This? Is completely hilarious and full of awesome!
Oh, god, your Argus voice is fab! He's such a pervy old letch. ;D I suppose he has to find some means of entertaining himself, as alone as he must be in Hogwarts, but really, he might be just a little too creative!
Flapping open in the breeze... dirty talking (mumbling?) to himself... shot his load... LITTLE TART! It's just all so crudely Filch. LOL