for the snupin santa crew - McKay, Jedirita, Real-Life-Rosy and Kopernik
Title: Unexpected Presents
Word Count: 268
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Unbeta’d, Crack
A/N: For Snupin Santa and the Elves aka McKay, Kopernik, Jedirita, Real-Life-Rosy. Thank you all so much!!
“Lupin, what is the meaning of this?!”
“I don’t know what they are. They’ve been arriving in two’s and three’s since December 1st.”
“And you’ve been hiding them?”
“I thought perhaps you were planning some sort of surprise.”
“It could hardly be a surprise if you already knew about this.” Severus waved his hand at the stacks and stacks of parchment tied in pretty Christmas ribbons. “Didn’t you open any of them?”
“No!” Remus said aghast. “They clearly state ‘DO NOT OPEN UNTIL JANUARY 7TH’. I thought it might be some sort of Twelve Days of Christmas ritual or something you ordered for your birthday.”
“Hardy!” Severus reached for the closest stack to him. There wasn’t any magic radiating from it, no magical signature, no charms; he cautiously tore the ribbon off. He read the first few lines and the summary and then grabbed another stack. The ribbon was off of it in a moment. Quickly, he scanned this one. “It’s pornography, Lupin.”
“Pornography?”
“The ones I’ve opened are most definitely for mature audiences only.”
“What should we do?” Remus asked.
“Read it, of course!” Severus settled into a chair taking the packets he had opened with him.
Remus picked up a stack by the ribbon and settled into the chair opposite. “Who do you imagine sent it?”
“I cannot quite make out the signature, but the last part is most definitely Santa.”
“Hmmmm. Would you like some tea while you read Severus?”
Severus cleared his throat. “You had better make that Firewhiskey with a lube chaser. I believe we are going to need both of them.”