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laguna loire is a cereal journalist. (sirlaguna) wrote in midgarcity,
@ 2012-05-11 14:47:00

Thread: Laguna & Squall
CHARACTERS: Laguna Loire & Squall Leonhart
TIME: Middle of last week, a few days after Squall and Ellone reunited (BACKDATED LIKE A BACKDATED THANG)
PLACE: Near the White Garden Orphanage in the Midgar Slums
RATING: Low
SUMMARY: Laguna and Squall meet again, this time with the knowledge that they are father and son. Dun dun dun. :X
STATUS: In Progress

Laguna was struck with an array of emotions when Ellone told him she had found Squall. First was an almost over-powering relief that Squall had not still been in Sector 7 when the plate had fallen -- something he had been trying not to dwell on, considering the person he suspected was his son had been hanging around that sector when they'd met. He tried his best to avoid falling into emotional ruts -- keep positive, try to keep positive -- but the thought of losing his child a second time was unbearable. Once was bad enough.

Unfortunately, that had been the extent of Ellone's good news, and the teenager's cold reception of her didn't seem like it was going to bode well for him. He could tell it had hurt Ellone's feelings -- none of this had been her fault -- and he'd done his best to comfort her. Squall had even adored his Sis from the sound of it, so if Squall wasn't willing to accept her...

But Laguns wasn't going to let that deter him. Even if Squall sounded more like a wounded animal than the love-filled child Laguna had pictured, this was his son, his precious long-lost child, and he was going to make the best of it. Maybe it had just been a hard day when he'd met with Ellone, and if it had been him at the train station, may that had also just been a hard day...

Ellone had mentioned Squall was hanging around the orphanage -- a place that sent little chills down Laguna's spine when he thought of when he'd come to this place 18 years before in search of the children, unable to find them when he did. He never came back. What if he had...?

He felt a prickling wave of guilt and tried to shake it off as he looked around for any sign of Squall or any teenagers who might know who Squall was. As it turned out, he didn't need to look for long -- around the corner came a dark-haired young man dressed in leather and looking very surly. Once again, Laguna saw the ghost of Raine's memory in the young man's face, and he wasn't sure whether to smile or cry. Instead he stood where he was, catching Squall's eyes and feeling a weird blend of anticipation and nervousness. Ellone had at least mentioned that she'd told Squall about him, so it wouldn't be completely out of the blue (...probably), but the moment was finally here. He was seeing his son for the...second time, but the first time knowing what he now knew, and despite how desperately he wanted to just run over and pull Squall into a hug, he was frozen in his spot (and it probably wouldn't have been a very good idea anyway).

"Squall...?"

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scowls
2012-05-11 09:52 pm UTC (link)

Laguna and Ellone weren't the ones in emotional turmoil. Squall was still reeling from his meeting with Ellone, although he outwardly did not seem much affected. He was keeping the same routine, had the same stoic mask, and just wanted to keep his head down. Outwardly. Inwardly, he was practically kicking himself for how he had acted. Part of him thought that he simply should have kept walking no matter what Ellone had said to him. Part of him thought that he should have forgiven Ellone right there. None of him was happy with how things had turned out, and so he did keep his routine, wondering if she would find him again.

Or maybe it would be another ten years, he thought bitterly.

But then there was the whole unknown of his father. Father. The idea was such a foreign concept that he didn't know where to begin his analysis of the problem. He was too old to need a father now, certainly. So what role would he serve exactly? Squall had already grown up, grown old, learned his life lessons. And even if he had needed a father figure still, he couldn't see Laguna as that figure. The brief meeting with him had not left a good impression. Anyone who could travel the world, walk into the Midgar slums, and still smile clearly had something wrong in the head.

What possibly troubled him more was that Big Sis sounded like she had needed Laguna. Like she had loved him. But for all her affection, in eighteen years, Laguna had not found her. Maybe he was not so keen on the idea of family, and Ellone was being blind. It was enough to make Squall feel a little protective, but he tried to stop that instinct. It was Ellone's life. If she chose to waste her feelings like that, it wasn't Squall's place to stop her. As long as she left him alone.

He worked the situation over in his head backwards and forwards until he was giving himself a headache. Walking around the slum helped somewhat. At least until he looked up and saw the very man he was so confused about. He stopped where he was, watching Laguna warily like he was some wild creature. For a brief moment, he thought about running, but no. Whatever. He didn't care.

"What do you want?"

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sirlaguna
2012-05-11 10:34 pm UTC (link)

Well, that was quite a question. What did Laguna want? He could rattle off a list, like rewinding about 18 years, or for this to not be only the second time he'd seen his and Raine's child, or at least for this to not be so clearly uncomfortable, to know what to say when words normally came so easily...He wanted to grab Squall into a hug, to ask him a million questions, to find some way to make up for all the years apart, but none of these things could make it past his lips, they couldn't send his limbs into action. Judging from Squall's demeanor, he had a feeling Squall wouldn't have wanted them to materialize anyway.

Besides, as much as it stung, there was more to this than what Laguna did or didn't want.

"That's kind of a complicated question, I guess," Laguna said, running an unsettled hand through his long black hair. He had wanted to find Squall for all these years, but what was he supposed to say? "You spoke to Ellone?"

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scowls
2012-05-12 01:03 am UTC (link)

Squall had to give Laguna one thing: he didn't underestimate the question. He wasn't sure what answer he had expected, but he had been sure he would say something stupid. He would have considered himself pleasantly surprised if he were ever pleasantly anything.

The mention of Ellone confirmed the fact that Laguna must also now know all about the relationship between the two of them. His expression grew slightly more sour, knowing that Ellone was his weak spot. He wished she weren't, and he'd do his best to ignore that, but it annoyed him all the same. She left years ago, under the advice of 'them'. He had to move on. He had moved on.

"Yeah. What of it?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest and giving his best bored expression. He had to resist running a hand through his own unruly brown hair.

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sirlaguna
2012-05-12 02:42 am UTC (link)

This was definitely not going to be an easy conversation, but by golly Laguna was ready for it. Or about as ready as he was to plow into any other situation in which he had no idea what he was doing -- a pretty high percentage of situations, so at least he had some practice.

"So Elle told you I'm your father, right?" he continued proddingly, lifting his eyebrows and trying to see any semblance of a reaction at all. She did say that she had when he asked... Squall didn't seem angry or bitter -- he seemed...apathetic, and that was arguably more nerve-wracking than if Squall was angry. It seemed an awfully big discovery... Laguna knew a warm reception was probably too much to ask, but he could really use some sort of manual for what to do when your long-lost son has no discernible reaction to your existence. Was that better than anger? Was it worse?

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scowls
2012-05-12 03:16 am UTC (link)

Another slight point in Laguna's favor was that he didn't seem to be wasting his time. Maybe they could get this conversation over with. It wasn't exactly like Squall thought Laguna owed him more than that, or even that. His want for a father had long since passed.

"Yeah, that's what she said," he replied with a shrug. Laguna was a reporter. Surely there were some better questions to be asking. Squall's eyes narrowed just slightly. "I still don't have anything to say about Midgar." People only talked to other people when they wanted something, right?

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sirlaguna
2012-05-12 03:37 am UTC (link)

Laguna almost laughed -- it wasn't really funny at all, but what in the world did this conversation have to do with Midgar? "I don't know what you're-" Oh, the interview! The Timber Maniacs article he had been working on. Speaking of which, he'd completely forgotten to work on one for this month---oops---but that was off topic. "Oh! Right, the article. No, that doesn't matter. This isn't about Midgar at all," Laguna said, waving his hand and somehow feeling slightly more relaxed, even if Squall wasn't any more open to the conversation than he had been at the beginning. "It's already published, but even if it wasn't, it's not the important thing anyway. Not that I don't care about your opinions-" A little voice in his head said shut up shut up. "But, right."

Running a hand through his hair again and shifting his weight from one foot to another, Laguna sucked in a steeling breath and continued, "I...know you may not be crazy about the idea, but I wanted to meet you. Again, I guess, but for real this time. I wasn't even sure you were alive for all these years, and...well, you may not be happy to see me, but I'm happy to see you." The words were direct, the expression on his face was utterly sincere as he watched his son. In his heart, he could feel the little tendrils of hope reaching out, wanting something to latch onto, even if there didn't seem to be a whole lot to work with. "You may not want to hear it, you may not forgive me or like me or whatever you're feeling or not feeling, but I wanted you to know that. That I'm happy we found you, and I'm sorry it took so long."

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scowls
2012-05-13 01:46 am UTC (link)

Ah, there he was. The bumbling, rambling reporter that Squall remembered from Sector 7. Squall was too embarrassed on the man's behalf to take offense about whether or not Laguna was interested in his opinion anymore. It was like he had no filter. Squall found himself wondering what that would be like. To just say whatever ridiculous thing came to mind, and oh, how the people would judge that. And yet Laguna didn't seem to care. It was almost impressive.

He tuned in again just in time to hear that Laguna was happy to see him. On the one hand, Laguna was fortunate now, because there was a moment of wide-eyed confusion to that statement. It was an honest reaction to cling to, but soon Squall shot that down with a customary frown. "You can't be happy to see me, you don't even know me." Self-doubt crept in again with this realization. Squall was unsure how to feel about Laguna, but the worse thing would be if Laguna rejected him now. The man must have built up so many damn foolish dreams over the past eighteen years about his darling precious boy. That wasn't who Squall was. It couldn't be. He hadn't even been the same boy Ellone had left.

The sudden anxiety compelled him to take a step to the side. He couldn't stand here in this conversation anymore. There was too much judgment, too much responsibility, and Squall couldn't carry on a conversation over his own thoughts. Is that how family works? It can't be. I've never seen. You can't just suddenly be somebody's father, son, brother. Those things, those words, should mean something. This doesn't mean anything. It couldn't-- "Whatever."

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sirlaguna
2012-05-13 03:16 am UTC (link)

Squall was still responding, and he hadn't stormed off angry yet...good sign?? Yet the concept that 'he couldn't be happy to see Squall because he didn't know Squall' was a baffling one to Laguna. Of course he could be happy. "I've been trying to find you for 18 years. You're my son, safe and alive. Why wouldn't I be happy?" The tone was not defensive, but rather a genuine question, as if Squall had tried to tell him 'you can't be happy to breathe air because you've never seen it'. Or something.

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scowls
2012-05-13 04:02 am UTC (link)

Squall couldn't help but simply stare at him dumbly. What kind of a question was that? Why wouldn't Laguna be happy? Had he seen Squall? Had he looked at himself ever? They weren't exactly two peas of a pod. The apple had fallen from the tree. And so forth.

"Of course I'm alive," he responded with the only thing he could think of. He could really do without all these people suspecting that he was dead. Of course, he had thought the same thing about his parents and his Big Sis, but Squall had gotten over that (or so he told himself). He had had a lot of time to adjust, if poorly, meanwhile Laguna had been traveling the world and writing travel guides. "So do you feel better now? Back out to the job with you? What do you want?"

Squall was too agitated, too bothered, to have anything other than questions in his mind. But now was a time to figure out what he wanted, too.

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sirlaguna
2012-05-13 04:24 am UTC (link)

Laguna ran a scratching hand through his hair at Squall's question, but amidst all the confused feelings and uncertain steps, there was something he knew for sure. "I want to get to know you," he answered with pure, direct simplicity, shrugging his shoulders. His green eyes were locked on his son, earnest but sincere with no frills or dramatics, an expression so at home on his face.

Sticking his hands in his pockets, Laguna felt a little rush of nervousness prickling over him. In all honesty, he was a little afraid of rejection too (maybe a lotta afraid), and maybe there wasn't much hope...but... "I know you don't know me, maybe don't care at all, but I want a chance if you'll give me one. I guess that's what I really want." The words came out almost of their own accord, but his eyes stayed trained on Squall, watching for a reaction and keeping the tiny hope embers going, just in case.

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scowls
2012-05-13 04:50 am UTC (link)

Squall's eyes narrowed as one word ran through his head over and over: why? Why did Laguna want to get to know him, Why had he lost his family in the first place, and Why were they returning now? Now when AVALANCHE was broken and in hiding, and Squall was already not sure what to do. He thought of Marlene, then, that poor girl, orphaned but raised by Barret, and wasn't that a parental relationship not to echo? Mercenaries and families did not mix. But why was Squall even thinking about that? Why couldn't he forget what happened in Sector 7, write it all off and move on with his life?

And there wasn't anybody that he could ask these questions to.

But now this was Laguna, looking at him, wanting a chance. A sign. Anything. It wasn't a situation he was used to. This wasn't a battle when he simply needed to do what needed to get done. This was so much more complicated.

Gods, what if he messed it up? He didn't think there was a right answer. He knew the answer Laguna wanted, of course.

"Maybe now's not a good time," he said, his words as direct, but each one over-analyzed. 18 years was a long time. Squall didn't depend upon anyone, and he wasn't going to drop things for Laguna. He started to walk pass Laguna then. If people wanted a chance, they'd have to take it themselves. He couldn't just give people whatever they wanted.

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sirlaguna
2012-05-17 01:34 am UTC (link)

Laguna blinked, then twisted around slightly to keep his eyes on Squall. "Not a good time? I didn't think there were good times and bad times for things like that." It was family...Wasn't any time a good time to reunite with family?

But at least it wasn't a flat-out 'no'...That was a starter, right? He shouldn't rush it, or Squall might high-tail it out of the area, setting them nearly back where they'd been all these years. Approach with caution. Resist the urge to plow forward. Resist. So hard... "Uh. But. Okay. Now's not a good time." 'Now' was pretty subjective, right? It didn't last that long at all. Now wasn't necessarily next week, or tomorrow, or even ten minutes from now, or it wouldn't be from now. Previous nows weren't even really now...or now...or now, or a second from now, but he was getting carried away.

Laguna wasn't quite sure what to do from here, how long to wait, why exactly Squall had determined that reconnecting right now was out of the question, but maybe it needed time. He didn't want to ever let his son out of his sight again, not when he'd finally found him after all these years, but he knew he needed to. He needed to find a way to be okay with a little bit of patience. Eyes softening a little, Laguna nodded and rocked once on his heels, hands still in his pockets. "I can wait a bit longer, for whatever reason you have. Take care, okay?"

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scowls
2012-05-18 02:45 am UTC (link)

Well, Squall wouldn't know anything about what was a good time or a bad time for a family, would he?

He didn't quite realize that he had given Laguna as much hope as it seemed he had. He would have to think long and hard about the semantics of 'now' now. Or...now. Or really all the time, with Squall's obsessive thoughts being what they were. But Squall was determined for the conversation to be over now. Really now.

But then Laguna said he was going to wait, and Squall shot him back a confused look. Waiting? For him? Why? With a determined edge to his jaw, he narrowed his eyes. "Right. I can take care of myself. You can save it for someone who needs it."

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sirlaguna
2012-05-18 05:50 am UTC (link)

"I don't doubt you can take care of yourself," Laguna said with a shrug as he pulled a hand out of his pocket to motion at the teenager. "You're nearly an adult and carry around a gunblade." A detail he hadn't missed -- Laguna had never been very good with them back when he'd tried (it felt like forever ago), but they were pretty cool, and with that at his side, his son didn't look like any sort of pushover.

"Family takes care of each other, but it's not a matter of needs-or-doesn't-need, though I think everyone needs it at least a little." Laguna scratched at the back of his head again. "It might be a lot to take in, but you can take some time to think about it. There isn't an expiration date or anything like that."

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scowls
2012-05-18 04:37 pm UTC (link)

Squall actually bristled at being called nearly an adult. He was an adult, damn it. He wasn't a kid. He didn't need Big Sis or a father or anybody else. And then Laguna just kept talking about needing family and just wanting to be there and all sorts of strange things. But of course if Laguna knew him--really knew him, and about AVALANCHE--he would probably be singing a different story.

He really needed time to think about it. A lot of time, and he turned away and took quick steps towards his personal safe house away from the rest of AVALANCHE. He didn't particularly care that Laguna would see one of his bases of operation. He had enough things on his mind already.

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