Satu Niemi (_waterbaby) wrote in light_of_may, @ 2012-10-24 13:34:00 |
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Entry tags: | #solo, 2009-09-19, satu |
this is how i show my love
Who: Satu and dream!NPCs
Where: Dreams
When: Four a.m. and on
Warning: Disturbing content
She was hiding under her bed with the dust bunnies and that stupid doll she didn't even want but had to keep anyhow because he was home. She'd been playing with one of the fountains by the window when she'd seen him drive up and it hadn't even taken her a minute to bolt upstairs and slip under the bed. Most kids she knew looked forward to the weekend and thought it was the best time of the week. No school meant it was awesome. Satu didn't think that at all. On the weekends was when her father -- he'd never been 'dad' or 'daddy' or any of that -- came home from Detroit. No one liked that, not even Valterri and she knew it upset her mom. And that upset all of them. Mom would be nice and pale-skinned and even smiling on Thursday night, but then by the time Monday rolled around she'd likely have a dark spot on her face and she wouldn't be able to look anyone in the eye. Satu hated it more than she hated anything else. No, wait, that wasn't right. What she hated most was that she couldn't do anything because she was too scared and too little.
He hadn't ever really hurt her. There had been those times when he'd taken her blood, but it didn't hurt much. For her it was the prick of the needle and then watching as her blood filled the bag. It wasn't that bad, it didn't hurt and she hardly cried. She didn't know what got done to her mom, but she knew it had to have been awful and Dagmar always seemed stiffer and quieter when he was around. He'll leave me alone, Satu told herself, though she was still under the bed and not making any moves out from under it. He won't touch me. There wasn't anything that special about her. She was an elemental the same as Dagmar and if he wanted anything he'd get more out of her. Unless she was on her drugs again...
And the footsteps never came to her door. It felt like hours had passed when Satu eased herself out and crept carefully to the door. Instead of shouts or the unnerving silence that sometimes filled the house when Jokull was there, she could hear laughter. Weird. Stepping out onto the landing she made her way to the railing and peered down towards the living room. He's not even here! Her mom was on the couch, legs tucked up underneath of her while she cooed at something in her arms along with that dark-haired man at -- oh it was Bradley. Satu's eyes narrowed as she realized what this was without even thinking about how it couldn't be happening when she'd just seen Jokull's car. That was the baby. Her mom and Bradley's baby. The disgusting little thing that was here to replace her. How come it'd been allowed to be born? She was certain she'd had a complex list of plans that were all meant to achieve the same goal: that this never happened. Poison in the brownies, pushed down the stairs, other things... had none of them worked?
Satu wasn't the sort to flounce, but she flounced down the stairs and came to a stop in front of her mom and Bradley, arms crossed as she glared at the little baby. "You brought it home."
Linnea looked at her with a confused expression on her face. "What are you doing here?"
"...I live here. And I was here first, before--"
"I thought we'd sent her away to boarding school." Linnea wasn't looking at her anymore, she was looking at Bradley. "Didn't we send her away so I'd have more time for the baby?"
Bradley nodded. "We did. The baby's far more important."
"Of course she is." Linnea leaned in to rub noses with the burbling thing and Satu, who hadn't ever been the most well-behaved, logical or even emotionally stable out of her siblings, didn't even know what to think. Would her mom really send her away because she had a new baby? Was that what was happening? Was she just going to let it?
"Can I hold her before I leave?"
Bradley hesitated, but Linnea extended the baby. "Of course you can, Dagmar."
"I'm Satu."
"Satu, yes, I meant Satu."
Satu was shaking when she took the baby but it only took her a split second to decide. One step back, then two. Three was all she needed to get the distance. The baby was so small with the same color eyes as her, but Satu didn't care. All she saw when she looked at its face was something that was trying to replace her. The baby was here and because of her, she had to leave. Because of her, her own mother had used the wrong name. Linnea hadn't ever called her Dagmar before! She wouldn't send her away! She was only doing it because of this thing and if it was gone then none of it had to happen! "I'm not even sorry," Satu hissed as she grasped the baby by its feet, swung it back like a bat and before she could even register the scream that was coming from her mom she swung it forward, head-first into the wall.
This was the point where she should've come awake, but instead she felt herself shifting into a... a different dream. This dream wasn't of her own making. Her mind wouldn't come up with something like this and... no, no it couldn't. But she recognized the girl in this whirl of a dream that wasn't hers. It was that elemental that her mom had brought home soaked the other night and when it was over, when Satu sat up in bed screaming with tears streaming down her face as she clutched at herself and checked every inch of her body, especially the inside of her leg. And she felt... she couldn't... she'd never... never... it hadn't... she wasn't... She couldn't drown, she was a water elemental! She couldn't call a storm and sink a ship! She'd never been with a man! She was TWELVE YEARS OLD.
Once Satu was sure that there were no marks on her body and that she was awake, that this wasn't another dream, she went running through the house and threw herself right into Linnea's bed, tucking herself right against her side and clinging like she was five again as she sobbed on her shoulder.