Gideon Fischer ⚕️ Alex Karev (pediatrician) wrote in dunhavenic, @ 2020-03-02 10:25:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | !log, * jeanne, * terri, c: embry fischer, c: gideon fischer |
WHO: Embry Marshall, Gideon Fischer, Peter Southwell (NPC) (→ Jo Wilson & Alex Karev)
WHEN: March 2, 2020
WHERE: Seattle, WA
SUMMARY: Gideon and Embry travel to Seattle for a medical conference. There, they encounter the past- both in real life and in dreams. Part 1 of 2.
WARNINGS: Where to even start? Swearing, gaslighting, mentions of domestic violence (physical, emotional, and sexual), discussion of sex, (description of, references to, and discussion of) character death.
BINGO: Where to even start? Discuss a memory, discuss a past relationship, log with more than two characters, log with characters 5+ year age difference, have an argument, log outside Dunhaven... 😂
Going back to Seattle for the second time in just under two years hadn’t originally been her plan, but Embry had been asked to come give a presentation on her dissertation and she hadn’t been able to pass up the opportunity. The hospital and clinic had given her the time off, and the conference had paid for her hotel room and flight. Better yet, Gideon got to attend the event with her so it was something like a little holiday for the both of them just before they got married. It was originally supposed to be in early May, just after they returned from their honeymoon. Instead, the conference had been moved to March when they’d had issues with scheduling for their keynote speaker. Embry had already preemptively submitted her information as Fischer, and didn’t call for a change when the schedule had shifted. Their wedding was less than two full months away, and she...selfishly didn’t want to revoke her original name submission. They had arrived late the night before and were well-rested when the day began. She had dressed professionally in black slacks and a black blouse, but added a bright blazer over top. Her hair had been curled, her make-up neutral and not intimidating to the men, and she’d opted to wear heels because she was...well, going to be on display. It was going to be a long day, so they had gone downstairs early for a bit of breakfast and registration. Following that, they’d gone their separate ways for a while to sit in on a few seminars, but met back up for a break and a quick coffee date. They always had a coffee date on the first Monday of the month, regardless of what was going on in either of their schedules. She had only missed one. She promised she wouldn’t miss another one again. The nature of the day meant that Embry had found the two of them a table just outside the cafe in the lobby of the conference center so that she could go over the notes for her presentation while Gideon ordered for the both of them. Her registration name card was pinned to the lapel of her blazer, though she was impressed that they weren’t bulky or gaudy. It still made her grin to look down and see that it said Fischer...just as it did in the meeting programs that everyone had been given. Embry had a small smile on her face when she flipped over her card, letting her eyes scan her next notes, silently rehearsing what it was that she was going to say when it was her turn to present. -- After finishing his time in Philadelphia, Peter Southwell had gone on to Maine, but he hadn't remained there for long. Two years later found him with a transfer to Arizona, working at an assisted living facility as a nurse practitioner. It was... not very glamorous. Old women often grabbed his ass. Old men were generally racist and if even if they weren't that, well, they were still sexist and rude and called him sweetie because he was a nurse. So coming to this conference was definitely a little reprieve, even if it was only for a few days. He'd already sat in on a few seminars that morning, but he'd been looking forward to grabbing a coffee on the break. With his cup in hand, he searched out a table... but instead, his eyes landed on... His feet had carried him over to her without a second thought. Peter pulled out the chair beside Embry and sat down, a brilliant grin on his features. "Embry Marshall, what are the odds." -- When the chair next to her eased away from the table so confidently, she was certain Gideon had just gotten through the line quickly and she had looked up with a bright smile on her features. Then...she saw who was actually sitting in that chair. Her heart had fallen somewhere low in her stomach, that smile fading as her heart pulsed uncomfortably fast...and she...she almost wanted to laugh because it was so ludicrous. So ridiculous that even if he was here, that he would even consider sitting down next to her as something acceptable. There were days - weeks, sometimes even months - when she didn’t think about him at all, but he’d been such an ingrained part of her life for more than two years. They’d shared a home, a bed, a life...she thought they had a future. Now her future was so much brighter without him, and she was grateful, really, that he’d dumped her so unceremoniously. It had led her right to Gideon, even if it had taken them a few more years to sort things out. “That seat is taken, Peter,” she said, keeping her voice as flat as she could as she flipped over another note card and returned her eyes to her own script even if her mind refused to focus on the words. -- But Peter just... laughed. He leaned back in his chair and took a sip from his coffee. "Don't be ridiculous, Embry. You were sitting alone." He gestured to the otherwise empty space. "You don't even have a coffee- really, you should have left the table open for paying customers, you know. I'm helping you out here. So you're welcome." -- And there it was...the casual way that he always contradicted her and made her feel unreasonable and crazy...like she was the one that was wrong. She shook her head a little, steeling herself because she had every right to take up any space she wanted. Embry didn’t want to cause a scene, but she also really wanted to tell him where he could shove his self-righteous behavior, “I will have a coffee in less than five minutes when my husband gets out of line. So the table is mine, and the seat is spoken for.” The words had popped out of her mouth before she really thought them through. She maybe shouldn’t have gone ahead and called Gideon her husband, but he was going to be. In fifty days. They’d promised one another marriage and had worn rings for as long as she’d ever been with Peter, “He’s sweet and he knows what I like. I don’t need help. Especially not from you.” -- Peter perked up at the word husband, leaning back forward and putting his coffee cup on the table between his hands there. "Husband, is it?" A grin tugged at his features. "Well that just makes this even more interesting. Now you're the forbidden fruit, Embry. Tell me more about this sweet man who knows you so well." -- She rolled her eyes at his words, her irritation growing, “You didn’t want me when I wasn’t the forbidden fruit, Peter. That’s what Becky and Karen and Raquel and at least a dozen other girls were for, right? You know. All the girls you cheated on me with.” Her tone was casual, almost disinterested, and she flipped over another card, her eyes glancing toward the cafe to see if she could spot Gideon. She didn’t have a good view. Embry didn’t want to give Peter the satisfaction of the information that he wanted, so instead she decided maybe a blow to his ego was long overdue, “Besides that, why would I ever want to sleep with you again? Did you know you never gave me an orgasm? I told you it was okay the first few times, and you always seemed a little put out. It was like I was wrong for not enjoying it, so I just started faking it because I thought I loved you, and that you deserved to feel good about your performance. But it was just…” she sighed a little, “sad, actually. I honestly thought it was just me because I never fucked around on you to find out differently, but...first hook up I ever had after you? Five orgasms, man. Five. It was life changing. If you still don’t know where the clit is, there’s an anatomy seminar at two this afternoon that might be informative.” -- He didn't deny the cheating- why would he? Having been with more than one woman while dating her just showed how good he was- and effectively negated the rest of what she said. But he let her go on, ranting about years-ago sex that he'd more or less forgotten. "Maybe so," Peter shrugged, casually, "but I couldn't tell you one way or the other. I honestly don't remember anything about sleeping with you, Embry. It never seemed important enough to remember." He brought his cup up to his lips for a longer drink. "I do remember that you were a virgin, though. You were damn lucky to have a man like me help you fix that. It's hardly my fault if you were too uptight and prissy to figure out how to orgasm." -- God, how could she have ever thought they were going to get married? How could she have wanted to have a family with him? To spend her life listening to the bullshit that he spouted? Had she been that desperate for someone to love her? He hadn’t always been like that. In the beginning, he’d treated her like there was no one else in the whole world that could compare. No one that would ever make him look away. That was why it had taken longer for Embry to say she loved Gideon...because she’d been fooled before. If she were honest, at this point in her life she could recall only a few of the worst times they’d slept together and the rest all just faded into nothingness, “I’m pretty sure the only time we were together that I would consider lucky is the day you left me. My life got a whole lot better after that. I have a spouse that loves me, and an incredible career. Most of the time, I forget that you exist at all, and that’s the way I like it.” -- He only really heard what he wanted to hear. And when Embry admitted that she hadn't entirely forgotten him, Peter knew he was in. "But you don't have to forget, Embry baby. I'm right here. You've learned how to orgasm, and you can go back to where it all started and prove it to me. Nostalgia is a powerful aphrodisiac, you know. No sense in missing out on a golden opportunity." -- The moment he called her baby, she knew that he'd mostly ignored what she was saying to come to some conclusion that ended with her in his hotel room, sneaking away from her husband to be with him. Maybe that was the kind of thing that got Peter off, but it wasn't at all what she intended to do, "It has nothing to do with learning how to…god, I know how you passed your homework because I did most of it, but I can't fathom how you passed your exams if you know so little about the human body." She shook her head, once more glancing almost desperately at the Cafe, willing Gideon to appear, "Let me be very clear, Peter. I am married and I have absolutely no interest in sleeping with you. Ever." -- Gideon had waited longer in that line than he'd might have liked, but it seemed the baristas were not at all prepared for the rush of conference attendees on break. Still, eventually, with two coffees in hand, he made his way over to the seating area. It took him a moment to find Embry, if only because he'd been looking at tables with unoccupied seats, and hers was… taken. The man wasn't someone Gideon knew, but that was hardly surprising. He'd probably just seen Embry's name tag, made the connection, and stopped to ask some questions. But as Gideon moved closer, behind Embry, he overheard… I am married and I have absolutely no interest in sleeping with you. Ever. To his credit, he… didn't freak out. Instead, he just slipped Embry's coffee in front of her. "Well, that's certainly a relief." And Peter… laughed. "Wait. Wait wait wait. This is your husband? Talk about your downgrades, Embry, damn. I knew I left you crying and wanting more, but this is just sad." -- She must have missed his exit from the Cafe, but Embry couldn't have been more relieved to hear Gideon's voice. Peter's commentary had gone so far awry that she was beginning to wonder how she was going to get away from him at all. And yet, when he decided to laugh and poke fun at Gideon…well, her temper flared and Embry wasn't sure Peter had ever seen that from her before. She'd been meek with him…complicit. "That is enough," she snapped, her eyes darkening as she glared at him, "You did not leave me wanting for more. I have been so goddamn happy that you left for years because I finally realized my own worth, and I have what I deserve. He is at least ten times the man you ever thought about being. I upgraded, Peter." Her hands were trembling, but it wasn't with fear. It was with anger that she should have dispensed a long time ago, "Gideon is a doctor. A surgeon. That's what you wanted to do, right? But you didn't have the brass to get into med school, and I carried you all the way through grad school at nineteen, so I doubt you ever suckered anyone else into highering your education. I took a break from school, but I'm here because I'm speaking, Peter. I'm here because they called halfway across the country to ask me to be here to present my dissertation." She couldn't just let it go at that. She leaned in a little bit closer, "Do you want to know what it's about? A study of pregnant women who have been victims of domestic violence and emotional abuse, and the impact of their experiences with the factors that lead them to disclose or hide their abuse from medical professionals. Look it up. Hall C at 3:30. Dr. Embry Fischer." Her nostrils flared a little as she sat back in her chair, eyes blazing, "I've had enough of listening to your absurd, abusive bullshit for a lifetime. You don't get to undermine me anymore. You don't get to twist my words. You don't get to stomp on my happiness or insult my husband or sit at my goddamn table. Get. Up." -- No, Peter had never seen her like this. But, with whatever small amount of sense he still had left, he knew not to challenge Embry at this. So he got up, glared at her and Gideon both, but then stalked away, knocking his chair over as he went. Gideon didn't really know what was going on, but he walked to the other side of the table, picked up the chair, and took a seat. Asking if she was okay seemed unwise, so, instead… "That's your ex. He seems charming." -- She watched as Peter left, flinching a little at the turned over chair - not unlike what he used to do. He had never hit her, but he’d slammed plenty of doors and left her to clean up messes. Only this time, Gideon was the one that picked up the chair and when her eyes fell on him, the anger seemed to bleed out of her. She wilted a little bit there at the table, picking up her coffee and taking a sip of it gratefully. A sigh escaped her, and she almost wanted to laugh, but it would have been hollow, “I hate him.” A huff of breath escaped her, and she reached across the table to slip her hand into hers, feeling her emotions beginning to level out again, “He just...showed up out of thin air, and I...well, I told him we were already married, but he started talking about how that made me forbidden fruit. I can’t believe I spent over two years of my life desperately trying to believe that asshole loved me.” -- Gideon wasn't about to judge her for who she'd been with in the past. That was a twisted path no matter who walked it. Whatever she and Peter had discussed, he seemed to have done nothing more, in the end, other than re-emphasize to Embry how far she'd come. He took her offered hand, and then a sip of his own coffee. "I hope you know that I'm not actually going to complain about that little white lie." How could he? It was difficult enough not to just stare at that name emblazoned on her lapel. "I mean… objectively, he's handsome, I suppose. If you're into pectorals. It's the talking that seems to ruin the rest." -- She didn’t think he was going to complain, but she did feel that she probably needed to explain why he’d walked into the middle of that conversation with her already declaring herself married. After all, she had never been married before and was only planning on doing it the one time with him. Embry did raise a brow when Gideon said that Peter was objectively handsome, which she supposed was still true. His personality was ugly, though...it was hateful, “He wasn’t always like that. I didn’t...just hand myself over on a silver platter to an inconsiderate asshole, but once he showed his true colors it just got worse and...I kept searching for glimpses of who I thought he could be.” She shook her head softly. They were both...very different individuals in looks and personality. On looks alone, they were both very attractive, at least in her eyes. Getting to know Gideon had just made him more attractive whereas it had completely diminished any of the attraction she’d once had for Peter, “If you haven’t noticed, you are my type.” -- "You don't have to justify yourself, Embry. Not to me, not to anyone." But that, perhaps, was one of the aftereffects of having been in an abusive relationship. Needing to explain it to those who hadn't been there, who hadn't lived it. "Considering that we're married, I'd rather assumed you found me at least moderately attractive, yes." It was almost a deadpan tone, because Gideon really held no doubts to that effect whatsoever. -- She gave a slow nod, knowing that he was right. She was probably lucky that Peter had tired of her and gotten what he needed from her. It meant she was now free to live her life free of him, and with someone who truly, fully supported her. Between the dreams and Peter, she absolutely knew what the wrong sort of person was, and Peter was hardly better than the Paul of her dreams, "I just…know it's hard to see why that was ever what I wanted." They were so close to actually being married that she could hardly stand it. Still, she almost rolled her eyes at his tone even though a small grin had formed on her lips, "The most attractive." She didn't really think that he was seriously questioning that because the years they had spent together had proven their compatibility. -- "You wanted… love and validation. The same as anyone else does, Em. There's nothing wrong with that." God knew that he'd sought that same thing in wrong places, too. "We make wrong turns before getting it right. We're human." A sip of his coffee, and he reconsidered, adding, "Well, most of us." -- She took a deep breath and held it into her lungs for a long few moments before releasing it. Embry figured his last comment was directed at Peter being a little less than human, given his behavior. She wouldn't argue it. Time hadn't changed him unless it had just made him worse, "We both finally got it right with each other. It just took some time." Squeezing his hand again, she tried to shake off that less than pleasant moment, "Thank you for knowing me better than anyone, and for the coffee." To that point, she picked it up again and took another sip, more than content to put away those note cards until they finished their Monday coffee date. -- "Worth the wait," Gideon replied, simply. Because, like all good things, she was. They were. "You're welcome for the coffee. As to knowing you better than anyone else, well, you're the one who lets me do that, Embry. I mean, not that I'm complaining, because you're… essentially the most impressive and awe-inspiring and sexiest person on the planet, but. You know. You're welcome." -- "Absolutely," she agreed with a grin because there was absolutely nothing she would want to argue about that. They were worth every wrong turn and heartbreak. If her path had to stay the same to bring her here, she wouldn't change a thing. Her cheeks flushed at his compliments, but she didn't contradict them. Embry might not have said those things about herself, but she loved the way that he saw her, "Keep saying things like that and I'll have a hard time remembering we're here to work." Her smile was a little bit sly, but she just leaned closer and managed to brush a sweet, chaste kiss to his lips, "I'll agree to that as long as we hold a joint title. Especially for sexiest. You inspire and challenge me to be better every single day, almost-husband. I know I could have gotten where I am on my own drive and merit, but…having your support and partnership and advice along the way certainly made it a more enjoyable journey." -- "You're here to work," Gideon countered, playfully. But he still smiled at the little kiss she gave him, pleased- and relieved- that the unexpected encounter with her past hadn't unsettled her more permanently. He seemed to consider her offer for a moment, but finally nodded once. "I suppose I can concede to that much. You know, with the not-at-all hardship of having you think I'm sexy." -- Maybe it was true that she was the only one presenting today, but the hospital had also sent Gideon here to attend the conference and that was…mildly less like work, but still held certain expectations, "Now I'm all fired up for my presentation, I guess." She laughed softly, a sip of her coffee following the sound. They didn't reaffirm such things verbally every day, but maybe it was needed right then. Peter didn't know what the hell he was talking about, but Embry would always choose Gideon. She'd had a crush on him before she'd ever even met Peter, after all, "We look extra good together, too. Our kids are going to be adorable geniuses." And she didn't mind saying that, especially since they were so close to actually trying to have kids. -- "Not that I'm looking for reasons to get you riled up on any sort of lasting basis, but it was rather sexy, having you defend my honor and all that. So, thank you." Though they'd been together for nearly four years, and the idea of having kids had been a subject of discussion for at least half of that time, it was still a little wild for Gideon to know that it might actually come to pass in the next… six months to a year, with luck. "Geniuses first, adorable second. Priorities, Almost-Fischer." -- "I know you would have defended mine, should the roles have been reversed," she said with a grin. From what she knew, none of his exes were as bad as Peter. They also weren't ones they were likely to come across at a medical conference, anyway. Embry was excited for what their future held together regardless of children. She was excited for their marriage and their careers. Having kids would just be one more thing to look forward to, "Oh, absolutely. We'll do all the early reading and experiences we can to cultivate their little minds." -- "Of course I would have. I could write whole dissertations on your honor, though I imagine they'd be disqualified for author bias." He hadn't ever written a dissertation, and having watched Embry go through that process, Gideon was exceedingly thankful. "Should I start… reading Shakespeare at your uterus to prepare the field in advance, so to speak?" -- "You get to write your own wedding vows, so that's almost the same thing with expected and encouraged bias," Embry had already begun working on her own vows, but she thought she would probably be tweaking them for at least the next little while. She laughed aloud at the idea that he might read Shakespeare to her still-vacant uterus, though she shook her head softly, "That might be slightly excessive. I don't really think I'll be one of those people playing Mozart with headphones on my belly or anything, but…generally, talking to an occupied womb is encouraged, no matter what's said." -- "Oh, they're done." Gideon waved his free hand, dismissively. "They've been done for more than a year now." Though his first suggestion had been mostly offered facetiously, Embry's mention of otherwise speaking to a… an occupant in-utero was taken quickly to heart. "Oh, absolutely. Every morning and every night." -- Embry blinked a little when he assured her his vows were already written, and had been for more than a year. There was nothing wrong with that, of course, she just wondered if maybe it made her a slacker for not having done the same. Of course, it wasn't until just under a year ago that she had finished her dissertation and she hadn't even let herself begin to think about the wedding itself until then. She'd gone down the list of things that needed to be done in list of urgency, and vows…well, they were vitally important but one of the things she had the longest to decide on, "Overachiever. Now I look bad." It might have seemed strange to anyone else that they could so casually talk about hypothetical children that might occur in their near future, but she was more than ready for these next steps to become a reality. They had waited long enough, "It will be one of my favorite daily traditions. During that time you can assume that if it looks like I'm talking to myself, that it's only partially true." -- "I'm an overachiever?" Gideon gaped, gesturing a hand at Embry, trying to sum up all of her her-ness in one wave. "We put off our wedding so you could get a doctorate. What else was I going to do with all that extra time but write down my many and varied and ardent feelings for you?" -- They had made the decision to put off the wedding until she'd finished her doctorate jointly, at least. The driving factors had been that they'd be able to go on a proper honeymoon without her worrying about research or writing, and without her spending the first year or so of their marriage dedicated to that project. It had been easier than she thought to still find balance between those obligations and her relationship, but they would have been married a full year ago if not for wanting to keep their anniversary date. "I mean, at least you didn't take up golfing," she said, wrinkling her nose slightly at him, "Are your vows the length of my dissertation? How long should mine be? Do we need to move the wedding to noon, to accommodate a four hour vow reading?" -- Gideon hadn't brought up that delay to place blame or anything of the sort. He was glad that they were getting married on their anniversary, and that they'd have nearly two full weeks away from all other responsibilities afterward. Still, he made a face at the idea of golf. "I'm not going to tell you how long they are, or how yours should be, Embry. That's the point of writing our own, isn't it? I want yours to be what you feel, not what I tell you to say." -- Her questions had at least mostly been meant jokingly, though she did want to ensure that her vows didn't…fall short or disappoint. Which was ridiculous in and of itself because she was fairly certain she could have stood up there and just said she loved Gideon more than anyone else on the planet and it would have been enough. "I know," she said with a small sigh, "And I am already working on mine. I think they're mostly done. I'm just not at the point where they feel…finished, yet." Embry had written and revised and scratched out and rewritten them a time or two already just trying to make sure they felt as though they truly encapsulated what she wanted to say, "I have an awful lot of feelings about you, Gideon Fischer." -- Just the fact that she'd be standing there with him at all, willing and ready to say yes, was enough for him. "You could be revising them as you walk down the aisle, Embry, red pen in hand and all, and I'm still going to marry the hell out of you. I don't need an expertly cited dissertation in perfect AMA format. A ring, a yes, and a life with you, Embry Marshall. That's all I need." -- She knew that their actually getting married was especially significant in the wake of the fact that there had been a short period of time in which they hadn't been certain it would happen at all. He'd even promised her that if they never got married, being with her was enough, but…she knew that it was what he wanted. After some heavy consideration, she was certain it was what she wanted, too. She laughed a little at the image of herself making revision notes as she went, arms linked with her father, making desperate last minute changes. She hoped that she was mildly more prepared than that, but…it was a comfort to know that it wasn't a deal breaker, "I can certainly, absolutely promise that we will walk away with all of that. I know we've already started our life together in pretty much every way, but it will be nice to finally call ourselves husband and wife." -- Gideon admittedly didn't really like thinking back over that period of time which comprised their one real, ugly, hurtful fight. It had lasted near a month, and might well have torn them apart permanently if they both hadn't been willing to compromise and grow and change. They'd come out the other end engaged, yes, but still heart sore. It had taken time to find their way back. "It really will. But you know I'm going to be distraught when Dahlia takes this ring from me before the ceremony, right?" Even if he'd be getting it back in less than an hour. It was a part of him now, and had been for more than two years. -- She was prone to believe that if they could get through the fight they'd had just before their engagement, they could get through just about anything together. They were more careful with their words now…less quick to judge, and more prone to explaining further when the moment called for it. They'd avoided a lot more heartache by learning from the mistakes that had been made that particular Halloween. She gave another hum and a sip of her coffee, though it was nearly gone now, "Oh, I know. I'm tempted to actually give her mine before my make-up gets done in case I ugly cry, but I also still want to be wearing it for our First Look. It's such a hardship." She only ever took off her ring at work when she had to or in an instance when it could otherwise be potentially damaged, but even then she wore it on a necklace so it was never fully away from her person, "But when we get them back, we'll be fully married, and I'll have my wedding band." -- "I'm fully prepared to be ugly crying during our first look, so," Gideon trailed off with half a shrug. There were no two ways about it, really. The first glimpses of Embry in a wedding dress were sure to have him falling to pieces. "If not the rest of our wedding in its entirety. I'd promise to try to hold myself back, but I won't lie to you, Em." -- She smiled a little when he said he was probably going to be crying during their first look which...was probably true for her as well, now that she was considering it, “Honestly, I’m sure I’m going to be right there with you. I’ll just make sure that I get the extra waterproof make-up. We’ll manage to pull ourselves together by the reception, maybe.” It was going to be an emotional day all around. Embry was certain of that. They’d been waiting for it longer than either of them had originally anticipated. At least, at four full years of dating and living together through it all, there weren’t really any nasty surprises waiting for them on the other side of the marital vows. -- "Debatable," Gideon offered, though somewhat more playfully. It was almost silly, perhaps, that he'd be so emotional about marrying her- when, well, nothing much else would be changing, other than her last name. They'd lived together longer than they'd even been dating, and they'd both been wearing rings for the entirety of their engagement. But marriage had always been something Gideon wanted, before he'd even met Embry. Even if he'd once told her that he didn't need it to be happy so long as he had her, and maybe he would have been able to come to terms with such a thing in time, Gideon knew that this, this was what he'd wanted all along. What would make him happiest. He only hoped that he could keep Embry just as happy, in the end. Exhaling (though happily), Gideon finished the last of his coffee and set the cup down on the table. "Feeling ready for your presentation?" -- She finished off her coffee as well, and pushed the cup aside, glancing down at her notes when he asked if she felt ready for her presentation. She did, really, though she was rather less interested in studying her notes in the wake of Peter’s sudden interruption. “I am,” she said when she looked up, a small smile on her lips, “I know what I want to say inside and out. I’ve been planning it since we found out about the conference. I don’t get much in the way of stage fright. I’m just a little nervous about how it will be received. I had to present it to a panel to pass through the program, but...I’ve never spoken about it to a larger group.” -- Gideon had read Embry's dissertation several times over the course of her writing it, and he'd watched a recording of her defense of it to the evaluation panel after the fact. He had every confidence in her going into today's presentation. "It's an important topic, perhaps especially because it's so... rarely talked about in as frank of terms as you address it. But if you get nervous, I'll be right there- front row, center- so just talk like you're talking to me." A pause, a little grin, "And, if it helps, you can picture me naked." -- It was true that Embry hadn’t pulled any punches when writing and researching her dissertation, and maybe that candidness made some people uncomfortable, but it was something that needed to be in the light. The women that she’d interviewed had all expressed such a feeling of shame when talking about their abuse, and...it was something that she could relate to in more ways than one. The topic had become extremely personal to her. “If I talk like I’m talking to you, I’m going to curse in a room full of medical peers,” she laughed a little, especially at the idea of just imagining him naked, “How about a promise that if I do really, really well at my presentation, I actually get you naked later this evening?” Of course, it was hardly a rarity for such a thing to happen. It wasn’t as though that was a truly elusive prize, but it was something to look forward to and keep her sights set on. -- He couldn't help but laugh at the idea that Embry might fall into comfortable speaking habits- and thus profanity- if she forgot everyone else in the room save for him. Though at least she was able to recognize that potential pitfall before it happened. "Not to play devil's advocate or anything, but does that mean that if you're not happy with how it goes, I have to wear all of the clothes I brought with me to bed?" -- She probably shouldn’t have gone off at Peter like she had with the profanity that she had spoken then. It hadn’t been very professional, and yet...it had been an inherently personal sort of moment for her. She just hoped no one of importance had overheard it, so she would definitely be doing her best to maintain her language in front of an actual audience. She burst out laughing at the image of him wearing several days worth of clothing all at once, though she shook her head, her eyes shining with amusement, “I won’t make you do that, though the thought is hilarious. I’ll just have to make sure I’m very satisfied with how things go in that presentation. It’s excellent motivation.” -- Seemingly satisfied with this answer, Gideon nodded, once. "Alright. I can live with that. Because- and I'm sure it's obvious, but just to say it- if I was wearing that many clothes, there would be absolutely no cuddling." And that wasn't a fate he wanted to saddle either one of them with, really. -- "That's a tragedy that neither of us wants to endure," she said wisely after a moment or two. She took another deep breath and picked up her cards, putting them into the small bag she was carrying for the day, "Alright, Dr. Fischer. What's next on the schedule?" There was still some time before her presentation, and they'd both likely attend at least one more seminar before she took the plunge and went to Hall C. -- "Absolutely not." Gideon stood from the table, shouldering his own messenger bag and then picking up both of their empty coffee cups. "There's a panel on Minimally Invasive Surgery that I'd like to check out. It's a… Doctor Stadler, I think? Though I'm torn between that one and Queen Dube's panel on neonatal innovations. The Malawian pediatrician? I swear I've watched her TEDMED talk at least half a dozen times." -- A small smile remained on her lips as she stood, but as he spoke that name and the specialty associated with it caught her off guard. It blindsided her because…because it shouldn't be real. Couldn't be. Not here and now. She was Embry Marshall. She was not Brooke…Brooke Stadler. She… "Dr. Stadler, I know class is over, but I'd love to ask you some more questions about your minimally invasive procedures."
"Please, call me Paul." ~~ "I think I'm falling in love with you." "You are the most singular woman I've ever met, Brooke. You've made me into a new man." She was going to marry this man. She knew it. She was finally going to have someone all of her own. ~~ "I don't understand what's wrong. I didn't do anything!" "You can never own to your own mistakes. You made me look like a fool. I'm so disappointed." He looked at her like he hated her. Was that what love turned into after marriage? ~~ "I'm sorry. Please, don't. I'm so sorry." He was standing over her, chest heaving, a thin sheen of sweat on his brow as her vision blurred, eye swelling, "You did this to yourself. Look what you made me do." ~~ She had left. She had made a new name for herself and built a life. A beautiful, wonderful life. Until it wasn't beautiful or wonderful anymore. Because he had asked her to marry him again and she'd finally had to say it. She had to say no to the only person she ever should have been able to say yes to.
Lying back on the grass, Meredith beside him, it was easy to… get lost in thought.
"Jo still hasn't given you a reason?" He knew why she was asking, of course, even if he didn't want to talk about it. Especially if he didn't want to talk about it. "I don't need a reason. She doesn't want to marry me. I'm done. It's over. Maybe it's nobody's fault. Maybe you only get one." ~~ "Are you going to tell me why you won't marry me?" The question was bitter, but… so was he. Her refusals had come so easily, and Alex just didn't understand. "I told you that I love you, and that I'm not going anywhere. Isn't that enough for you?" But it wasn't. She had to know that it wasn't. He wouldn't have brought it up, again and again, if it didn't matter. "I'm not some idiot kid anymore, Jo. I'm a man, and I'm done with games." And he'd… he'd been through so many. His past was riddled with regrets, but he'd thought- he'd known- that Jo was different. "I'm done with crazy, and I'm done with losing. I'm done with drama. I don't care about your secrets and your excuses." "Alex, if we could just-" "I just said I don't want to do this!" The words tore out of him, more vehement than he wanted or would have normally spoken to her. But nothing about this was normal, anymore. "I have never had one second of anything real my entire life. I want truth. I want a wife and a house and a family." And she wasn't willing to give him that. So he was done.
It happened so fast. In a drunken haze, the confessions bitter on her tongue, a delirious, hollow giggle on her lips. Because nothing was okay, and the only person that had ever loved her had walked right out of her life because she couldn't give him what he needed or wanted. She couldn't be his wife because she was Paul's wife, and she would probably always be Paul's wife. She had fallen, tipping onto the bed and accidentally dragging DeLuca with her.
And then he'd come back. Oh, he shouldn't have come back. She heard the pleas for reason… for explanation. The sound of fist upon flesh was sickeningly familiar. "Alex! Alex, don't! Stop!"
Meredith had him cornered. "You think no one is going to realize this was you? Look at that hand! You could go to jail! This is assault. I'm a doctor, I have a duty to report you."
Some logical part of his mind knew that. But all Alex could see was DeLuca… "I came home. He was on top of her. Jo was drunk. He was... She..."
"You okay?" Alex didn't even know why he'd asked it, but the question was there, all the same.
She needed to explain. Before this got any more out of hand, she needed him to know, "Listen, Alex, it wasn't-" "You were drunk, it wasn't your fault, I know." "What are you talking about?" The confusion set in, genuine though maybe her mind was still fuzzy from the blur of the evening's events. "DeLuca. He pushed himself on you, right? You were drunk, and he tried to take advantage of you." He'd been there. He'd seen it. It had been so obvious. "No! No no no no. Alex. I was drunk, yes, because I was upset you had left and I-" Her heart stuttered when he cut her off because she hadn't gotten to the most important part. "You were upset about us? About me?" "Yes, of course!" "So this is what you do? You bring this guy back to our place to screw?" Is that all he was worth to her? After all they'd been through, the life they'd built together. The home they had. She'd brought DeLuca there, for… Panic began to grow because if that was what he thought…if that was what he assumed she was capable of, she needed to clear the air quickly. "If you would just let me talk to you-" "Cause you were upset!" "Just listen to me!" It was a beg...An outright plea of desperation, and it fell on deaf ears. "You know what, forget it. It's like I said. You can't help it. It's not your fault. It's easy for you to just throw people away and move on when things are bad." It had happened to him before, after all. He knew all the signs, even if it had taken him this long to recognize them again. "It's not you. It's the way you were raised... or not raised. I wanted to marry you. But I was asking you for something you're not capable of. I should have known better." He left her there with her chest carved open, a mixture of fear and shame and hatred turned inward sitting heavily upon her. The only thing she was certain of was she needed to leave. She couldn't be here...but she didn't have anywhere to go. |