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Ruby ([info]dontcallmebitch) wrote in [info]parabolical,
@ 2009-08-14 19:38:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:castiel, ruby

Who: Ruby & Castiel
What: She's still nervous.
When: After Cas is done at the scene of the Scourge Attack
Where: Ruby's Apartment
Rating: TBD
Status: In Progress

She'd run home just as she figured Castiel had wanted her to, she didn't know how to reason with the things that attacked her, the things she had first fled from, They weren't new to her, sure the breed was, but the concept, no, that wasn't new at all, They were a single minded evil, she knew it. She'd been it, and she didn't like it turned against her. And thats what they'd done. Those creatures, demons. They'd attacked her for her humanity. And all Ruby had thought, as she'd hidden high above ready to possess and give up the body if she'd had to, was how hillarious Sam, would have found that. Humanity. She didn't have much of that did she, much as she'd been good at faking it. But then, if she was nothing more than any other demon, why had she helped Dean out. Why had she handed over her knife...

She figured she knew the answer, Castiel. Hardly human either but able to understand different sides of humanity to her. Ruby understood one side of it, the craving for power and attention they all had, their self destructiveness, all the negitives. The positives confused her much as she had seen them, in Sam, in Ben. In Claire and Dean tonight. And so she'd helped them and immediatly wanted out, wanted away from them, and their confusing happiness. On a petty level they bothered her, just like Mary and John did, like Sam and Faith did. She'd taken him back after everything, after what Ruby had known to be cheating on every level but a sexual one even if neither she or Sam had acknowledged it at the time. And now he was starting to be happy again and she had petty moments where she hated him for it, and then hated Faith, and generally anyone happy.

It was pointless really, she deserved what she was getting, all of it. But rebuilding was hard. Especially when Castiel would only occasionally show signs that he might possibly still on some deeply angelic level of curiousity want to help her. He wasn't letting himself love her, that was for sure, and why should he. She wasn't worth him.

Ruby bolted the door behind her, all three of the locks and found another knife that could be a weapon before she moved into her bedroom lay stomach down on the bed and tried to make sense of the events of the night.

She wasn't finding it easy.

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[info]warriorofgod
2009-08-16 11:44 am UTC (link)
Castiel felt drained, even for an angel. Using that much power wasn't generally a good idea, not to mention all the rules that had been broken during the night. But it was needed to help Dean and besides, making a dent in the victories of this demon group, the Scourge, that was what was important. Sometimes it was important to take the little victories where one could.

Once he could, the angel went straight to Ruby's apartment, appearing in the living room with a breeze and fluttering of wings. As much as it may have been wiser for him to walk, the presence of this Scourge in the city made him uncomfortable and he used the last scrap of power for the transport. Now he would have to rest, at least for a little while before he would be able to really do anything again.

Glancing around, he caught a glimpse of Ruby, lying on her bed. His concerns for her wellbeing were still higher than he cared to admit as he carefully made his way over to her side.

"Ruby," he called her name softly so as not to startle her. "How are you?"

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[info]dontcallmebitch
2009-08-16 09:39 pm UTC (link)
He didn't startle her anymore by doing that. Now her heart just gave that same jolt it always did when he was around her. And this business with whatever those things were, she felt safer now he was back. But he looked tired when she turned toward him. More tired than she'd seen in a while. She really didn't like it.

"I know that look" she told him, worry in her eyes. "How much did you do?" had he done it, healed them all, restored them. Could Angels even do that? Were they allowed?

She wanted to hug him, or something, just to take that tiredness away, but she still couldn't. He wouldn't want it. Not from her. Why would he?

"Don't worry about me. Sit down, rest if you want. I'll sleep on the couch or whatever. Can I get you something?"

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[info]warriorofgod
2009-08-16 10:07 pm UTC (link)
She was concerned. Ruby was actually concerned and that made Castiel smile slightly, as tired as he was. He sat on the bed, feeling his body gradually relax.

"It wasn't too much," he tried to reassure her. "I wanted, we wanted to make things right. Even if it bent the rules slightly," he smirked wryly, looking at the floor a moment. "And besides, Claire would have done it all herself if I hadn't helped and that would not have made Dean all that happy." It was a quiet way of telling her what he'd done and why he looked just so tired now.

"I don't need anything, thank you," he looked up at her with a tired, but grateful smile. "Just to sit for a bit."

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[info]dontcallmebitch
2009-08-16 10:26 pm UTC (link)
Ruby moved slightly away from where he had sat down, still more than a little nervous about actual closeness around him. She wanted it, craved it with a desperation she hadn't felt since the Pit and yet she pulled away, more for him than anything else.

"It was" she told him trying to hide the motion of pulling back "I know what it takes for one of us to do that...are Angels even supposed to?. Look what it took out of you"

She was worried, and wasn't entirely afraid to show it but it left her not entirely sure of what to do now.

"I'll go and you can have the bed, you need the rest"

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[info]warriorofgod
2009-08-16 10:41 pm UTC (link)
Castiel smiled slightly. He hadn't missed the way she'd moved away and he honestly wasn't sure what he felt about that. But the concerns, those he definitely appreciated.

"We're not really supposed to, except for special circumstances," he smirked. "We needed this win, Ruby. We all needed this. I just need some rest, I promise I'll be fine."

He felt almost bad for her clear uneasiness and after a moment's pause, he reached for her hand.

"You don't need to go anywhere."

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[info]dontcallmebitch
2009-08-16 10:59 pm UTC (link)
She'd never believed it possible without a deal. But then Angels had been such a new concept to her, just whispers in the Pit. Cosmic. But she knew an Angel now, so it was a surprise to learn something new like that.

"And I guess it was a win...and a special circumstance. I just didn't...do they owe you anything? Tied to Heaven or..."

She froze almost in place as he reached for her and she almost pulled away from the shock, but instead she somehow managed to look across at him, dark eyes almost pleading for an explanation that would give her hope that maybe she hadn't screwed everything up so badly he'd never look at her like that again, that smile that both infuriated her and made her wonder if she could ever love him more.

"...Don't do this. Not unless...Only if you're absolutely sure. I'm happy to go to the couch y'know"

Lie. But then he'd know that. Still, she would do it, it was the happy she couldn't back up.

"One knife borrowing doesn't change it. Not any of it"

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[info]warriorofgod
2009-08-16 11:08 pm UTC (link)
Castiel shook his head tiredly. "They don't owe me anything. The power of heaven doesn't work like that. They're alive now and they're free. And those demons did not succeed in wiping out another group and it was done without Claire draining every drop of blood in her body. My tiredness is a small price to pay for all of that."

He half laughed, looking at her with a deep honesty, knowing full well how much she didn't want to go on the couch.

"No, one knife borrowing doesn't change anything. This, with us, isn't changed," still he held onto her hand. "But if I'm resting here there's no reason you cannot rest next to me. I was proud of you tonight."

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[info]dontcallmebitch
2009-08-16 11:22 pm UTC (link)
"That still kind of creeps me out. Have to say"

Ruby still didn't get it, something for nothing generally wasn't a concept she was used to. She saw it, with the Winchesters, the Hyperion. Cas. But it still shocked her every time.

"I don't know if I can. I mean if...without..."

She had no idea how to to put it bar that she wasn't sure if it was crueler to be around him without being with him, or if the closeness she'd missed for so long now was worth it.

"I'll try. If its weird, just tell me and I'll go okay. I don't want you to feel obligated just cause I did something 'good'. It doesn't take it all away and if you're doing this to reward me or anything then don't okay. Only if you want me beside you"

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[info]warriorofgod
2009-08-17 02:19 am UTC (link)
Castiel looked away, understanding where she was coming from and wanting to be both selfish and help her at the same time.

"I should not have come here, I'm sorry," he said after a while.

"The choice is yours. I don't want to force you from your own bed just because of my rest. If you want to stay, then stay, I know I would like that." Just to feel close to her again, not sex, nothing so crude, but closeness.

"If it would make you uncomfortable, I will take the couch," he looked back up at her. "This isn't a reward for what you did. I'm proud of you, but I wouldn't offer you bribery like this."

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[info]dontcallmebitch
2009-08-17 02:42 am UTC (link)
"I'm glad you did. And it shouldn't be easy. Shouldn't ever be easy. So don't feel bad about asking. I'll stay. For you alright. And it'll just have show that we can."

If they could. More to the point if she could, she doubted Castiel would have much problem with it. He didn't love her anymore and why should she, she was nothing.

She moved over on the bed not sure how she'd end up feeling, his hand was still in her and slowly and gently she lay back against the pillow keeping her breathing as even as she could and her eyes closed. She could do this. She could.

It would be fine.

"Get some rest Cas. I'll be here"

She would. Much as this might be confusing she could do that for him. She owed him as much as anyone, maybe more.

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[info]warriorofgod
2009-08-17 01:32 pm UTC (link)
It was awkward, there was no doubt about that. And if Castiel hadn't been quite so exhausted, he may have argued the point a bit more, pushed until they came to some sort of resolution, as he had done so many times over the last month or so.

But he was tired, completely drained to be more exact, and all he could do was lie down, feeling his body relax as he sank down onto the mattress, resting his own head on the pillow next to her.

His eyes drifted closed, not in sleep, but in the angelic equivalent, a form of meditation that in so many ways resembled sleep, even down to his lack of awareness of the world around him.

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[info]dontcallmebitch
2009-08-17 02:33 pm UTC (link)
And all she could do was lie beside him, hand still in his, heart pounding in her chest, she didn't need to sleep, definitely not to the level he needed to rest right now, and so she decided all she could really do was watch over him, for whatever good it did them.

It was back to that strangest of things, an Angel and a Demon, One of God's warriors and a whore. Only without the lies, without all of her deceptions and it felt strangely comforting. She still loved him, probably always would, and even though she knew in her heart and soul that she had destroyed that love, taken it and pulled it apart to fulfill old orders she had at times wanted to walk away from for him, she still felt it now. And it hurt.

But she wouldn't have given the feeling up for anything. Because it was honest, and it was real. And she was starting to like that feeling that came with honesty.

She snuggled herself in slightly closer to him, knowing she shouldn't, knowing the dangers that came with what she'd done. But this was as far as she would take it, and when they woke he could react as he wished.

She'd missed this closeness, missed his warmth. And she still loved him, she hadn't ever stopped.

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[info]warriorofgod
2009-08-21 02:59 pm UTC (link)
Castiel wasn't sure how long he was out of it, the amount of energy he had used up was taking a long time to replenish itself. There were many reasons why this was so against the rules and this was just one of them.

When he woke up, he was first aware of the feeling of Ruby pressed against his side. For the longest moment he wished he could just pretend that they were together again, that none of the last few months had happened and he was still free to be with her. It felt like an odd sort of limbo that he was in. He loved her, and yet after everything he knew he really should not be with her, even more than before. The Almighty had warned him to put his duty first and that was what he was finally doing. Even if it broke his heart.

Wishes and dreams were all very well, but eventually even angels had to face the real world. There was no small amount of regret in him as he gently eased himself away, careful to do his best not to wake her up as he stood, stretching himself out.

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[info]dontcallmebitch
2009-08-21 03:12 pm UTC (link)
He woke her up purely because she'd been sleeping lightly, barely sleeping at all as it happened, she'd kept waking up to make sure he was still there with her. But here he was running for the hills.

It was fair of course but that didn't mean she had to like it. She didn't think she'd been happier in a while than when he was lying there with her.

"You're going" she asked him, pulling herself to a sitting position on the bed. "Do you have to?. I mean nothing'll...we're not gonna... Can't you just stay for a little bit, talk, maybe have a drink. Something?. You're always running off somewhere now."

Of course this had to be what it was like when she'd covered her presence with hex bags and run off to Sam. She knew that and knew she probably well deserved to feel abandoned as he must have done. But still.

"You can't be around me for too long can you?" she asked finally.

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[info]warriorofgod
2009-08-22 12:08 pm UTC (link)
His first instinct was to protest, insist that no, he wasn't just leaving, he'd just been stretching after such a long rest. But the fact was, he knew the dangerous temptation that was involved in staying lying next to her and knew as well that he couldn't give in, no matter how much he wanted to.

"I should check on Dean and Claire, see how they're coping after everything," he started before he hesitated. This was potentially a mistake, but then so was everything he did lately.

"But I can stay a little longer. If you'd like."

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[info]dontcallmebitch
2009-08-22 03:05 pm UTC (link)
Ruby nodded moving up a little more on the bed confusion in her eyes, It hurt having him close without having him with her. Without him loving her anymore. And even in that basic act of saying he'd stay he was lying to himself again, going against what she knew he really wanted.

He wanted to run from her. As far as he could. Because why wouldn't he.

"If you want to" she replied, her tone pained. "I don't want you to think you have to."

This hurt. It just did.

"I just...I guess I miss you, having you here like...it was before" she said softly "And I know that won't happen but if you want to stay and just, talk or something maybe?"

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[info]warriorofgod
2009-08-24 05:56 pm UTC (link)
His duty and his desires warred in him for a moment before Castiel made his decision, sitting on the side of the bed, turning slightly so he was facing her. Despite everything, hearing that pained tone in her voice was almost painful for him too.

"We can talk," he looked at her with some concern. "How are you? After the run in with these demons I mean."

They had shown a brutality he hadn't seen in a long time, certainly not for as long as he'd been in this dimension. It both disgusted and worried him. As for what they wanted, he didn't know what to make of that. It had seemed that they'd been targeting half breed demons, but Ruby was far from that. Quite what any of it meant he didn't know yet.

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[info]dontcallmebitch
2009-08-24 06:47 pm UTC (link)
He didn't want to be here with her, of course he didn't. He was staying out of pity but she'd take pity. Pity she could live with for now. Having him close, that was enough. It had to be.

"I'm okay. They didn't do anything to me I haven't had before. Kicked the body about a little, I smoked out before they got too far and I guess they assumed I was dead or whatever. They kicked and bruised a bit. But nothing too bad. It was the attitude that scared me, They're fanatics and I suppose it was the first time I saw that from the other side. Its like it was in hell under Azazel. That pure belief in the cause. Its hard to fight back against"

Was that concern in his eyes? For her?

Nah for the situation. Had to be.

"You, want a drink or anything?" she asked, hating how awkward they were. It wasn't fair. Deserved yes, but this, this was more punishment than anything. Cas pitying her and Sam not being in her life. She wasn't sure what she had left.

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[info]warriorofgod
2009-08-25 10:17 pm UTC (link)
For a moment the angel's eyes darkened at the idea of someone kicking Ruby around like that. She wasn't his to protect any more, but that didn't stop an anger from rising, just as it had when Alastair had had his way.

"I won't let them hurt you again," he murmured quietly, thte most restrained way he could respond when what he really wanted to do was go out and level the city if necessary to find them and smite them all. Every single one of them for daring to touch her.

"They call themselves the Scourge," he added, shaking his head slightly. "And they want to wipe out anything with a human taint." It was ironic in a way, human taint. Ruby was pure demon and yet they considered her too human.

"I suspect they see the human host as a weakness," he smirked faintly. "Which means they won't like me much either." It was strange, he was an angel, so very far from human and yet they'd want him dead as well. They were welcome to try.

He really should move on, check in with everyone and see how they were. That was his duty.

"I'll have a cup of tea if you don't mind," he finally said before he stood up. "But I can make it, you were kicked around. Would you like me to bring you anything?"

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[info]dontcallmebitch
2009-08-25 10:59 pm UTC (link)
He was confusing as ever. That look of anger, telling her he wouldn't let them hurt her again, did he truly care for her, enough to bring that anger out in him, she found she really didn't know what she was supposed to make of that.

"I got unlucky, wrong place wrong time, You don't need to do anything." she tried "They said that, said I had a human shell, it didn't matter what I was inside and I wasn't hidden or anything so they could tell what I was. You'll have the same problem, though you can defend yourself a little better"

He offered to make the drinks and Ruby's confusion only grew, he was being caring, did that mean he loved her, or pitied her.

"Coffee" she decided "Strong as you can make it, and then...just stay for a little while. I miss just sitting with you"

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[info]warriorofgod
2009-08-26 11:18 pm UTC (link)
Those kinds of beings, being so judgmental, made him feel sick. It didn't matter to them what Ruby was, who she was, they just hated her. Just wanted her dead.

"It's just not right." Attacking someone for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"You stay there, I'll go and make you that coffee," he paused a moment before he half smiled. "And then I'll stay, a little while."

He got up to move to the kitchen, his movements as calm as ever as he made them both the drinks, finally carrying the hot mugs back and resting the coffee down next to Ruby's bed. "I hope it's strong enough."

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[info]dontcallmebitch
2009-08-26 11:57 pm UTC (link)
"Its devotion to a cause. Single minded pure devotion. I know a little something about that remember. Or, I guess I thought I did. Doesn't matter if its wrong, you'll never believe anything different. Its an unshakeable loyalty and when you have those kinds of numbers thats not hard to maintain"

She knew this teritory, knew it well. Maybe too well. But thats what it was.

She watched him leave, laying back on the bed and resting, eyes closing, just for a little while as she waited. They opened again as soon as he returned and she sat back up tasting the coffee and nodding gratefully.

"You know how I like it" she told him, eyes widening as she realised how that had sounded outside her head "The coffee I mean...Its perfect"

She sighed.

"I'm sorry this is so hard. I wish...well, you know what I wish"

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[info]warriorofgod
2009-08-27 08:39 am UTC (link)
Castiel looked at her slightly. In a way he understood that level of devotion. It was just that his was to the Lord and not to a cause like wiping out humanity. Varying perspectives he supposed.

He smiled a little as she enjoyed the coffee, glad he\d made it correctly. "I'm glad you like it. Not all angels have that ability you know."

The smile faded with her sigh, and not for the first time he wished they could go back to how things were.

"I know," he replied simply. "I just hope it'll get easier as time goes on."

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[info]dontcallmebitch
2009-09-01 01:52 pm UTC (link)
"Nah, just you. You're unique"

She'd joked, but it was true. Castiel was unique among angels. To so many that was probably a bad thing but not to her. Never to her. She still loved him, and the awkwardness between them still never failed to make her sad about everything she'd done to spit in the face of that love. She'd been unfaithful if nothing else. And for a demon that shouldn't have cared. Ruby did.

"Maybe its not supposed to get easier" she reasoned with more than a little pragmatism. "Maybe its always supposed to be this hard. Maybe thats part of it"

She sipped at the coffee for a few moments, watching Castiel.

"Why were you okay here? Lying with me, sleeping. Why was that alright?"

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[info]warriorofgod
2009-09-02 06:53 pm UTC (link)
Castiel sighed slightly, awkwardly rubbing his hand over his head causing his hair to stick out in all sorts of directions and making himself appear even more rumpled than usual.

"Maybe none of us know how this is really supposed to work, it's not exactly ever happened before," he commented, deflecting the real question a moment before he looked at the floor.

"I don't know why," he finally answered, one hand still curled around the warm mug of tea.

For a second he was tempted to just brush things off, point out how exhausted he had been after all the healing. But that wouldn't have been fair.

"It just was alright, that's all I know."

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[info]dontcallmebitch
2009-09-02 07:34 pm UTC (link)
She hated how awkward it was around him. She really did. It shouldn't have been this awkward but for this, it was her fault anyway.

"I suppose it hasn't. Never been one of us that actually got this close and lived to tell about it I suppose. Not that I'm proud of..." she trailed off, she didn't even know how to talk about any of it without freaking out about it.

Alright.

She supposed she'd have to live with 'alright'. It was the best she was going to get and definitely the best she deserved.

"Yeah, it was."

She hated that talking to him was awkward now.

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