we stopped supporting that unit at least twenty years ago. To be honest, it’s older than I am. Nobody here knows of any company that still works on them. I’m afraid your best bet now is to purchase a new unit with an accompanying anti-virus programme. Is there—

Are you sure you want to exit the chat?

Thank you for visiting Auror Corps Technical Support!

You

Good morning, my name is Harry Potter. Could I take your name?

Client

Severus Snape.

("Oh, bloody hell!")

You

And how can I help you today?

Client

I cannot access my email.

You

Okay, which email client are you with?

Client

OwlPost

You

Okay, let me just check our system, one minute.

You

...

You

I'm not seeing any problems cropping up at our end. Are you getting an error message?

Client

It says OwlPost has unfortunately flown the coop, please try again later.

("Bugger!")

You

Unfortunately, that's a problem with OwlPost's servers. I'm afraid there's nothing I can do about that. You'll just have to wait until it comes back up again.

Client

And how long will that be?

You

I'm afraid I can't answer that, sir.

Client

Well, I'll check back with you in a couple of hours and see.

("Wha—?")

You

Sir, really, there's no point—

("ARGGGHHHHH...!")

Auror Corps Technician

Hello there, I'm Harry Potter. May I take your name, please?

You

Severus Snape.

Auror Corps Technician

And how can I help?

You

I recently received a document from a colleague in Bethlehem, but when I try to edit the document, the text comes out all back to front.

Auror Corps Technician

Back to front? You mean it's going right-to-left, instead of the usual left-to-right?

You

That is what I just said, is it not?

Auror Corps Technician

Just double checking, sir. What kind of document is it?

You

It's an article on the best way to mix—

Auror Corps Technician

Ah, no, sorry, sir. I meant, what *type* of document is it? A Parchment document? Illuminate presentation? List-all spreadsheet?

You

Oh. It's a simple Parchment document.

Auror Corps Technician

Okay, and have you tried copy and pasting the text over into a new document?

You

I have. The same problem happens in the new document as well.

Auror Corps Technician

Have you tried copying it as plain text?

You

What part of “I have tried copy and pasting” is confusing you, exactly?

Auror Corps Technician

Sir, there's no need for that kind of attitude. I'm just trying to establish what steps you've already taken so that I don't go over them again. Now, since copying as plain text didn't work then I just need to go and check settings to see how I can help. I'll just be a moment. Do you know which Parchment version you're using?

You

2013.

Auror Corps Technician

Alright. One moment, sir.

You

Fine.

You

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You

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Auror Corps Technician

Okay, sir, sorry about the wait. I've got a step-by-step process here of how to fix the issue. Would you like me to go through it with you via the chat, or should I email the instructions to you?

You

Email will do well enough.

Auror Corps Technician

Okay. I've sent the instructions to the email address we have on file for you. Is there anything else I can help you with, sir?

You

Not at the moment, but I'm sure I'll be back when your instructions prove nonsensical.

Auror Corps Technician

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Auror Corps Technician

...

Auror Corps Technician

Alrighty, then. Have a good day, sir.

You

Humph!

Welcome to Auror Corps Technical Support.

An agent will be available to help you shortly.

Thanks for your patience!