Its never too late to be who I might have been..

Weigh in: 246

Total calories 850
Net calories 525

Ate
- half serving of Bertolli garlic chicken & broc. with penne
- small can of V8
- 1 chicken/mushroom/spinach lean pocket (Whole wheat)
- few bites of a salad that I didnt count
- 1 can of mountain dew

Exercise
30 minutes - 1 mile power walk DVD

I am starting yet again on January 1st 2009. I swear I’ve “started” diets at least 100 times in my lifetime so far. But I’m giving time 101 a shot! This is my new year’s resolution every year, but this year, I will make it happen!

My Plan
- No junk food.
- 64oz of water a day
- 5 servings of fruits/veggies each day
- Limited breads/pastas/potatos/high carb foods
- PORTION CONTROL!
- Eat mostly fruits/veggies/lean protien.

- Exercise with Cardio workout DVD 30 minutes 7 days a week
- Strength train with 5lb hand weights every other day.
- Walk 10-15 laps in the halls at work each night shift I work (3 times a week).

My Weight Loss Goals
Aiming for 10-12 pound weight loss each month. (2.5-3 pounds a week)

Goal 1: 217 pounds (need to lose 28lbs) - No longer considered “morbidly obease”,
Goal 2: 199 pounds (need to lose 46lbs) - ONEderland! Haven’t weighed this since before h.s.
Goal 3: 163 pounds (need to lose 82lbs) - No longer considered “obease”.
Goal 4: 145 pounds (need to lose 100lbs) - A “100 pounds gone forever!” milestone.
Goal 5: 135 pounds (need to lose 110lbs) - No longer considered “overweight”.
Goal 6: 122 pounds (need to lose 123lbs) - I’ll be half the woman I was… Literally.
Goal 7: 110 pounds (need to lose 135lbs) - GOAL!

Yes, its been about 5 months since I've touched this journal. But I'm back now. Ready to take another shot at this. I have some new fuond motivation this time. A boyfriend. I don't know if I talked about him before in posts, but his name is Corey. I've known him for a year and a half now. We've been best friends since the day we met. I swear, it almost seems like we've known each other our whole lives. I developed a very big crush on him very quickly, and soon fell completely in love with him. Finally in August he asked me out on a date. And we've been dating ever since. We're pretty serious about each other. I didn't know it was possible to love someone as much as I love him. But is it possible!

So, I've gotten kinda "settled" lately, and find myself not careing about what I eat, and how much of it I'm really eating. I've really gone overboard. I just weighed myself now, and am completely surprised, 245! I'm not sure how accruate that is though. The scale I used here at work is kind of weird, and I'm not sure how a tiled floor makes a difference on a scale. Plus I am fully-clothed, with shoes & I just ate a huge meal like 2 hours ago. But I'm still happy to know I'm not up in the 250s like I thought I would be!

I already pretty much screwed up for today. I had a footlong pizza-sub from subway. And then 1 1/2 cinnamon rolls here at work. And some chips.

I'm really wanting this now. More than I ever have before.

I'm taking it in very small goals.

I have 3 weeks till new years eve. And I want to lose 10 pounds by then. Thats my first goal.

I'm working night shift, so I could really fit some exercise into my night because its fairly quiet most of the time. So I plan to walk the halls, and do arm exercises with 5lb weights & maybe some stomach exercises... like crunches? I don't know any good stomach exercises. I really wish we had a DVD down here, I could bring my cardio dvds & my hip hop abs. But I guess i'll just have to find time at home to do them.

I woke up late, and wasted half my day.

And I had a heaping bowl of cheerios for breakfast... with alot of sugar... :/

Yesterday was all good until I went to work. I don't know what came over me. I just started eating everything I could find in the fridge.

I have no self-control.

I'm doing really good today! I had a yogurt for breakfast, and so far thats it!

I'm planning a salad with tuna for lunch. And going to take soup and some grapes to work with me!

I went grocery shopping yesterday, and got all healthy foods so I have no excuse!!!

Well today sucked. I don't even remember everything I ate. And I haven't done a darn thing either! Except the usual running around I do at work...

I a good note, I'm out of food, so I'm going to have to go shopping, and I'm only buying HEALTHY things! Unfortunately, I don't have a stove. And I don't know how many "healthy" things you can get, that can be made in a microwave.

I'm finally moved into my new house. Well...not completely. But mostly. I'm sleeping there at least. My mom went grocery shopping for me because I had nothing, and the only healthy thing she bought me was fruit cups. Living on my own is supposed to help me with my diet, because 1.) I'm going to try to keep only healthy foods around and 2.) I'm poor so I'll have to conserve on food as much as possible.

I really need to get cracking on this because I've fallen (hard) for one of my best friends, and I'm fairly certain he feels the same about me. But I'm not sure if my weight bothers him or not... Wheather it does or doesn't I do know that I am bothered by it. My weight holds me back so much. I can't wear nice clothes because I look crappy in them. I can't do things I love, like run, swim, play sports, etc... because I'm out of shape, and I..."jiggle".
And I am NOT comfortable AT ALL with being intimate with anyone, no matter how much I love them, or they love me because I'm embarrassed and ashamed of my weight.

*sigh*

And I'm afraid that if I keep putting this off, I'll never be able to tell him how I feel, and he may eventually find someone else..

I went through something similar with another boy once. And it didn't turn out well. I was, and still am heart broken. And even more scared.

No, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth.
I'm in the process of moving (finally!), so things are really crazy around here.
I can't wait to get all moved in so I can go grocery shopping for the first time, and stock up on healthy foods, so I can really get started with this. I've been trying to watch what I'm eating, but it really hasn't been going well. With the crazyness of trying to move, clean and paint my new house, and work both my jobs, somehow I always end up getting fast food. Which is going to come to a quick stop soon! Once I'm moved in and paying all my own bills I'll have no choice but to cut out the fast food. Or at least cut it waaaayyy down.

There's a new boy-interest lately that has sparked some much-needed motivation for me. =)

I'm having a really hard time getting motivated enough to actually START my diet. I did good for a half a day last week, and that was it. I weighed myself this morning, 250lbs. Its my highest weight EVER. I was holding steady at 230-235 for a long time, but something just snapped in me recently, and I've been eating like a pig day in and day out. I really need to learn to be accountable for myself, and STICK TO IT. I have such a hard time staying motivated, and try as I might I always end up giving into temptations, and hunger pains. I don't have a large goal this time. I just really would like to lose 30 pounds to start with. Ultimately I wanna lose 100 or more, but I'm taking it in baby steps, and not thinking about the "ultimate". Just trying to stay focused on a mini-goal.