Kuromaru handed Ginta his drink without actually looking, gaze riveted on the people on stage, all dressed with colorful hair and so many sparkles. He touched his eyepatch reverently, unable to keep from thinking about having a whole outfit like that. His mesh shirt and jeans seemed so... so... plain, now.

He turned to Ginta, wanting to make sure he was understanding this right. "You said... they're guys? Like, male?" They had breasts! Maybe Ginta was mistaken, and that was why they got to wear such pretty clothes.

Women always got to wear the pretty clothes.

Ginta knocked back half the drink in one go. It was deceptively strong: mellow and sweet at first, with a spicy flavor he couldn't put his finger on, and then a follow through like inhaling a katon no jutsu. "They're guys," he confirmed in a scorched voice. "Guys who like to dress up like girls."

He hadn't missed Kuromaru's hand-to-eyepatch gesture, or the look of undisguised covetousness on the Inuzuka's eager face. Hedda Lettuce, it seemed, had noticed them, too. She grinned and waved.

"Well hey there, boys!" she said with a broad smile. "Look who's here! Blondie's back, but it looks like he's got a boo-boo. You want Hedda to kiss it better for you, sweetheart?"

The crowd laughed appreciatively, and a couple of Hedda's admirers nearest to Ginta reached out to pat him on the back.

"Who's your friend, sugar?" Hedda continued. "He's new. Are you new, pretty boy? I love your pirate gear." She touched her own eye in a mock salute.

Kuromaru puffed up, pushing right up to the stage, fearless since Hedda liked his eyepatch. He'd known it was a fancy looking eyepatch. "I'm new to this bar!" he said, giving Hedda his best wolfish grin, gaze riveted. "And I love your--" he paused, not knowing the right word. "Scarf." It was made of feathers and glittery sparkles, and it was the same color as Hedda's hair.

It was the prettiest thing Kuromaru had ever seen.

He turned to look at Ginta, a wonderful idea coming to him. "You would look so good in that, Ginta! Much better than in those pants. Maybe you could trade!" He grabbed Ginta's arm, leaning in to whisper as loudly as he could so he was sure Ginta would hear. "If they're boys, then that means we can dress like them, too!"

Ginta didn't have time to protest. Hedda's overly-glittery eyelashes fluttered, her richly-colored lips pursed in a wicked grin, and she unwound the grass-green feather boa from her neck. "Your friend has quite the eye, Blondie," she purred. She slithered the feathers along her gloved arms, letting it trail seductively down her back. "And you would look absolutely stunning in green. Us fair-complected girls always do." She winked. "So do you want to take those pants off and trade up?"

Catcalls from the audience rose to a crescendo.

Ginta shrugged a little helplessly and lifted up one crutch. "I can't really--" he started.

"Oh, yes you can," Hedda insisted. "Girls?" She clapped her hands, and two of her backup singers stepped to the edge of the stage. "My girls will help you up. You too, pretty boy," she told Kuromaru.

"Oh, you'll look so good!" Kuromaru cried joyously, scrambling onto the stage on all fours before turning and holding out a hand for Ginta.

Ginta hesitated, then -- when the purple-haired guy had taken his crutches, leaving him balancing on one foot -- he grabbed Kuromaru's arm around the elbow.

Kuromaru hesitated. The cast went to mid-thigh; he couldn't quite lift Ginta high enough to clear the stage. Then the blue-haired guy grinned and winked at Kuromaru, bending to put his shoulder at Ginta's butt and lifting.

Kuromaru grinned, laced his muscles with chakra, and hauled Ginta up. "Isn't this fun? Quick, take off your pants!" He whirled, not waiting for Ginta to stabilize himself, and slunk toward Hedda. Smiling madly, he stood on his toes -- he only came to Hedda's chest -- and sniffed the funny, heavily powdered jawline. Smelled like face paint, with an undertone of adrenaline and male musk. He whirled around Hedda, rubbing up against the sparkly dress the same way he'd rubbed against Ginta, getting a full-body pet.

People were cheering, either at him or at Ginta, so he grinned and did it to the blue haired man who'd just gotten back up onstage, too.

Ginta would have fallen, but another of Hedda's rainbow escorts caught him. Red grinned down at him, all shirtless, muscular eye candy and stage glitter. The whistles and cheers from the audience grew louder, and a ragged chorus of "Do it, do it, do it" had sprung up.

Ginta grinned back. "Hey," he said, and leaned back against the man with a coy ease. "Guess you're my crutches now." Red answered with a little tug that put his pelvis squarely in contact with Ginta's, and stage whispered, "That's right, Blondie. You can lean on me as long as Miss Hedda approves."

Kuromaru was looking like he was in a heaven he clearly didn't understand, as Blue and Purple stroked their hands enthusiastically up and down Kuromaru's sides. The Inuzuka was grinning open mouthed and wriggling, wagging a tail he didn't have. His eye rolled and his head swiveled as he tried to keep both men in sight at once.

Please, oh please, let someone be taping this, Ginta though fervently, searching the audience for any sign of a shiny black lens.

Hedda's parrot green boa draped over Ginta's shoulders, and the queen herself leaned in. "Glad you're back," she whispered, and for half a second her voice dropped into something altogether more masculine. "I heard your mission was a nightmare." Ginta didn't have time to try to piece together just exactly who Hedda might be without the wig and cleavage, before she raised her voice again. "You should have brought your cute friend in ages ago, Blondie."

"You really should have," Kuromaru agreed fervently, pausing to give Ginta a shaming look for failing so spectacularly in that regard. Then he arched under stroking hands and gave the man with purple hair a good rub with his face. Purple was covered in sparkles; Kuromaru had vague hopes that if he rubbed enough, he'd be covered in sparkles, too.

"You have my boa," Hedda said, voice purring over the crowd through loudspeakers. "Now let's have those pants!"

Kuromaru flinched momentarily as the crowd cheered, then glanced over at Ginta and Hedda. "It's a good trade," he pointed out, rubbing his hand over the sparkles on Blue's chest and glancing down to see if he'd gotten any. This was so much fun.

"Right. It's a pain to get pants on and off over this cast, though," Ginta pointed out. "So you're going to have to help." He'd slit the seam to the thigh, and run some black lacing through the resulting flaps so he could secure them loosely around the bulky plaster. Hedda glanced down, then beckoned with one immaculately manicured hand to Yellow. He was dark skinned, with bright yellow hair and pants that matched. An immigrant from Lightning country, Ginta thought. Maybe a refugee.

Yellow licked his lips and squatted down next to Ginta's leg. "Don't let me hurt you," he said in a low rumble.

"You can't," Ginta assured him. "I'd break your neck before you got the chance." He stopped, then flashed a smile and laughed. "I mean, if you were trying to hurt me, I wouldn't let you."

Yellow rolled his eyes, shrugging elaborately. Glitter dusted over his skin caught the light in a thousand little sparks. "Paranoid much, shinobi-san?"

"Now, now, now," Hedda warned, "play nice boys."

Kuromaru glanced over, then disentangled himself from rubbing all over the sparkly men and prowled toward Ginta and Ginta's entourage. His nostrils flared briefly as he sniffed, checking the air, checking moods, checking for danger -- but he couldn't smell anything over sweat and lust and face paint. He snorted, shaking his head and clearing his nose, but it didn't help.

Ginta didn't really look upset, though. It was hard to tell with humans, and Ginta was showing teeth, but Kuromaru could recognize a smile. He smiled, too, though he didn't lose the predatory slink to his step, chin tucked ever so slightly to protect his jugular.

Hedda swung around to include him in their little cluster, gaze raking up and down him obviously. He forgot his protectiveness for a moment and shifted to make his new sparkles catch the light, grin widening when Hedda cooed, "Very nice."

Still, Kuromaru slunk past Hedda to get to Ginta, eying the yellow man. "He couldn't hurt you even if you weren't a ninja." He circled behind Ginta, still watching as Yellow paused and looked up. Kuromaru gave him a feral grin and continued speaking to Ginta, voice dropping to a low growl. "You're my pack." Then he perked up, his point made, and ruffled Ginta's hair before slinging an arm over lean, muscular shoulders. "So don't be paranoid."

"I've got plenty of reasons to be paranoid, Kuro. For one, you've lost me my crutches and gotten me into a situation where I'm about to lose my pants." Ginta threw his head back and brayed a laugh. The crowd, eating it up, laughed with him, and started up a new chant of "Pants! Pants! Pants!"

Red pretended to pout. "I thought I was your crutches now. I'm way better than those old sticks," he said, tightening his arm around Ginta's waist. Yellow continued to pick at the lacings on Ginta's jeans, and Hedda tugged one end of the boa, drawing feathers past Ginta's face.

There were way too many people touching him. Ginta's smile turned brassy, and he brought his hands together, executing a swift translocation jutsu away from the hands before he really did do something stupid and kick one of Hedda's dancers. He rematerialized only a few feet away, grabbing a mike-stand for balance, and grinned at the surprised cluster he'd left behind. "I've changed my mind," he said. "It's pretty obvious Kuro's the one who will look good in those feathers, and what kind of friend would I be to deprive him? Go on, Kuromaru, you can trade away your pants."

Kuromaru whipped around to look at the lovely green sparkly feathers now just tantalizingly out of reach. Neither Yellow nor Red had moved yet, still looking like they were recovering -- Red had staggered sideways when Ginta'd vanished, and Yellow looked disappointed. Already Hedda, boa drifting slowly downward, was giving Kuromaru a smile he almost recognized as predatory.

He grinned back at her, all pointed canine teeth and sharp eyes.

"Someone has to keep the bargain," Hedda told Kuromaru, shifting until they faced each other. "Boa for pants..."

Kuromaru's hands flew to the button on his cargos. He definitely wanted that boa!

When Hedda laughed he looked up, wondering what was so funny, but nothing obvious was apparent. Hedda was still looking at him.

"Oh, Blondie, you really should have brought your friend over sooner! Hang on, sweet pea, let the Escorts help!"

"I don't need help to get my pants off," Kuromaru snorted, even as Yellow knee-walked closer. Just to make sure, Kuromaru twisted to look at Ginta. "You really don't mind? Maybe you can trade for something else."

"Kuromaru, I couldn't even begin to mind." Ginta clung to the mike stand and laughed with the audience. Red sidled up to Kuromaru while Yellow started in on "helping" undo Kuromaru's fly. That brought a slightly worrisome question to mind, which evidently also occurred to Hedda, because she put out one six-inch-heeled foot to touch her Escort.

"We're not going to find anything under those pants that will get us in trouble, are we, cutie pie?"

Kuromaru's eyebrows furrowed in puzzlement.

"That is to say, we are going to find something besides your birthday suit?" Hedda prompted.

Ginta might have intervened, but he was laughing far too hard to get a breath in.

Kuromaru glanced over at Ginta, but Ginta was no help at all. He looked back at Hedda, his gaze caught by the boa Hedda kept flicking into the air. It sparkled from the lights aimed at them, all pretty and green. Still staring at it, he said with great confusion, "I didn't get a suit for my birthday. I don't think I have any suits." Did Tsume have suits? He didn't think so. Maybe he could get one from Asuma.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Hedda glance at Ginta. "What your friend lacks in smarts he makes up for in looks, hm?"

As people laughed, Kuromaru eyeballed Hedda, trying to decide if he was being insulted or complimented. Then Yellow tugged on his pants, would have nearly tugged him several steps forward if Kuromaru hadn't planted himself in that spot with chakra. A finger dipped past his waistband and he started to growl, but then Yellow looked up and grinned at Hedda, nodding.

"All right!" Hedda cried. "Off with his pants!"

Kuromaru gleefully went for his fly again, but Yellow batted his hands away and unbuttoned them himself. The crowd roared, so Kuromaru straightened up and gave them his very best wolfish smile, the one Tsume was always telling him not to use because it made him look too available. He still didn't understand what that meant, but the people here seemed to like it. He pulled his shoulders back and flexed his stomach muscles, too.

Hedda's act had a sound man, who cued up a little bump and grind music for Kuromaru's striptease. Hedda herself purred appreciatively, and slunk towards Kuromaru, dripping intent. She licked her richly stained lips and winked one heavily made-up eye. "Mmm hmm, darling, that's how Hedda likes it. Do that again, sweet thing."

Yellow tugged the pants down to Kuromaru's ankles and scooted back so Hedda could step in. There was a pause, and then Hedda's voice ricocheted from sultry to surprised. "What have we here, hmm? Ooooh Blondie, your friend here has a few kinks right up Hedda's alley."

Ginta craned his neck to see. Hedda draped the boa around Kuromaru's neck and stepped to the side so the whole crowd could get a good look at the thin black women's panties Kuromaru was wearing. "Honey pie, is there something you want to tell Hedda?"

Really, Ginta told himself, this would be the time to step in and help Kuromaru out, but the canine-man looked deeply pleased with himself, stroking the boa and swishing its ends, and smiling that lecherous smile at Hedda... He looked like he could handle it.

Kuromaru preened in his mesh shirt and underwear, the boa sliding over his shoulders. He looked beautiful, he just knew it. He kicked free of his boots and pants and traipsed across the stage so everyone could see.

"What do you want me to tell you?" he asked happily, rubbing the boa down his back before sliding it up around his shoulders again. Then he remembered what humans liked to hear. "Oh! Thank you." He wrapped the boa around one arm, drawing it up slowly to watch it sparkle, enjoying the way it felt on his skin.

Pausing beside Ginta, he tickled the end of it along Ginta's jaw. "Feels good, huh? Do I look wonderful?"

"You look fabulous," Ginta choked, with his eyes streaming from laughter. He swayed into Kuromaru, who took it as affection and swayed back, rubbing the boa along Ginta's shoulders and his head against Ginta's arm.

Ginta had lost count of how many drinks he'd had, but his body hadn't. They caught up to him now, as he tried to balance on one foot and keep the casted leg raised. The mike stand was not up to the task of keeping him upright. He grabbed for Kuromaru instead, and cackled gleefully as the world spun.

"Well then, how about a big old smooch for Hedda?" the drag queen said, not wanting her show entirely stolen. She wrapped an arm around Ginta's shoulder, steadying him, and another around Kuromaru's. "You two can by my VIPs tonight. Boys?" She snapped her fingers. "Find me some chairs for Blondie and his girl here."

Kuromaru glanced at Hedda, worried. It was true humans couldn't smell the difference between male and female, but he was wearing a mesh shirt and he didn't have any dangly teats like human women did, so he didn't know why Hedda had confused him for a girl.

"You know--" he started to say, and stopped when a sharp whistle undercut his words. It didn't drown out the crowd noise, by any means, but it was certainly audible to his ears. He snapped his gaze around to the door, and sure enough, saw his favorite human snarling her way through the crowd.

"Tsume!" he cried, pointing. The crowd shifted from blocking her path to propelling her forward, right up to the edge of the stage.

"My, my," Hedda said. "You two must be related. Ginta? You've been dabbling with twincest?"

Tsume gave Hedda a horrified look, and Kuromaru looked at Hedda too, in confusion.

"Kuromaru!" Tsume belted. "Get your tail down here!"

He hesitated. He kind of liked being the center of attention. With a smile, he rubbed up against Hedda. "Don't wanna. Do you like my feathers? I traded my pants for them."

Tsume's gaze switched to Ginta, her eyes narrowed dangerously. "Why do you insist on getting him into trouble?"

The crowd lowed like a schoolyard full of children watching one of their own getting caught cheating.

"Me?" Ginta countered, completely nonplussed. "He's the one who came in here and cock-blocked me. I was dancing with a hot guy and was gonna get laid before Kuromaru showed up. But I could tell he had no idea where he was, and look at how he's dressed — I mean was dressed — he was totally breaking hearts and not even knowing it. So I ditched my date and hung out with Kuromaru, 'cause I'm a nice guy and didn't want to let him get into trouble." Ginta's features crumpled into a sulky pout. "Which is the opposite of getting him in trouble," he added, with perfect drunken logic.

Kuromaru, bored with what was going on now, slunk across the stage. He grinned, showing off his teeth, and slunk even more when someone cheered, rolling his hips and rubbing his new boa all over himself. Behind him, Tsume was still yapping away.

"You could have sent him home-- Kuromaru! Stop acting the bitch in heat!"

He glowered at her. "I'm not."

"Let's play nice, everyone," Hedda cut in. Kuromaru could practically feel Hedda try to take over the stage by presence alone. Both he and Tsume stared hard at Hedda, but Hedda didn't even falter -- just looked at Tsume and kept talking in his funny girl-voice. "Why don't you come up here, sweetie, and make a prettier threesome? Didn't think Ginta was into girls at all, but I can see why he might take the two of you as a pair."

The crowd roared. Kuromaru flinched at the noise, and saw Tsume clap one hand to her ear, glaring at the person right next to her. When it finally quieted down, Tsume bared her teeth in something short of a smile and hopped lithely up onto the stage before stalking toward Ginta, still somehow looking at Hedda. "You think Ginta and Kuro and I...? Ginta's not into me, I can promise you that." Her gaze cut across at Kuromaru, and Kuromaru looked away. If he didn't look at her, he could pretend not to hear her.

"Kuromaru, grab hold of your boa."

He felt a lurch in his chakra as the jutsu broke. Muscle and bone twisted and rippled, and he snatched for the falling boa with his jaws as hands became paws and clothes melted into fur. He wagged and twisted so the boa was wrapped around him again, then slunk across the stage, proud of his new feathers and eyepatch. He looked fantastic. It probably brought out the way his coat shined or something. He looked so good, in fact, that everyone had just gone quiet.

Hedda's voice was loud in the otherwise still room. "Oh my goodness, Ginta. I had no idea you were into that much kink."

It was definitely Hedda's show again. The crowd laughed nervously, then more heartily, as shinobi members of the audience who were familiar with Inuzuka jutsu clued in to what had just happened. Ginta grinned broadly at Hedda as Kuromaru's massive tail thumped against Ginta's hip in joyous waves, making it that much harder for Ginta to keep his drunken, one-footed balance.

"You never asked me how much kink I was into before," he said, to another round of laughter. "But I'm not sleeping with them. I mean, no offense, because I like them and they're my next door neighbors, but Kuromaru is a dog, sort of, and Tsume's a girl." His face contorted into a brief rictus of disgust.

Hedda sniffed in theatrical hurt.

"Not like you," Ginta assured her. "I'd sleep with you, if you asked. As long as you have a dick under that dress it's all good."

Tsume gave Ginta a slightly disturbed look, while Kuromaru whipped around. "I am not a dog! Not even sort of!"

"You know, Ginta," Tsume said, closing her hand in the back of his shirt, "maybe we should take you home."

"He called me a dog!" No one was paying attention to him, either!

"He didn't mean it, Kuro. Upsie-daisy, Ginta." Tsume pushed Ginta toward Kuromaru. Kuromaru sniffed disdainfully and looked in the other direction, gaze resting on Hedda -- who seemed like she couldn't decide whether to laugh or slap someone.

"It's okay," he reassured her. "If you keep your dress on, he can't actually get to your dick."

"I could walk if I had my crutches," Ginta told Tsume. He swiveled his head looking for them and gave himself the spins, which necessitated a quick grab for Kuromaru's ruff. Tsume took advantage of the situation and lifted Ginta by the belt, while Hedda herself took charge of Ginta's casted leg, easing it over Kuromaru's high haunches.

Ginta gave her a perplexed look. His fingers twisted into thick fur as balance eluded him.

"You come back when you're feeling better, Blondie, and we'll see what kind of arrangement we can work out." Hedda winked broadly, giving Ginta a close up of sparkly green eye shadow as she leaned in and planted a lipsticky kiss on his cheek.

Kuromaru huffed, sounding just as hurt as Hedda had pretended to be before.

"Sorry, Kuromaru," Ginta told him. "I didn't mean to say you were a dog. You're a person. But I still don't want to have sex with you, okay?"

Someone handed Tsume Ginta's crutches.

"Hey, those are mine!" Ginta said, grinning and reaching for them.

Kuromaru stepped away just as Tsume side-stepped, putting extra space between the crutches and Ginta. "You don't say?" Tsume drawled, heading for the stairs down off the stage. "You can have them back when we get out of here."

Kuromaru broke into a trot after her, careful to stay smooth so Ginta didn't topple, but trying to make the boa sparkle, too. It was a lovely boa. So lovely, he was willing to forgive Ginta calling him a person. Geez, Ginta was moon-blind. Maybe it was because he needed dicks.

The crowd shoved back as he went down the stairs, giving all three of them room. He wagged cheerfully, turning briefly to glance at Hedda. "I'm going to take Ginta home now, but I'll come back some other time! I like your clothes!"

"You're not coming back," Tsume growled under her breath.

"Of course I am. They gave me beer, and Hedda is my friend. He wears such pretty things." Kuromaru arched his head to look down at his boa. Hedda definitely knew how to dress. "Ginta's not bad, either. Ginta! Next time maybe you can wear my boa. Then you wouldn't have to give up your pants!"

"I didn't have to give up my pants," Ginta pointed out as they eased out past the bouncers and headed back towards HQ. "But Tsume's right, you probably shouldn't come back here. You were lucky I was here this time." Visions of what kind of havoc might have erupted from Kuromaru's rather mixed signals and the likely response he'd have made to any serious suitor were enough to knock a little sobriety into Ginta.

"I really did try to keep him out of trouble," Ginta told Tsume, turning to look at her. Was she pissed? Amused? Both? It was a little hard to tell. "I kept asking him where you were. And I tried to explain gay to him a couple times, but he really doesn't get it. He kept telling me everyone in the bar was horny, which duh, right? And he was dressed like he was looking for a good time. Kind of slutty."

Actually Kuromaru'd been dressed in exactly the same outfit Tsume wore now, minus the jacket she had over the mesh, Ginta realized a moment too late. "Uh. Not slutty. Uh..." Somehow it had looked a lot more provocative on Kuromaru.

Tsume gave Ginta a sidelong, raised-eyebrow look. "Most people wear mesh. It's not my problem if you're into canine-humans."

"It wasn't just the mesh," Ginta defended. "It's the way he wears it. And the eyepatch."

"My eyepatch is fabulous," Kuromaru agreed heartily. "Everyone likes it." He felt Tsume's eyes on him and straightened up proudly.

"Yeah, Kuro," Tsume said, briefly looking skyward. Somehow, she didn't sound as proud of it as he was. "Rhinestones really bring out your masculinity."

After a moment's hesitation, Kuromaru added, "And Ginta was talking to me. I saved him from a horny man who wanted his dick."

Tsume laughed. "I'm sure he's grateful."