( sortedthingsathome )
In other things, trying to figure out my life. If people who are fifty and sixty can go back to school and start a new career/job path, then so can I. Rather, begin anew. Start over. I think that's what I mean.
I've been slowly laying out my cards, figuring out what my strengths are rather than accept what mine are by what I'm told. Trying to figure out what would best get me to where I want to be outside of work.
Because me? I know for sure that while I think I'm best at being a house wife (I love taking care of hearth and home and all that, I was happiest so far when I was unemployed, cleaning house and doing errands and all that. I didn't feel stagnant, bored, or listless. I was in my element. I was stressed out because people told me I needed a job, should have a job; and really it wasn't fair to my grandma who was being pestered by the student loan people, so stress from that, but if all that hadn't happened? Yeah, happier tending to the home), it isn't really practical, I think? At the very least, youngest sister and I don't plan on living apart so anyone who would want me for a housewife would have to take her too and well that's not fair, is it? So it's up to youngest sister and I to make our way.
I also like being away from the city, in the country. I know I want to be a homesteader eventually--nice country cottage, livestock, gardening. I like writing non-fiction. (Not good at it, I know, but I do like it.) I like being the person who assists the person who gets the shit done. (That's almost what I do now, at work. But for everyone, not at once but as needed. Sometimes I do sales stuff, sometimes I do yard stuff, sometimes it's shop stuff, sometimes it's the job I was hired for, ha!) Print that off? Yep. Go get the coffee? Sure. Write that up? Yep. I mean, that sort of job while it is the kind I am actually perfect at and makes me pretty happy, is thankless because in my experience thus far doing it here and there at different places, no one notices. They're just happy that suddenly something has happened as if by magic. But I do like being this random fairy who eases everyone's way by making things happen. It makes my day, okay?
I'm applying for jobs right now in office type settings because I do have the skills to be a receptionist or something, but I'm doing so because I figure it's the best option to get me more money right now. It is definitely not want I want do as a career. And I can't imagine that many offices want a floater/errand runner, other than interns, and well, I want to be paid and don't want to do it just for a college credit.
I don't want
to go back to school. But maybe I have to? Maybe something in journalism--I could be someone who writes for magazines from home. Or--there's a few agricultural schools nearby. Of course there's also an organic farmer nearby who does interns--does he require a degree? Or just maybe there's something else. I'll have to talk to someone eventually, try to decide what all the options are. (Anyone have any suggestions?)
So yeah. Finding out what I'm actually, truly good at. What best suits me and where I want to be. Sort out the house here once and for all to get that baggage done with--because the shed needs to be emptied so I can wipe my hands of the last of my mum's garbage--and, ugh, get a driver's license (I don't like driving! but the future place I am happy at is in the middle of nowhere so, car is a need). Just maybe get myself a second job in the kind of place I am right now--there are two other places in town that are within easy distance for me and my feet or a bus--and restart the money-making thing so I can get out of this state and somewhere else, maybe Massachutes or Vermont, in a place I feel a calling for and root myself there.
I dunno. But I know I need to do something. I am okay where I am. I'm the kind of person who settles, happy and content, leaves work at work and fusses around the house. I've got it all now, really. But I don't like being reliant on state assistance to make ends meet and I don't like my landlord or the neighborhood and right now, the job does not meet that requirement to get out of here. And you know, if I have to work another job to get out, then I have to. And really it'll likely be better if I don't rely on a car to get to and from work; with the price of gas, well, that makes saving money to get out difficult. Car, sure. Using car to get to and from work? Well, not considering that one.
Never too late to start, yeah? And everywhere has a start. I'm being cautiously hopeful and positive and trying to keep the balance and not letting the day to day wear me down. It can be bad right now and it is overall pretty bad, but it can't be that way forever, and I am the only one who can make it better. Yes? Yes.
...I feel better now. Got all the thoughts out. This was very helpful. Just focus, self. Just focus. And do it one step at a time.
(But hey any thoughts would be good. Talking with people has gotten me to the next step in the past--and at least two jobs, one I wasn't happy with, but it was a job--so I'm keeping myself open to other thoughts and ideas from other people in my life.)