Only looked through about half the scans, because I decided it's worth a look into, and I personally am not a Star Wars fan. Why? You sold it to me with your intro:
"Captain Pellaeon scolds a lieutenant who's shouting for his attention, saying that this is not a cattle market. This is the bridge of an Imperial Star Destroyer. Information is not simply shouted in the recipient's direction."
Writing that provides that kind of detail appeals to me.