21. Calling the Shots (Drabble 20) Title: Calling the Shots Author: LJ's dumb Drabble: 20 by zaipixie Notes: Post-513. Thanks to my beta, secretsolitaire, and the drabble-writer! Here's the thing.
People always get the wrong impression how it was that time when he came back.
Yes. He was the one that asked for a second chance. That's true.
But what only he and I will ever know is how from that moment on, he called all the shots.
Feeling his lips again … if it had been up to me I would have hurt both of us, and trashed the office in my need to just get closer. I couldn't think beyond... Eyes.
Lips.
Skin.
Hair.
… …
Justin.
That's what people don't see.
I had to keep him close.
***
He awakes with a start, his body coated with a sheen of sweat. Another nightmare. In the five months of his living in New York, they'd come back with a ferocious regularity, but they still always catch him off guard. New York is much noisier than Pittsburgh. Much cruder. Full of strangers at every turn. He switches on the light and gets out of bed. He won't be able to go back to sleep for awhile. After getting a drink of water, he studies his current painting. It is smaller than he would like, simply because he doesn't have the space, but it will do. It is very dark, with lots of smoky navy. Some days he likes it, some days he thinks it's garbage. He sighs and picks up a paintbrush.
***
Brian lies on his bed, adrift in a sea of midnight blue. He blows smoke up at the ceiling and then, after a final drag, leans over and stubs out the cigarette. He picks up the framed drawing on his nightstand and stares at himself in an almost identical position as he is in now, looking for clues as to what remarkable things Justin sees in him. After a long moment passes, he rolls over and closes his eyes, exhausted by the search.
***
Justin walks down bustling Broadway, avoiding shoulders and elbows of the other pedestrians. He tries not to think about how he wishes – longs – to see Brian emerge from the crowd, smiling and reassuring with arms outstretched. He looks for him anyway, searching the foreign faces, the bizarre body shapes. When he reaches the office building to meet the agent that Lindsay set him up with and still no Brian in sight, he can't help but feel disappointed.
***
Brian plunks down on the stool next to Michael.
“Coffee, please, Deb. To go.”
“Comin' right up, hun!” she calls over her shoulder, balancing three large breakfast plates as she hurries to a table.
“Brian!” Michael says. “Haven't seen you in awhile.”
“Yeah. I've been lying low. Working.”
“I know. I've been getting my updates on you from Ted. Hey, want to meet up at Babylon tonight?”
“I can't. Big presentation tomorrow. Liberty Air.”
“Tomorrow night then?”
Brian shrugs.
“C'mon. Since when am I the one to try to get you to come out? We'll celebrate your success!”
“Okay, Michael. Tomorrow night.”
“Good. But now I gotta go open the store.” Michael squeezes Brian's shoulder and says good-bye to Deb, who is giving Brian his coffee.
“Thanks, Deb.” He slides her a five across the counter and heads for Kinnetik.
***
Brian slides the loft door shut behind him and resets the alarm. He slips off his work clothes and carefully puts them back in their spot in his closet. Wearing only his black boxer-briefs, he lounges on the couch and makes his daily phone call to Justin, who answers after one ring.
“Hey.”
“Hey,” Brian replies cheerfully.
“How are you?”
“Good. I landed that Liberty Air account.”
“Brian! That's great! I'm really proud of you!”
Brian smiles soundlessly. “How're things with you?”
“Good, actually. I met with my agent this morning. We finalized the details for my show next month. It's at a fairly well-known gallery, considering it's my first show here. There'll be a few other young artists showing too.”
“Good news. I knew you could do it.”
“And guess what else! They want one larger piece, so they're getting me some studio space. Just for me. I'll have to work a lot in the coming weeks to get it all done, but I'm really excited about it.”
“You're sure you can get it all done? Be careful with that hand of yours.”
“I can. I just have to make sure I take frequent breaks. Do those exercises.”
“I know some exercises you can do,” Brian says suggestively.
Justin laughs. “Oh yeah? Like what?”
“Are you at home?” Brian asks.
“Yeah.”
“Good. First, take off your shirt,” Brian instructs.
He hears a rustle and then Justin’s voice. “It's off.”
“Slide your hand over your stomach. Across your chest. Rub a nipple between your thumb and forefinger. And then squeeze it. Hard.”
Justin gasps. Brian slides his hand down the unbuttoned crotch of his jeans and massages his hardening dick.
“Now. Get the lube and that blue dildo.” Brian hears rummaging and pictures Justin leaning over for the toy with a look of lust on his face.
“Got them,” Justin whispers.
“Slip off your pants and underwear. Squeeze some lube onto your hand. Rub it a little in your fingers to warm it up.”
“Uh huh.” Brian hears the want in his voice. “Slide your fingers along your crack. But don't go in yet. Tease your hole first. Circle around it.”
“Mmmm.”
“Now get some more lube. Squeeze it on your fingers. Slowly slide one inside.”
“Oh god, Brian.”
“Tell me what it feels like.” Brian closes his eyes, making himself keep his hold on his dick loose.
“It's hot. Tight. Pushing against me as I'm pushing against the muscles. Pulsating against my finger. I'm pretending it's you.”
Brian groans. He shifts and pulls his pants down lower. Unable to hold back any longer, he tells Justin, “Now lube up the dildo. Stroke it. Make it wet and hot.”
“Mmmm. Okay.”
“Okay. Now slide it inside of you. Slowly. All the way in. Deep. I want my dick all the inside of you, Justin.”
“Oh god! Brian!”
“Now thrust it in and out of you, Justin. All the way in each time.”
“Uhhhh,” Justin moans.
Brian hears Justin panting. “Slow down,” Brian gasps. He closes his eyes and pictures Justin as he must be at the moment: slightly sweaty, his back arching, throwing his head back, eyes squeezed shut, toes curling, mouth open in an O.
“Okay.” Brian swallows. He’s breathing hard now too. “Stroke your cock with your other hand. My hand is wrapped tight around your cock, smearing the pre-come around the tip with my thumb.”
Justin moans. “Not yet,” Brian whispers. But he’s seeing Justin’s hole stretched around the dildo, seeing Justin squeeze it in, the dildo disappearing into his body with each stroke, glistening with lube. And then Brian is coming, groaning, scrunching his face with the intensity of the orgasm.
Justin cries out and Brian knows he is coming too. He imagines Justin’s tongue hanging out, the look of release on his face.
Brian listens to Justin's slowing breath and matches his own inhalations to Justin's.
“Mmmm. That was good.”
“Yeah, it was. You were really good, Brian.”
“You make it so easy.”
***
Justin slides the flyers for his art opening into envelopes. He scribbles his mother’s address on one and Lindsay’s address on the other. Lindsay had already told him she couldn’t come and had promised him the next weekend instead, but he wanted her to have the flyer anyway. He sets a third flyer aside for Brian, who will be visiting this weekend. Justin smiles to himself at the thought.
***
Brian strides into crowded Babylon, scanning the faces for a new, hot guy to fuck. Well, okay. Not the faces. But it is Wet T-Shirt Night. After spotting a couple of potentials, he goes to the bar for a drink and sees Ted and Blake.
“Hey, Bri.”
“Theodore. Blake. How are you boys this fine evening?”
“Enjoying the sights,” Blake says. “Good turnout, huh?”
“Not bad,” Brian says.
“Unfortunately, though, we have to go,” Blake says. “I have a flight early tomorrow morning for a conference.”
“Oh, Bri, that reminds me,” Ted says. “A couple of people from the art department want to meet with you first thing tomorrow morning. They want to iron out the minor points for a couple of Liberty Air campaign boards.”
Brian groans. “Of course. Later, boys.”
Alone again, with a drink in hand, Brian heads upstairs and leans over the railing to watch the show unfold below him.
***
Justin wanders around the gallery nervously. The opening is more than half over. His three paintings have sold. His mother has already come by with Tucker and Molly. Now he waits for the last thing that will make it a successful night. He glances at the door again.
“Hey Justin,” Meghan says. “Your work is amazing.”
“Thanks, Meghan. I saw that all of your stuff sold too.”
“Yeah, it's been a really good night. You sure you won't come for a beer tonight? We need to celebrate!”
“No, Brian should be here soon.”
“So? He can come with us.”
“Thanks, Meghan, but I'd like tonight to just be the two of us. I can call you tomorrow to see if we can meet up.”
“Okay, sure. Have a good night! Talk to you tomorrow.”
Justin smiles at her and turns again to the door. Nothing. He makes his way to his art and then stops short. Brian. He grins.
“Brian!”
Brian smiles back at him. “Just made it. Your work is...” He stands back and looks at it. “Exquisite,” he concludes.
Justin smiles again and suddenly feels like he can't get close enough to Brian. He wraps his arms around the familiar frame and inhales Brian's scent for a moment. Justin pulls away and looks at Brian. “How was your trip?”
“It was shitty. But I have a whole three days here.”
“Oh, good. You were able to reschedule that meeting then.”
Brian nods. “So, I need to use the bathroom. Can you help me find it?” he asks playfully.
Justin laughs and takes Brian's hand, leading him to the single-stall bathroom.
Brian locks the door behind him and they look at each other for a moment, surrounded by the silence in the bathroom. With a smile forming on his lips, Brian kisses Justin tenderly at first, then harder, running his tongue along Justin's teeth. Justin returns the kiss, sucking in Brian's tongue and rubbing his tongue under the bottom of Brian's.
They finally break apart and Justin kneels in front of Brian and unbuttons his jeans, pushing them and his underwear down past his butt. He licks the underside of Brian's erection from the base up and then sucks just the head in hard.
Brian groans and puts his hand on Justin's head, tangling his fingers in the soft blond hair. Justin resumes licking Brian’s dick, making his tongue wide and flat. He feels Brian’s dick getting harder against his tongue. Licking down lower, he sucks in Brian’s balls one by one, rolling each around in his mouth.
He licks back up to the tip again and swallows Brian’s dick down. Closing his eyes, he feels Brian bump up against the back of his throat and pushes against it, then backs off just a little bit before pushing up against Brian again. Brian is whispering to him, mumbling really, something that he can’t quite make out, but it sounds encouraging. He bumps Brian up against the back of his mouth a few more times until he’s salivating all over Brian’s dick and he can’t breathe anymore. Brian is moaning, thrusting against Justin.
Justin eases back off of Brian and licks the length of him again, coats him in his spit. Brian tightens his hold on Justin’s hair. Justin tongues Brian’s slit, licking through it. He licks hard little circles at the sensitive spot on his dick, on the underside just below the head. He breathes in deep, smelling Brian’s sweat and pre-come and his own saliva and glides his lips down Brian’s dick. He repeats this movement again and again, squeezing Brian’s balls, and then using his wet finger to tease Brian’s hole. Justin slides his middle finger into Brian and wiggles it, grazing against Brian’s prostate.
Brian moans. “I’m gonna come, Justin.” Justin feels Brian clamp around his finger and then a second later, he shoots into Justin’s mouth with a shudder.
Justin swallows in big gulps. He stands up and quickly kisses Brian on the mouth. Brian reaches his hands down, undoing the button on Justin's pants, but Justin holds his hand still. “Hold that thought. My show's about over. Let me just go say bye to everyone.”
Brian chuckles. “With that tent popping out of your pants?”
Justin looks down, even though he can feel his erection straining against his pants, and blushes. “Well,” he says. “I suppose I could be talked into a quickie.” He removes his hand from Brian’s. He must be a little more light-headed from the blow job and the show than he realized.
Brian grins. “I knew it wouldn’t be… hard--” He squeezes Justin’s crotch with that last word. Justin groans. “--to convince you.” He kisses Justin, licking at his lips. Brian pushes Justin’s pants and underwear down and wraps his hand around Justin’s dick snugly. He jerks Justin off for a few strokes and then, kneeling down, sucks his dick into his mouth hard. He swallows Justin in deep and then pulls his face away, still sucking in.
Justin bucks his hips at the pull. “Oh god, Brian,” he whispers.
Brian repeats this a few more times, just the way Justin likes it. The way he can’t get enough of.
“Ahhh, Brian. Oh god. I’m going to come…” Justin feels tingly all over and he braces himself against the wall and orgasms, his body shaking.
Brian pulls Justin’s underwear and pants back up, tucking his softening dick inside. “See?” he says with a smirk. “I knew it wouldn’t be hard.”
Justin smiles and quickly gives up on a retort in his post-coital lull. Instead, he just takes Brian’s hand and squeezes it.
***
Brian follows Justin into his apartment, down the hall, and into his room. “Let's take a shower before we go out,” he says.
They warm up the water, undressing slowly in front of each other.
Brian soaps Justin's back, tracing the familiar line around his shoulder blades and down his spine, his fingers bumping against each vertebra, and finally slipping down to his ass. He slides his fingers down the crack to his leg, crouching now, and then back up around the curve of his buttock.
Justin groans. He reaches around and takes Brian's hand, pressing it against his erection.
Brian wraps his fingers around it and squeezes it – just a little. Justin groans and arches his back, pressing his dick into Brian's hand. Brian keeps his hold and strokes Justin slowly.
“Fuck me,” Justin whispers. “Please. Fuck me.”
At those words, Brian loses any of his own self control. He leans out of the shower and grabs a condom and a packet of lube from his jeans pocket. He quickly fingers Justin's hole with the lube. He feels tense with anticipation in a way that he hasn't felt in a long time, and he fumbles a little with the condom before slipping it on successfully. He slowly thrusts up into Justin. They both moan.
“I love feeling you inside me,” Justin chokes out.
“Mmmm,” Brian murmurs. He kisses Justin’s ear, sucking on a bit of skin.
He feels Justin's muscles squeezing around his pulsating dick in a way that feels so right that it scares him. He pushes the thought away and thrusts harder, wrapping his arms around Justin's chest. Justin arches his back against him, letting his head fall against Brian’s shoulder. As it intensifies, Brian takes Justin's dick and strokes it in rhythm. Soon, Justin explodes in an orgasm, his body trembling all over. Brian thrusts in deep twice more against Justin’s spasming hole and then he orgasms hard too, emptying himself inside of Justin. Justin turns around and wraps his arms around Brian and squeezes.
Justin lifts his face up and kisses Brian softly. He gazes at him. “I love you.”
Brian looks back at Justin, who looks surprised at actually saying those words, and biting his lip as if he could keep the words from tumbling out in the first place. He looks at the way Justin is still holding his chin up. Brian’s heart pounds in his chest.
He hesitates only a moment. “I love you too,” he says quietly.
Justin grins at him and Brian smiles back goofily. They turn off the shower, get dressed, and go dancing.
***
Justin wakes earlier than Brian. They will have to leave soon for the airport. But first, Justin takes his sketchpad and draws Brian. He likes documenting the way Brian’s body has changed ever so slightly through the years. The lines of his body are softening and there are faint wrinkles around his eyes, but his shoulders still look strong and his eyebrows are still manicured. Brian stirs.
“Good morning,” Justin says and smiles at him.
Brian squints and grunts at him and closes his eyes again.
“Nope,” Justin says. He jumps on Brian and kisses his closed eyes. “You gotta get up.”
Brian looks under the blankets. “Well, look at that! I already am.”
Justin reaches under the blankets and feels Brian's dick. “Yes, you are,” he murmurs. He leans down and kisses Brian deeply.
***
“Dad!!”
“Hey, Sonnyboy!” Brian catches the boy barreling at him and hugs him close. “I've missed you.” He puts his squirming son down.
Gus looks at his father for a minute, and then tugs on Brian's jeans. “Come see my new Lego set. It's in my room!”
Brian dutifully follows Gus out of the living room, smiling at Melanie and Lindsay.
“You have to admit,” Lindsay says, “they are really cute together.”
“Yes, you're right about that,” Melanie replies. “At least he makes Gus happy. But just wait until Brian has to leave tomorrow.”
“I know. Though don't forget. We took Gus away from Brian.”
“Well, this time anyway.” Melanie pauses a moment. “You really think he had business in Boston?”
Lindsay smiles. “I hope not.”
***
Justin finishes cleaning his paintbrushes and puts them away. He surveys the new space that he was finally able to get with the money from his show and his savings. It's in Brooklyn and not exactly in a great neighborhood, but it's a good size studio apartment with great light. And it has a kitchen. And it's all his to paint in whenever he wants.
But sometimes it's so quiet his own thoughts echo off the walls.
***
Brian unlocks the door to Britin. He grimaces at that thought, not believing that's still what he calls the manor. He walks into the study and sets down his laptop and briefcase. Then he wanders through the empty house with a glass of whiskey, making sure each room has suffered no damage. But he lingers at some longer than others and he imagines what it would be like. What furniture they could compromise on, where it would be. What Justin's things would look like strewn over them. What memories he would see. He enters the room he always thinks of as Justin's studio. The one with the best light that has big windows overlooking the Appalachians. He wonders what Justin would have created here, what art could have emerged from this empty space.
He drains his glass, takes a piss, and heads back to the study to get some work done.
***
“What'll it be?” Justin asks, barely glancing at the man across the bar.
“Gin and tonic, please.”
Justin makes the drink and returns. “Eight dollars,” he says and looks up to short, curly red hair and a friendly smile.
“Drinks sure are more expensive around here than where I come from,” the man drawls, putting a ten on the bar.
“Where are you from?” Justin asks.
“Mississippi. Here on business for a few days. But you boys sure know how to party around here.” He raises the tumbler to Justin, takes a sip, and smiles again. “Thanks for the drink. Name's Nate.”
“Justin.”
Nate smiles again at Justin. A group approaches the bar and Justin takes care of them. When he looks over, he sees Nate with an empty glass. “Another?”
“Yes, please.”
Justin gets the drink. “So what do you do?”
“I'm a veterinarian. Taking a couple of workshops here to stay up-to-date with new procedures.” Nate takes a sip of his drink and then smiles at Justin. “Say, now that I've had a couple of these drinks, I ain't sure how to get back to the hotel. Maybe you could help me?”
Justin smiles back at him. “Sure. I get out at two.”
Nate smiles and his eyes crinkle at the corners. “Perfect.”
***
Brian stalks into Babylon, the thumpa thumpa drumming in his ears. He spots the gang milling at the bar. Emmett is pulling at Ted, trying to get him to dance, but it seems that Ted only wants to make out with Blake. Brian comes to a stop behind Michael.
“Michael, come dance with me,” he says into his ear.
Michael turns around. “Hey! Sure.”
Emmett throws his hands up at Ted.
“You're out late,” Brian says. “Shouldn't you be at home with the Professor, asleep?”
“We're celebrating!”
Brian puts his arms on Michael's shoulders. “The adoption went through?”
Michael nods happily. “We'll be ready in the next few months to get a baby.”
“Aw, that's great, Mikey. Your final step to being a true Stepford fag.” But his tone is not harsh, and Michael shoves him playfully. “Shut up, you old over-the-hill club boy.”
And then Emmett and Ted come up dancing next to them.
***
Justin walks home after work. It's about 4:30 AM on a Friday night, so the streets are quiet. He takes his time and enjoys his solitude after a long, loud night at work. He remembers going back to the loft with Brian after a night at Babylon, their easy joy permeating the still night. How sometimes Brian would pull over so they could make out, even though the trip was barely ten minutes. And how Justin would talk. Just chatter on. He always felt more comfortable around Brian than anyone else, and things came out of his mouth before he knew he was saying them. And Brian would just smile at him and let him talk. How Brian was ever that patient, Justin muses now, he will never know. Though of course, they had amazing sex afterwards. Justin smiles, recalling those times at the loft, and feels his dick twitch. He hurries home.
***
Brian hears a knock at the door. He looks up, immediately annoyed at the interruption. “Yes.”
“Hey Bri. How's it goin'?”
“Theodore. I'm busy right now. What do you need?”
“It's ten PM. I wanted to tell you to go home already.”
“Thanks for the advice, mother, but I need to finish working on this presentation first. This all-natural soda isn't going to sell itself.” Brian pinches the bridge of his nose. “Have you finished the work you’re doing here with Blake? Setting up the non-profit whatever?”
“To start the program with the Center and support people recovering from drug abuse problems. We got a good start. Thanks again for letting us use the office.”
Brian nods.
“How is Justin doing?” Ted asks.
Brian shrugs a shoulder. “He’s good. Busy with the two jobs and going back to school.”
“I bet. He has another job?”
“Yeah. Teaching art at an after school program.”
“Nice. I’m sure that’s work he enjoys.” Ted pauses and looks at Brian. “So, I was wondering – I mean, I was thinking – maybe it’d be a good idea for you to look for some work there. I mean, since you go fairly often anyway. But maybe you’re looking already…” Ted trails off and shifts uncomfortably.
“Relax, Theodore. I’m not going to bite your head off for the suggestion. I have thought about it, and actually, I’ve had the art department do up a couple of proposals. One for a local restaurant chain, and one for a drug to lower cholesterol. I just sent them out a week ago.”
“Good! And remember, your employees here are ready to take up the slack if you decide to take extended leaves. You put together a good team of us.”
***
“Hey Michael,” Justin says when he answers the phone. “How's the baby?”
“Good, thanks. On a walk with Ben. I thought it'd be a good time to get some ideas going with you for the next issue of Rage.”
“Actually, I was thinking about that. J.T. and Rage should adopt a kid with super powers. They could teach him everything they know,” Justin says.
Michael laughs. “It's a good idea. I like it! Now we just need an enemy to try to take away the kid.”
Justin snorts. “Right. No gay adoption would be complete without that!”
“Hmmm. A Bush? No, not threatening enough.” Michael thinks. “What about something invisible that could appear any time and just literally snatch the kid?”
“Yeah, that's good. It could have some vague form outline, but it's mysterious and pervasive.”
Michael nods. “Yeah. We can use this for a few issues! Rage will have to get new powers somehow to defeat it.” Michael pauses. “Wait a minute. But what about Brian? He'll kill me when he finds out Rage gets a kid! Just because you're far away from him doesn't mean that I'm safe!”
Justin frowns, suddenly jolted out of the Rage fantasy. He is far from Brian.
“Justin? You there? Hey, I didn't mean it like that. I'm sure Brian will come after you too!”
“Yeah, sure. Thanks, Michael.”
***
Brian lights up a cigarette as his latest trick slides the door shut behind him. The guy was decent and still his orgasm was mediocre. Brian inhales, looking out the windows at the lighted Pittsburgh skyline. Then the door slides open again.
“What did you forget?” Brian asks sharply.
“Hey, Brian. It's just me,” Michael says. “I couldn't sleep, and I didn’t want to wake the baby.”
“Got a lot on your mind too?”
“Yeah. I do.” Michael joins Brian at the window. “Hey, I passed your trick on my way in. Not bad.”
Brian shrugs. “But not good enough,” he says softly.
***
Justin takes his lunch outside to the park and finds a quiet spot. He quickly pulls his cell phone from his pocket and calls Brian.
“Hey,” Brian answers.
“You busy?”
“No, just having some lunch now. Fairly quiet day today anyway.”
“I’m having lunch too.” Justin smiles. “So, listen, I have some news.”
“Yes?”
“I was talking with the owner of the club where I work, and he asked me if I’ve been to Babylon, since he knows I’m from Pittsburgh. And I said yeah and he was asking me questions about it. Turns out that some New Yorkers have gone to Babylon and mentioned the club to Greg, my boss. And he was curious about it.”
“Oh really?”
“So then I told him that actually, my partner owns it and then we were talking about you and I told him about Kinnetik and now he wants to meet you! He owns several clubs around New York and is looking for a new advertising campaign. I told him that it was your decision, of course, and that I’d run it by you. Greg seems like a pretty cool guy, though. He works hard and he has a really good sense of humor. And he’s hot. But he’s married. He and his partner went to Massachusetts just like a month ago and got married.” Justin pauses for breath and suddenly realizes how much he just spoke. He takes a bite of sandwich so he can wait for Brian’s reply.
“I see.”
“Brian,” Justin says, talking around his mouthful of food anyway. “I love New York, but I miss you all the time. And I know you’ve been talking about it for awhile and thinking about it. And—”
“Okay,” Brian interrupts him calmly.
“What?” Justin is startled.
“Yes. I’ll meet him. Kinnetik is starting to take on bigger clients. There isn’t much room for regional growth and I have been thinking about a new challenge. It’s the right time. And to get started, I might as well use my contacts for opportunities. Besides, in the end, he’ll hire me for my pitch, not for who I fuck.”
Justin beams.
“But I should say,” Brian admits, “my decision to pursue work in New York does partly have to do with who I fuck.”