"Amends", Final Fantasy IV (Rydia/Kain) Title: Amends Author/Artist: queenoftheskies Rating: R Warnings: sex Word count: 1,000 Prompt: Final Fantasy IV, Rydia/Kain: hurt/comfort - making amends A/N: This prompt is for March 20. Sorry it's late. "I'm sorry." He kneels, prostrate before me; his face touches the cobbled path.
For long moments I watch him and then I turn and walk away. Nothing can change the pain he has caused me. Nothing can repair the damage. Nothing can bring back that which he stole from me.
When I near the end of the path, I look back. I can't help it. I want the justification of knowing that he's watching me, that it was all an act.
Kain remains doubled over, face down. His body shakes.
Could it be that he's crying for me? Could he have repented for the evil he wreaked on our world, on those closest to him?
I don't want to think about it, so I leave. Let him suffer. He deserves it.
But the image tortures me through dinner, especially when his seat at the long table remains empty and Cecil worries what has happened. It tortures me through the evening, when Edward visits and serenades us with his harp. It grows the most horrible, though, once I'm alone, lying sleepless to stare at the ceiling.
What has hate made me? Why do I refuse to let go of it so?
I rise and dress. I must face my...fear. If I let go, if I release my grief, I'll forget her, and her memory is all I have left. Without it, I'd be completely alone.
I find him at the fringe of the city, near the place that I left him, face upturned in the rain. It streaks his flushed cheeks, streams down his dragoon armor, pools at his knees.
"Why do you stay here?" I asked, my voice sharp and unkind.
"This is where I lost her," he whispers. "This is where I made hate mine."
This was not what I expected and I stop, swallowing the sudden lump that has risen into my throat. When I can speak again, I ask, "Who did you lose, Kain?"
"My mother." His voice remains soft and filled with sorrow. "I never thought I'd turn out to be the monster they accused her of being."
"Those who would have made me..." He shrugs and rises. "I should be leaving now."
"Where will you go?" I ask. "Why will you go when so many love you here?"
"I don't deserve their love." He meets my eyes for the first time. His are red and swollen.
I never knew he could cry.
"If I leave," he continues, "they will forget me and then..." He shrugs again.
"Why did you kill my mother?" I have to know.
"She attacked us in the cave. We fought back. We were under orders from the king to complete our mission."
"But, when you entered our village..." The bitterness returns and I clench my fists. "You would have killed me too."
"I would have spared you." His voice grows bitter too. "There is no place in the world for a motherless child, especially one with power. They would have taken you and used you for their own purposes. You would have destroyed our world." His gaze drops to the rain-soaked ground. "I would have too, if I hadn't met..."
"Cecil." How ironic that the goodness of one man saved us both.
I stretch out my hand to him. I'm not sure why, but I'm suddenly empty, suddenly desperate to fill that emptiness, an emptiness only he can fill.
He shakes his head and turns, but stops, uncertain.
"We need to...talk," I say. Can he hear the need in my husky voice? You can understand me. You can complete me as no other in the world is wont to do.
He comes to me at last, takes my hand in his, and falls into step beside me.
"This was inevitable," I say. I've been drawn to him since I'd returned to them grown. I've hated him not only for what he'd done, but for what I've seen in him, for what I wanted from him.
He sighs and raises his face into the rain again. "Will we ever forget, ever really let go?"
I consider. For some reason, I'm not afraid any more. I remember what my mother taught me of forgiveness. I think of what I'm learning about love. "I will if you will."
"I don't know what to do with this emptiness inside."
I smile. He's so strong, but he seems so vulnerable now. "I think you do, but you resist it like I did. You let it make you bitter with hate. You let it eat you up inside."
He turns so swiftly he surprises me, turns to take me in his armored arms. Then his lips are hot and insistent on mine and all thoughts of hatred and loneliness turn to a burning fire inside me.
We don't make it to my room in the castle, nor do we make it to his. Tangled in each other's arms, we seek the cover of ancient trees that line the path, and give in to our desperation. We sink to our knees, still intertwined. He plucks at my clothes, I at his armor, until both lie in heaps around us and the cold rain slicks our heat-soaked skin.
His desperation turns to tears and then to sobs. I take his face in my hands, kiss his eyes, kiss his lips. He's afraid. I feel that same fear, even now. I can only imagine what living with it for so long must have been like. I understand how Golbez was able to control him. I understand why my mother died.
My tears join with his, a hot release that cleanses our souls while desire joins our bodies. Need replaces emptiness. Purpose replaces hatred. Together we will love. Together we will heal.
I will ease his pain, I will ease his sorrow, as he will ease mine. I will give him life and hope and purpose and draw mine from him in return.