Its never too late to be who I might have been..

Yes, its been about 5 months since I've touched this journal. But I'm back now. Ready to take another shot at this. I have some new fuond motivation this time. A boyfriend. I don't know if I talked about him before in posts, but his name is Corey. I've known him for a year and a half now. We've been best friends since the day we met. I swear, it almost seems like we've known each other our whole lives. I developed a very big crush on him very quickly, and soon fell completely in love with him. Finally in August he asked me out on a date. And we've been dating ever since. We're pretty serious about each other. I didn't know it was possible to love someone as much as I love him. But is it possible!

So, I've gotten kinda "settled" lately, and find myself not careing about what I eat, and how much of it I'm really eating. I've really gone overboard. I just weighed myself now, and am completely surprised, 245! I'm not sure how accruate that is though. The scale I used here at work is kind of weird, and I'm not sure how a tiled floor makes a difference on a scale. Plus I am fully-clothed, with shoes & I just ate a huge meal like 2 hours ago. But I'm still happy to know I'm not up in the 250s like I thought I would be!

I already pretty much screwed up for today. I had a footlong pizza-sub from subway. And then 1 1/2 cinnamon rolls here at work. And some chips.

I'm really wanting this now. More than I ever have before.

I'm taking it in very small goals.

I have 3 weeks till new years eve. And I want to lose 10 pounds by then. Thats my first goal.

I'm working night shift, so I could really fit some exercise into my night because its fairly quiet most of the time. So I plan to walk the halls, and do arm exercises with 5lb weights & maybe some stomach exercises... like crunches? I don't know any good stomach exercises. I really wish we had a DVD down here, I could bring my cardio dvds & my hip hop abs. But I guess i'll just have to find time at home to do them.

No, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth.
I'm in the process of moving (finally!), so things are really crazy around here.
I can't wait to get all moved in so I can go grocery shopping for the first time, and stock up on healthy foods, so I can really get started with this. I've been trying to watch what I'm eating, but it really hasn't been going well. With the crazyness of trying to move, clean and paint my new house, and work both my jobs, somehow I always end up getting fast food. Which is going to come to a quick stop soon! Once I'm moved in and paying all my own bills I'll have no choice but to cut out the fast food. Or at least cut it waaaayyy down.

There's a new boy-interest lately that has sparked some much-needed motivation for me. =)

I'm having a really hard time getting motivated enough to actually START my diet. I did good for a half a day last week, and that was it. I weighed myself this morning, 250lbs. Its my highest weight EVER. I was holding steady at 230-235 for a long time, but something just snapped in me recently, and I've been eating like a pig day in and day out. I really need to learn to be accountable for myself, and STICK TO IT. I have such a hard time staying motivated, and try as I might I always end up giving into temptations, and hunger pains. I don't have a large goal this time. I just really would like to lose 30 pounds to start with. Ultimately I wanna lose 100 or more, but I'm taking it in baby steps, and not thinking about the "ultimate". Just trying to stay focused on a mini-goal.