len.
It's called hyperbole. Obviously not every time. But enough that I'm questioning my judgment and second guessing myself. I know that I can't save everyone, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to. And when I can't, it's hard.
I was there, the night my mother died. I ran so fast I traveled back there. I was right there and I could have saved her. I could have saved both of them. And I didn't. I was right there and I had to watch her die. Because saving her would have changed everything. And who knows how many people would have died if I had. So I had to let my mother die and my father spend fifteen years in jail for something he didn't do. All I managed to do was get two of my friends killed in the process of chasing some stupid idea that I could make things better.
It's funny. Wells left me a message in the event that he died. He told me that it didn't matter in the end, what happened to him. That I would never be truly happy. And I wonder sometimes, if he was right. Because some days, it really doesn't feel like I can be. I always thought that if my mother hadn't died or if I could exonerate my father, maybe it would help. But then I got the chance to fix it, and I didn't. I let my mother die and I hand to hold her and watch it happen. And when I finally got my dad out of prison, he left before I really even got to have him back because he was more concerned with not holding me back from being the Flash than he was with being in my life. That's what everyone wants. For me to be the Flash and to be the best I can. And I just...why am I not enough? Why isn't it enough for me to just be Barry Allen? And I can't talk to any of them about it because it would just hurt them.
But if I can save people, shouldn't I? Shouldn't I do whatever I can I help people? And because I can do more, shouldn't I do more?
Sorry. I shouldn't be laying all of this on you. You shouldn't have to deal with all of my issues. I know that I have a lot of them.