28 December 2010 @ 01:00 am
hohoho fest gift | for [info]spaghettitoes  
Title: Instant Gratification
Author: [info]wildepet
Recipient: [info]spaghettitoes
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Axel/Axel’s hand, Axel/?!, mentions of Antonio/Max
Summary: Axel can’t sleep.
Rating: NC-17
Warning(s): None
Word Count: 1,714
Author's Notes: A million thanks to A for rocking the emergency beta job and providing much needed title inspiration.






Axel sat down with a sigh, carefully putting down a cup of his favourite hand-picked Uji Tezumi Gyokuro on the polished cherry wood desk. He punched the power button on his laptop and waited for his computer to start up.

It was late, just after half past one but he just couldn't sleep. He'd had a lot of sleepless nights lately. He would honestly sleep so much better if people could just stop trying to kill him.

Listlessly he checked his emails. Frowning at all the spam that had made it past his filters he decided to write a sternly-worded letter to the so-called experts he'd put in charge of protecting his laptop in the morning.

There was nothing in his inbox that demanded his immediate attention so he went to check the latest developments on the international stock markets to see how his investments were doing. He placed an order for another 250 shares in Sony, just because he felt he should be doing something productive with his time.

Taking a sip of his tea he logged out of his account.

He checked his Facebook next but as usual none of his 273 friends had bothered to write on his wall or leave him a message. Why did people bother having a Facebook account if they never posted anything, he wondered. His timeline that had not been updated with anything worth his while since he’d joined. Obviously painstakingly tracking down all his former classmates, fellow students and co-workers had been a waste of time. With a resigned shrug, he closed the tab.

Twitter on the other hand was still rather busy and for a while he amused himself following a pretty revealing conversation between CallMeRafael and MrArgentina. Those two really ought to know better than to leave their tweets unprotected. Unfortunately for Axel their conversation petered out after CallMeRafael mentioned whipped cream and chocolate sauce.

He tweeted a couple of investment recommendations for his 13 followers and logged off.

The fact that his first Accounting Tutorial on You Tube had finally reached 5,000 views cheered him up for a minute or two until he came across a new comment complaining that accounting was boring. With a frown he called up Reply_Accounting_Boring.doc and copied and pasted it into the idiot’s channel comments.

One day people would understand the importance of immaculate paperwork. Clearly today was not the day.

He watched a couple of String Quartet clips hoping the music would somehow soothe his restlessness. But apparently today not even his favourite version of Wonderwall could distract him.

Conversation, that was what he needed. Talk to someone.

He sighed profoundly. With a click on the bookmark he opened the anonymous chat.. The welcome message greeted him like an old friend.

„You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!“

Stranger: hi
You: Hello.
Stranger: asl
You: Are you able to converse in full sentences?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

„Freaks,“ Axel muttered and started a new conversation.

You: I am a 34 year-old German male and I would like to communicate with someone via this medium who is able to use proper grammar, punctuation and full sentences.
Stranger: WTF!???
You: Apparently you are not that person.
Stranger: FU
You have disconnected.

Well, he thought, third time’s the charm.

Stranger: Hello?
Stranger: Anybody there?
You: Hello to you, too.
Stranger: I thought my connection had gone out again. Hello!
You: A reliable internet connection is of utmost importance.
Stranger: Yes, it is but I am lucky to be online at all, it’s a bitch trying to get a reception over here.
You: Where are you located?
Stranger: Travelling in Asia.
You: That is nice.
Stranger: It certainly is an experience.
You: Are you not enjoying your trip?
Stranger: Everything's a bit more primitive than what I am used to. And it's impossible to get a proper cup of coffee in the mornings.
You: But certainly you'll be able to enjoy a nice cup of tea once in a while?
Stranger: Well, except for the lack of drinkable coffee the restaurant on the train is actually rather decent.
You: Are you on the Orient Express?
Stranger: *lol* Something like that, yes. I should be arriving at my destination in a couple of days. Then my new life can begin.
You: You are not on the run from the authorities, are you?
Stranger: ;) No, not the authorities.
You: That’s good, I suppose. I do not usually socialise with fugitives.
Stranger: Well, I am not supposed to talk to strangers. :P
You: Who are you running from?
Stranger: My life. Everything. I just want to start over.
You: Sometimes I wish I could do the same. But then I think of all the work I invested to get where I am today and how close I am to finally achieving my goals. And I am not willing to let all of that go to waste.
Stranger: But are you happy?
You: Of course.
Stranger: No offence but that was too fast to be an honest answer.
You: I don’t understand what you mean by that. I am perfectly happy. I have rarely been happier in my life.
Stranger: I think you do understand.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Axel stared at the screen for a long moment, strangely unsettled by the conversation and its abrupt ending. He could only assume that the other person had lost their connection again. He tried to ignore the odd sense of loss he was feeling and started another conversation.

Stranger: Yer a wizard, Harry.
You: My name is not Harry. Furthermore I have yet to see any sort of scientific evidence for the existence of magic.
Stranger: You might want to google Harry Potter, my friend.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Axel googled Harry Potter and scoffed. Children’s books? He certainly was too old for this shit. Back to the chat window. Maybe it was time for a different approach. If Dr. Axel Steinkamp-Schwarz could not find anybody to talk to, maybe someone else could…

Stranger: heyyy
You: Hello.
Stranger: how are u?
You: Fine, if a bit bored.
Stranger: horny female??
You: Good guess.
Stranger: so whaddaya like?
You: Tell me what you like!
Stranger: what are u wearing
You: A pale pink satin negligé. It complements my blonde hair perfectly.
Stranger: go on. discribe urself.
You: Well, I am rather small, blonde as I said, medium length hair, blue eyes. Very fit, athletic. I am a yoga instructor, you see, so I am very flexible.
Stranger: flexible? i like that.
You: Yes, I find that men usually appreciate it.
Stranger: how many men? u a slut?
You: Are you trying to talk dirty to me? Otherwise I would find the use of the term „slut“ offensive.
Stranger: u r so weird
You: Yet you are still here, talking to me.
Stranger: im a sucker for weirdos lol
You: Your honesty is refreshing.
Stranger: lol
You: So, tell me Stranger, what did you come here for? Certainly not to compliment me on my weirdness...
Stranger. straight to the point. wanna come?
You: I would not object, certainly.
Stranger: you'd be the first lol
You: Well, there is something to be said for the feeling of elation and satisfaction that goes hand in hand with reaching a sexual climax.
Stranger. u r hilarious. i'd just have said cumming gives me a fucking high.
You: Indeed.
Stranger: so u ready to take off that neglige of yours
You: It would only make sense, I suppose.

Axel sat back and slipped a hand under the waistband of his pyjamas. Just the thought of sex was enough. His cock was half hard already and he gave it a few cursory strokes.

Stranger: u still there?
You: Well, I am undressing now. Although I have to say it is a bit chilly in here.
Stranger: I'll make you hot.
You: I'd expect no less from you.
Stranger: r u touching urself?
You: Yes, I am. It is very pleasurable.
Stranger: i bet it is. i’m so hard for you baby. wanna touch you.
You: I’d like that.

Axel imagined the stranger’s hands roaming over his body, touching, feeling. It had been too long, he thought, too long since he’d had a real person’s hands on him. He could barely remember what it felt like.

He abandoned the chat abruptly. He knew he’d left the stranger dissatisfied but did not actually feel sorry about it. Sliding down his pyjama bottoms he slunk lower in his chair and spread his legs. Gently but firmly he touched himself, fondling his balls with just enough pressure to make him moan. No other person had ever made him feel like that - nobody knew his body like he did, after all. Deep down he doubted that anybody ever would.

Closing his eyes Axel brought his hand up, licking the palm. He wrapped his now slippery hand around his cock and started slow. Nothing more than little tugs and squeezes, knowing exactly where to touch and when to let go.

Axel brushed his thumb over the head, spreading the moisture that had gathered there. He lowered his other hand to play with his balls again and groaned quietly at the added pleasure. He arched his back, humping his own hand almost desperately, imagining it was somebody else’s hand.
A flash of blue eyes, a dazzling smile that was never ever directed at him.

His hand sped up, stroking faster. He was getting close - the tingling behind his balls a tell-tale sign that his climax was approaching. Axel imagined his hands buried in blond hair, those luscious lips wrapped around his cock, sucking...

„Yes,“ he breathed. „God, Lena…“

With a broken groan he came, savouring that moment of utter bliss as his body shuddered and his mind blanked out.

Thankfully he’d had enough presence of mind to catch his come in his hand. He huffed out a shaky laugh at the thought of sending Dell a come-covered laptop to fix.

Breathing heavily Axek leaned back, enjoying the slow ebb of the aftershocks.

A satisfied smile lingered on his face. After a moment he reached for a Kleenex to wipe his hand. He might be able to catch some sleep tonight after all.
 
 
( Post a new comment )
geekchick1013: AWZ Sproiiiing[info]geekchick1013 on December 28th, 2010 05:19 am (UTC)
HALLO. *fans self*

Ok, as NNGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH as the last part is, I think the little details of what Axel looks at when he open his laptop are my favorite. They're so wonderfully realistic and TOTALLY in character, just... *loves*

Nice work, Mystery Author!
(Reply) (Link)
Aldi: AWZ: Axel sparkles[info]aldiara on December 28th, 2010 05:58 am (UTC)
Hah, this fic is brill!

I admit I started reading with some trepidation, as the combined mention of "Axel" and "NC-17" had me slightly worried, but I damn well wasn't going to miss out on any part of HoFest, and I'm very glad I didn't skip this one *pets it indecently*

I love the progression of following Axel's online routine... Sony shares! Empty FB! Spying on Mantonio's Tweets! (LOL). Having a default reply to "accounting is boring" on YouTube! Priceless *g*

Oh, and the chats! ASL person! WTF person! JENNY FLEEING TO ASIA!!! (ok, it's possible that it wasn't Jenny, but it totes is in my head.) Pretending to be Lena to some amused cybersex partner! LOLOLOL. I find it both profoundly hilarious and oddly sad that Axel was crushing on Lena of all people. And I probably need my head examined because I actually think they would have the potential for awesome cracky hilarity. PAIR THEM, SHOW! (oh right, Show is dead to me. I forgot. Pardon me.)

Dear Mystery Author, this is a wonderful mixture of fabulous crack and oddbits of strangely moving depth, like Axel's secret conviction that no other person but himself can actually fulfill him, and the sudden serious turn of the conversation with Chat Partner No. 3/Jenny. Wonderful!
(Reply) (Link)
antiteb: AxelLena als Brautpaar[info]antiteb on December 28th, 2010 10:07 am (UTC)
Mystery Author, this fic is brilliant!! And finally somebody wrote Axel/Lena!!! For meeee!!!! ;D

But poor Axel. Everybody banned him from FB. This made me a bit sad. And there's Jenny travelling in Asis! YES!!! I love the little chats. They are so in character!

Great job! <33333
(Reply) (Link)
amo_amas_amat: Vanessa[info]amo_amas_amat on December 28th, 2010 11:01 am (UTC)
OMG Axel's internet life is killing me. I'm laughing so hard. So much guilty pleasure here!

"With a frown he called up Reply_Accounting_Boring.doc and copied and pasted it into the idiot’s channel comments." Wonderwall!

"Are you able to converse in full sentences?" LOLOL

Axel/Lena - poor Axel. I'm feeling sorry for Axel right now? How did this happen? Mystery Author, thank you so much!
(Reply) (Link)
Christine: AxelMrow[info]spaghettitoes on December 28th, 2010 02:47 pm (UTC)
AXEL!!!! AXEL AXEL AXEL!!! :)

OH WELL DONE! I didn't think anyone would try to tackle Axel for me so thank you! And what a look at him! The isolation, the determination that people would eventually understand what he's doing. The realisation that no-one else unerstands him, might never. But still with that longing to talk to people and be with people!

<3333333333

I love all the little bits about his routine and his little habits. Although don't think I didn't notice his shares in Sony!!! Associating my darling Axel with evil Sony eh? *eyes you all* :P

He would honestly sleep so much better if people could just stop trying to kill him. SO TRUE!!! Stop going after him Essen!

FUCK YEAH! Sternly-worded letter!!! <333333

And string quartet and THE RESPONSE DOCUMENT and yayayayyayay for his um...taking care of things (babies in the room dears) although I might just assume it IS Axel in the little neglige and *flails* SISTER better go!

*MWAH* LOVE YOU (ALL)
(Reply) (Link)
Diana: AWZ- Jexel[info]notoriouslyuniq on December 29th, 2010 03:27 pm (UTC)
:')
THIS IS THE BEST FUCKING THING EVEEEEEER!
I love how Axel's online routine sorta mirrors that of an Eskimo! And everybody blocked him on FB but he doesn't know it!! The poor baby *pets him*
And wheeeeee! that was totally Jenny and she totally recognized him too (shup! She did!)
And the asl guy + the WTF??? guy + Yer a wizard, Harry = ROFLMAO!
(Reply) (Link)
[info]praderwilli on December 30th, 2010 05:15 pm (UTC)
OMG LOL WTF

This is fucking brilliant. Hahahaha. I can't stop laughing. I love online Axel. I love Jenny chatting with him as she flees to Asia- hahahaha, utter genius. (I assume that's Jenny).

Mystery author, you are marvelous!
(Reply) (Link)
alsha: Buffy: chock and hoot[info]alsha on December 31st, 2010 04:48 am (UTC)
Aww, this is really well written. I love the insights into Axel's character, and I'm especially fond of your description of his morning internet haunts. The sly commentary on Facebook and Twitter. The Harry Potter cluelessness *snerk* This feels *real* somehow, in a way that I wouldn't have expected from Axel. He's so lonely and so 100% blocked when it comes to human interaction. The online world is so perfectly suited to him, and yet not. You do a great job of showing his unique way of looking at the world.

And haha, the chat dialogues rule!
(Reply) (Link)
Lilith: awz-axel[info]lilithilien on January 1st, 2011 05:50 pm (UTC)
He'd had a lot of sleepless nights lately. He would honestly sleep so much better if people could just stop trying to kill him.

OMG Mystery Author, I love you for this sentence alone. This is such a matter-of-fact Axel thought, it fits him perfectly!

Also he supports Sony! Bastard! (Sorry, just had to express some copyright-inspired rage!!)

Oh, but Axel's attempts at social networking make me so sad! Lurking on Twitter, no FB updates, 12 followers... and his chat exchanges are in turn hilarious and desolate - you did a wonderful job of letting us peek into something so personal and revealing about Axel that made me both want to cuddle him and roll my eyes at him. Thanks for such excellent insights!
(Reply) (Link)
Momo: Grumpy Axel by Giorgia[info]momogermany on January 6th, 2011 01:21 pm (UTC)
Oh my god! This is absolutely hilarious and a little bit sad at the same time. Great job, M.A.
I love you gently mocking and taking the piss out of Axel's character in a sort of loving and understanding way, without actually exposing him to ridicule. So well done!
And wrong as it may be, I will officially join the ranks of the LenAx shippers!
(Reply) (Link)
Giorgia: AnnetteAxelSmooch[info]giorgiakerr on January 8th, 2011 01:27 am (UTC)
AHAHAHAA, YES, IT'S AXEL-INTERNET-CRACK! WIN.

Stranger: Travelling in Asia.

Okay, I almost dies of laughter, here. So many allusions in this piece, I can't decide which is my favourite, but this one definitely comes close.

Also, now I'm wondering how many come-damaged products they actually do get. It's probably a pretty high number...
(Reply) (Link)