Fanficrants! Come for the rants...

Dear Kyou Kara Maou! Fandom,

For the most part, I love you. It's usually easier finding readable stuff in your corner of the Pit then say, Inuyasha, Naruto and Fruits Basket fandom, however, I now have a complaint.

My pairing of choice in KKM is Yuuri/Wolfram. Now, I love read the silly stories about everyday life in the castle, which keeps the characters fairly IC, I also like the more epic stuff if it's IC.

These more epic ones tends to showcase Wolfram's feelings with Yuuri's rejections, but it seems like you forget a few crucible detail when it pertains to those rejections. You see, Yuuri doesn't reject Wolfram just because he's naïve and slightly dense.
( In which the culture clashes with a teal deer )

X-posted @ LJ

Okay, Naruto fandom...

So we have Sakura being chased as a missing-nin, by ANBU Root. Now, last time I saw Root, they had no concept of emotions and feelings, especially not feeling sadism or not exactly following orders because of a whim.

Yet every time Root catches up with Sakura they try to rape her, and she barely escapes, once by running into a certain Akatsuki that wont be named.

So lets see what was the straw that broke the camel's back.

( We need a chiropractor over here! )

X-posted @ LJ

Okay, so this is a minor rant, but it's something that jarred me several times now.

The girls of Naruto are kunoichi. This means that they've been educated as kunoichi (as seen with the flower arrangement class that Sakura and Ino took, they even have separate classes). And Sakura and Ino are even medically trained, and Hinata can see through people's clothes.

In case you didn't know, historically, many kunoichi worked undercover, often by seducing and/or marrying some important man for access to information. Their education probably reflected that, hence sex would be seen as a tool most of the time. And they would probably know the difference between necessity and pleasure.

So, Naruto authors, why is it that I often see scenes like this:
Male Ally: We're on a limited budget, so we have to share a room.
Kunoichi: *Freaks out at the mere thought of sharing a room with a man.*

Or this:
Male Ally: Looks like we can only afford one room.
Kunoichi: *Freaks out, starts to whine and plead with Male Ally to get another room for her and so on. Despite how impracticable it is.*

The worst part is that this often plays out in a "five-ten years after canon" scenario, and I'm supposed to see these kunoichi as mature and capable. Often they are made missing-nin on top of it and I have to believe that this kunoichi is a mature, hard-bitten, strong and capable missing-nin.

Sorry, but if I, when I was nine, was capable of sharing a three by three metre space on a train with two men I've never met before, change clothes in front of them, sleep in the same room as them, without freaking out, without special kunoichi training, then I think that a grown up Sakura would handle a night in a spacious room together with one of her allies.

(X-posted to LJ)

If you write Kyou Kara Maou! Fanfic, then I will take for granted that you watched the series. We can all agree that Yuuri is very optimistic, right? But he isn't downright stupid.

Saralegui does not only think of getting into Yuuri's pants.

Wolfram would never do anything that could permanently dishonour him, his family, Yuuri as well as hurt Shin Makoku.

( Feminist=/=Feminazi )

Sorry but... Putting this story a year or five into the future does not excuse the OOC-ness of it all. You pretty much massacred the reason why Yuuri makes a good king (he at the very least would listen and try to talk to Sara even if Sara wasn't Wolfram), while paying lipservice to it (why they didn't just attack Shou Shimaron). You made Wolfram the "mistress" of the king, without even thinking about reputations (seriously, when this gets out, Waltorana would kill Yuuri, no matter what Shinou and the laws says).

And you reduced two strong female characters (Anissina and Cecilie) into stereotypes (feminazi and whore).

Okay, so I love reading writing guides (even when I really should work on fixing the layout of my ij) and also love reading fan fiction guides.

Ahem.

Dear FanficGuide Author,
If many of your points begin with "Yeah, it's canon but..." and then proceed to tell others to break the rules of canon/consider stuff that's not canon, then maybe you shouldn't be writing guides.

To clarify: You are telling fan fiction writers to, when they write Pokémon fan fiction, have their trainers ask the wild Pokémon if they want a trainer before capturing/keeping them. Among many other things.

In the games you capture a wild Pokémon and then work on getting its trust so that Return can 1-KO. You do not get the option, when having captured a Pokémon, to ask it if it wants to come along or be released before the nickname option.

In the anime, Pidgeotto certainly did not get any options about Ash capturing it.

As far as I know, that also goes for (all of) the manga (series, at least three the last time I checked, all of them very different).

What do you know, all three wildly contradictory canon sources agree on this point.

Yet you tell your readers that a hero can't capture a Pokémon without asking it first. You go as far to say that it's fantasy racism to take that choice from the Pokémon, nevermind that according to the games' canon, it's remarkable if a Pokémon-species is sapient.

To quote the PokéDex entry of Dragonite:

An extremely rarely seen marine Pokémon. Its intelligence is said to match that of humans.

It suggests that it isn't the norm for Pokémon to be as intelligent/sapient as humans.

And this is just one point where you say "Yeah, it's sort of/really canon, but I say this and you should write what I say".

You present this Fan Fiction Guide to help new writers in the fandom. Yet you just lay down the rules that's your opinions and likes. It kind of leaves a bad taste.

No love,
Caithyra

ETA: Word in wrong place got changed.

I have this strange idea about a few requirements for a relationship to be happily-ever-after. One of them, as I ranted about a few months ago, was equality in relationships, and here's another one, specifically about sex that I've seen in too many fandoms for it to be healthy.

( No and Stop and Teal Deer Ranting )

X-posted @ LJ

Dear FF.net Author A: I appreciate that you remembered that very minor character from that book in the series that no one ever seems to finish. And I appreciate that you briefly mentioned a romantic relationship with one of the main characters, because I think they make a great couple and no one ever writes that. But...you didn't bother to spell his name right.

Dear FF.net Author B: Try not to give your OFC the same name as an actual *major* female character from the books. Maybe you haven't read that far in the series, and I know she hasn't been in the (new) movies yet but trust me, you're really confusing people.

I read fic, and when I read fic other than fic written by a very small number of authors I trust, I tend to find pairs of words where the author has confused two different words, and completely bollixed up the meaning of their sentence. So I decided to collect these word pairs, and clarify some things.

Here's today's list:

descent
· n.
1 the action of descending. Ø a downward slope.
2 a person’s origin or nationality: the settlers were of Cornish descent. Ø transmission by inheritance.
3 (descent on) a sudden violent attack.
– ORIGIN ME: from OFr. descente, from descendre (see descend).

decent
· adj.
1 conforming with generally accepted standards of morality or respectability.
2 of an acceptable or appropriate standard; satisfactory. Ø Brit. informal obliging or generous: that’s very decent of you.
– DERIVATIVES decently adv.
– ORIGIN C16: from L. decent-, decere ‘to be fit’.

A "descent guy" would probably be a specialist at going down mountains.

taught past and past participle of teach.

taut
· adj.
1 stretched or pulled tight. Ø (of muscles or nerves) tense.
2 (of writing, music, etc.) concise and controlled.
3 (of a ship) having a disciplined crew.
– DERIVATIVES tauten v. tautly adv. tautness n.
– ORIGIN ME tought ‘distended’, perh. from tough.

taunt
· n. a jeering or mocking remark made in order to wound or provoke.
· v. provoke or wound with taunts.
– DERIVATIVES taunter n. taunting adj. tauntingly adv.
– ORIGIN C16: from Fr. tant pour tant ‘like for like, tit for tat’, from tant ‘so much’, from L. tantus.

Those muscles are taut. The rude comments about them are taunts. You should have been taught the difference between the two.

excite
· v.
1 cause strong feelings of enthusiasm and eagerness in. Ø arouse (someone) sexually.
2 give rise to (a feeling or reaction).
3 produce a state of increased energy or activity in (a physical or biological system).
– DERIVATIVES excitation n. (chiefly technical). excitative adj. (rare). excitatory adj. (chiefly Physiology). excited adj. excitedly adv. excitement n. exciter n. exciting adj. excitingly adv. excitingness n.
– ORIGIN ME (in the sense ‘incite someone to do something’): from OFr. exciter or L. excitare, frequentative of exciere ‘call out’.

exit
· n.
1 a way out of a building, room, or passenger vehicle. Ø a place for traffic to leave a major road or roundabout.
2 an act of leaving. Ø a departure of an actor from the stage.
3 poetic/literary a person’s death.
· v. (exited, exiting)
1 go out of or leave a place. Ø (of an actor) leave the stage. Ø (exit) (as a stage direction) indicating that a character leaves the stage: exit Pamela.
2 poetic/literary die.
3 Computing terminate a process or program.
4 Bridge relinquish the lead.
– ORIGIN C16: from L. exit ‘he or she goes out’, third person sing. pres. tense of exire, from ex- ‘out’ + ire ‘go’.

If I were in the midst of arousal and discovered my partner was exited, I'd be massively annoyed. They could have at least mentioned something before they left.

thwart /TwO;t/
· v. prevent from succeeding in or accomplishing something.
· n. a structural crosspiece forming a seat for a rower in a boat.
· prep. & adv. archaic or poetic/literary from one side to another side of; across.
– ORIGIN ME thwerte, from thwert ‘perverse, obstinate, adverse’, from ON thvert, neut. of thverr ‘transverse’.

This one was used as part of "thwarting young minds". I have no idea what the writer was thinking of.

purpose · n.
1 the reason for which something is done or for which something exists.
2 resolve or determination.
· v. formal have as one’s objective.
– PHRASES on purpose intentionally. to the purpose relevant or useful.
– DERIVATIVES purposeless adj. purposelessly adv. purposelessness n.
– ORIGIN ME: from OFr. porpos, from porposer, var. of proposer (see propose).

Note all the bolded words there: not *one* of them has a letter "d" in there. If I see "purposed" once more, I'm likely to give up on shrieking in annoyance and just move on to evisceration.

loose /lu;s/
· adj.
1 not firmly or tightly fixed in place. Ø not held, tied or packaged together. Ø not bound or tethered. Ø (of the ball in a game) in play but not in any player’s possession.
2 not fitting tightly or closely.
3 relaxed; physically slack. Ø not strict or exact. Ø careless and indiscreet: loose talk. Ø dated promiscuous; immoral.
4 not dense or compact. Ø (of play, especially in rugby) with the players far apart.
· n. (the loose) Rugby loose play.
· v.
1 set free. Ø untie; unfasten. Ø relax (one’s grip).
2 (usu. loose something off) discharge; fire.
– PHRASES hang loose informal, chiefly N. Amer. be relaxed. on the loose having escaped from confinement.
– DERIVATIVES loosely adv. looseness n.
– ORIGIN ME loos ‘free from bonds’, from ON lauss, of Gmc origin.

lose /lu;z/
· v. (past and past part. lost)
1 be deprived of or cease to have or retain. Ø be deprived of (a relative or friend) through their death. Ø (of a pregnant woman) miscarry (a baby). Ø (be lost) be destroyed or killed. Ø decrease in (body weight). Ø (of a clock) become slow by (a specified amount of time). Ø (lose it) informal lose control of one’s temper or emotions.
2 become unable to find. Ø evade or shake off (a pursuer). Ø N. Amer. informal get rid of. Ø (lose oneself in/be lost in) be or become deeply absorbed in.
3 fail to win.
4 earn less (money) than one is spending.
5 waste or fail to take advantage of: he may have lost his chance.
6 (lose out) be disadvantaged.
– PHRASES lose face lose one’s credibility. lose heart become discouraged. lose one’s mind (or marbles) informal go insane. lose one’s (or the) way become lost.
– ORIGIN OE losian ‘perish, destroy’, also ‘become unable to find’, from los ‘loss’.

quite
· adv.
1 absolutely; completely. Ø US very; really.
2 fairly; moderately.
3 W. Indian all the way.
· exclam. (also quite so) expressing agreement.
– PHRASES quite a —— a remarkable or impressive (person or thing). quite a lot (or a bit) a considerable number or amount. quite some a considerable amount of.
– ORIGIN ME: from the obs. adj. quite, var. of quit.

quiet
· adj. (quieter, quietest)
1 making little or no noise. Ø free from activity, disturbance, or excitement. Ø undisturbed; uninterrupted.
2 discreet, moderate, or restrained. Ø (of a person) tranquil and reserved. Ø (of a colour or garment) unobtrusive.
· n. silence; calm.
· v. chiefly N. Amer. make or become quiet.
– PHRASES keep quiet refrain from speaking or revealing a secret. keep something quiet keep something secret. on the quiet informal secretly or unobtrusively.
– DERIVATIVES quieten v. quietly adv. quietness n.
– ORIGIN ME (as n. denoting peace as opposed to war): via OFr., based on L. quies, quiet- ‘repose, quiet’.

Just because the spell check says you have the letters in the right order, don't be so certain it's the correct word. Check the damn meaning too.

Dear writers of many, many fandoms:
Capitol=/=Capital city

No, really. I'm not pulling your leg.

This is what "Capitol" means according to dictionary.com:

1. the building in Washington, D.C., used by the Congress of the U.S. for its sessions.
2. (often lowercase) a building occupied by a state legislature.
3. the ancient temple of Jupiter at Rome, on the Capitoline.
4. the Capitoline.

This is the meaning of "Capital":

1. the city or town that is the official seat of government in a country, state, etc.: Tokyo is the capital of Japan.
2. a city regarded as being of special eminence in some field of activity: New York is the dance capital of the world.
3. capital letter.
4. the wealth, whether in money or property, owned or employed in business by an individual, firm, corporation, etc.
5. an accumulated stock of such wealth.
6. any form of wealth employed or capable of being employed in the production of more wealth.
7. Accounting.
a. assets remaining after deduction of liabilities; the net worth of a business.
b. the ownership interest in a business.
8. any source of profit, advantage, power, etc.; asset: His indefatigable drive is his greatest capital.
9. capitalists as a group or class (distinguished from labor): High taxation has reduced the spending power of capital.
–adjective
10. pertaining to financial capital: capital stock.
11. principal; highly important: This guide offers suggestions of capital interest to travelers.
12. chief, esp. as being the official seat of government of a country, state, etc.: the capital city of France.
13. excellent or first-rate: a capital hotel; a capital fellow.
14. capital letter.
15. involving the loss of life: capital punishment.
16. punishable by death: a capital crime; a capital offender.
17. fatal; extremely serious: a capital error.

So all those time that Inuyasha's gang makes a beeline for the future capitol, I will be thinking that it must've been very wet, or that the Japanese feudal era somehow takes place before the Romans worshipped Jupiter. For me personally, this is quite jarring.

(Starts rambling)Or when Neo-Queen Serenity returns home to the capitol. Or when the Elric brothers return to the capitol. Or when Bevelle is referred to as the capitol of Spira. Or... Well, I think you can see my point. ^_^

So if you don't want Caithyra to ramble, you shouldn't use capitol instead of capital. Capisci?

So, I was flipping through some old fics of mine that I'd written a while ago. One of these included a baby fic for Star Trek Enterprise in which Archer and T'Pol (A Vulcan for those not in the Trek fandom) had a kid named Henry (Named after Archer's father, who he was pretty closed to).

anyway, one of the reviews I got on this fic was this:

I would hope that by the time "Henry's" sister is born, they can come up with a name more suitable that might actually pay homage to her Vulcan half. Because Henry Archer is as human-centric as they come.

Um, WTF? The review went over my head when I first read it years ago, but known now what a shrill little piss the reviewer can be where Archer is concerned, I don't even know why she read the story to begin with? Why shouldn't the kid be named after his grandfather? Geez.

Rant is about a doujinshi author/artist who has been posting teaser panels on dA for a something she's been planning to release eventually since '06.

Y'know, just because you acknowledge both of a fandom's top two pairings as reasonable doesn't mean you actually have to write both in the same story even if they overlap. Personally, my SportaRobbie is always set when Stephanie is still a child, while my most recent SportaSteph paired Robbie off with Pixel first, and the other didn't even mention him. I don't really care how beautiful your drawings are, pick one and stick with it, or if the SportaRobbie is really only one-sided like I suspect stop posting panels of Robbie fantasising and being so bloody coy about their context.

Giving misleading pairing information is already seen as a considerable breach of fannish etiquette in an online context where the reader can just back button and all they've lost is time and bandwidth. For something you plan to charge for, I think it might verge on fraud. Not legally, since I don't think the law would regard pairing as a major feature of a piece of fiction, but since the fannish community generally does, I think it does in spirit.

Dear ff.net,

Nice to see you felt like deleting all my scene breaks. Nicer to know I need to go through a few hundred pages of fics to make sure they're understandable & not trainwrecking all over the place. If the editing bug doesn't catch me, I might just be able to get this done in a few hours.


The hell'd those three little dots ever do to you, anyway?

Dear Fandoms in General, and Yu Yu Hakusho in particular:

If you're going to prove that humans are bastards, and you want a historical example, the Holocaust isn't the only thing bad to ever happen in human history.


TL;DR: DO YOUR HISTORICAL RESEARCH before you write about how humanity sucks! Otherwise you don't sound very convincing...

-Armand

( On using the same descriptor too much )

( On places it is dangerous to use pronouns )

Summary of both: Think about the words you use, people!

Okay, so Inuyasha isn't be best fandom out there. Neither is the SessKag couple after it was discovered by a multitude of people (Hey, I'm from the era of the FIRST fic in which Kagome sees Inuyasha with Kikyou and runs away with Sesshoumaru, that kinda dates me waaaay back, so I've seen a lot).

But what we all have in common, is that we've seen at least a few of the more important chapters/episodes, so let's talk about it.

Or specifically, let's talk about the anime, which, considering the hints that you have in the story, is the canon you go by.

In the beginning of the anime there's an episode in which there's a giant crow youkai. Yup, I'm talking aaaaallll the way back to the second episode. Which followed the manga chapters covered pretty closely but among the changes there's one little thing: Kagome swimming like a kappa in order to save the boy. Then some pretty unimportant stuff happens like Kagome shooting the crow, shattering the jewel and setting the stage for the whole series, but don't mind that.

You know, this mistake would be tolerable among manga readers if Kagome didn't swim in the very next chapter of the manga (in the colour pages, no less!).

( This one will get tl;dr-y... Plus some general sex/pairing pet peeves as well, am I generous or what? )

( And it showed such promise too! Cut for rape-y stuff. )

*Crawls into corner and weeps for humanity* (Sorry about incoherency, but it just disturbed me so much)

(Cross-posted to LiveJournal)

Dear Fanficrants,

Well, I have to say that I never thought I'd be posting here myself, unless you count the 'How You Can Break Canon in Your Summary' Crest of the Stars rant I have saved on my hard drive. For the most part, most of my bad fanfic writing experience nowadays has been through my friends sharing things they find on the 'net. My friends even used to say I was covered in asbestos, for my ability to give concrit without getting flamed back.

( Do I still need to warn for Deathly Hallows Spoilers? Well, I am. )

...Especially all you Sakura-writers.

Yes, I know that some of you whom don't like Sakura mock her "Sasuke-kun!" cries a lot. Yes I know that a lot of people only think of Sakura as the "Sasuke-kun calling girl".

But people... "-kun" does not denote that a character is in love with another. It does not elevate them on a pedestal. Sakura calling anyone Name-kun does NOT mean that she is in love with that person.

-kun is a suffix most often used towards young boys. It can also be used towards young girls. It can also be used between friends. As a note: In the anime, during Shippuden at the very least, both Sakura AND Kakashi (I think maybe Gai too, and Lee...?) names Gaara as "Gaara-kun".

In Fruits Basket, Tohru, the main GIRL character is often referred to with a -kun suffix.

You know, it wouldn't be so strange for Sakura to call her male peers with -kun added to their names. I can see some exceptions when she need to know the other a little better to feel comfortable to use the suffix, but she wouldn't commit the same social taboo as say, her calling Kiba "KiKi-chan".

To summarise: If Sakura has called someone Name-san for a long time and suddenly switches to Name-kun the person might enquire why that is if it isn't obvious (such as both suddenly realising that "Hey! We're actually more than just acquaintances that occasionally share a workplace!"), but they wouldn't think that she is suddenly declaring her love or putting them on the same pedestal as Sasuke.

I Can't Believe It's Not Canon!

You will never look at margarine the same way again. (Don't worry, it's worksafe.)

-Armand

Okay, English-speaking/writing people! At least learn your own language for god's sake!

It is not PERSAY or PER SAY!

It is PER SE! PER SE! PER SE! For god's sake!

It's Latin -- it means "by, of, for, or in itself; intrinsically".

It f'ing drives me crazy every time I see persay, which I have several times in the last few days.

GRRRRRRRR