”He’s right, you can’t blame yourself for this. It’s not your fault.”
The words washed over him, equally relieving and agonising. Part of him was relieved that none of the others seemed to pin the blame on him for Sarah’s death, the selfish, broken part of him that couldn’t take the strain, but the rest of him wondered darkly, why they couldn’t just get angry, allow themselves to feel what they must obviously be feeling. Part of him believed it might be easier if they screamed at him, and told him outright that he’d failed to do his job.
"Becker,"
Abby's slight admonishment startled him and he looked over at her in surprise. The look of guilt in his eyes lightened at her words, the turn of his mouth growing soft.
”You never gave up on us. You didn’t...Forget about us. Thank you.”
Becker shook his head slightly in disbelief. “How could I forget about you?” He looked at each of them in turn, brown eyes warm. “We would’ve kept searching for you but...” he trailed off, swallowed and continued. “After what happened with Sarah...They shut the whole search down. No expeditions, no more seach parties. We were to wait for the anomalies to open and that was it." He chuckled bitterly. “It was torture waiting around for something to happen.” I blamed myself, he thought, but didn’t voice it. I still do. He already knew how the others felt about that particular admission and decided silently that it would be futile to keep telling them so. Even if he believed it.
Connor was suddenly shifting uncomfortably and Becker’s eyes flickered to him curiously. He opened his mouth to ask what was wrong, why he suddenly looked so pale, when Connor brushed past him, knocking Danny’s hand off his shoulder in his haste to get away.
”I’m sorry, I need to get some air...”
“Connor?" He called after him, part confusion, part in attempt to call him back. The other man was halfway down the corridor by now and from the shaking of his shoulders, it looked as though he was breaking down. Becker’s mouth pulled into a frown, his brown eyes worried as he glanced over at Abby and Danny.
“Should someone go after him?” he asked, already talking a step forward. Two steps towards the direction Connor had gone and he paused, suddenly aware that maybe it wasn’t his place to interfere. Maybe Connor needed this time alone. He glanced back over his shoulder at the young woman standing there.
“Abby...?" he asked, the indication obvious. She had spent the last year with Connor, alone in the distant past. She probably understood him better than anyone. If there was anyone to go after Connor, it was probably her.