Mary Magdalene (gospel_of_mary) wrote in nevermore_logs, @ 2011-04-08 02:40:00 |
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Entry tags: | huitzilopochtli, mary magdalene |
WHO: Mary Magdalene & Huitzilopochtli
WHEN: Thursday 7th (2011-04-08)
WHERE: Kaibab National Forest, Arizona
WHAT: Coming to the end of their trip
Mary and Huitzilopochtli were coming to the end of their trip, making their way back up to the airport at Page so they could go back to the city. Mary had to admit that while she wasn't looking forward to leaving the peace of the wilderness, she was ready to put a little distance between herself and the Aztec.
It was only over the last few week that she'd realised what she should have realised a long time ago: that she was falling in love with Huitzilopochtli and she didn't know how to stop it. She wanted to though, because while Mary may allow herself all of the glories of life, love was nothing something she could welcome.
Two thousand years ago she'd been in love with a man and her heart had never belonged to anyone else. Mary didn't think she was capable of it, and in any case she'd always been so careful and closed off from that possibility. She could condemn the Church, she could hate the reasoning of God, but she couldn't deny that she was still eternally faithful to a husband she'd never see again.
So where did that leave her with Huitzilopochtli? She wanted to be angry at him as though this was all somehow his fault, but she couldn't. Still though she drew away from him as they traveled, growing more quiet, more sullen. She woke with prayers to Jesus on her lips, asking his forgiveness for what Mary could only see as a betrayal.
Tonight she watched the deer through the trees as she sat on a rock nearby. A distance away Huitzilopochtli was back at their little set up campsite (far enough that she couldn't see him, couldn't hear him), but Mary needed the distance and so she watched the deers, beautiful creatures that her celestial father-in-law had wrought for the joy of mankind. Stupid, simple deer. They didn't suffer guilt over things like this.
She wiped her eyes on the back of her sleeves, glad that although she may look red and puffy-eyed she wasn't wearing any eyeliner or mascara to smear. Drawing herself up she headed back towards the campsite, bringing with her a few pieces of dead wood for the fire. "Found these," she said without looking at him, dropping them onto the grass beside the cleared fire area.
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[info]bluehummingbird
2011-04-08 06:57 am UTC (link) Track This
He didn't understand. Mary was quiet and even when he opened conversation she withdrew from him. He reached for her and she looked at him like he was doing something wrong. What was worse was he didn't get it. And the one person who could explain wasn't sharing anything, and he hadn't a clue how to get her to talk.
He could deal with her leaving him over their differences of religion, he'd made peace with that a long time ago, but the not knowing was frustrating. Having no counsel he was quiet himself, enjoying his last days and burning the image of his surroundings to memory. He had few supplies left, and could feel his strength starting to fade. He needed his people, soon, before he'd suffer. He knew he was already losing weight and losing his ability to stand the taste of heart and blood.
She took him by surprise when she dropped the wood and just sighed at her appearance and how she wasn't looking at him. He was tired and frustrated. It didn't help now that he slept, he dreamed. And the nightmares were never nice. With a sigh he picked up the wood and added them to the stack. Making fire the old fashioned way was almost calming. At least he knew how to do that.
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2011-04-08 07:05 am UTC (link) Track This
Mary crouched down across from the fire pit, giving it a poke with a stick while he set it up. After a while she said, "By tomorrow night we should be back in the city."
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[info]bluehummingbird
2011-04-08 07:09 am UTC (link) Track This
Part of him wanted to be sullen and ignore her as she'd been ignoring him for the last few days, but he was irritable. The dreams and the hunger were not things that he liked experiencing.
And maybe this would drive her away but at least he would know something was his fault. "Why are you not speaking to me? I have the right to know what I have done."
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2011-04-08 07:12 am UTC (link) Track This
Mary shook her head, still poking at the kindling. "You've done nothing," Mary muttered, unable to look up at him. How did he get under her skin like this? How had she let it happen?
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[info]bluehummingbird
2011-04-08 07:21 am UTC (link) Track This
He cursed in his own language, temper strained already. He sat up and walked to her, kneeling down beside her and making her look up at him. "Then what? You barely look at me, hardly speak to me and for the last few days I could have been a wall and you wouldn't have noticed. I do not understand Mary. If I have wronged, or not wronged, I need you to tell me. You, more then anyone, knows that I wouldn't understand these shifts." He was perhaps being a little unreasonable, but he didn't know how to be reasonable. "So tell me. I am at the end of the line and I do not know what I am supposed to do."
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2011-04-08 07:28 am UTC (link) Track This
Mary raised her eyes to him, her strong and indescribable Aztec warrior and she didn't know how to explain all this. He was like a child in some ways, so confused about the ways of men and women. He deserved a better teacher than Mary.
"I-" she stopped with a frown and dropped her eyes again for a moment, trying to think. Mary swallowed the lump in her throat but didn't move away from him. "I made a vow to someone," she finally sighed, "and... with you I'm breaking it."
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[info]bluehummingbird
2011-04-08 07:34 am UTC (link) Track This
He sank down near to her and set his hands on her cheeks, "tell me. Please. Explain." He watched her running his hands along her features and through her hair. "Letting you go because of the differences we have is inevitable. I understand that. I understand I am not who you want me to be, that I cannot be. Letting you go because of an unknown is unacceptable. These weeks are all I will have. Please. Tell me."
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2011-04-08 07:38 am UTC (link) Track This
He was warm and wonderful and damn it all to Hell. "I wasn't supposed to feel like this about you. You were supposed to be like all the others, just a bit of fun. But... you're not. You've become-" she swallowed and dropped her gaze. "I married a man long ago and swore to love no one else. And I've kept that promise, until now."
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[info]bluehummingbird
2011-04-08 07:56 am UTC (link) Track This
He frowned, until he translated her words. She loved him? While he wanted to be happy, he did not want to see her so sad. But if she loved him, only a little, everything seemed a bit better. "Mary, I do not know the words." He brushed his fingers along her chin. "Your Savior? May I tell you something Mary?" He waited before sitting down before her, "when Cortez came, do you know why so many people hailed him as Quetzalcoatl? Why so many converted? When people sacrifice hearts to us, it means that mortal becomes the God, and feeds it. He is raised to divinity, to become a part of us and to continue keeping the universe safe. Your faith taught them that now God, or the son of It, had sacrificed himself so man no longer had to." He gave a small smile, "Even I when I heard it had to admit courage in that. A God sacrificing himself so his mortals could live? I had to admire it." It didn't seem like it made sense, but he hoped it would.
"I admire this Savior of yours. Cortez and the likes of him aren't worthy of the worship of such a God. I am born of blood and war, but that does not mean I cannot respect a man of peace. So, perhaps my next words will mean nothing, or something. He loved you, perhaps more then anyone else but does that not mean he will perhaps wish for happiness for you? He preached love, peace. If it was me, I know I'd be happy to see you happy. To see you love and be loved."
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2011-04-08 08:08 am UTC (link) Track This
Mary listened to Huitzilopochtli speak and the things he said only made her feel for him more. He was so quiet but there was such a wisdom within him that he didn't show.
Mary's smile was tight as she tilted her head to run her cheek against his hand. "I've spent so long pining after someone I could never have again," Mary admitted. "I didn't think I would find anything else." She lifted her eyes. "I didn't think I'd meet someone like you."
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[info]bluehummingbird
2011-04-08 08:20 am UTC (link) Track This
He chuckled, "it is a good thing I am unique, trust me." He smiled at her, "you...I..." he sighed and set his hand on his chest, "I wish I had more words for what you give me each day." He took her hand then, brushing his fingers along her palm, thinking, "you keep him in your heart. This is yours, that part of you. It holds memories and feelings for someone even an Aztec can admire. Nothing, not sky and earth, can take that from you, those memories.Treasure those memories, but build new ones." He leaned his forehead against hers, closing his eyes, wishing for more words that could soothe her and could tell her how he felt.
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2011-04-08 08:28 am UTC (link) Track This
Her smile was small but warm as they were close together. "You tell me you don't know the ways of these things, about relationships," Mary said quietly, squeezing his hand in hers, "but you know better than you think."
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[info]bluehummingbird
2011-04-08 08:37 am UTC (link) Track This
He chuckled, "I say what comes to mind. I'll remind you that's not always the brightest thing to do. I go off instinct." He released her hand, drawing back. "Whatever you wish of me, ask. But please, do not be silent. I do not understand all things. Let me learn, and I can try and find my way." Smiling he kissed her forehead and drew back to check the fire.
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2011-04-08 08:41 am UTC (link) Track This
Mary watched him as he moved back to tend the fire, hoping that she could do this all for him, and for her as well.
"Do you love me, Huitzilopochtli?" she asked, his name still foreign on her tongue but growing more natural each time she used it.
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[info]bluehummingbird
2011-04-08 08:50 am UTC (link) Track This
He looked to her, then looked down. "Yes. I do. But everything has always taught me that to love is to accept. I did not share how I felt, not thinking it fair to perhaps make you think I felt like you had to return my feelings." He shrugged, using a stick to play along the rocks, "believe me, knowing you return my feelings makes me happier then I know how to express but what you have given me these last months is something I will always treasure. But I would not ask you to change. You are you. To ask you not to be you is asking me to stop being myself. There is no honor in that."
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2011-04-08 08:56 am UTC (link) Track This
"I'd never ask you to change," Mary told him, and she hoped that it was true. Sometimes it was hard to tell what Mary would ask of anyone. "I want to be with you, even the parts of you that I can't understand or might not be so comfortable with." Her discomfort with the whole heart situation would likely never lessen but she could accept that as a part of him. Mostly. "I don't want to fuck this up."
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[info]bluehummingbird
2011-04-08 09:04 am UTC (link) Track This
He smiled at her and took her hand, "nor would I ask you to change." Despite knowing she might stray, knowing she might have others. Having even a small part was enough. "I know part of my worship is not something you can accept. That is fine. I will not force you to watch, and I keep it separate." He chuckled, "Good. I know I will make mistakes. Plenty of them. All I know of this is from movies." He sat closer to her, setting his arm around her, "mistakes may be made, or they won't. We will learn." Smiling he kissed her shoulder. "Let me sleep beside you? I do not like my dreams."
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2011-04-08 09:13 am UTC (link) Track This
She was going to have to explain to him how the movies were all bullshit, but not tonight. If he bought into movie romance cliches then she really was in trouble.
"I'd like it if you slept beside me." Then she frowned a little and stroked her thumb across his temple. "What are you dreaming?" she asked.
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[info]bluehummingbird
2011-04-08 09:19 am UTC (link) Track This
He smiled, letting out a breath. "Good. I have missed holding you." the touch made him frown and glance to the fire. "Tenochtitlan. Being unable to do anything but watch my people suffer. Watch them be burned, temples destroyed. Chains. And running to a land I'd never heard of with the one priest still loyal to me. Fear." He shook his head, "it will do me good to be back amongst my worshipers. My age gets to me it seems."
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2011-04-08 09:25 am UTC (link) Track This
All the Aztec names got mixed up to Mary so she didn't know what 'Tenochtitlan' was, or if it was even something (or someone) that he'd mentioned to her before.
She leaned in closer and laid a kiss upon his throat as he watched the fire. "I'm sorry," she told him quietly. "I hope your dreams don't last, and you'll be back with your people soon."
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[info]bluehummingbird
2011-04-08 09:36 am UTC (link) Track This
The kiss made him look at her, her words made him smile. He was so lost for her. "Don't be. Not for you to apologize over." He set his hand on her her back, "I know, and they will not. Tonight I just want to hold you close."
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2011-04-08 09:52 am UTC (link) Track This
"Then tonight I'm yours," Mary told him, her lips against his for a moment. "Completely." No more hiding behind her own guilt complexes. (She'd always denied Catholicism yet she was still the poster girl for Catholic guilt it seemed.)
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[info]bluehummingbird
2011-04-08 09:55 am UTC (link) Track This
He couldn't help the grin that crept over his lips, or how his hands went to curl around her and bring her closer. "Thank you." Right now he felt everything could fade and he'd still be a happy God. The one thing he could keep all to himself and he'd never have to give to anyone else.