|Keeper of the Cocks (torino10154) wrote in loveandwar,|
@ 2007-11-03 15:52:00
FIC: Sunday Morning, Snarry, PG-13
Title: Sunday Morning
Authors: gryffindorj and torino10154
Word Count: 2142
Warnings: Smutty innuendo, threat of the misuse of produce
Disclaimer: The characters belong to HRH JKR. We just play with them. Cross posted the usual places. Sorry for the duplication.
Summary: “To market, to market to buy . . .”
Sunday mornings were quickly becoming one of Severus’s favorite times of the week. He enjoyed leaving the house early before the rest of the world was awake or out of church, arriving at the market to shop through the uncluttered aisles and produce that had not yet been poked and prodded, damaging its delicate flesh.
He enjoyed all of this even if he did have to deal with his surly partner who hated getting up early. “Sunday morning and out of bed early,” he would grumble the whole way to the market. Severus’s favorite was when he full out whined, “It’s Sunday morning, Severus.”
Severus knew the moment they got to the produce section Harry’s mood would brighten. Harry would stand in front of the bananas, zucchini, cucumber or any other phallic item and give Severus a wicked grin, which Severus hardly acknowledged. He would give Harry the perfunctory look out of the corner of his eyes. Only when Harry ventured a comment did Severus respond.
“I think you’ll like these bananas, they’re extra firm just like you like them,” he said as he nudged Severus with one purposefully causing Severus to chastise him.
“You are so juvenile, Harry. Please refrain from your lewd comments in public otherwise I shall have to start leaving you at home like an ill-bred pup.” Harry knew as the threat was made it was an empty one; Severus always insisted they shop together.
Initially their trips were on random days whenever the need for a particular item was clear. Severus hated this habit; he wanted a well-organized, well-stocked kitchen and didn’t want to make unnecessary excursions. They kept a piece of parchment on the inside of a cupboard in the kitchen so that during the week they could write down items as they ran out.
At first they were both allowed to write on the list. But now Severus didn’t want Harry anywhere near the parchment. He could not trust Harry with his odd “abbreviations”.
When Harry had written, “beef stk. (4)” Severus purchased four containers of beef stock instead of the beef steak as Harry had intended. On another occasion Harry wrote “almn.” Since it was written in the area of the other odds and ends on the list, Severus figured Harry meant aluminum foil but it was actually meant to be almonds. Harry then had the audacity to complain for the entire week that he didn’t have them.
Severus took over all list-making duties after an argument over the abbreviation “gly” which took place at the market. Harry had insisted it wasn’t a 'g' at all and he had meant “jly.”
Severus snapped at him, “If you meant jelly why did you not just write j-e-l-l-y?”
“It’s easier that way!” Harry snarked back. “Why would I want gilly water? I know very well I meant jelly because I need petroleum jelly!”
“Of all the needless things in the world why would petroleum jelly be one of them?” Snape questioned through gritted teeth.
“Because!” Harry said defensively.
“Because why, Harry?” Severus demanded and at Harry’s mumbled response hissed, “You know very well I hate it when you mumble, Harry, now speak up!”
“I get sore from riding my broom, all right!” Harry yelled, his face flush. “It chafes sometimes, ok?” He then stormed out of the store leaving Severus to decipher the list on his own. Harry did not speak to Severus again until Severus had pulled him into his office and showed Harry the cauldron of Confortius salve he had brewed just for Harry.
“Be assured this salve is better than anything you might find in a Muggle shop,” Severus said not looking at Harry’s eyes. Harry took this to be Severus venture at an apology and it was the sweetest apology Harry had ever been offered. That night he showed Severus how very grateful he was for the gesture and how very effective the salve was at smoothing his tender skin.
Since that day, the list had taken on a life of it’s own; it was a complete map not only to what they would purchase but to the order in which it would be picked out, placed in the cart, and what every meal would be for the week. At the top of the list was every dinner they would have for the week. For Sunday it read: “Port and onion roasted short ribs, wild mushroom long grain rice, steamed carrots, and pear raspberry tart.”
Each day of the week was thus notated and planned. Then below that, the main part of the list would begin. Starting with the fruits and vegetables as Severus felt it was certainly more reasonable to start with boxed and jarred items such as biscuits or jam but liked to get to the produce before it was ruined by little old ladies squeezing the life out of the tomatoes, shucking the corn, or knocking on the melons as if they expected a reply. After putting each perfectly picked item in the basket they would then move on to the part of the list titled “Non-perishables.”
This part of the list always entertained Harry the most. It wasn’t enough for his lover to put things like “tea” or “oatmeal” on the list; everything had to be exact. It was organized aisle by aisle and read in a very precise manner.
-1 one kilogram box Scott’s Porage Oats
-2 454 gram jars Robertson’s Golden Shred marmalade
-1 small pack of 40 teabags Twinings Tea, English Breakfast
-3 packages biscuits: one each of McVities Hobnobs plain, McVities Chocolate Digestives, and McVities Ginger Nuts
What Harry rarely saw were the products Severus casually placed in the basket when Harry wasn’t paying attention; items he had purposefully left off the list, making a mental note instead. He purchased extra bags of crisps knowing how much Harry enjoyed them with his sandwiches.
They walked down every aisle in the shop but never the canned food aisle, Severus always curled his lip disdainfully as they passed it. The rows of sandy over-cooked vegetables reminded him of his childhood-cheap and tasteless.
After the non-perishables were gathered, they then moved on to dairy department which usually only consisted of cream, milk and whatever specialty cheese Severus had decided he would like. Looking at each package, checking the dates of each before selecting the correct one was tedious but necessary when shopping with a control freak like Severus. Harry, hand on his hips, occasionally running his hand through his hair, would watch Severus with delight. Harry saw Severus’s particular taste as a rather flattering compliment to himself.
The very last section of the store visited was always the butcher’s counter. Severus had stressed the importance of keeping the meat as cool as possible and not allowing it to sit and contaminate other items.
Harry had quickly run to grab an extra container of yogurt while Severus inspected the offerings displayed in the case. Severus was deep in thought peering closely at each, what Harry supposed was whole chickens.
“Is there a problem?” Harry asked seeing the crease in Severus’s brow.
“I am trying to detect the best cock for Thursday’s dinner,” the austere man replied without looking up. The corners of Harry’s mouth turned up slightly as he tried to repress a grin.
“Is Thursday the only night we’re having cock?” Harry’s tone echoed with repressed laughter. Severus didn’t answer for a moment but continued looking.
“You think just because I can’t see the sparkle in those green eyes of yours that I am missing out on your little joke,” Severus said. “Your humor is increasingly sophomoric and laughter at unintended innuendo is exasperating. To properly make Coq au vin you need an old rooster, or cock as you heard me say.”
“I still think it’s funny,” Harry replied as Snape placed the bird in the basket. Harry knew him too well to be fussed by Severus’s condescending tone.
Severus would always manage to pay Harry back in some delicate way for Harry’s overtly sexual 'everything is innuendo' sense of humor. Severus picked up a jar of dark rich chocolate sauce, then pointedly turned and looked at Harry. He would wait until Harry looked him straight in the eye, then he would trace Harry’s every inch with slight movements of his own rich, dark eyes. Harry blushed, lowering his lashes as the corners of Severus’s mouth would twitch before he continued with their procurement.
Harry always stood in the check-out line flipping through a magazine as Severus would direct how exactly he wanted their groceries packaged-the sturdy items in one bag, the fruits and vegetables in another, eggs in a bag alone as he cast cushioning charms with his wand up his sleeve. He intimidated every clerk and cashier with his clipped tone and need for exactness. Harry’s eyes always betrayed his mirth that he could predict how Severus would act in any situation, bossing people about his groceries was one of them.
After they exited the shop, they turned right to head around the back of the building and Harry give a wave of his wand muttering “Evanesco” causing the bags of groceries to reappear on their kitchen table.
“Let’s walk home, Severus,” Harry said, taking the man’s hand in his. “It’s such a beautiful fall day.”
“All right, but no detours. We do have to get the groceries put away in a timely fashion,” Severus grumped but proceeded down the lane towards their home.
And Harry was right-it was a gorgeous day. The leaves were changing to all colors of orange, red, and yellow. The warm sun was at their backs as they made their way.
Upon their arrival, Severus went straight to the kitchen.
“Kreacher!” he bellowed immediately.
The elf popped into the room instantly.
“Yes?” He said with a small jerk of his head that was an approximation of a bow without the intention behind it.
“You didn’t touch any of these items have you?” Severus said looking through the bags. “You have done as you have been instructed?”
“I have followed Master Harry’s orders as he wishes,” Kreacher replied his tone lightening as he mentioned Harry.
“That’ll do,” Severus said without looking at Kreacher.
“Thank you, Kreacher. You may go,” Harry said entering the room.
“Oh, Master Harry!” he said giving Harry a low bow. “Thank you, Master Harry, you are too kind!” With a pop, Kreacher was gone.
“When are you going to be nice to Kreacher?” Harry said rubbing closely behind Severus.
“I haven’t a clue as to what you mean?” Severus responded. “I was perfectly civil with him.”
“No ‘please’ no ‘thank you,’” Harry said turning to face Severus who was now busying himself putting food away. “Are you going to forgive him any time soon? I’m sure he’s sorry.” Severus snorted.
“I doubt Kreacher is sorry at all. Don’t be a Pollyanna about him Harry,” Severus said. “He meant it and he’d do it again if he thought it wouldn’t upset you.”
Harry tried not to laugh remembering what had happened.
Severus had hissed at Harry about getting mud on the kitchen floor. Harry who was annoyed at Severus’s need to always critique had mumbled to himself, “You would think the way he bitches about that he wasn’t a wizard. I wish his mouth would just stay shut.” Kreacher was in ear shot of Harry’s grumblings and only wanted to please Harry. He’d done as his master wished and closed Snape’s mouth, permanently. After much closed-mouth hysteria and violent gesturing, Harry asked Kreacher to undo the charm, as Wizards were unable to perform the countercharm for that particular elf magic.
Ever since then Severus had been only surly with Kreacher.
“Sev, do you need me to protect you from the big bad House Elf?” Harry said cuddling up closely behind Severus.
“Your condescending tone is not appreciated,” Severus said looking over his shoulder.
Harry then prodded him with a turnip in the arse before turning back to the table as if he were innocent. When he got no reaction from him, Harry grabbed a zucchini but still Severus said nothing. Finally Harry found a very large aubergine and poked Severus again. When Harry got no reaction the third time, he knew that, in fact, he was the one in trouble. He set the vegetables down on the table and planned his escape.
However, Severus came up behind Harry suddenly, trapping him against the table, hands pinned down against the hard wood. He waited several moments; breathing into Harry’s ear, which sent chill’s down Harry’s spine, before he spoke, his voice low and vibrating against Harry’s back where they touched.
“If you continue attempting to bugger me with our fresh produce, you are going to be the one that regrets the lack of lard in our pantry, Mr. Potter.”